I heer

EffU
"i fyne. eff off."

Francis is still among us. I mean, as much as he ever was. The vet is coming tomorrow morning, and all day yesterday he did not barf nor mow. This annoyed me. I was all, I'm paying $11,000 to have a house call, plus the $4,900 where they have to sedate your giant tuxedo tabby arse, and now you're WELL?

But then today he did the mowing again so that's a relief. It's a relief he's still sick. Am I a good pet parent, or what?

My Frannie. I spent a lot of yesterday sitting with him and rubbing his head as he likes. Every once in awhile a dog would come see what I was up to, notice Fran on me, say, "Oh sheeyte" and leave. They NEVER mess with Francis. Ever.

In other pet news, because what's more riveting than a blog about my pets all the time, Edsel attended his first manners class last night. Today he is out with his calling card, paying very appropriate visits to the neighborhood in his morning suit.

Unsure
I was really worried we couldn't even go IN, he was barking at the other dogs like such a maniac. But once I got him quiet, we stepped into that room and he was all, "holee carp! dogz scaree!" Here he is while we were waiting for class to begin. He spent most of that time under my legs, looking unsure.

But guess what! Guess who was a model pupil and citizen! He got EVERY LESSON right, and whenever the instructor came to us, she'd say, "Perfect! That's perfect!" He sat, he looked at me when I said his name, he did heel position, and to tell you the truth, when we got to "stay" he was so exhausted that he just laid down. He was in REM before we pulled out the parking lot of that place.

I told the woman next to me, who has Ginger, a doxie puppy, that my other dog is a terrier. "Ohhhh," she said sympathetically. It's just so exciting to have a dog who, you know, minds.

Edsel's reward for his stellar behavior is that tomorrow morning he has to have his…well…he will be reading Balzac, if you know what I'm saying to you. He will be taking Cinderella to the ball. He will be singing great balls of fire. He will remain neutral on the situation.

If you're picking up what I'm throwing down.

He will be half the man he used to be. He will be singing soprano. Shooting blanks.

Wouldn't it be sad if someone actually didn't get what was happening tomorrow?

Anyway, finally, since I seem to be rambling about pets today, Faithful Reader Juice has a cute dog, and I sent her Edsel's collar that he outgrew in a week, and it is a Martha Stewart collar which was not a good thing, because I paid 11 million dollars for it, which you'll notice is more than a vet house call, and then a week later it was moot.

I am glad Chloe looks so cute in it. I totally stole this photo and caption from Juice's blog and hope she does not sue me. After buying that collar and paying to have Fran sedated, I am tapped out.

Dis my new collar from Joon Gardins.
Does she rock that collar, or what?
And how Tallulah-looking is Chloe?
Okay, that is all the pet news for today.
Oh!
008 (2)
And I am getting better, coldwise.
Advertisements

Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

88 thoughts on “I heer”

  1. You need to gargle with meat tenderizer if you want that cold to go away.

    Like

  2. I think you may have given your cold to me!
    Hopefully after you pay your $11,000 for the vet visit and the$4900 for the sedation, she wont turn around and hand you a prescription for medicine costing $450,897. Maybe you should have sold the collar instead of giving it away!

    Like

  3. You must be getting better – your socks match.
    I’m glad Fran is seeing the vet tomorrow (or is it the other way around?). Did you collect the sample yet that all your readers advised?

    Like

  4. Yes…what about that sample? I gave strict orders to do a poop harvest yesterday.

    Like

  5. Oh, I loves the Fran. If you do get him sedated make sure you take a couple of pictures of him in a tiara, sombrero or something. I’m sure the vet won’t mind waiting.

    Like

  6. Hulk (Anyone see Ricky Gervais intoduce Tom Hanks and Tim Allen? Holy Mother Of Pearl...still dying over here about that...) says:

    Riley doesn’t mow…
    I can barely get him to rake.

