Pieces of Wisdom–Get Hulk a Woman

Today's Pieces of Wisdom topic is a deep and important one, as per usual, but before I begin, I must tell you some things, of course, because I never shut up.

I was walking the dogs (and who has had to learn to walk both dogs by herself? Is it awful? Is it almost 90 pounds of misbehavior on two strands of leather?) the other day, and of course I passed the Three Loud Blonde Children down the street.

"HI, LALULLAH!" they shouted, as they always do. Then, "HI, ETHEL!"

Ethel.

Poor Edsel. How humiliatin'.

Ethelhumiliated
You can see it even disturbs his rest, considering that he might be a woman now. And Lucy's sidekick, to boot. Oh, and what's that on the pillow between them? COULD IT BE WHITE PAINT? Is there paint EVERYWHERE?

I blame Ethel. He kept WALKING past me and getting bits on his transitioning costar claws.

The other thing I have to tell you is I have another job interview today. I know! For a whole 'nother job. I had a phone interview with this place about two weeks ago and was certain I blew it. First of all, I was still completely anemic and fell asleep waiting for their call time. So I had the personality of a slug when the phone rang.

Then they asked, "What would be the biggest challenge for you in this position?" and I said, truthfully, "Probably the writing" because I have done writing the least in my jobs. People think copy editing has something to do with actual writing but it usually doesn't.

Anyway after I hung up, I looked at the job description again, and the first two bullet points about the job were writing things.

Nice.

Savvy.

I have no idea why they are interviewing me today, unless the other 16 people they called were all Heidi Montag or Snooki or something. And yes, I did ask. They called 16 people. Maybe they had me confused with someone else.

But enough about me. I'd say 13 introductory paragraphs ought to do it. Yeesch. Today we are discussing my pal Hulk, who is single. Single single single.

Hulk
I cannot imagine why.

His hair does not really do that. He is wearing a June wig. I am wearing a "my mom" wig. It was Halloween.

Hulk and I went to high school together, and met on the newspaper staff. I do not mean we were both sitting on a large rod made of newspaper, but maybe no one else got that visual and there is something deeply wrong with me.

At any rate, he lives in my hometown, God help him, and has a good job, which about seven people in my hometown can still say. Hulk has been divorced for two years, and he is 44.

He has one daughter, Hulkette, and I do not know what to tell you about his taste in child names.

So here is the deal. He is not meeting the womenses.

Hulk goes to work extra super early so he can get home early in order to spend time with his daughter, which makes him a good person right there, and kind of helps negate the part where he is a Republican. After he takes his daughter back to his ex-wife's house, he told me he usually watches TV and goes to bed.

Wooooo! Hulk loves the nightlife! He's got to boogie! But keep in mind he gets up super extra early for work.

On big exciting nights, when there is a SPORTING EVENT (sigh), he and his friends go to some sports tavern and watch sports together there, until maybe 10:30. He has not met any quality women in this environment.

Hunh.

Here's where my valued Pieces of Wisdom pals (i.e., yentas) come in. How can we fix Hulk's life so he can meet a woman? Girlfriend is 44. He's not gonna put on his medallion and go dancing at night. What sorts of things can we tell him to do to meet women who are, you know, intelligent and well-rounded and healthy? And not hanging at sports bars in their middle age in order to meet men?

(In six months I will totally be blogging about my new hang, Sports R Us, and how I met John Rambo there, won't I?)

(And I realize some women like sports and would be at sports bars to WATCH sports, as Hulk is, so no one take offense, please.) (Trust me, if there were Royal Wedding bars, I'd be in one every night.)

Okay, I'm going now and await your wisdom. I have to get into that interview suit again and hope there isn't white paint on it. And by the way, since I took everything out of that hutch, I am finding all sorts of things. Some of you have sent me photos of relatives you don't know, since you know I like to collect old photos of people I don't know, and this photo just fell out of a pile today, I swear:

Paint Oh, look. People painting. In 1939. Hope you're using white paint!

Okay, help Hulk. If he gets married as a result of us we are all invited to his wedding. I forgot to tell you that part, Hulk.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

266 thoughts on “Pieces of Wisdom–Get Hulk a Woman”

  1. Oh yeah, on the cooking class; try something different like one for desserts, or bread baking. If there is a Williams-Sonoma in your area they offer free cooking demonstrations – just show up and maybe you can meet someone that way. If you can bake, offer to help out at a bake sale for something worthy.

