Tonight Marvin and I are going to see Prince. I know! But he's in town and we both like Prince and what can I tell you. I am doubting at any point in the night Marvin is going to look over at me and realize he only wants to see me bathing in the purple rain. But maybe he'll buy me a t-shirt.

In the meantime, we have to fill out a separation agreement this weekend, where we agree to divide everything up. I plan to take him for all his millions.

I totally deserve the house in the Hamptons.

Anyway, so far we are doing well on not arguing about who gets what. There is nothing that either of us is overly attached to, or that we aren't willing to part with if the other wants it. I was searching for an earring under the bed yesterday (don't ask) and I realized I would no longer have guitars under my bed and it was sort of exciting. Also, there will no longer be mysterious black cords in every.single.drawer, which I will enjoy mightily.

Why do men need so many black cords? Why aren't said cords ATTACHED to things? Are they backup emergency cords?

I did not fight Marvin on all of his Matchbox cars that he had lined up around the little ledge between the wall and the ceiling in the back room. He did not ask for the dogs playing poker picture. He's letting me keep a framed picture of his grandmother–she was the bomb.

So, I hope we stay civil. I hope I don't turn into Loni Anderson. I mean, in every way.

And be sure to give me a TON of unsolicited advice on this. Thanks.

In the meantime, you can't be depressed when this song is playing. By the way, have you seen my light-blue suit with the clouds?

P.S. Twelvedays, Siren, Kelly, and regular Joann are all comments of the week. Click This Week's Special on the right column to see.

 

72 thoughts on “If you know what I’m singing about up here, come on raise your hand

  1. So, how was Prince, June? My friend, Chris, the DJ said it was “epic” on FB.

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  2. June Gardens says:

    Tarva,
    I asked if I could keep those pictures and Marvin said yes. Win for June, over here!
    I am glad youre back, as I have wondered about June the dog. Am so glad she is a hypochondriac.
    XO,
    June the person

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  3. Tarva says:

    June, I have to say I went away from reading blogs and such for a long time. I am the one who named my rescue puppy June. And just so you know June goes to the vet as much as you go to the doctor. She is a special little thing that is allergic to everything. Drama queen over here has had two major illnesses and survived them both. My son and I have a joke when something is wrong with her we say typical June as we both know we are comparing her to you.
    I just read about Marvin moving out and I am sick about it. I want to say I’m sorry even though it is a bit late.
    When I was a faithful reader (I am again now) I would have my son read all the funny stuff. Last night he came in the room as I was reading and so I told him about Marvin leaving. He wanted me to ask you who gets all the pictures of the people you don’t know. He thinks the pictures are the coolest and he and his 16yo friends now frequent the thrift and antique stores looking for pictures.

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  4. Lenette says:

    Did Prince ever get his double hip replacement? I remember reading that he was in a lot of pain in 2009.

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  5. Target Steve and Beth, good luck at Disney this week. It’s spring break time over in the magic park and it is MADNESS. I don’t have any plans to go this week, but if my Disney freak family forces me into going next weekend, I’ll give you a shout out on the Pie, here.
    I don’t mind being OJ. Kind of allows me to put a positive spin on the name. But if I’m creeping you guys out, I’ll be glad to rename myself, if anyone has suggestions?

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  6. Anita, it was Equus.
    Thanks, Paula! I was marlining on the oversight. My doc suggests melatonin or magnesium for the insomnia. But she also gave me Ambien for the days when that won’t work. *sigh* It’s the hormones apparently, but like Duffylou, I’ve suffered my whole life.

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  7. Paula, H&B says:

    Mea culpa, Furry. I forgot it was still Lent. What I meant, of course, was “BLUEFISH, I didn’t realize that was age-related, too!”

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  8. Paula, H&B says:

    Mea culpa, Furry. I forgot it was still Lent. What I meant, of course, was “BLUEFISH, I didn’t realize that was age-related, too!”

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  9. Paula, H&B says:

    Mea culpa, Furry. I forgot it was still Lent. What I meant, of course, was “BLUEFISH, I didn’t realize that was age-related, too!”

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  10. Oh god Beth, that was hilarious. I can’t stop thinking about Harry Potter naked now like when he was in that play with the horse. What was that called? Can’t think of it, my head is pounding.

