Spring. A lovely time to deal with your fibroids.

Spring in the South is lovely. My feeling is for every time you have to see a Confederate flag, you also get to see this:

Bloomy
That's one of the trees in my front yard. Isn't it pretty? And pink?

Also, my next-door neighbor, Peg, has a white dogwood mixed together with a pink dogwood and my purple-y tree is hanging right next to it like this:

Pinkandotherpink
Okay. Trust me. It's more exciting and blossom-y in real life.

Fleurs
Look at that rogue dandelion trying to be all casual back there. "Me? No! I'm not a bad influence on the other flowers! I won't SPREAD everywhere and be a menace! I won't invite the wild onion into your yard! What you mean?"

Whatpile
Also too, the City offered free wood chips to anyone who wanted them, and our whole neighborhood looks like an ant farm. We all have these mounds of chips that no one can use up, and everyone is getting terribly generous with their wood chips all of a sudden.

Don't you hate it when people say "all the sudden"? I also hate it when people say "regiment" when they mean "regimen." "I've been using my skin regiment for years, and I still break out."

Sigh.

Anyway, I am having a wood chip giveaway, if anyone wants any.

Also too too, I am having my delightful fibroids removed next Thursday in an outpatient procedure. They are kind of shaving them off. I'm certain you want to hear every detail. The day I get my fibroids removed coincides with the day Marvin leaves, so I lose fibroids, cats and a husband all on the same day.

My mother is coming to town that day, anyway, and we were planning on getting the HELL out of here so I don't have to watch Marvin go. So after my procedure, we are staying at a fancy hotel nearby where I can recover.

The bright side of all this is that I will no longer wake up to this every day:

Sink
See the sink? See the dishwasher? See how close they are?

See
Let's review. Sink.

Sinkndwasher
Dishwasher.

WHY CAN'T MARVIN'S DISHES MAKE THEIR WAY IN THERE? They are AN INCH from the dishwasher! And yet every morning I get up and put his dishes in the dishwasher, as they are in the sink. So I know there is one week left of doing that. Perhaps every time I get sad, I could refer to these pictures.

Kind of like the Confederate flag/spring blossoms thing.

 

169 thoughts on “Spring. A lovely time to deal with your fibroids.

  1. Anita, are you sitting there without pants? Also, too, am sitting here waiting for those companies to call me, still, and my mother called. My father called. My Aunt Kathy called. My Aunt MARY called. My friend Tammy called. Jane West from my old job called. When it rang again, I was all, WHO ELSE COULD POSSIBLY BE CALLING other than one of those companies? It was effing GUITAR CENTER for Marvin. #@##$%##@$.

    Like

  2. If someone has a skin regiment, someone should tell them that with all those soldiers marching across their face, that can’t be good.

    Like

  3. Your purple tree is a Redbud. It has ALWAYS grated on my nerves that it’s purple. Or rather that is not called a Purplebud. Or that the buds are not red. And also Red Onions which are really PURPLE! It bugs me nearly as much as a milk glass in the sink. Nearly.
    Fibroids, Marvin, dirty dishes and cats. One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong(or shouldn’t be gone)!

    Like

  4. Carp! Bass! Snapper! Marlin!
    I’m going to be out of town next week and I don’t know if I will have internet! I”m going to miss Mother using Fran’s props on June!! I’m going to miss Fibroid Marvin!!
    Blowfish!

    Like

  5. Carp! Bass! Snapper! Marlin!
    I’m going to be out of town next week and I don’t know if I will have internet! I”m going to miss Mother using Fran’s props on June!! I’m going to miss Fibroid Marvin!!
    Blowfish!

    Like

  6. Carp! Bass! Snapper! Marlin!
    I’m going to be out of town next week and I don’t know if I will have internet! I”m going to miss Mother using Fran’s props on June!! I’m going to miss Fibroid Marvin!!
    Blowfish!

    Like

  7. Carp! Bass! Snapper! Marlin!
    I’m going to be out of town next week and I don’t know if I will have internet! I”m going to miss Mother using Fran’s props on June!! I’m going to miss Fibroid Marvin!!
    Blowfish!

    Like

  8. Carp! Bass! Snapper! Marlin!
    I’m going to be out of town next week and I don’t know if I will have internet! I”m going to miss Mother using Fran’s props on June!! I’m going to miss Fibroid Marvin!!
    Blowfish!

    Like

  9. Carp! Bass! Snapper! Marlin!
    I’m going to be out of town next week and I don’t know if I will have internet! I”m going to miss Mother using Fran’s props on June!! I’m going to miss Fibroid Marvin!!
    Blowfish!