    Like

  7. Hulk (Anyone see Ricky Gervais intoduce Tom Hanks and Tim Allen? Holy Mother Of Pearl...still dying over here about that...) says:

    Riley doesn’t mow…
    I can barely get him to rake.

    Like

  8. Hulk (Anyone see Ricky Gervais intoduce Tom Hanks and Tim Allen? Holy Mother Of Pearl...still dying over here about that...) says:

    Riley doesn’t mow…
    I can barely get him to rake.

    Like

  9. A) Hulk is hilarious.
    B) Jenny, that is the best idea I ever heard. I will put him in a Miss America sash and tiara, then I will dress him as a cowboy with a big handlebar stache. He already has half a mustache, so it should not take that long. Oooo! Then I can put a turban on him and do a little Arabian Nights look!

    Like

  10. Glad you and Fran are better!
    My vote for Fran’s pic is a tiny swastika and a HEIL! motion with the front paw. He already has the Hitler mustache.

    Like

  11. That picture of belligerent, sample-providing Fran has made my freaking day. “You wanna a piece of me?” God I love that cat.
    Kudos to model citizen Edsel. May the force be with you tomorrow, our soon to be lighter-in-his-loafers pal.

    Like

  12. I don’t get it. What’s happening to Edsel tomorrow?
    You also gave your cold to me. I was up almost all night with the dry cough that starts to tickle your throat the minute you feel drowsy. I finally gave up at 3:00 am and googled dry cough that keeps you awake and out of desperation mixed up this crap of stuff that included cayenne pepper, ginger, apple cider vinegar and honey. It tasted like Edsel’s soon to be decapitated balls, but I have to say, it worked. So I got two hours of sleep last night, instead of none.
    That puppy is Talu’s clone! So very cute! I’m glad Francis is still sick for you, so it’ll all be worth it.

    Like

  13. June, I too, have a sick tuxedo kitty and was on barf duty all day yesterday. I was alarmed when you had not posted this morning. I thought terrible things had happened to Fran. I was elated to see his mug when I got to your
    blog. Loved to Edsel class information and that collar is too cute on Chloe. All the best wishes to Fran and her tuxedo self…they are the best kitties.

    Like

  14. When Fran is doped up, I think it is tradition to shave his eyebrows and draw a penis on his face in sharpie. There is also “antiquing” but that makes quite a mess. Trust me. My son practically WAS a John Hughes movie growing up.

    Like

  15. When Fran is doped up, I think it is tradition to shave his eyebrows and draw a penis on his face in sharpie. There is also “antiquing” but that makes quite a mess. Trust me. My son practically WAS a John Hughes movie growing up.

    Like

  16. When Fran is doped up, I think it is tradition to shave his eyebrows and draw a penis on his face in sharpie. There is also “antiquing” but that makes quite a mess. Trust me. My son practically WAS a John Hughes movie growing up.

    Like

  17. Edsel is going to the vet to get tutored!
    I’m so glad Fran is still heer with us and telling us to eff off. He wouldn’t be Fran if he wasn’t filled with the Angry Hate. Which is why we love him.
    And please please PLEASE dress up sedated Fran in humiliating costumes for our sick and twisted viewing pleasure.

    Like

  18. Thank gah Fran is still sick. Nothing pisses me off more then a wasted vet bill. Took Henry in to the vet for allergies. Vet said he had a fever, we have to do a blood panel before the allergy shot can be given. I’m like fever? It’s probably from him trying to grope everyone in the waiting room. Hundreds of dollars later who was right? Um me!
    Bet Talu is happy Edsel is getting the old snip snip done. She doesn’t want him to get all full of himself for being the best student in class. Talu will be all…who’s the good student now Edselina?

    Like

  19. I took our kitten Augie in for tutoring in December and didn’t realize the cost for said tutoring was close to $300! And he is just a teeny little thing with teeny you know whats. I hope it doesn’t cost more for a big boy like Edsel. I thought it might change his personality but the only side effect is that he doesn’t have that wind drag on his hindquarters when he runs wildly down the hall. And I’m hoping that poor Fran – who is so famous he rates a home visit from the vet – is much better soon and back to his normal ‘hates everyone’ self with no blood and no barfies.