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  11. Beth, you Cougar you.
    And yeah, when I see “OJ” I think of Orenthal James Simpson, who I had dinner with one night before he became a (allegedly) killer.

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  12. Mrs. Oh says:

    Great. Now I am going to worry that someone licked June’s tookus in the assless pants and that she is stuck to some pole somewhere.

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  13. Hulk (Steve's wife Beth--such language...) says:

    “Riding Harry Potter…”
    Dying…

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  14. outkast lee says:

    i don’t how you should go about it, but you need to do something to make marvin cry like a little bitch.

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  15. Letha, says:

    Target Steve and Beth, have a blast!
    RJ, June is not angry about the name similarities, just that she feels we have called her out on a MINISCULE oversight, when in truth we were all just trying to give credit to the right commenter for this MOST coveted weekly award. And congrats, by the way.
    Can’t wait for the PRINCE details.

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  16. Steve wears red and khaki every day. Steve’s assumption about which team Prince plays on was based on the well-known fact that Prince *gasp* wears purple.
    He will also be pointing out this week that Mickey doesn’t have a shirt on, and Donald isn’t wearing pants.
    I’ll be at Universal riding Harry Potter.

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  17. Amish Annie, did I type f*uck the correct Pie way? I get confused with all this grammar. says:

    Target Steve, Prince is totally straight. It’s just that he appeals to both men and women because he is one hot Mother-F*ucker.
    June, you MUST share all the details with us on the Prince concert, you lucky girl you. *sigh*.
    Prince singing Foo Fighters halftime at the Super Bowl a couple years ago was sssssizzling.
    Oh, I could go on and on about Prince….yummy. Who likes Prince?…I do. Who thinks Prince would be the BOMB in, uh, a particular way?…I do.

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  18. sooo…should I change my name to Captain Awesome or Miss America? Because June seems angry about the
    similarity between MY name and Joann’s name, which happen to be exactly the same. And the point is, I don’t want to make June ANGRY, despite my flagrant disregard for grammar and spelling.
    Also, being called OJ freaks me out. I thought he was guilty.

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  19. AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRG! Prince and the Revolution sure did love themselves some puffy pirate shirts back in the day.
    Why do you ladies always love the guys that play for the other team? Just because you can double your wardrobe of cheekless pants?
    Beth and I are off to Orlando tomorrow for the week, so maybe we will see a celebrity like Dwight Howard, Mickey Mouse, or original Joann.

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  20. arlene, not wearing pants (I'm wearing a SKIRT Hulk! Get your mind out of the gutter!) (But I love ya anyway) says:

    June, if you are wearing your beloved assless pants, I hope it is warmer in your part of the country. Up here you would freeze your exposed parts off! Other than that, have fun.

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  21. Tammi V.V. - glad to be back on land where internet access is cheap says:

    I’m with Duffy on this one – Darling Nikki is the best! Have fun tonight, June…

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  22. Linda in CO says:

    Pal, I have one word for you…Ambien. I am the world’s biggest anti-drug, but days of staring at the clock all night convinced me to try some of those magic little pills the doctor had given me after surgery last year. They only give me 6 hours uninterrupted sleep, but I can at least survive on that. I am down to my last 5 pills and have a physical scheduled for next week in hopes I can convince my PCP to renew the prescription. Let me know if you find any non-pharmaceutic relief.

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  23. Dang! I love Prince! Too.
    Jeezum, how old is he in this vid? Twelve? “Back in the day” was a better day with blue skies and puffy clouds. Prince was our Beebs, but with super-rad asymmetric hair, a suit made outta my sister’s sheets, a much darker side than Usher, and enough…UNH!…rhythm to make this flash mob of white people dance like he had em on strings.
    So dance like a monkey tonight and sing all the songs!

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  24. Duffylou - see? i told you not to google the lyrics. says:

    Prince. Squee! Have an awesome time!nBeing the skank that I am, my favorite Prince song is Darling Nikki. If you are religious or a devoted family person, please don’t Google the lyrics.
    Paula, I’ve had insomnia off and on all of my life. It doesn’t just hit ladies in our forties or fifties.