    Like

  10. Ohmygod, Hulk. You really are a gem. Even if you are Republican. I might even be able to overlook that for a guy who puts the dishes in the dishwasher!
    I often tell people to imagine the kid Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoon? That’s my husband. I can spend 5 hours cleaning up the house and within 10 minutes of him being home, it’s all undone. Clothes on the bedroom floor, crap all over the counters, crumbs all over the kitchen, the mail strewn everywhere, stuff all over the coffee table, and the list goes on and on and on.
    I learned that he really just doesn’t care if things are neat, I’m the one who cares about that, so it doesn’t work to nag or even point it out. Learned to pick my battles, as it were!

    Like

  11. I just let the dogs lick the plates and put them back in the cupboard. I also kiss the dogs on their cute lips.

    Like

  12. Hulk, you are cracking me up! I double dog dare you to put that on match.com, just to see how many comments you get.
    My husband says he doesn’t want to put the dishes in the dishwasher because he never knows if they are dirty or clean. I had to point out to him that our dishwasher flashes a CLEAN sign when it’s done. He’s still clueless.
    And speaking of appliances, my new washer and dryer were delivered today! I can’t wait to dry a load of clothes in under 2 hours.
    June, I know next week will be hard for you, but wonderful things are headed your way. I’m glad your mom is coming to take care of you.

    Like

  13. Only if you quit putting out, Amish…

    Like

  14. Only if you quit putting out, Amish…

    Like

  15. Only if you quit putting out, Amish…

    Like

  16. Am I the only here who is the culprit leaving dirty dishes in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher? Every. single. night. when my partner suggests life would be much easier if I would just put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher, I say very, very earnestly, “I know, I know, I don’t know why I’m so bad at that. I’m gonna try to start doing that; it does keep things cleaner.” My strategy works because he always ends up putting the dishes in the dishwasher.
    Ima gonna go run and hide now from all you good people who do the right thing.

    Like

  17. Hulk, quit your whining and drop the mouse and get out of the house. You certainly won’t find her at home. Well, I mean with Mom you did but…..

    Like

  18. Two things that people say that drive me BATTY are “tenant” when they mean “tenet” (The president of our multi-national company thought she was being Miss Smarty-Pants when she tried to use that word – wrong. Made me despise her even more!) and using “supposably” instead of “supposedly”.
    Sometimes you have to go through a period of supreme suckyness to get to a better place in life. I think you’re on your way to that better place!

    Like

  19. DH and I sat in counseling this week and argued this very point. My issue is he NEVER helps around the house. (I work part time). His issue is, “I work full time, that’s my job. I shouldn’t have to help at home.” UGH. Does Marvin need a roommate?

    Like

  20. it’s not fair that you have so much free mulch and I have to go spend $150 to buy a bunch of it today. will be praying for you on April 1

    Like

  21. Hulk (It was FIVE EFFING DEGREES here this morning when I dropped Hulkette off at school. Effing state SUCKS MY ASS!!) says:

    I knew my ironic sarcasm would not be lost on you, Fur…
    Match.Com profile:
    “Hi ladies! Dishes in the sink drive me batty. I’m into crafting, scrapbooking and walking little dogs! Looking for someone to go salsa dancing with!”
    I’d have to kick my OWN ass…

    Like

  22. Hulk (It was FIVE EFFING DEGREES here this morning when I dropped Hulkette off at school. Effing state SUCKS MY ASS!!) says:

    I knew my ironic sarcasm would not be lost on you, Fur…
    Match.Com profile:
    “Hi ladies! Dishes in the sink drive me batty. I’m into crafting, scrapbooking and walking little dogs! Looking for someone to go salsa dancing with!”
    I’d have to kick my OWN ass…

    Like

  23. Hulk (It was FIVE EFFING DEGREES here this morning when I dropped Hulkette off at school. Effing state SUCKS MY ASS!!) says:

    I knew my ironic sarcasm would not be lost on you, Fur…
    Match.Com profile:
    “Hi ladies! Dishes in the sink drive me batty. I’m into crafting, scrapbooking and walking little dogs! Looking for someone to go salsa dancing with!”
    I’d have to kick my OWN ass…

    Like

  24. I don’t have a dishwasher and only own three plates so that’s trained me to wash up after myself more than anything else. Saucer-sized portions are not so fun.
    Love that you’re having a beautiful spring. Hope you enjoy your hotel days and can come back hope feeling ready for a fresh start.
    Hulk, “Dishes in the sink drive me BATTY!” needs to be on the front page of your match.com profile 😀

    Like

  25. I cannot help but marvel that you are getting a painful growth removed on the same day that your fibroids are getting an eviction notice. Awesome.
    Wait…maybe I reversed those. Nope. Looks right to me.

