Nine lives, all of them crappy

Fran is gonna live, it looks like. Did you ever read that article in The Onion, Cat Refuses to Die? That is so my cranky-arse cat.

The vet is pretty sure he has an irritated bowel, which makes sense because the rest of him is irritated on a regular basis. She said for years, vets said dry food was best, and now they are discovering wet food is much better for the kidneys, digestive system, etc. She said FANCY FEAST is the best canned because it has the highest protein so they won't eat too much.

She mentioned he really needs to, ahem, slim down a little. So he weighs 20. That's not so bad, is it? If he were a Puma.

Anyway, she took his evil blood and if there is anything more serious we will know tomorrow. I just got 24 cans of Fancy ridiculous Feast for $11 at Target.

Also too? I totally wish we could sedate Fran every day. He was a delight when he was knocked out! So purry and floppy and happy!

And I am not a terrible mom or anything.

Kingfrannie
I did not take Floppy Fran and turn him into The King of All Blogdia.

Kukukachoo
Nor did I stick licorice in his mouf to make him be The FranMan. He is the FranMan. He is the Walrus. Koo Koo Ka Chu.

Blackie
Fran is much too sophisticated for this treatment. He's Blackie O, after all.

Anyway, he is awake now and eating his Fancee Feest and just waiting to get back at me. I am so glad he will be around to hate us for many more years.

Oh, and I got a message from the vet. "Mrs. Garnnndens? Just calling to let you know Eden is doing fine."

That didn't make me nervous at all. I will pick him up tomorrow and they will have turned him into a cat.

Or added Neuticals.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

84 thoughts on “Nine lives, all of them crappy”

  1. Bwhahaha to the pictures, hail the King of all Blogdia ๐Ÿ˜€ So so glad you’re a wonderfully terrible pet owner and you’ve humiliated your cat for us!

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  2. You are hilarious. We used to stick Cheetos in people’s mouths/noses when they fell asleep on the church bus on the way to camp. We were just mean, but Fran plus licorice is funny.

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  3. He’s gonna live! Thank the heavens! I don’t know what I would do in a world without Francis. Take up permanent residence on my own Angry Chair, I guess.
    Love the photos. Love how his expression does not change at all…he is totally placating you so you will finally leave him alone to stew over his injustices in peace. Or anger.
    Poor Eden. Sounds like they trained him by giving him a sex change and new identity. Transexual Edsel! Who needs TV and the Real Whatevers. Your house and included zoo is ten times more entertaining.

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  4. So happy to hear the good Fran news! Hate to be you if Francis views these images. Why am I not surprised as a member of the Garden family he is a Fancy cat.

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  5. We love King Francis. Looks like he has an early start on Mardi Gras. But, actually the Blackie O look is my favorite.

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  6. We love King Francis. Looks like he has an early start on Mardi Gras. But, actually the Blackie O look is my favorite.

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  7. We love King Francis. Looks like he has an early start on Mardi Gras. But, actually the Blackie O look is my favorite.

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  8. hahahaha licorice teeth equals best thing ever. I’d enlarge that photo and hang it on my wall if I were you.
    Or is it, “was” you? Shoot. You’re the proofreader; you tell me.
    Glad Fran’s gonna be okay.

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  9. Woo! Three cheers for an okay Frannie! He had me worried there.
    If I were you, I’d start sleeping with my door locked for a while. If Francis ever sees those pictures he’s gonna be furious!
    Maybe you could just stick some super glue on his Angry Chair. That might keep you safe a a few days.

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  10. Isn’t the Fancy Feast thing ridiculous?? I thought I was doing my crazy angry cat a favor by feeding her some super expensive fancy dry food that we could only get at the special crazy organic pet store, and we found out she had diabetes. We took her to a specialist and started giving her insulin twice a day and all this mess, but she wouldn’t eat the prescription food that the vet gave us. So I told the vet, and she told us to try Fancy Feast. And now the diabetes is in remission, as long as we keep her on the cheap grocery store Fancy Feast. That is so bizarre to me.

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  11. Hallelujah, Fran still has the ammunition! And oh so photogenic after being shot. AND, you know, Eden. Of the Gardens. Of Eden. The vet person was obviously making some Biblical connection.
    So glad things are looking good again.

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  12. Hallelujah, Fran still has the ammunition! And oh so photogenic after being shot. AND, you know, Eden. Of the Gardens. Of Eden. The vet person was obviously making some Biblical connection.
    So glad things are looking good again.

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  13. Hallelujah, Fran still has the ammunition! And oh so photogenic after being shot. AND, you know, Eden. Of the Gardens. Of Eden. The vet person was obviously making some Biblical connection.
    So glad things are looking good again.

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  14. Note To Self:
    Never have Junie drive me home from the dentist.

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  15. So glad Fran is going to be cranky for years to come.
    Speaking of female parts falling out. When my dog, Dinah was spayed the vet charged us more because he said her uterus was HUGE. He said it was the size of a 150# dog. My ex-husband thought he was being hosed so the vet took him in the back and showed him my dog’s uterus compared to another dog’s.
    I never asked but I wonder where he kept them?

