Fred

Is nothing sacred?

Insill
This is where the cats are supposed to perch, not the dogs. Plus, I love his "What'd I say?" piano-playing feets.

He was being more than bad. And pianistic. He was being a tattle-tale. I was in the kitchen and he was trying to alert me that terrible things were happening in the sacred cat room.

Everyonesbad
SOMEONE, and my guess is Winston, believe it or not, knocked over the cat food. I don't think Edsel would have told had Talu not been curling her lip satanically every time Edsel tried to join in on the eating of the prey. Pack animal indeed.

Poor Henry is trying to guard his empty dish. "go on, odsell. sometime fud grow in here."

Anyway.

Yesterday, Marvin and I went to the Bodies exhibit, speaking of prey. Have you seen this thing?

Halfthemaniusedtobe It's real humans, all dead and dried out and kind of plasticized. You get to see just everything: brains, livers, the circulatory system, dangling man parts. It was at once totally disgusting and fascinating.

Supposedly, everyone in the exhibit had donated their body to science, although they also had fetuses and Marvin asked, "When did THEY sign the consent form, exactly?" The whole thing was disturbing. I kept thinking, What if one of MY relatives were on display in this thing? Still, as I said, totally riveting.

It was exciting to see spleens, as I do not have one. Ditto the dangling man parts. Although I feel sorry for the Chinese women of the world, as all the bodies were Chinese men. Or Chinamen, as Marvin's politically correct grandmother would say about every Asian person.

I am just saying. There wasn't much to write home about.

"Dear Mom. Saw the dangling man parts of Chinese men. This will be a small letter. Love, June."

After that, believe it or not, we went for some gelato, because you can see how that would lead to craving gelato, and then to the world's most pretentious grocery store. They play classical music and have three-dollar bottles of water. Have you seen this new bottled water called Fred? The bottle is shaped like a pint. Nice. Fred. The water for upscale homeless people.

Bottled-water-pic9 Who is their demographic, exactly? Pretentious people who think if your $800 bottled water is called Fred that you are all ironic and not a tool? Guess again, Fred drinkers.

That said, I kind of wanted to buy one, because the bottle is cool-shaped. Am I a hammer or a chainsaw, do you think? Or just one of those crude caveman tools, like a big rock or something?

Finally, and this is very exciting and I hope you are holding on to your hat, I am going to plant a climbing rose today. I know! I have been waiting for months, because for the zone I live in, which is the danger zone and I've taken the highway to it, you plant your climbing roses in January.

Everyrosehasitsthorn
Isn't it lovely? Isn't it wonderful? We went to the garden place, and Marvin was all, "It's dead!" Someone has no vision. It is HIBERNATING. I have to soak it for a few hours, then I plant its ass and in the spring, it'll look like this:

  Newdawn
Won't that be lovely? Marvin will eat.his.words. I just have to watch it and water it with a little Fred and it'll be loverly.

So that is all that is happening over yonder.

Looking forward to the inevitable cleanup of cat-food barf later today.

Your friend and mine,

June

 

72 thoughts on “Fred

  1. Well, it’s a good thing you baby dog tattled on those juvenile delinquents to avoid large amounts of barf and poop.
    I’m so glad we never made it to the Body Exhibit while it was in Atlanta.
    That fancy water? Hodges would be a high class name rather than Fred. My dearly departed coworker had a dog named Fred, so I just don’t think of uppity water as being Fred.

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  2. Amish Annie, always amused by funny pet antics even though a pair of ornery kitty cats in her household are thisclose to being renamed "Two Cats For Sale" after their antic this weekend says:

    If Talu would have shared the spoils with her brother, Edsel wouldn’t have had to go all “Triple A Security Company” on her and the cats. Although mug shots of the offenders would have been so darn cute!

    Like

  3. Amish Annie, always amused by funny pet antics even though a pair of ornery kitty cats in her household are thisclose to being renamed "Two Cats For Sale" after their antic this weekend says:

    If Talu would have shared the spoils with her brother, Edsel wouldn’t have had to go all “Triple A Security Company” on her and the cats. Although mug shots of the offenders would have been so darn cute!

    Like

  4. Amish Annie, always amused by funny pet antics even though a pair of ornery kitty cats in her household are thisclose to being renamed "Two Cats For Sale" after their antic this weekend says:

    If Talu would have shared the spoils with her brother, Edsel wouldn’t have had to go all “Triple A Security Company” on her and the cats. Although mug shots of the offenders would have been so darn cute!

    Like

  5. Winter is also an ideal time to get pruning out of the way. However, make sure that you do not prune any flowering trees or shrubs that get early spring blooms. In many cases the buds that will bloom in the spring have already formed, or the plants may only bloom on old wood. For azalea, forsythia, lilac, rhododendron, weigela, viburnum, and others, you must wait until just after they have bloomed before you can prune them. Winter is also the perfect time to prune fruit trees. Get out in the yard and take advantage of a sunny winter day to get your shrubs and trees pruned before spring.

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  6. June, you know I’m totally gettin me some of that Fred! If it doesn’t fit in my cupholder, I’ll just slip it in my garter belt. Hey, do you think Don Draper would use that as a tagline for a Fred campaign? GENIUS & UNIQUE!

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  7. I went to that exhibit yesterday! It was kind of creepy but cool. The fetuses were extremely disturbing to me. I didn’t really think about how they were real bodies except when I’d see their faces or fingenails or toenails. Then I’d get kind of creeped out again. And I giggled wrinkly breast & vagina (can I write that in the comments?) because I have the maturity of a 12 year old about that kind of stuff.
    Took a 5 year old. Not sure that was a good idea. We tried to act like it wasn’t freaky so she wouldn’t be scared, but she still didn’t like it very much.

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  8. Yeah, there were a lot of kids at that thing, and I wondered if it would freak kids out. On the other hand, it is really educational, you know? So maybe it was good to take her. Whatever you do, take parenting advice from me.

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  9. I am going to this exhibit tomorrow…do we by chance live in the same city? Are there several bodies exhibits? And in my city, some lawyer wants to keep the bodies here, and bury them.
    Its a pretty water bottle though, I would be inclined to keep it. I bought water today by 80 degrees north and its also a pretty bottle, so I’m keeping it.

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  10. I wanted to see the Bodies exhibit when it came to Pittsburgh, but no one would go with me! Totally jealous that you got to go! I’ve been fascinated by the whole process since I read Stiff by Mary Roach. (Awesome book, not for the squeamish, though!)

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