June's stupid life · Pieces of Wisdom

Pieces of Wisdom–June detoxes. Sort of.

Halfandhalf
Crap.

Yesterday I asked all y'all to give me some advice on how to switch to decaf, even though caffeine is the best best best thing in the whole wide world and why would anyone want to live without it?

Maybe migraines aren't that bad. What say you?

So yesterday Edsel and I headed out to Starbucks (Talu was at day care. Did I mention my dog day care gave Talu 10 free visits after they learned I got laid off? How wonderful is that place? Dog Days Greensboro, y'all. For all your petsitting needs), where I used the two gift cards my Aunt Mary sent me. Aunt Mary does not drink coffee, to which I say, "?" yet she got two Starbucks gift cards at Christmas from various people at her job or whatever.

I bought these two giant bags of coffee, and they said, "Do you want a complimentary coffee with that? You get complimentary coffee when you buy two pounds of beans." So I got coffee and it told me how nice I looked, and today I put the most minuscule amount of decaf in my filter.

Say, is that caffeine in your filter or are you just happy to see me?

You had all kinds of suggestions for me, including doing it slowly, which is what Ima do. There was also go cold turkey (hello), drink tea, take No-Doz, and drink water (I liked the person who suggested I become a "water addict." I cannot think of anything more depressing than being addicted to water. Oh, wait, yes I can think of something more depressing. My doctor said, "Just drink a cup of hot water in the morning, with lemon.") (He currently has an orchard of lemons sticking out his hind end.)

(Do lemons come in an orchard?)

So, thanks for your help, and it is good to know others have done this. No one has less willpower than me, but still.

In other news:

Bunniesaredelish
Oh I love to eat them bunnies/Bunnies what I love to eat/nibble on they giant ears/crunch they thumpy feet.

I apologize to B. Kliban for stealing his mouse song.

Who loves him his bunny food?

Who also loves the bunny food and wishes he had an irritated bowel? Is it Edsel? He has actually had the NERVE to get on the angry chair and try to hop up and eat him some canned bunny. He gets his German arse kicked every time he tries, but you have to kind of admire his sheer will.

Eveileye
I mean, Francis is, like, the best friend of the devil or something. Look at his glowy evil eyeballs. There's no way I would mess with his bunny food.

Do you think the devil really has a best friend? Do they curl each other's hair and make prank phone calls to the Pope? Would you ever really trust his advice?

"Get the perm! It'll be so cute!"

"Yeah, but, really? Are you being, you know, the devil right now?"

Heavens, I need a hobby.

81 thoughts on “Pieces of Wisdom–June detoxes. Sort of.

  1. Lisa Pie, praying that your kitty comes back.
    Count me in for book club too.
    June if it’s any consolation, I decided that this was a good a time as ever to try and drastically lower my sugar intake. Yesterday I finished my peanut butter m&ms and did not replace them (I know!). I had a slice of cheese last night for dessert and no maple syrup on my oatmeal this morning. All I can say is that my dry eye better show some significant improvement in the next couple of weeks. Otherwise I’m jumping back in bed with Ben and Jerry.

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  2. Lisa Pie, praying that your kitty comes back.
    Count me in for book club too.
    June if it’s any consolation, I decided that this was a good a time as ever to try and drastically lower my sugar intake. Yesterday I finished my peanut butter m&ms and did not replace them (I know!). I had a slice of cheese last night for dessert and no maple syrup on my oatmeal this morning. All I can say is that my dry eye better show some significant improvement in the next couple of weeks. Otherwise I’m jumping back in bed with Ben and Jerry.

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  3. Lisa Pie, praying that your kitty comes back.
    Count me in for book club too.
    June if it’s any consolation, I decided that this was a good a time as ever to try and drastically lower my sugar intake. Yesterday I finished my peanut butter m&ms and did not replace them (I know!). I had a slice of cheese last night for dessert and no maple syrup on my oatmeal this morning. All I can say is that my dry eye better show some significant improvement in the next couple of weeks. Otherwise I’m jumping back in bed with Ben and Jerry.