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  16. PJ who has this family affliction of not being able to contain laughter in public places once something hysterical has been witnessed. You could make a movie of my mother, my sister and me making fools of ourselves all over the world. says:

    Franman…I am the Walrus…koo koo ka chu…i’m dying here. Have to leave for a Dr. appt in 15 min. I know me. I will sit in that waiting room and examining room and periodically snort explosive laughter (which cannot no longer be held back) through my nose. And shake with laughter while Dr. She is examining me because I will be visualizing her with licorice stick tusks and or a purple crown. She’ll probably prescribe a Depressant. Honestly. This will go on hoplessly for hours.
    Glad everybody is on the mend Mrs Garnnnndens, Eden, and The Walrus.

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  17. PJ who has this family affliction of not being able to contain laughter in public places once something hysterical has been witnessed. You could make a movie of my mother, my sister and me making fools of ourselves all over the world. says:

    Franman…I am the Walrus…koo koo ka chu…i’m dying here. Have to leave for a Dr. appt in 15 min. I know me. I will sit in that waiting room and examining room and periodically snort explosive laughter (which cannot no longer be held back) through my nose. And shake with laughter while Dr. She is examining me because I will be visualizing her with licorice stick tusks and or a purple crown. She’ll probably prescribe a Depressant. Honestly. This will go on hoplessly for hours.
    Glad everybody is on the mend Mrs Garnnnndens, Eden, and The Walrus.

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  18. PJ who has this family affliction of not being able to contain laughter in public places once something hysterical has been witnessed. You could make a movie of my mother, my sister and me making fools of ourselves all over the world. says:

    Franman…I am the Walrus…koo koo ka chu…i’m dying here. Have to leave for a Dr. appt in 15 min. I know me. I will sit in that waiting room and examining room and periodically snort explosive laughter (which cannot no longer be held back) through my nose. And shake with laughter while Dr. She is examining me because I will be visualizing her with licorice stick tusks and or a purple crown. She’ll probably prescribe a Depressant. Honestly. This will go on hoplessly for hours.
    Glad everybody is on the mend Mrs Garnnnndens, Eden, and The Walrus.

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  19. Hi Junie,
    So glad our Fran is going to be able to be angry for many years to come. That’s really a relief.
    And glad Eden(?) is doing okay, too. Neuticals? Good LORD. Utterly ridiculous. What is wrong with people, anyway?

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  20. Eden…too funny…Edsel lost not only his jiggly bits bits but also changed his name to a girly name. Poor thing. And yeah for Fran! Maybe the Fancy Feast will sweeten his disposition? Maybe he has just hated his dry food all these years.

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  21. Guess the doctor couldn’t show the patient because she was sedated like Francis and wouldn’t remember anything. Poor Kelly had to be the witness.

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  22. This is starting to sound like the time I had this pair of stuffed bunnies dressed in Amish cloths(hey, they were a gift-not my first choice of decoration!) sitting on a rocking chair in my living room and my boys would place them in compromising positions. I also had one of those sock monkeys sitting in another chair..he turned out to be a pervert too-you know, that tail and all…so all the stuffed animals had to be banished to my cedar chest. Boys!

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  23. Glad Fran is going to pull through!
    We have a dog we got from the pound overweight and man I hate taking her to the vet. We got her that way and she just keeps growing like some freaky canine Daryl Hannah! The vet always look at us like we are on the Maury Povich show and we are the family members of the super fat guy who couldn’t get out of bed and they had to remove a wall and crane him out and they blame the family for feeding him since he couldn’t get to the kitchen….
    I’m rambling on. Sorry
    Keep Tobey’s Mom in your prayers please she is in CCU and things don’t look good at all.

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  24. Do you suppose Fran has been, you know, constipated for 15 years? Maybe the REAL, sweet-tempered and affectionate-even-to-the-dogs Francis is about to emerge…

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  25. HOORAY! So happy to know Fran will live to be angry another day!
    Please tell me you took more pictures of knocked-out Fran. Too funny. Were you just giggling at your own self all day?

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  26. Oh thank god about my man Fran. But you are so gonna get it when Fran comes to.
    Eden. Is there no end to the humiliation little dude must endure. First his manhood now his humanity. Oy.

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  27. Okay, I have a question for you, June. My cat is 17.5 lbs, and his vet has him on Science Diet RD – the prescription dry food for fatties. He eats it, but is SO CONSTIPATED…poor cat. Little rabbit pellets are what comes out. And he drinks a LOT of water.
    ANYWAY, how much Fancy Feast per day did Fran’s vet recommend that he eat? And still lose weight? I’m thinking of switching my poor stopped up kitty to Fancy Feast. Before he ends up with more serious problems with his digestive system.
    Please let me know! Thanks!

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  28. Okay, I have a question for you, June. My cat is 17.5 lbs, and his vet has him on Science Diet RD – the prescription dry food for fatties. He eats it, but is SO CONSTIPATED…poor cat. Little rabbit pellets are what comes out. And he drinks a LOT of water.
    ANYWAY, how much Fancy Feast per day did Fran’s vet recommend that he eat? And still lose weight? I’m thinking of switching my poor stopped up kitty to Fancy Feast. Before he ends up with more serious problems with his digestive system.
    Please let me know! Thanks!