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  25. Mary Ellen from Napa says:

    I admire the level of maturity with which you are handling the separation. I especially admire it because you will never see me attain it. I’d be smashing his guitars in the driveway, if it were me. But then, I’m demure that way when I’m angry…
    You rock!

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  26. June Gardens says:

    Oh for heavens sake. I call her Regular Joann on my blog post, and her links are both to Regular Joann. The only place I messed it up was in the intro in the This Weeks Special page, because I was in the middle of doing all that linkage. SUE ME! SUEEEEE MEEEEEE. Okay, Marvin and I have to get on our matching assless pants for the concert.

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  27. PJ says have a gonzo time at the concert. says:

    Thanks for clearing that up, original Joann. I saw it attributed to you and then saw it signed by regular Joann, so confused is what I was.

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  28. I guess I should go along with all this being civil business and I would if you had kids but since you don’t why don’t you just embrace being bitchy – sorry but I think Marvin is an ass. Have fun with Prince.

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  29. Joan in NV whose heart leaped when she saw regular Joann's name says:

    Love me some Prince, in anything or nothing. Besides being just plain HOT, he works a mean guitar and love me some guitar men. Not yours, June. Guitar men like Clapton, Knopfler and He of Yellow Framed Tushy. Have fun and take a hanky to wipe up the drool.
    Hulk, Janice on Friends was even SLUTTIER. She did all the Boy Friends. Annoying ho.

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  30. Ok, first of all, the JoAnn, June speaks of, is not me, it is REGULAR JoAnn and I only wish I had 1/8 of her writing ability and funny bone. Seriously. She should not be regular JoAnn. She should be Awesome JoAnn for her ability to write so eloquently, raise two boys and bake another one in her oven, all at the same time.
    Prince is now a Jehovah’s Witness. And June and I agree that if he ever came knocking on either one of us’s doors, we’d convert. Who cares if they don’t celebrate birthdays or Christmas, you’d have Prince in your church and that is like Christmas every day. And OMG! Prince’s acoustic Little Red Corvette? I melt at the thought.

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  31. Letha, says:

    PRINCE! YAY! Pictures!
    And, just for tonight, you guys party like it’s nine-teen nine-ty nine.

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  32. Jeanie says:

    I absolutely love that little prince! Have you seen him in his buttless yellow jumpsuit? Sorry I can’t remember what song he sang wearing it. Guess I was too distracted. Anyway, enjoy the carp out of the concert!

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  33. Maybe I need to stop hanging out here in Pieland. I’ve just started the insomnia thing in the last month and it’s not working for me.
    How do you all not get sick? I’m walking around over here like a zombie with swollen glands in my neck trying not to get sick AGAIN. Ack.
    I take my vitamins and minimums, too. I just can’t sleep.

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  34. Paula H&B beat me to that comment..rats

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  35. Jess in FL says:

    I find it humorous that the ad running alongside this post was for wedding rings.

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  36. Jan says:

    GAH!!!!!!!!! The black cords!!!!!!!!! Every.effing.where. Why?!?!?!
    Have fun at Prince.

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  37. Hooray for people being adult and mature about breaking up. I hope you have a great time at the concert.

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  38. Paula, H&B says:

    Well, SHIT, Furry!! I didn’t realize that was age-related, too!

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  39. Paula, H&B says:

    Well, SHIT, Furry!! I didn’t realize that was age-related, too!

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  40. Paula, H&B says:

    Well, SHIT, Furry!! I didn’t realize that was age-related, too!

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  41. Amy from MD says:

    I am confused. Is Prince coughing a plot point? And if it’s not, why is it in the video?

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  42. Women in their forties and fifties, Paula. *sigh*

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  43. Katie D. says:

    Love “Little Red Corvette,” even though I drive a bright yellow Z 🙂

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  44. Paula H&B says:

    There seems to be a lot of us insomniacs among the Piepeople. Piepers? Why is that?

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  45. Paula H&B says:

    There seems to be a lot of us insomniacs among the Piepeople. Piepers? Why is that?

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  46. Paula H&B says:

    There seems to be a lot of us insomniacs among the Piepeople. Piepers? Why is that?

