And eight animal posts is enough to fill our lives with boredom. Also? We spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

Wouldn't this be relaxing?

Relaxingbfast
Trying to eat while huge rabid beasts begrudge your every bite? Not to mention having the phone recharger dangling in your Festa di Fantista.

I know this blog has been all-pets-all-the-time, live-nude-pets, but I got a call from the vet yesterday, and it turns out Francis' irritated bowel is more irritated than we thought. He has ANEMIA, the poor thing. So the vet said we could not just go with Fancy Feast; I had to schlep on out to the local pet supply store and buy canned rabbit for my cat.

Canned rabbit. And by the way, it's made by Dick Van Patten, this food, which is just weird because I just MENTIONED him yesterday. Also, Beverly Sills totally works at the store.  "That'll be $200.99!" she bellowed, breaking glass.

Honest engine, you guys, this CANNED RABBIT (I wish I could tell you how bad it creeps me out to be feeding a bunny to my cat) is TWO DOLLARS AND FORTY-NINE CENTS A CAN.

So that means Francis gets his own bowl of food, and now Henry and Winston have to eat over here on the counter and get rid of all the Fancy Feast I bought, and note I am using one of our real plates because I have no other cat dishes, and I have become the lady with the crystal top-heavy dish.

ting ting ting!

I love rabbits. I had my own rabbit in college–a big white bunny named Roxanne. Now I am FEEDING her to my cat.

Anyway. I also have to drive out to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches, and I wish I'd get on stupid song tangents a little more today, and at any rate I have to pick up some steroids for Fran as well. He told me he wants to bulk up a little after this, get him some womenses. He also asked if I'd sign him up for a few tanning booth sessions.

The Frantuation.

Can you smell what The Fran is eating?

In other news, ridiculous Edsel is home, and I am supposed to be keeping him quiet.

….!

He is a six-month-old puppy. Who is supposed to be being sedate and quiet. FOR TWO WEEKS.

Did I mention …! ?

He seems fine.When he saw me down the hall at the vet, he started an endless whine, and peed the entire hallway. Follow the yellow brick road, indeed.

He peed all the way to the counter where I was, peed on the vet tech's hand, peed on my arm and peed on his own paw. The whole time he said, "mmmmmmmmmmmmm!" in a voice higher than Beverly Sills'. I guess he was glad to see me and to get the HELL out of that castrating hellhole.

They gave him a painkiller that they said was kind of like aspirin, but to call if I felt he needed something stronger. They called to check on him today and I said yeah, let's go to the oxycontin or whatever because he does check his stitches out more than I'd like. So I will be taking a road trip to get TWO prescriptions and I am starting to feel like Elvis' assistant.

I will do comment of the week tomorrow, because believe it or not I have had no time to read all the comments to decide. I have been too busy boiling bunnies.

I won't be IGNORED, Francis.

39 thoughts on “And eight animal posts is enough to fill our lives with boredom. Also? We spend our days like bright and shiny new dimes.

  1. The ad on the side of your blog is for free pet food delivery. Maybe you should click on that. Not that the food is free, but they’ll bring it right to you. Neither rain, nor sleet, nor hell…or something like that.

    Like

  2. Jan am totoally calling Oprah's network. I am an entrepreneur, I make organic cat food from grain fed, no hormones, organic bunnies and mice. says:

    Kelly killed it! I was trying to think of an equivalent Fran version of GTL. ETH is perfect!
    Glad everyone is doing better. It is kind of gross that someone somewhere cans bunnies for the purpose of cat eating pleasure. But, I guess we can tuna, other fish, veal, beef, chicken and turkey for them. Why not bunnies? Why not mice?

    Like

  3. Poor, June. Literally. Somewhere in that frantic schedule must be time to proofread to bring in the big bucks to support Fran and her bunny eating self.

    Like

  4. Doesn’t the rabbit food smell terrible?? Our dog has to eat the prescription rabbit and potato food and the smell has caused me to vomit several times. In addition to being the most ridiculously expensive food out there! Hope the food helps Francis.

    Like

  5. Your pets are high maintenance, June! Bless their hearts.
    In RHoBH news…go to TMZ.com (I know, shut up). They compare a picture of Adrienne & Taylor to the Wayans brothers in the movie “White Chicks”. It is freakin’ hilarious.

    Like

  6. Kelly make me laugh out loud – Eat, Tan, Hate.
    LOVE that!!! It’s perfect!
    Comment of the week!!!
    I cannot think about what I give our dogs for treats and food. These treats they love called “Barky Barks” are like cow esophagus or something equally disgusting. Must not think about it…
    Glad Frannie’s gonna be okay. And that Eden is home safe and sound-like!

    Like

  7. I had a rabbit in college, too. Reuben Rabbit (he was Dutch). He hated us, and escaped from his lovingly-built hutch every day to sit in the back yard with the neighbor’s cat, Cousin Fred. That was the cat’s name.
    On the stitches . . . when we had Buddy the Dog fixed, the vet cautioned us against “swelling” and told me to apply hot packs to the dog’s deflated sack. I did not, and let me tell you, that poor dog swelled like an elephant.
    I felt bad.
    Also in pet news . . . I saw a story in the NYT today (although maybe it was older) about a people doctor who gave her German shepherd Advil for his arthritis and almost killed him. Moral of the story: ALWAYS CALL THE VET FIRST.

