Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday–Hulk Knits for Love

In what is sure to be the absolute worst collection of photos ever shown in this already shoddily photographed blog, below are some pics symbolizing your suggestions from yesterday's Pieces of Wisdom query: "How can my pal Hulk meet women?"

How much do you abhor me for saying "pics"?

When I read your almost-200 ideas, I thought, Why do I have this stupid Pieces of Wisdom feature on my blog? I just have to think of a way to present your answers every Wednesday, and it is an incredible amount of work. All this just to get my high school pal some action. I mean, really?

It did not seem like my faithful dry-erase board would capture your creative suggestions effectively. I mean, you can't just encapsulate the beauty of "Put on a cast, get a van and pretend you need help moving a couch" on a board.

My first idea was to pose my Cabbage Patch doll, Jesse Everard, doing the activities y'all proposed. Yes, I do have a Cabbage Patch doll. No, I have never had children. Why don't you shut up now?

I was gonna have Jesse at the computer on Match.com. I was gonna have him joining a three-day breast cancer walk. I was so taking Jesse to a coffee shop and have him idly sketch and watch the women come running.

And do you know I cannot find effing Jesse Everard anywhere? WHERE DID I PUT HIM? Where is my Cabbage Patch? And no, I do not think it is pathetic that it is a beautiful spring day and I'm 45 years old, in the house searching for my doll. Whatever happened to Baby June?

So I did the next-best thing. And by "next-best" I mean what other choice did I have? I got the cats involved. Because what pleases Hulk more than pictures of my pets?

Yoga Many of you said Hulk should commence the activities women like, like yoga or scrapbooking or wine tasting. Clearly none of you have met Hulk. Henry is down with the yoga, though. Namastrrow.

Salsa
You even suggested salsa dancing, and Winston was as happy to do that as Hulk would be.

Knitting
The try-knitting idea went down equally as well with both cat and man.

Dogwalking
Some people suggested Hulk get a dog, because everyone approaches someone when they have a dog. Here is Francis with a dog. Would you approach him? And yes. That is a dog from my dog nativity scene. I do not know what to tell you about the fact that I have a dog nativity. It is right next to my Cabbage Patch.

Readers also said Hulk could try to meet someone at work (Hulk said his work is 75% men and 99% ugly), through members of his church, through his 8 million sport things, through his daughter (surely she must have friends with divorced moms), and the old standby:

Friendsoffriends
through friends of friends.

So, let us know if any of our brilliant ideas work, Hulk. I want you to try them ALL. Like how Marcia Brady signed up for all the activities in high school, and ended up with lava all over herself. Then chose ceramics. How did I get off on this tangent?

Good luck, Hulk. And knit me something, will you?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

146 thoughts on “Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday–Hulk Knits for Love”

  1. Hulk… go and watch the movie “10”… Bo Derrick wears this awesome “knitted” bikini…. hmmm…. new enterprise…
    “Hulk’s hand knitted swimwear”…
    you will need models etc…. just a thought…

    Like

  2. Hulk… go and watch the movie “10”… Bo Derrick wears this awesome “knitted” bikini…. hmmm…. new enterprise…
    “Hulk’s hand knitted swimwear”…
    you will need models etc…. just a thought…

    Like

  3. Hulk… go and watch the movie “10”… Bo Derrick wears this awesome “knitted” bikini…. hmmm…. new enterprise…
    “Hulk’s hand knitted swimwear”…
    you will need models etc…. just a thought…

    Like

  4. Paula, have you been kissing the tulips with two lips? Making them both astonished and aroused?
    I want a tulipiere, too.

    Like

  5. Siren, am cracking up at the fact that the reborn dolls are also called unliving dolls. How, pray tell, did an unliving doll find you???

    Like

  6. dh= d*ck head.
    or at least i now refer to him as richard.
    seriously.

    Like

  7. Oh my lord. I saw a news show on those born doll thingys. Those women are freaks. They have clubs and they take their babies out in public. They dress them like human babies. With special strollers, clothing, etc. These women are batshit crazy.
    Their poor husbands. Well, maybe their husbands are glad they have a hobby. Oh who knows. It’s a freak show.

    Like

  8. great. About to go to bed and now i’m going to have nightmares about reborn dolls. Of course if you tell me not to Google something I will!

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  9. Ladies…I think we need to deploy a secret shopper to do some undercover (or under-the-covers) work to find out more about Hulk. Any volunteers?

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  10. Well there was recently a BBC documentary called my Monkey Baby where women adopt monkeys so that they can dress them, feed them and change nappies forever and ever without their baby growing up, getting a personality of their own and leaving the nest. Cabbage Patch dolls make a lot more sense than that.

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  11. Hulk (Junie told me she watched a "Little House" episode yesterday and sure enough, Pa cried. I said, "Yeah. Throw a dart...") says:

    Kathy-
    Any volunteers??
    Uh…isn’t that the problem to begin with?

    Like

  12. Hulk (Junie told me she watched a "Little House" episode yesterday and sure enough, Pa cried. I said, "Yeah. Throw a dart...") says:

    Kathy-
    Any volunteers??
    Uh…isn’t that the problem to begin with?

    Like

  13. Hulk (Junie told me she watched a "Little House" episode yesterday and sure enough, Pa cried. I said, "Yeah. Throw a dart...") says:

    Kathy-
    Any volunteers??
    Uh…isn’t that the problem to begin with?

    Like

  14. Paula H & B, you can use whatever flowers you desire! Just so you know (and you probably already do) the tulips will naturally droop if they are in a warm environment. But, you should just use whatever fleurs you want!
    Tee – I’m with you – I was happy as a kid making mud pies and riding my beloved purple, banana seat bicycle! Maybe that’s why I love gardening too!
    And last? Those reborn things are disGUSTing. Those womenses that parade around with them and treat them like they’re real babies? Are “titched” in the head, as my grandmother might say. That’s a special variety of crazy.

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  15. Silly Hulk!
    We need a volunteer from June’s followers. Once we know what is really causing this “dry spell,” we will provide an abundance of remedies. You, of course, will need to be open to our suggestions. Unless you truly prefer your solitary life in which no womenses nag you to pick up your clothes/newspapers/dirty dishes or to participate in meaningful conversations. On the down side, you will have to pay for favors or find a friend with benefits.

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  16. I was just thinking, who in the world remembers their cabbage patch doll’s name?
    Then, it popped into my head and I almost felt ashamed. Tabitha Alice.
    Hulk–Match.Com

    Like

  17. Cyn,
    I learned the hard way not to google something when Siren mentioned balut.
    I learned something,true…but, something I didn’t really want to know.
    I don’t think I will ever use that information in real life. heeeeeee

    Like

  18. Ugh! I just googled Balut and I am traumatized. Where do you guys find this stuff? That stuff is way more creepy than Mother Cabbage giving birth and equally as disgusting as reborn dolls.

    Like

  19. Siren, are you sinisterly rubbing your hands together and thinking of even more things to suggest we google?

    Like

  20. Siren, are you sinisterly rubbing your hands together and thinking of even more things to suggest we google?

    Like

  21. Siren, are you sinisterly rubbing your hands together and thinking of even more things to suggest we google?

    Like

  22. Paula, H & B – you also might try purring short, tall and droopy stems in each opening instead of the same length throughout the whole thing. Visually it is more pleasing to overall be taller in the middle and get progressively shorter toward the outer edges. At least that’s what I was taught in my fleur arranging class!!
    Good luck!

    Like

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