June's stupid life · Pieces of Wisdom

Pieces of Wisdom: What’s to Eat?

I watched it happen. It was like slow motion, if slow motion happened really fast. Tallulah was all cuddling up with me this morning, and I was hugging her big neckeldy. Edsel was at the foot of the bed, because he's, you know, beta dog or whatever. I watched him get up and I SAW… Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom: What’s to Eat?

June's stupid life · Music

I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray

Now that I have seen Prince in concert twice, I know this for sure: Prince has a certain...charisma that Barry Gibb does not. Sorry. I should have warned you to sit down before I said that. It's TRUE, though! He told us all to wave our cell phones? And we did. All of us. That… Continue reading I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray

June's stupid life · Marvin · Music

If you know what I’m singing about up here, come on raise your hand

Tonight Marvin and I are going to see Prince. I know! But he's in town and we both like Prince and what can I tell you. I am doubting at any point in the night Marvin is going to look over at me and realize he only wants to see me bathing in the purple… Continue reading If you know what I’m singing about up here, come on raise your hand

Gardening · Health · June's stupid life · Marvin

Spring. A lovely time to deal with your fibroids.

Spring in the South is lovely. My feeling is for every time you have to see a Confederate flag, you also get to see this: That's one of the trees in my front yard. Isn't it pretty? And pink? Also, my next-door neighbor, Peg, has a white dogwood mixed together with a pink dogwood and… Continue reading Spring. A lovely time to deal with your fibroids.

June's stupid life · My pets

In which faithful readers encourage me to be a terrible cat mom

The home vet came today, to check on Francis. I have to have a vet come to the house to see Francis, because he is insane, and you simply cannot work on him at a regular vet's office. He gets all puffy, and growly, and fangy, and then he JUMPS at your throat in the… Continue reading In which faithful readers encourage me to be a terrible cat mom

June's stupid life · Pieces of Wisdom

Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday–Hulk Knits for Love

In what is sure to be the absolute worst collection of photos ever shown in this already shoddily photographed blog, below are some pics symbolizing your suggestions from yesterday's Pieces of Wisdom query: "How can my pal Hulk meet women?" How much do you abhor me for saying "pics"? When I read your almost-200 ideas,… Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday–Hulk Knits for Love

June's stupid life · Pieces of Wisdom

Pieces of Wisdom–Get Hulk a Woman

Today's Pieces of Wisdom topic is a deep and important one, as per usual, but before I begin, I must tell you some things, of course, because I never shut up. I was walking the dogs (and who has had to learn to walk both dogs by herself? Is it awful? Is it almost 90… Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom–Get Hulk a Woman

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

My magnetic personality

The Nester says you shouldn't have refrigerator magnets because they're tacky. So I mostly listened to her and have had a nearly blank (for me) fridge. But yesterday Marvin was packing and he said, "Look what's in this tin!" There were all sorts of magnets I had packed away. I dumped out that tin and… Continue reading My magnetic personality

Friends · Gardening · June's stupid life

In which you all come charging at me with torches if I mention the “h” word again

FIN! Ima keep it just like that, with nothing on it or in it. I worked so hard on the thing; I'd hate to ruin it with stuff marring it. Okay, here it is with stuff. Marvin has packed a lot of his doo-dads, and it turns out a lot of them resided on this… Continue reading In which you all come charging at me with torches if I mention the “h” word again

Friends · June's stupid life

Don’t you wish your eyeballs were hot like me? That made no sense.

Last night my neighbor Peg had a St. Patrick's Day party. I guess really it was a day-after-St.-Patrick's-Day party. Anyway, she made corned beef and cabbage, and had 33 million green and/or Irish drinks (she even had ginger ale with green tea in it), and St. Patrick's doo-dads for us to wear. At one point, I… Continue reading Don’t you wish your eyeballs were hot like me? That made no sense.

June's stupid life · Proofreading/Copy editing

Hire me and my Meridith Baxter hair

I am sitting here in my interview suit, like that's just something you sit around the house in, as though I were starring in a Lifetime Television for Women movie. Which I kind of am, lately. She Loved Her Pets Too Much, starring June Mint. Her Hair Was Stupid, featuring June NotGardens. Not With MY… Continue reading Hire me and my Meridith Baxter hair

I am berserk · June's stupid life

June Gladys Kravitzes the Neighbors

Have you guys seen this video? This is a dog in Japan who wouldn't leave his injured friend. THEY BOTH GET RESCUED. So it's okay. Dogs are the bomb. Even though mine has eaten two red pens in under 24 hours. Some dogs are loyal companions, some eat your red pens. Luck of the draw.… Continue reading June Gladys Kravitzes the Neighbors

Family · June's stupid life · My pets · Proofreading/Copy editing

In which animal services might need to be phoned

There's this company that I have wanted to call me for weeks, and just a few minutes ago I had a giant piece of chicken in my mouth and the phone rang. I thought, "Oh, this'll be the time that company will be calling." Sure enough. Guess who it was. I had to spit the… Continue reading In which animal services might need to be phoned

Gardening · Health · June's stupid life

Team Fibroid

Beleaguered April, the nurse who assists my doctor, called me at 3:18 yesterday. "Miss June? You got a fibroid." Well. I'm glad I spent $900 to learn WHAT I ALREADY KNEW. Okay, you spent $900 so I could learn what I already knew. Still. At least it wasn't, you know, a bomb or anything residing… Continue reading Team Fibroid

Friends · June's stupid life

Old paint

This ding-dang dining room needs a second coat of $&%#& paint, so I do not have time to blop at you today. I'm sure my neighbor Peg is delighted that she offered to help. "A whole nother day with June? Painting? What a treat. Is there any have-your-liver-removed-while-you're-awake clinic in town I could go to,… Continue reading Old paint

Health · June's stupid life

In which June does an impression of a deposit at the bank drive-up window

I had my MRI. When I got there, I was greeted by a chirpy 20-year-old, who said, "That'll be $900, please!" and thanks to y'all and my tip jar, I said, "Okay." Then another chirpy 20-year-old took me to a dressing room, where I put on some flattering and fashionable white drawstring pants. I went… Continue reading In which June does an impression of a deposit at the bank drive-up window

Health · June's stupid life

Blogebrity Rehab

Some man just jogged by who looked exactly like Dr. Drew. Could Dr. Drew have a spring home in Greensboro? And could his spring home be a one-story 1950s ranch, since that's all this neighborhood has? This all seems very likely. Perhaps I'm now hallucinating on top of everything else. "She seemed fine until she… Continue reading Blogebrity Rehab