    Like

  20. I have two male cats. Eddie, my geezer cat, is 15 and Simon, the cross-eyed Siamese, is nine. When we had Eddie “tutored” he came back with nothing. But when we had Simon “tutored,” six years later, he came back looking exactly the same. Apparently medical advances were made so as to leave the male cats with some pride. And something to lick.

    Like

  21. I have two male cats. Eddie, my geezer cat, is 15 and Simon, the cross-eyed Siamese, is nine. When we had Eddie “tutored” he came back with nothing. But when we had Simon “tutored,” six years later, he came back looking exactly the same. Apparently medical advances were made so as to leave the male cats with some pride. And something to lick.

    Like

  22. I have two male cats. Eddie, my geezer cat, is 15 and Simon, the cross-eyed Siamese, is nine. When we had Eddie “tutored” he came back with nothing. But when we had Simon “tutored,” six years later, he came back looking exactly the same. Apparently medical advances were made so as to leave the male cats with some pride. And something to lick.

    Like

  23. “Today he is out with his calling card, paying very appropriate visits to the neighborhood in his morning suit.” BAaahhh! So very funny. And of course Edsel is an excellent student. You have to be when you’re overcompensating for excessively large ears and an adorable underbite. I think I am on Team Edsel. He needs a button.
    And I’m glad to hear that Francis is hanging in there – hopefully he’s on the mend. Just like June.

    Like

  24. Good gravy, I was answering the phone at work when I read Paula’s comment about shaving off his eyebrows and drawing a penis on his face. About snorted a storm while saying my name.

    Like

  25. Edsel’s throwing away his furry dice, you say? News that Fran’s feeling better/is still a little sick really is the dog’s bollocks.
    I love your new sock-chart of health. If people don’t flap about your epic fevers cos numbers aren’t that impressive, they’ll be sure to sympathise when you tell them you’re mismatched-socks ill.

    Like

  26. June, did you lose weight from your cold? Because your feet look thinner.
    Good luck to Fran tomorrow, and to Edsel too.
    And to Lu staying cleen.

    Like

  27. June, did you lose weight from your cold? Because your feet look thinner.
    Good luck to Fran tomorrow, and to Edsel too.
    And to Lu staying cleen.

    Like

  28. June, did you lose weight from your cold? Because your feet look thinner.
    Good luck to Fran tomorrow, and to Edsel too.
    And to Lu staying cleen.

    Like

  29. Wow! You are about to have a large vet bill with Fran being sick & Edsel getting the snip snip. I’m certainly glad you are feeling better.

    Like

  30. Sorry to do this, but I must hijack June’s blog for a moment. Why? Because never in my life until just a few moments ago have I ever uttered the words “Oh, no she didn’t.” Not a soul around but y’all to share the story with. (Damn preposition)
    I was talking with my BFF on the phone and she was relating that she had just taken in her four week old foster child who will soon be adopted by her and her husband to the pediatrician for a routine check-up. (She also has three other children that were foster children prior to adopting)
    So, the topic of names comes up. My friend is leaning towards naming her daughter Holly once the adoption is approved, but is not sure about a middle name yet. With the three other adopted kids (all less than a month old when she adopted) she gave them new first names and kept part of their birth names as a middle name.My friend isn’t sure seh wants to go that route with the middle name this time.
    Her pediatrician who is also her friend, said she has seen some really different names in her practice. As an example she said this past late summer she had a child come to her for a pre-kindergarten physical. The child’s name is La-a. Figuring it was probably pronounced Laya, she called that name out in the waiting room when she was ready to bring her back for the examination. In an “isn’t it obvious tone” her mother harshly corrected her and said “it’s LaDasha!”

    Like

  31. I’m DYING, too. How do these people come up with these names? You have to feel sorry for the child being burdened with La-a until she is old enough to legally change it. Wonder what in the heck the other kids are named?