    Like

  26. Zadge, in the past seven days I have had two interviews, two doctor appointments (including a biopsy) (it is standard procedure before they remove the fibroid–the doctor said he would be shocked if it came back as anything), a vet appointment and a mountain of wood chips in my lawn. Life is stupid. Anyway, I am nervous as a ferret waiting for either place to call me and say, You are HIRED! But then I worry about what if BOTH places want to hire me? Which do I chose? Because I am a positive thinker that way.

    Like

  27. Helen who cannot believe Marvin doesn't wash the dishes OR use the dishwasher. It should be mandatory to do one. says:

    Do you people not realize that in order for June to wipe Fran down with anything, she’s going to have to invest in those special gloves AND some tranquilizers.
    June, it’s still your day honey. April 1, the day you got rid of all the fools in your life.

    Like

  28. Helen who cannot believe Marvin doesn't wash the dishes OR use the dishwasher. It should be mandatory to do one. says:

    Do you people not realize that in order for June to wipe Fran down with anything, she’s going to have to invest in those special gloves AND some tranquilizers.
    June, it’s still your day honey. April 1, the day you got rid of all the fools in your life.

    Like

  29. Helen who cannot believe Marvin doesn't wash the dishes OR use the dishwasher. It should be mandatory to do one. says:

    Do you people not realize that in order for June to wipe Fran down with anything, she’s going to have to invest in those special gloves AND some tranquilizers.
    June, it’s still your day honey. April 1, the day you got rid of all the fools in your life.

    Like

  30. I sure do love your dishes, those swirly pink plates and perfect-sized teal mugs. I also wish my sink EVER had that few dishes in it. And yes, we do have a dishwasher, and we use it, but the sink is a continual staging area for the things that don’t go in the dishwasher.
    Next week sounds pretty stressful for you. I’m glad your mom is coming to help you be good to yourself.

    Like

  31. You know, LAST April Fool’s Day was my Uncle Jim’s funeral. So last year, I was all, “This year my holiday sucks. But NEXT year I can have fun.”
    Yeah.
    Maybe God is sick to death of my jokes.

    Like

  32. Love, love, love the flowers. And the pretty dogwoods. I’m still waiting for our flowers to pop up and show their pretty faces, but I’m thinking it’s not going to happen (again) because it’s Florida and though today is beautiful, it soon will be sweaty-hot.
    I’m so sorry about the kitties and everything else. But I love the hotel idea! We don’t have a dishwasher and my husband has a thing about using a clean glass every time he gets something to drink, so there are always about six or seven different cups just from him every day in the sink. I don’t know if it would improve even if we did have a dishwasher.

    Like

  33. I follow my own rule of putting things in the dishwasher about 45% of the time, so…yeah.
    I’m glad your mom is taking you out to recoup. That sounds way nicer to me than even hanging out in my own home post-op. It’ll be nice to know that you won’t have a ton of stuff to clean up after laying on the couch for a couple days recovering.

    Like

  34. Rereading…
    Geez. How ‘Bitchy Wife’ do I sound?
    But still…

    Like

  35. Rereading…
    Geez. How ‘Bitchy Wife’ do I sound?
    But still…

    Like

  36. Rereading…
    Geez. How ‘Bitchy Wife’ do I sound?
    But still…

    Like

  37. IT’S NOT A “MAN THING”!!
    HATE when you people do that…
    Junie, other than the both of us being puke-out-your-nose funny and devastatingly good-looking, the only other thing we have in common is that dish thing. That would drive me BATTY!

    Like

  38. IT’S NOT A “MAN THING”!!
    HATE when you people do that…
    Junie, other than the both of us being puke-out-your-nose funny and devastatingly good-looking, the only other thing we have in common is that dish thing. That would drive me BATTY!

    Like

  39. IT’S NOT A “MAN THING”!!
    HATE when you people do that…
    Junie, other than the both of us being puke-out-your-nose funny and devastatingly good-looking, the only other thing we have in common is that dish thing. That would drive me BATTY!

