Ima tell you now, I'm all over the place today. I am like that horrible joke about the astronaut whose rocket exploded and the punchline is "They found her Head & Shoulders on the beach." I can't remember how the joke goes, but obviously it had something to do with shampoo and the explosion and … Continue reading Head and shoulders on the beach
Some mornings you wake up, and you have no idea that particular day is going to change your whole life forever. February 27, 2008 was one of those days for me. I was headed to a job interview (honestly, could I just GET AND KEEP a job? Please?) when I saw a little yellow dog … Continue reading Three years ago today
It is BEAUTIFUL outside. All sunny and springy and so forth! I cannot wait to get out there and murder some ivy. How would you describe that blob on Henry's back? Is it a six? A gourd? An intestine? It looks like something but I cannot place it. I am totally exhausted, however, and my … Continue reading Indubitable to talk to you again
You guys. After I write this, I am taking down my PayPal post, because I cannot believe how many people donated to my stupid "June should never have been honest with the unemployment office" self. I am astonished at how many good people there are in the world, and that you all actually clicked on … Continue reading No man is a failure who has friends. I guess that applies to skirts, too.
Sorry I haven't written today. I have been extremely busy panicking. Which is productive. Remember last week when I got offered that job that paid very little, and was an hour and a half away, and did not offer benefits, so I turned it down? When you are on unemployment, every week you have to … Continue reading June wishes she could find the circle and a slash symbol so she could put it over a dollar sign. Cause that would have been a funny title.
Because what's more exciting than hearing about someone's hideous medical experience? On the first day I went to my migraine doctor last May, he did a range-of-motion test on me and I, you know, HAD no motion in my neck and he recommended these occipital nerve block shots. Your occipital nerve runs from your neck to your … Continue reading My hideous medical experience. Written by June. Experienced by June.
I just had the WORST TIME at the doctor getting my nerve block injections. I cannot write today because I am still shaking. Blurgh.
Yesterday I got up with Joann from Laundry Hurts My Feelings. Joann is a regular reader of my stupid blog. I mean, I have no idea how often she poops. What I'm saying is she reads this blog faithfully, because apparently she has a high tolerance for boredom. Somehow she and I have become friends … Continue reading My Spin on Lunch with Laundry
Isn't it exciting? Francis feels well enough to get up on the fridge to eat! Of course, the irony is that the cat food is up on the fridge because it's the nonbunny food, and now he feels well enough to eat it, which he is not supposed to be doing. As soon as I … Continue reading My secret lunch
It's Saturday. Yesterday it was 72 degrees here, and it is sunny and warmish here again. Do you feel like you are reading the diary of someone from 1912? Why did they always report the weather? The point of me telling you this is that it gave me ample opportunity yesterday to pull ivy. And once … Continue reading Straight outta the garden
When I was a kid, I spent an inordinate amount of time at my grandmother's. At least half my childhood memories involve being at her house. I was the only grandkid in town; the others lived in Detroit, so who had favored status? Was it me? And let me tell you what. The customer was … Continue reading Blue is a color
When I was in 10th grade, this boy liked me all fall. I had another boyfriend who went to a different school, so this boy would come over after school and try to be charming, until finally at around Christmastime I liked him back. Then he stopped calling. Finally I called him and said, "Why … Continue reading Flakey. And weedy.
Okay, thanks, Marvin. In case you are just tuning in, yesterday I let Marvin come up with our weekly Pieces of Wisdom question, and he asked, "What was your worst Valentine's Day, ever?" because he has a cheery personality like that. And you answered. There was betrayal, rejection, death, lack of carnation delivery in high school, … Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom: What time is it? It’s time to get depressed.
In case you were up all night tossing and turning, the pot roast turned out fine. NEEDED A LITTLE SALT, but otherwise fine. Which reminds me. Attached please find the multipaged Valentine's Day card I made for Marvin, proving once again that there is no stopping me when I use the Paint program. The salt … Continue reading Pieces of Sodium
Happy Valentine's Day! I wish I could begin to tell you how IRRITATED I am at Marvin. I am making a romantic crock pot pot roast. Because what's more romantic than eating something with the word "crock" involved? Anyway, you know I don't cook. So the whole thing is a challenge for me as it … Continue reading Love and Salt
When I was in high school, one of my good guy friends liked this girl, and they broke up. Somehow we got ahold of the broken-hearted letter he wrote her, in which he wrote, "My love is not a light switch. I can't turn it on and off at will." This thrilled all of us … Continue reading My love is not a light switch
My friend the Other June was over this morning, and she brought doughnuts, so I was busy. I had a blueberry doughnut. So I got my fruit. Also too, now I have to go because Marvin and I are going to look at a lamp. I know! The excitement never ends over here at House … Continue reading Where’s the lampshade?
Hi! Have you been worried sick about me all day? Are you wringing your hands and fretting? Is it "wringing"? I'd look it up but I don't want to. This morning my old workplace called me again. "Jane West is sick. Can you come in?" my former boss wondered. I showered and had me some … Continue reading @work
I just got up. What am I, 17? I had to work last night, at my old workplace, and I didn't get home till 1:45. I am a night owl, is what I am. They called me, my old workplace, last Friday. Everyone was on speakerphone. "Hi, Juuune!" they all said, sounding employed. "It's gonna … Continue reading It’s noon somewhere. Like, here.
Perhaps you're saying, Gee. I wish I knew someone as high-tech and fancy as June. You don't. Deal with it. Above is my fine map of the United States, showing where my readers are. If it's green, someone is reading me in that state. The greener it is, the more readers there are. I also … Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday–Now we know you at all over. I know that makes little sense.