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  4. I’m sure Anne was planning WAY ahead for June’s 50th birthday MANY years from now. She just wanted to get a head start, I’m sure.

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  5. Would a movie club be as good as a book club? One sitting and we could talk about it.
    Lisa Pie, thoughts and prayers for your kitty. I had a roommate with two cats, and I inadvertently let one out when I was coming in (3rd floor apt) We searched everywhere to no avail. Three weeks later, the cat was meowing at the door, and we were incredulously happy. Hang in there!

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  6. Would a movie club be as good as a book club? One sitting and we could talk about it.
    Lisa Pie, thoughts and prayers for your kitty. I had a roommate with two cats, and I inadvertently let one out when I was coming in (3rd floor apt) We searched everywhere to no avail. Three weeks later, the cat was meowing at the door, and we were incredulously happy. Hang in there!

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  7. Would a movie club be as good as a book club? One sitting and we could talk about it.
    Lisa Pie, thoughts and prayers for your kitty. I had a roommate with two cats, and I inadvertently let one out when I was coming in (3rd floor apt) We searched everywhere to no avail. Three weeks later, the cat was meowing at the door, and we were incredulously happy. Hang in there!

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  8. Some friends have looped me into a newly forming book club. It’s called the TBC – Trashy Book Club. No thought provoking high brow reading allowed. Our first book was Saving CeeCee Honeycutt by Beth Hoffman. It’s verrrry southern. I typically read suspense/mystery/crime/spy/espionage books so this was a departure. I liked it!

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  9. Caffine, huh? I get headaches after drinking beer. They usually hit about 8 hours after I stop. Weird…

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  10. “Do you think the devil really has a best friend? Do they curl each other’s hair and make prank phone calls to the Pope? ”
    DY.ING!
    Go halvesies for a week and supe it up with some flavah…cream, sugar, ciminnammonnon, booze, etc.
    Oh wait. Forget the booze part.
    Then drink water until the afternoon. (I mean, not constantly, just as needed) and then do the coffee thing again later that day, say after lunch. (or maybe tea, if you’re into that)
    The idea is to just drink enough caffeine to stave off the headache, but since you’re halving it you’ll need a little boost later on to carry you through.
    Then cut out the afternoon dose (either by going 100%decaf or no coffee at all). Do that for a week or so, then cut the morning caffeine.
    And then send the remaining coffee to me.
    I should totally work in rehab.

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  11. Yes, let’s do book club! I read Water for elephants a few months ago and then went back and read the comments. Did the same thing with The Help. Loved both books but for some reason did not get to read them when you did bookclub for them.
    How about Half Broke Horse by Jeanette Walls? We read The Glass Castle for book club, this is the book about the crazy mom’s grandmother. It is less than 200 pages and a great read! I got the tip from Zadge’s website!

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  12. I’m totally in on Book Club. But NO sad books. I cried for two days over The Zadge’s poor Shone…couldn’t stop.

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  13. I’m totally in on Book Club. But NO sad books. I cried for two days over The Zadge’s poor Shone…couldn’t stop.

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  14. I’m totally in on Book Club. But NO sad books. I cried for two days over The Zadge’s poor Shone…couldn’t stop.

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  15. Ya, those people telling you tea is so great…like those sanctimonious kids in college looking at you with your joints and telling you they get high on LIFE. Not the same thing, baby, not the same thing! (Godchild who reads this blog. Shut up. I did NOT say anything about mari-ju-wana and Gommy ONLY gets high on life…except for that one time in the Bahamas…and you saw the pictures and all… but you remember that was a double religious vision, right?)

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  16. Ya, those people telling you tea is so great…like those sanctimonious kids in college looking at you with your joints and telling you they get high on LIFE. Not the same thing, baby, not the same thing! (Godchild who reads this blog. Shut up. I did NOT say anything about mari-ju-wana and Gommy ONLY gets high on life…except for that one time in the Bahamas…and you saw the pictures and all… but you remember that was a double religious vision, right?)