    Like

  32. I work with a lot of pregnant teens and the two worst names I keep seeing over and over again (it’s like the new Britney and Chelsea I guess) are Nevaeh (Heaven backwards) and Abcde (pronounced Ab-si-dee). Yep, that there is ABCDE.
    Makes me wonder if the next one will be Fghij?
    I might just mention La-a to some of them and see what they think! Ha!!

    Like

  33. Sadie is now even more worried about our educational system. And the award for the absolutely worst name goes to... says:

    Lisa Pie, just look at all of the new names you can share with the pregnant teens. I’m still shaking my head over ABCDE because I didn’t think there could be anything worse than La-a, but maybe it’s a tie.

    Like

  34. Sadie is now even more worried about our educational system. And the award for the absolutely worst name goes to... says:

    Lisa Pie, just look at all of the new names you can share with the pregnant teens. I’m still shaking my head over ABCDE because I didn’t think there could be anything worse than La-a, but maybe it’s a tie.

    Like

  35. Sadie is now even more worried about our educational system. And the award for the absolutely worst name goes to... says:

    Lisa Pie, just look at all of the new names you can share with the pregnant teens. I’m still shaking my head over ABCDE because I didn’t think there could be anything worse than La-a, but maybe it’s a tie.

    Like

  36. Marvin, even if it is an urban legend, I can just imagine someone actually using it.

    Like

  37. I was buying some shoes last year and the guy that helped me was named d’Entree. I was DYING to ask if his little sister was named Dessert.

    Like

  38. A retired teacher who once taught twin boys Roncellus and Tonsellus, a girl named Malecious, and a boy named Flamingo. says:

    I heard about Greensboro losing 1,900 jobs when American Express closes its call center there. Hope none of the families of kids Marvin teaches are in this group.

    Like

  39. June, you have the best readers in the world. I swear you could/should write a book based on the comments you receive.

    Like

  40. I’m still hanging on a thread about Fran. Let’s just say I came home to find some of the “marital assets” messed with and wanted someone’s head.on.a.platter….
    Please be better Fran. I just can’t take it.
    And, for you Joon…be well, too.

    Like

  41. Okay, it’s so late probably nobody will see this but I Was There (neonatal intensive care unit…not a patient, obviously) and saw it with my own eyes…or saw them with my own eyes. Twin girls named Classy and Classic. Coke was being advertised on big billboards in the city at that time as being Classy and Classic. Sigh.

    Like

  42. I’ve heard the LaDasha story before, too.
    We have a student at our school named D’Artagnan. That’s quite a moniker to pin on an infant! I bet he never runs into another person with the same first name!

    Like

  43. Whenever I look at displays of personalized nametags, keychains, magnets, etc., I rarely find my name. Think of the children out there who will never have a personalized can opener or coffee mug without special ordering. That’s tragedy, that’s what that is.

    Like

  44. My real name (which is not June) (but if it were June I would have the same issue) used to be popular and now it is not, and every time I look at, say, personalized pencils I never find my name. Youd think my real name was Bathsheba, so rare is it to find.

    Like

  45. One of my friends is named Larcenia. We call her La. Guess where Daddy was when she was born?
    And I went to school with a guy named Themisticles d’Greek Jones. His brothers where also similarly, Androcles d’Greek Jones and such. His brother Ulysses, who was the postmaster, recently passed away.

    Like

  46. My mom worked in a hospital and saw a baby girl named FeMale’. The story was the mom didn’t name her right away, and saw “female” on the birth certificate and thought that was the name.

    Like

  47. June, when I was knocked up with Thing 2, your real name was on the short list of names we had picked out. Your first name, not your whole name. Because that would just be plain weird.
    And no, I didn’t stalk you. I only stalk hockey players so you and Marvin are safe from me. Unless either of you get drafted by an NHL team. Then it’s Game On.

    Like

Comments are closed.