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  2. Good luck to both of you, June and Hulk! We’re hoping for success in both your ventures!

    Like

  3. Good luck to both of you, June and Hulk! We’re hoping for success in both your ventures!

    Like

  4. Good luck to both of you, June and Hulk! We’re hoping for success in both your ventures!

    Like

  5. Hulk (Prayer request to meet someone? "Let's pray for Bill with cancer, for Jane whose husband just died, and Hulk to meet a chick"???) says:

    Right- or left-handed is a conversation-starter?
    Hazel
    Right
    Hog the bed? I still sleep on my side now…
    Chinese-Sesame Chicken
    To Kill A Mockingbird
    Van Halen
    Poker
    Jennifer Aniston

    Like

  6. Hulk (Prayer request to meet someone? "Let's pray for Bill with cancer, for Jane whose husband just died, and Hulk to meet a chick"???) says:

    Right- or left-handed is a conversation-starter?
    Hazel
    Right
    Hog the bed? I still sleep on my side now…
    Chinese-Sesame Chicken
    To Kill A Mockingbird
    Van Halen
    Poker
    Jennifer Aniston

    Like

  7. Hulk (Prayer request to meet someone? "Let's pray for Bill with cancer, for Jane whose husband just died, and Hulk to meet a chick"???) says:

    Right- or left-handed is a conversation-starter?
    Hazel
    Right
    Hog the bed? I still sleep on my side now…
    Chinese-Sesame Chicken
    To Kill A Mockingbird
    Van Halen
    Poker
    Jennifer Aniston

    Like

  8. Hahahaha, Hulk, you funny.
    And Hulk, can’t you have an “unspoken” prayer request? I used to do that in high school. About, I don’t know, my “unspoken” request that I didn’t want to hang out with my parents that weekend. Because I was deep.

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  9. I was going to say that Terra sealed the deal with loving to go antique-ing, but um, it was probably the hot sex. And he’s phi beta cappa and funny. But yeah. Hot sex. So, there’s THAT out there for all of your amusement.

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  10. In a city near me there is an activity group. Not a singles group. They don’t matchmake. They just schedule activities. If it sounds like fun to you, you can join in. If you meet somebody sympatico, so much the better. But if not, you’re still doing something fun. Maybe that could be fun to do? Even if you don’t date anybody there you could still meet interesting people and make friends of either sex, which is always nice.
    Along those lines, my dating philosophy is to pick something you really want to do with your new date. If they turn out to be boring, you’re still doing something great. 🙂

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  11. OK, seriously? This is what needs to happen: every single eligible woman who comments here should send June an email saying they want to meet Hulk. June sends them all a list of the same questions and they respond, as well, they send a photo. Then Hulk dates them all, geography permitting. Who first? Well, we could all vote, and he could pick them in order! And then both parties have to write about their dates!!!! Are you following me with how much fun this could be?
    I met my husband on an online dating site and I recommend it. The key is to NOT look for someone – just go there and have fun. That’s when the magic happens, when you’re not looking.
    But for Big Blog Fun? Let’s have a Bye Bye Pie version of the Dating Game!!!!

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  12. Really? Jennifer Anniston on the desert island? I thought we had determined that the sexiest thing she would say is, “You’re on my hair.”
    Here’s a true story. A woman I know was in her 30’s and had not met a man. She wrote a letter and sent it to everyone she knew and liked saying that she was interested in meeting available men. She gave her basic info, background, education, stuff like that, and spread that letter far and wide–including everyone in her church. She was introduced to half a dozen men and married a year later.
    Through friends, Hulk. Let everyone know you want to meet a good woman. Tell everyone. Later in life marriages, I’m told, are usually old high school friends or friends of friends.
    Also, get involved in any of Hulkette’s school things possible. Or are they all friends with the ex.? Saginaw ain’t that big a place. Or particularly trendy, folks. This could be tough–but totally doable for a good man. Totally. I’m cheering for you, you ice-fishing, Seinfeld watching, good parenting, humorous kind of guy, you.