    Like

  29. Okay, I have a question for you, June. My cat is 17.5 lbs, and his vet has him on Science Diet RD – the prescription dry food for fatties. He eats it, but is SO CONSTIPATED…poor cat. Little rabbit pellets are what comes out. And he drinks a LOT of water.
    ANYWAY, how much Fancy Feast per day did Fran’s vet recommend that he eat? And still lose weight? I’m thinking of switching my poor stopped up kitty to Fancy Feast. Before he ends up with more serious problems with his digestive system.
    Please let me know! Thanks!

    Like

  30. Hooray for Fran! I have a 21-pound Earl who also has just gone on the more-protein-Fancy-Feast diet. I have been leaving them a wee bit of dry food to just snack on, and splitting a little can between 2 cats each night. My vet said not to switch all the way to dry food immediately, so this seemed like a good transition. I think.

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  31. Hooray for Fran! I have a 21-pound Earl who also has just gone on the more-protein-Fancy-Feast diet. I have been leaving them a wee bit of dry food to just snack on, and splitting a little can between 2 cats each night. My vet said not to switch all the way to dry food immediately, so this seemed like a good transition. I think.

    Like

  32. Hooray for Fran! I have a 21-pound Earl who also has just gone on the more-protein-Fancy-Feast diet. I have been leaving them a wee bit of dry food to just snack on, and splitting a little can between 2 cats each night. My vet said not to switch all the way to dry food immediately, so this seemed like a good transition. I think.

    Like

  33. June? I went looking for the right amount to feed the kitties, and here is a very thorough website written by a vet, who advocates feeding canned (or home-made) wet food vs. the deadly dry stuff.
    http://www.catinfo.org/
    Now, I’m not going to be feeding my fat cat home-made food, but the canned stuff. And the articles are really good. I spent a couple of hours on it.

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  34. June? I went looking for the right amount to feed the kitties, and here is a very thorough website written by a vet, who advocates feeding canned (or home-made) wet food vs. the deadly dry stuff.
    http://www.catinfo.org/
    Now, I’m not going to be feeding my fat cat home-made food, but the canned stuff. And the articles are really good. I spent a couple of hours on it.

    Like

  35. June? I went looking for the right amount to feed the kitties, and here is a very thorough website written by a vet, who advocates feeding canned (or home-made) wet food vs. the deadly dry stuff.
    http://www.catinfo.org/
    Now, I’m not going to be feeding my fat cat home-made food, but the canned stuff. And the articles are really good. I spent a couple of hours on it.

    Like

  36. I just revisited the photo of FrantheMan and I’ve come to the conclusion that the BEST thing about the whole picture is his little white fang sticking out on top of the licorice.

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  37. Poor Fran. He looks so pitiful, however, I’m sure he will think the crown is so appropriate once he sobers up. King Fran, I think he’ll like that title. So glad he is going to be okay.
    So when does Eden return to his Garden?

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  38. Fancy Feast question: June ~ that amount twice daily sounds good for your three if you are also feeding dry.
    Kathy F ~ RD comes in a wet food too. If your vet wants you to stay on RD exclusively, try adding canned to his diet. There is also a product called Laxatone for cats. It comes in a tube & helps with the smooth move…also helps with hairballs.

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  39. Cats are obligate carnivores – they can’t properly process grains and excessive carbohydrates – that website link I put in my last comment addresses the health issues that seem to plague cats as a result of dry cat food (lack of moisture is a big one). Hill’s Cat food is one of the worst ones out there – the first ingredients are brewer’s rice, then corn, then some other starchy stuff. My chubby boy has not lost ANY weight on the RD (it’s been over two months) (and he gets only a tiny amount each day), and is hungry all of the time, and has that constipation. I’m definitely switching him over to wet food – in the appropriate amounts. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  40. Cats are obligate carnivores – they can’t properly process grains and excessive carbohydrates – that website link I put in my last comment addresses the health issues that seem to plague cats as a result of dry cat food (lack of moisture is a big one). Hill’s Cat food is one of the worst ones out there – the first ingredients are brewer’s rice, then corn, then some other starchy stuff. My chubby boy has not lost ANY weight on the RD (it’s been over two months) (and he gets only a tiny amount each day), and is hungry all of the time, and has that constipation. I’m definitely switching him over to wet food – in the appropriate amounts. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  41. Cats are obligate carnivores – they can’t properly process grains and excessive carbohydrates – that website link I put in my last comment addresses the health issues that seem to plague cats as a result of dry cat food (lack of moisture is a big one). Hill’s Cat food is one of the worst ones out there – the first ingredients are brewer’s rice, then corn, then some other starchy stuff. My chubby boy has not lost ANY weight on the RD (it’s been over two months) (and he gets only a tiny amount each day), and is hungry all of the time, and has that constipation. I’m definitely switching him over to wet food – in the appropriate amounts. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

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