In what is sure to be the absolute worst collection of photos ever shown in this already shoddily photographed blog, below are some pics symbolizing your suggestions from yesterday's Pieces of Wisdom query: "How can my pal Hulk meet women?"
How much do you abhor me for saying "pics"?
When I read your almost-200 ideas, I thought, Why do I have this stupid Pieces of Wisdom feature on my blog? I just have to think of a way to present your answers every Wednesday, and it is an incredible amount of work. All this just to get my high school pal some action. I mean, really?
It did not seem like my faithful dry-erase board would capture your creative suggestions effectively. I mean, you can't just encapsulate the beauty of "Put on a cast, get a van and pretend you need help moving a couch" on a board.
My first idea was to pose my Cabbage Patch doll, Jesse Everard, doing the activities y'all proposed. Yes, I do have a Cabbage Patch doll. No, I have never had children. Why don't you shut up now?
I was gonna have Jesse at the computer on Match.com. I was gonna have him joining a three-day breast cancer walk. I was so taking Jesse to a coffee shop and have him idly sketch and watch the women come running.
And do you know I cannot find effing Jesse Everard anywhere? WHERE DID I PUT HIM? Where is my Cabbage Patch? And no, I do not think it is pathetic that it is a beautiful spring day and I'm 45 years old, in the house searching for my doll. Whatever happened to Baby June?
So I did the next-best thing. And by "next-best" I mean what other choice did I have? I got the cats involved. Because what pleases Hulk more than pictures of my pets?
Some people suggested Hulk get a dog, because everyone approaches someone when they have a dog. Here is Francis with a dog. Would you approach him? And yes. That is a dog from my dog nativity scene. I do not know what to tell you about the fact that I have a dog nativity. It is right next to my Cabbage Patch.
Readers also said Hulk could try to meet someone at work (Hulk said his work is 75% men and 99% ugly), through members of his church, through his 8 million sport things, through his daughter (surely she must have friends with divorced moms), and the old standby:
So, let us know if any of our brilliant ideas work, Hulk. I want you to try them ALL. Like how Marcia Brady signed up for all the activities in high school, and ended up with lava all over herself. Then chose ceramics. How did I get off on this tangent?
Good luck, Hulk. And knit me something, will you?