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  13. Really? Jennifer Anniston on the desert island? I thought we had determined that the sexiest thing she would say is, “You’re on my hair.”
    Here’s a true story. A woman I know was in her 30’s and had not met a man. She wrote a letter and sent it to everyone she knew and liked saying that she was interested in meeting available men. She gave her basic info, background, education, stuff like that, and spread that letter far and wide–including everyone in her church. She was introduced to half a dozen men and married a year later.
    Through friends, Hulk. Let everyone know you want to meet a good woman. Tell everyone. Later in life marriages, I’m told, are usually old high school friends or friends of friends.
    Also, get involved in any of Hulkette’s school things possible. Or are they all friends with the ex.? Saginaw ain’t that big a place. Or particularly trendy, folks. This could be tough–but totally doable for a good man. Totally. I’m cheering for you, you ice-fishing, Seinfeld watching, good parenting, humorous kind of guy, you.

    Like

  14. Really? Jennifer Anniston on the desert island? I thought we had determined that the sexiest thing she would say is, “You’re on my hair.”
    Here’s a true story. A woman I know was in her 30’s and had not met a man. She wrote a letter and sent it to everyone she knew and liked saying that she was interested in meeting available men. She gave her basic info, background, education, stuff like that, and spread that letter far and wide–including everyone in her church. She was introduced to half a dozen men and married a year later.
    Through friends, Hulk. Let everyone know you want to meet a good woman. Tell everyone. Later in life marriages, I’m told, are usually old high school friends or friends of friends.
    Also, get involved in any of Hulkette’s school things possible. Or are they all friends with the ex.? Saginaw ain’t that big a place. Or particularly trendy, folks. This could be tough–but totally doable for a good man. Totally. I’m cheering for you, you ice-fishing, Seinfeld watching, good parenting, humorous kind of guy, you.

    Like

  15. Loved the Loud Blond Children and Ethel. I could see that Edsel was being kept awake by that. Pondering what it all means, I’m sure.
    And also the pic of you and Hulk. People may not be putting two and two together Hulk…like their cousin and you, the lady down the street and you…let them know!

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  16. Loved the Loud Blond Children and Ethel. I could see that Edsel was being kept awake by that. Pondering what it all means, I’m sure.
    And also the pic of you and Hulk. People may not be putting two and two together Hulk…like their cousin and you, the lady down the street and you…let them know!

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  17. Loved the Loud Blond Children and Ethel. I could see that Edsel was being kept awake by that. Pondering what it all means, I’m sure.
    And also the pic of you and Hulk. People may not be putting two and two together Hulk…like their cousin and you, the lady down the street and you…let them know!

    Like

  18. I’m really liking the sister-wife plan. Maybe Hulk is just too much for any one woman. And seriously, have you seen that guy who has the four wives? I keep asking myself “how did he get even ONE woman to marry him, let alone four?” But maybe that’s the answer! More than one!
    Think about it Hulk. I can’t see a downside.

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  19. Furry, should you be talking about hot sex and all when Hulk would be happy with naked pictures of potential dates? Might be too much for him to take right now. *smile*
    Hulk, Van Halen? There’s lots of these reunion tours going on in the last few years, but none for Van Halen at least this year it looks like.
    However, my stud muffin hubby and I have attended AC/DC concerts for like 100 years now, most recently two years ago. I noticed the women there, if they weren’t with a boyfriend/husband, well, they were a-lookin’. And some of them were hot hot hot.

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  20. I was going to suggest myself as a date for Hulk, but then I remembered that I was already married. And I live in Colorado. And most importantly, I’m a Democrat.
    Still…would anyone care for a guitar playing, documentary-watching pain-in-the-ass? I know June just got rid of hers, but I still have one…

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  21. I met the King (my DH, not Elvis) at bowling. We were both in a league, and he says he was attracted to me because I was the only chick watching sports TV with all the guys. Our first date was to a baseball game. Not to mention that my team kicked his team’s azz. Do you like bowling, Hulk? Do they bowl in Michigan?

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  22. Do they bowl in Michigan? Sheesh…
    I have a see-thru flourescent-orange bowling ball, BTW.
    I would be attracted to a chick watching sports with the guys, no doubt…

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  23. Hulk could join some type of Republican group and attend a rally or tea party or something. He could also join a church. Or there’s always the online sites. A lot of people these days are meeting through those Web sites like match.com. I personally know 3 people who met and married this way and they have been very happy together.

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  24. Although I met my husband on eHarmony six years and two kids ago, I love the Boob Walk idea. A funny, non-creepy t-shirt will be the perfect conversation starter.