    Like

  40. Signature line continued…”pull out dead trees from the ground after a near miss tornado. Can Peg do THAT? Probably.”

    Like

  41. Amish Annie is obssessed with neighbor Peg. Maybe it's because I would never be comfortable asking my neighbors to assist in painting. Although any one of them would be happy to pull your kid's car out of the ditch or spread gravel in your driveway or pu says:

    And Peg has a pretty dual color dogwood that coordinates nicely with your purple dogwood? Is there ANYTHING that woman can’t do?

    Like

  42. Amish Annie is obssessed with neighbor Peg. Maybe it's because I would never be comfortable asking my neighbors to assist in painting. Although any one of them would be happy to pull your kid's car out of the ditch or spread gravel in your driveway or pu says:

    And Peg has a pretty dual color dogwood that coordinates nicely with your purple dogwood? Is there ANYTHING that woman can’t do?

    Like

  43. Amish Annie is obssessed with neighbor Peg. Maybe it's because I would never be comfortable asking my neighbors to assist in painting. Although any one of them would be happy to pull your kid's car out of the ditch or spread gravel in your driveway or pu says:

    And Peg has a pretty dual color dogwood that coordinates nicely with your purple dogwood? Is there ANYTHING that woman can’t do?

    Like

  44. When I went through my divorce many moons ago, I took a picture of my face when a particularly bad exchange of words took place. I did that so I would never forget why we were getting divorced. There were times I’d get nostalgic and think about the good times. Then I’d refer to that photo. That would snap me out in a hurry.
    Marvin’s leaving and your fibroid removal should not alter your love of your favorite holiday. April Fool’s Day is your day! Granted, this year kind of sucks. Next year, that my dear, will be your year!
    How much do I love June’s mom? June’s mom, I’m sending you hugs. I hope you like them.

    Like

  45. Well June at least you are getting rid of the crappy, not needed parts in your life all on one day. Except for the cats. Sorry about that. But Marvin and the fibroids are outta there! Good riddance. And no more dishes in the sink. That’s a perk.
    My husband can’t even find the sink. Or he finds it and then just sticks something in it on top of something else, all junky. At least stack the dirty dishes so they look nice. That’s the OCD talking. But hey, after 30 years of marriage, you’d think he would get it already!
    Love Paula – kills me everytime. Like a nitecap after a June dinner.

    Like

  46. Look on the bright side, you get to keep all your girlie parts!

    Like

  47. After my DH’s divorce from his first marriage, he said the most surprising thing about living alone was coming home from work and finding the house exactly as he left it that morning.
    I’m sure Marvin will have the same rude awakening when no one cleans up after him.

    Like

  48. After my DH’s divorce from his first marriage, he said the most surprising thing about living alone was coming home from work and finding the house exactly as he left it that morning.
    I’m sure Marvin will have the same rude awakening when no one cleans up after him.

    Like

  49. After my DH’s divorce from his first marriage, he said the most surprising thing about living alone was coming home from work and finding the house exactly as he left it that morning.
    I’m sure Marvin will have the same rude awakening when no one cleans up after him.

    Like

  50. Hey, at least Marvin puts the dirty dishes in the sink. My husband leaves a partial glass of juice on the kitchen counter e.v.e.r.y night. And every morning before I get up a cat knocks that glass off the counter. Grrrr. Cranberry-grape juice everywhere!

    Like

  51. And don’t imagine for a second that I have my family trained!! F*uckers. Do not get me started. The dishwasher is just the tip of the household crime iceberg.

    Like

  52. And don’t imagine for a second that I have my family trained!! F*uckers. Do not get me started. The dishwasher is just the tip of the household crime iceberg.

    Like

  53. And don’t imagine for a second that I have my family trained!! F*uckers. Do not get me started. The dishwasher is just the tip of the household crime iceberg.

    Like

  54. I have never seen Arthur, so I’m left out a bit — but the quotes do still seem appropriate, and I can giggle nonetheless. June, I’m hopeful that the fibroid removal and dirty dish removal will also signify all bad things being removed. Here’s to a fresh, clean, fibroid-free start! (Man, I should totally write slogans for cleaning supplies, don’t you think?)

    Like

  55. I’ve begun to wonder if someone goes around telling small boy children that there is a monster living in the dishwasher that will eat their man bits if they so much as look at said dishwasher, such is the level of loading avoidance. That being said, my husband has been known to unload it once clean, and oddly enough, pull dirty dishes out, hand wash them, use them, and then leave them in the sink. Upon being questioned about it, he told me he does it “So there will be fewer dirty dishes.” and gives me the “it’s cute when women try to think” look. I keep him because he’s pretty.