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  17. Ya, those people telling you tea is so great…like those sanctimonious kids in college looking at you with your joints and telling you they get high on LIFE. Not the same thing, baby, not the same thing! (Godchild who reads this blog. Shut up. I did NOT say anything about mari-ju-wana and Gommy ONLY gets high on life…except for that one time in the Bahamas…and you saw the pictures and all… but you remember that was a double religious vision, right?)

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  18. Dear Kathy F, who needs a life more than I do:
     
    The bunny food is called Natures Variety Instinct Rabbit Formula. It is in a purple can. It is nine thousand dollars apiece.

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  19. LMAO – I’m so sorry for making you 50, June. I blame it on all the over-the-hill jokes we were making at my boss’s expense yesterday. Next time I’ll try to make you 30.

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  20. I think no one answers your questions about book club, because your blog (and comments) totally trump any book out there. Who has time to read a book, when they have Bye Bye Pie to read??
    Also, I would like to know the name of your bunny cat food?

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  21. I think no one answers your questions about book club, because your blog (and comments) totally trump any book out there. Who has time to read a book, when they have Bye Bye Pie to read??
    Also, I would like to know the name of your bunny cat food?

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  22. I think no one answers your questions about book club, because your blog (and comments) totally trump any book out there. Who has time to read a book, when they have Bye Bye Pie to read??
    Also, I would like to know the name of your bunny cat food?

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  23. You’re killin’ me today with that Devil having a best friend and crank calls to the Pope and getting the perm and the eat me some bunny song. Rare form, June, rare form…but then that’s what you’re always in, huh?

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  24. You’re killin’ me today with that Devil having a best friend and crank calls to the Pope and getting the perm and the eat me some bunny song. Rare form, June, rare form…but then that’s what you’re always in, huh?

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  25. You’re killin’ me today with that Devil having a best friend and crank calls to the Pope and getting the perm and the eat me some bunny song. Rare form, June, rare form…but then that’s what you’re always in, huh?

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  26. All this talk of coffee made me realize I really don’t like the taste of it, even tho I drink two cups every morning. I love me some Earl Grey or English Breakfast tea, but for some reason have been drinking icky coffee vs. yummy tea for lo these many years. So this morning I brewed myself a cup of Earl Grey and drank it English-style, all milky and sugary (actually the same way I drink my coffee). Yummmm – why didn’t I think of this a long time ago? Good luck with your decaffeination, June.
    I love all your pet stories, but Angry Devil-eye Fran stories are my favorite.
    And get better soon, Mrs. Oh. Take care of that heart of yours.

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  27. June, I think you and Mrs. Oh need to be health partners or whatever-you-call-it to keep each other on the straight and narrow to perfect health. No more migraines for you and no more heart attacks for Mrs. Oh.
    Of course, you will need your own angry chair after giving up caffeine, sugar and chemicals.

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  28. The caff, half decaf will totally work. But what do I know – I don’t drink the stuff. Never have.
    I think an angry chair sounds like something every house needs. Then whoever is in it, you know to stay away from. I’m thinking I would be in it a lot so I better make sure it’s a comfy one.

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  29. Is that Wilma Flintstone on that tray?
    Weird thing is caffeine helps my migraines. But it makes my heart race so I drink decaf.
    Yeah, I’d enjoy me a sad book, too. Jan…come back….

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  30. Jan- cough up that book title pronto!
    I’m currently reading about the dust bowl time.
    Boy, these pretzels are making me thirsty.

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  31. Talu’s day care sounds sweet. My friend’s dog used to go to day care. The day care would take pics of the dogs playing together each day and put funny captions underneath the pics when they posted them on their website each evening. The captions were always super funny and sometimes even a little off color.
    After reading everybody’s advice yesterday, I stopped drinking coffee and went to hot tea. Until this morning, but still I only had three cups of the devil’s nectar yesterday versus my normal twelve or twenty. And then last night I tried to stop drinking wine. Not successful.
    Curious about Jan’s book as well.

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  32. Seeing as Edsel SMACKS me with his stupid too-big gangly paws on a daily basis, because they are too big and he does not know where to PUT them, I would say he has no clue he is large. Also, I know! NOBODY answered my two Qs about book club when I posted them so I gave up. I miss book club.