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  25. I love how people keep saying that the online dating sites aren’t just for creeps/losers ANYMORE. I did the Match.com thing back in the 90s when it had only been around a couple of years and really was the only one of any significance. It didn’t work for me at all though. I had marginally better success on lesbian personal ad sites. Not sure what the online dating landscape is like now.

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  26. No words of wisdom, just more encouragement for Hulk: Handsome, funny (fall-on-the-floor-laughing funny, to me at least!), smart, clearly dedicated to his daughter (do you even have any idea how attractive that is and how much that says about you as a person?), and the list goes on… You’ve got the complete package (in more ways than one, I suppose you’ll add).
    I’m with the readers who mentioned that often these connections just happen naturally when the time is right – in your life and in that special person’s life. Sometimes if you just live your life, doing what you enjoy, people come across your path seemingly coincidentally, and…if you’re open…voila! The right time, the right place, and the rest is history!
    You certainly can’t go wrong with prayer, either, though maybe not announced from the pulpit or in the bulletin or anything! :o) Why did that crack me up so?!
    Too bad you don’t live closer to all of your ladies from BBP who have crushes on you…
    You’re brave to open yourself up to all of this meddling in your life – I just know you’ll find what you’re looking for.

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  27. Same here. Do they BOWL in MICHIGAN? There was even a local TV show for years called, “Bowling for Dollars” and my ex-husband went on it. I did say EX, didn’t I?

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  28. Peeps, it was a joke. Every time I watch bowling on ESPN (what? You don’t?), it’s from someplace in Michigan. Seriously. I KNOW they bowl in Michigan. Hey, we had Bowling for Dollars here too. I used to watch that after school.

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  29. Glad to see you have insomnia too, Paula.
    I’ve read every single comment. Can I express my feelings and say it really frosts my cupcake when other faithful readers don’t take the time to inform themselves? They jump right to leaving their comment which may be something that has already been discussed or vetoed.
    See, I’m grumpy and I need sleep. Damn diet coke at 10:30.

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  30. Maybe he could take up painting…
    How about going on Meetup.com? Helps groups of people with shared interests get together in local communities. You put your city in and all the various stuff comes up. Or you can search by interest, such as painting.

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  31. Alternatively, he could get a little dog, a white van, and a fake cast, then hang around in parking lots pretending he has some couches to move.

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  32. Texas Kari and Siren, I thank you both for my morning laughs. dying over here.

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  33. Hulk (Plus I'm kind of uncomfortable in other peoples' skin...GET IT?? OTHER PEOPLES' SKIN??? Oh, I kill myself...) says:

    Siren-
    I spent too much time finishing my basement to dig a pit in the floor.
    Plus I hate bugs.

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  34. Hulk (Plus I'm kind of uncomfortable in other peoples' skin...GET IT?? OTHER PEOPLES' SKIN??? Oh, I kill myself...) says:

    Siren-
    I spent too much time finishing my basement to dig a pit in the floor.
    Plus I hate bugs.

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  35. Hulk (Plus I'm kind of uncomfortable in other peoples' skin...GET IT?? OTHER PEOPLES' SKIN??? Oh, I kill myself...) says:

    Siren-
    I spent too much time finishing my basement to dig a pit in the floor.
    Plus I hate bugs.

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  36. Duffylou – love that saying “it really frosts my cupcake” – Ima have to steal that!!
    And, Siren and Hulk -you be waaay funny in my book!
    Lastly, I believe bowling was INVENTED in Michigan. The big-ball variety. Over here in MA they have the diminutive candlepin bowling for little girlie-men.

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  37. Anita, I did finally go to bed around 3:45. I don’t do caffeine. The idiot I am stopped at McDonalds for a diet coke at 10:30 last night because I was parched. I will never do that again.
    I feel bad for Paula. She had to get up and go to work. I get up and feed my dogs.
    Good morning Hulk. Are you waiting with baited breath to review yesterdays suggestions?

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  38. Not talking softball…
    You’re coming to Hulkapalooza, right? RIGHT???

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  39. Funny, Letha. Hulk be sure to check out Pal’s link to cake wrecks because these comments are all about you today.

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  40. Funny, Letha. Hulk be sure to check out Pal’s link to cake wrecks because these comments are all about you today.

    Like

  41. Funny, Letha. Hulk be sure to check out Pal’s link to cake wrecks because these comments are all about you today.

    Like

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