    Like

  56. Hobson!! I used one of his lines after I told someone how to accurately forge a signature. As I was leaving, I said, “Good luck in prison” and then I giggled all day over it.

    Like

  57. Hobson!! I used one of his lines after I told someone how to accurately forge a signature. As I was leaving, I said, “Good luck in prison” and then I giggled all day over it.

    Like

  58. Hobson!! I used one of his lines after I told someone how to accurately forge a signature. As I was leaving, I said, “Good luck in prison” and then I giggled all day over it.

    Like

  59. Ah, the sink and the dishwasher problem. I have that too – but thought (hoped) that it was just a teenage boy thing. Apparently not.
    I am allergic to cats too, June (even though we also have three!) I have learned over the years that I have to keep their dander under control. I usually train my kittens when they are young that they need to get used to being bathed. This has worked well for me until our last cat, Jack, who goes absolutely insane around water. It is truly impossible to bathe that cat and I’m guessing that Francis would be similarly impossible. My solution has been wiping him down frequently with baby wipes. It works. You might try that with Fran….

    Like

  60. Beverly (who also lives in the South and knows how beautiful those trees really are in real life right now) says:

    P.S. I’ll be thinking warm fuzzy thoughts for you that next Thursday is less sucky than it sounds like it’s going to be. But I’m not sending you hugs since you don’t like those.

    Like

  61. June, I’m just sad for what you are going through, especially the part about Winston and Henry moving.
    The best part is the fibroids will be moving, too. And, your mother coming to town to take care of you in a fancy hotel.
    Not only will it be April Fools Day, April 1st will be a new beginning for you. We are all rooting for you!

    Like

  62. Beverly (who also lives in the South and knows how beautiful those trees really are in real life right now) says:

    Oh yes. The dishes in the sink. Definitely one thing I don’t miss about my ex-husband. Our dishwasher was located as close as yours. I tried for 10 years to train him and never succeeded.
    I am now with a man that hand washes every single glass, spoon, bowl, etc. as soon as he’s done with it and I tell him he can just stick stuff in the dishwasher. He says he doesn’t want to leave dirty dishes for me EVEN IN THE DISHWASHER. Yes, I’m going to marry him at some point because I’m not an idiot and no, I’m afraid he doesn’t have an available brother. Now if I can just get him back here in the same country as me….. (He’s also Brazilian and, therefore, hot. He just happens to be in Brazil right now.)

    Like

  63. Paula, I should have used a line from Arthur yesterday during Frannys humiliation: If I begin to die, please remove this from my head. I do not wish to be remembered this way.

    Like

  64. My cousin is recently divorced and has lifted her spirits considerably during the hard times by remembering, “I NEVER HAVE TO BUY AN ONION AGAIN!” Damn straight.

    Like

  65. BECAUSE MY FATHER IS DEATHLY ALLERGIC. I dont even know if Fran will work out. And will everyone PLEASE stop with the cats thing? The cats part is the worst part. Obviously I would keep them if I could. You all know how I love them.

    Like

  66. Remind us again why Marv gets the cats? They are your pets too, and it’s terribly stressful to up and move animals, AND lose a parent all at once. I think you should hide the cats in the dishwasher Marv cant seem to find until he leaves. He’ll never think to look there…

    Like

  67. Oh! I forgot to put in my post that when the nurse called to schedule my surgery I told her, This is perfect! Now on April Fools Day I can call everyone and tell them I died! And…crickets. She had quite the sense of humor on her, that one. Are you CERTAIN you want to be a nightclub comedian?

    Like

  68. Now I have to go up and re-read the happy bloomy part of the post to make up for the Marv and his stupid dirty dishes part. Why is he doing all this? He had such potential.
    I just feel such sadness and disappointment regarding Marvin now.
    And now April Fools Day is going to be tainted with memories of the fibroids and Marvin leaving.

    Like

  69. Mr Let’s Drive Two Days For A Fucking Rush Concert But I Can’t Quite Reach The Dishwasher’s body would already be in the wood chip pile if I had to deal with his dishes every effin day. I’m just saying. You are a saint.

    Like

  70. Mr Let’s Drive Two Days For A Fucking Rush Concert But I Can’t Quite Reach The Dishwasher’s body would already be in the wood chip pile if I had to deal with his dishes every effin day. I’m just saying. You are a saint.

    Like

  71. Mr Let’s Drive Two Days For A Fucking Rush Concert But I Can’t Quite Reach The Dishwasher’s body would already be in the wood chip pile if I had to deal with his dishes every effin day. I’m just saying. You are a saint.

    Like

Comments are closed.