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  33. Also June, I’m very impressed by your resolve to quit caffiene. I know my housemate is unable to quit her triggers and has two or three migraines a week. But the girl gets them after chocolate, cheese, alcohol and coffee (ie the main student food groups) so that sucks for her.

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  34. Yeah Jan, it’d be nice to have a book to read.
    Wait, didn’t we used to have a book club or something?
    I’m so so so amused that Edsel is getting his arse kicked by Fran. Sure he’s a devil cat, but still, glad Edsel hasn’t realised just how big he is now.

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  35. Twice a day I feed the dogs. My mastiff is the slowest eater on the planet. My cavalier spaniel eats her food in twelve seconds, so I spend the remainder of feeding time keeping her out of Bruno’s food. She’s extremely determined and refuses to accept she cannot climb into his raised bowl feeder thing. I’m sure she’d consider a chair to be just another challenge. At least you can feed your cats on a counter. I can’t put my Mastiff on our counter. And yes, if I could, I would.
    I don’t envy you giving up caffeine. I quit Diet Coke for a year. It was a nightmare. Two things I must have- cheese and Diet Coke. And maybe Fritos. Not negotiable…

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  36. Jan, you better tell us the name of the sad, sad book, please.

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  37. I love Fran and his glowering, bunny-eating self. I sincerely hope he is feeling better.
    At least he is not pooping anywhere he sees fit like our beanhead Sadie. She was out this morning for about 1/2 an hour in the back yard. I let her in and literally within 10 seconds she came into the kitchen where I was about to dish out treats and she proceeded to poop right there on the kitchen floor in front of me. Plop plop plop. So, all those nice things I was saying last week about the Anipryl for the senile dogs? Well, it only works on about 70% of them. Sadie apparently is NOT one of them. Jeeez.
    And, in your honor, I will go make my third espresso of the day. As you decline your caffeine intake, I will increase mine. There has to be a balance in the universe, right? We can’t have all the little caffeines running amok in the world with nothing to do! See what a supportive friend I am?
    And, Dog Days Greensboro ROCKS! That was very, very nice of them to give you 10 visits.

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  38. Jan is in a piss poor mood today. Thanks to the stupid book that I started reading yesterday, stayed up way to late reading and finished this morning. It made me cry more than I have cried in months. says:

    I wish I had an angry chair.

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  39. The caff, half caff option will totally work. As a fellow migraine sufferer (and Toppamax taker too), I have followed this path too. You will make it. STEP away from the NO DOZ. Took it once after an international flight and a before an important meeting and it almost sent me into a seizure. Not for us delicate brained people (or wimps, depending on your definition)…

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  40. OMG, so this is totally unrelated to your post, but I had the weirdest dream about you last night. You worked in my office, and it was your 50th birthday, so we filled your cube with 50 assorted fake fish. Some Christmas ornaments, some stuffed animals, some cheapo plastic ones, but 50 fish. It was weird, yo.
    Now, I don’t want you to think I’m totally insane and stalkerish, because I do read your blog every day even if I fail at commenting. But I attribute the dream to two things:
    1. I read your blog right before bed last night.
    2. Yesterday was my department head’s 30th birthday, and we crepe papered her cube and surprise attacked her with silly string. I’ve got birthday pranks on the brain.

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  41. My good friend Gwen went off caffeine years ago and drinks hot water every morning. She really likes it. I have been drinking hot chocolate lately. It has caff. too, but I only drink one cup a day, so I’m getting less. I have been on straight decaf for several months, and it’s fine. Try some of these things before you decide it wouldn’t work.

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  42. June – you can make the switch – you can totally do it! Especially when you have yummy coffee like Starbucks to ease the transition. In just a few days you’ll be at 1/2 caff and you won’t even notice. Promise!
    Hot water with lemon. pfft. Whatev!

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  43. Just out of curiosity, is Francis looking evil because Henry is stalking him? Cause that’s sort of what that picture looks like.

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