I returned to the headache clinic this morning, as I have not seen the headache docor who diagnosed me with a "delicate brain" since May. Because I was in that study of the experimental migraine medicine, I always saw the nurse. The head nurse, as it were. Get it?
My brain may be delicate, but it is HILARIOUS in that bone-china-and-butterflies cranium.
Anyway, we upped the everyday thing I take to abate my delightful migraines, and also I finally consented to get nerve blocks, a thing I resisted before.
And no matter what you do, please give me unsolicited medical advice.
Before I got there, I had to fill out some paperwork, saying how many migraines I get a month (about seven) (had one last night) (my life is FUN), what I take for them (heroin), and my … um … caffeine intake.
Remember last time? When he told me to give up coffee?
"June, if you really want to make a difference in your headaches, you have GOT to get off caffeine," old Marquis de Sade told me.
"I KNOW!" I moaned, "you have no idea how addicted I am! I really tried last time and I could NOT!"
He seemed unimpressed with this info.
You guys, I used to drink wine. EVERY DAY. I'd get home from work, pour me a big old glass. I drank about half a bottle of wine a night, then on weekends I'd drink a whole bottle on Friday and again on Saturday.
I told myself this was too much alcohol, so I'd try to limit myself. I had these wine glasses? They had an etching of Michigan on them? Because I'm classy? And I'd tell myself, I will only pour wine up to Traverse City. That is all I will drink tonight.
Then I'd pour wine way up past the upper peninsula and drink all that, and revisit the U.P. a second time. In Michigan we call the upper peninsula the "U.P." We are crazy with the abbreviations that way.
Finally I figured out I had to get help to stop drinking, so I did. But guess what? There is not a caffeine anonymous.
So here is today's Pieces of Wisdom question. How the Sam Holy Hill do I quit you, Juan Valdez? HOW DO I DO IT???
I've got a caffeinated monkey on my back.