    Like

  8. Canned baby bunny… eeewwwww!!!
    I did have a bunny as my classroom pet once. Hated him. Would have gladly paid to have him canned.
    Poor Edsel. Like every man he will be obsessed with his lower regions for life.

    Like

  9. It is definitely worth reading your blog and comments on Saturday as everyone is a hoot!
    Congrats, Kelly. You deserve Special of the Week.

    Like

  10. Oh June, I think it’s so funny how you say you would not be a good parent. Look at how well you mother your pets! Whether you like it or not, you’re a mom. You just have animals, instead of humans.
    I’m glad your “kids” are on the mend.

    Like

  11. Sadie, Frantic schedule was pretty punny too.
    I’m glad to hear the kids are all right. I do worry a bit about Fran being on prednisone. This IS a short term thing, right?

    Like

  12. Elvis’ assistant. Hilarious.
    When my middle girl was two, she split her chin open. The doctor told me I had to keep her from being “non-active” for 2 weeks to give the stitches time to heal. This was the child we called Danger Girl because she was so adept at climbing things and jumping off of them and running everywhere she went. I told him unless he could give me a tranquilizer gun, there was no way I could keep her “non-active”.
    Glad everyone’s feeling better. If your doctor prescribes canned duck for anybody in your house, just let me know. I have no problem donating a few crappy ducks to the cause.

    Like

  13. Why don’t you just ask the vet for one of those big fan-like neck collars for Edsel? It won’t allow him to get at the stitches. Never had a problem with Garp when he lost his nuts, but then, he was probably so happy to escape the shelter, which wouldn’t let him leave without it, that he just rolled with the punches. Think I put some kind of ointment on the wound for a week or two.

    Like

  14. Fran will love the canned rabbit. My cats liked the canned, but the LOVED the fresh they harvested from the yard, mostly the babies.
    I’m surprised the vet didn’t put a collar on Edsel until he heals.

    Like

  15. The cone is definitely a necessity – better than the oxycontin. Then Edsel can’t get to his nethers.
    And I hope that eating beautiful sweet bunnies helps Fran cause it’s sad to think bunnies are being wasted if they don’t do any good. For a cat. Geesh.

    Like

  16. If I had my little way I’d eat peaches everyday..
    Can you imagine having an itchin’ and a burnin’ going on down below and then they won’t even let you check it out and give it a little nudge now and again? Torture! The collar seems worse than the de-nutting itself at this point. Poor Edsel!

    Like

  17. Hey-just wondering if we can talk about pets abd bloody stools and uteri hanging out every day. Vote, anyone?

    Like

  18. This is my first comment and by the way your blog is my fav! I have five dogs and recently was pocessed to take in two cats. I am curious why do we have to feed them different food? What happens if the dog happens to eat the cat food or the cats eat the dog food? Just things I ask myself in the middle of the night. Thought you might know.

    Like

  19. I used to use paper plates to feed my cat. It was so easy to throw them away (along with all the cat food she wouldn’t eat.)
    I tried Fancy Feast and she didn’t like that either.

    Like

  20. Julie who is glad that he peed the whole hall. Careful icing the nut sack... its not even as easy as it sounds, and it doesn't sound easy... says:

    They told me to keep Igloo, the six month old husky puppy quiet for two weeks too. I looked at her like she was on crack. “He runs 4 miles a day, and he still bounces off the walls”, I replied. Armed with the collar (we refer to it as the party hat) and a small bottle of pills, I pledged to try and also to ice the nut sack. Three days later we were running 3 miles a day after he tried to eat the dry wall in my office. In front of me. Nut icing never worked either. He just didn’t roll like that.

    Like

  21. Julie who is glad that he peed the whole hall. Careful icing the nut sack... its not even as easy as it sounds, and it doesn't sound easy... says:

    They told me to keep Igloo, the six month old husky puppy quiet for two weeks too. I looked at her like she was on crack. “He runs 4 miles a day, and he still bounces off the walls”, I replied. Armed with the collar (we refer to it as the party hat) and a small bottle of pills, I pledged to try and also to ice the nut sack. Three days later we were running 3 miles a day after he tried to eat the dry wall in my office. In front of me. Nut icing never worked either. He just didn’t roll like that.

    Like

  22. Julie who is glad that he peed the whole hall. Careful icing the nut sack... its not even as easy as it sounds, and it doesn't sound easy... says:

    They told me to keep Igloo, the six month old husky puppy quiet for two weeks too. I looked at her like she was on crack. “He runs 4 miles a day, and he still bounces off the walls”, I replied. Armed with the collar (we refer to it as the party hat) and a small bottle of pills, I pledged to try and also to ice the nut sack. Three days later we were running 3 miles a day after he tried to eat the dry wall in my office. In front of me. Nut icing never worked either. He just didn’t roll like that.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s