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  47. My neice, Oakleigh, made me go shopping with her when she was in high school. I thought her mother would kill me because I let her buy a purple puffy shirt and tickets for us to go to a Prince concert.
    And Marzipan? Prince is back to being Prince. He took up the symbol because he was fighting with his record label. They kinda’ owned his name for a while so hence the symbols while he was waiting it out.
    Geezus H Cristco I know way too much about someone I never even cared about. Is that where all my brain storage went?

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  48. My neice, Oakleigh, made me go shopping with her when she was in high school. I thought her mother would kill me because I let her buy a purple puffy shirt and tickets for us to go to a Prince concert.
    And Marzipan? Prince is back to being Prince. He took up the symbol because he was fighting with his record label. They kinda’ owned his name for a while so hence the symbols while he was waiting it out.
    Geezus H Cristco I know way too much about someone I never even cared about. Is that where all my brain storage went?

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  49. My neice, Oakleigh, made me go shopping with her when she was in high school. I thought her mother would kill me because I let her buy a purple puffy shirt and tickets for us to go to a Prince concert.
    And Marzipan? Prince is back to being Prince. He took up the symbol because he was fighting with his record label. They kinda’ owned his name for a while so hence the symbols while he was waiting it out.
    Geezus H Cristco I know way too much about someone I never even cared about. Is that where all my brain storage went?

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  50. PJ, that was funny.
    And that music video is heinous. But I do enjoy myself some Prince.

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  51. Arlene says:

    Props to you dear girl. You handle it all with an attractive panache.

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  52. Texas Kari who is glad the Gardens aren't clients of the law firm of That's Mine & This Is Yours says:

    Paula H&B – that quote from When Harry Met Sally has been on my mind ever since June said Marvin was packing – weeks, I tell ya’!!
    That movie lives permanently on my DVR so I can watch it in the middle of the night when I am sofa surfing. I so adore insomnia.

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  53. Texas Kari who is glad the Gardens aren't clients of the law firm of That's Mine & This Is Yours says:

    Paula H&B – that quote from When Harry Met Sally has been on my mind ever since June said Marvin was packing – weeks, I tell ya’!!
    That movie lives permanently on my DVR so I can watch it in the middle of the night when I am sofa surfing. I so adore insomnia.

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  54. Texas Kari who is glad the Gardens aren't clients of the law firm of That's Mine & This Is Yours says:

    Paula H&B – that quote from When Harry Met Sally has been on my mind ever since June said Marvin was packing – weeks, I tell ya’!!
    That movie lives permanently on my DVR so I can watch it in the middle of the night when I am sofa surfing. I so adore insomnia.

    Like

  55. Mother says:

    I laughed so hard I cried at OJ’s comment. I missed it the first time around. This cup system has worked for 200 years and it can continue to work, dammit. It does for my bras anyway.

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  56. sandra says:

    Good for you for keeping it civil! Looks like you have everything handled and really don’t need any advice from us. I hope you have a great time tonight!

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  57. PJ says have a gonzo time at the concert. says:

    OJ’s comment of the week sounds like a Miss America contestant answering an interview question.

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  58. austrian marzipan who has no idea if he calls himself prince again?the symbol? midget king? says:

    i knew he’d take your earrings….maybe he plans to wear them tonight for prince. count your necklaces and eyeshadows is all i’m saying….oh….yeah…and have fun:)

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  59. Nithya says:

    Of course you need that many backup emergency cords. Your home might get an infestation of cord-eating termites, every appliance deserves to have Formal Cords for those special occassions and don’t forget: You are totally one day I promise going to get around to fixing that appliance from the early 90s that your SO wanted to throw away.

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  60. Misti says:

    Jealous! Have fun at the concert. Don’t forget to wear your raspberry beret.

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  61. Lisa in TX says:

    Not to be all uplifting and encouraging or anything, but I hope Prince actually shows up for his concert there in your part of the world. He let a lot of Dallas fans down when he didn’t show up at his $1500 per ticket Super Bowl party or whatever it was. It was during that freaky bout of bad weather which was actually brought upon us by Jerry Jones and all his bad mojo.

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  62. I LOVE PRINCE! Have a fun time!

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  63. Linda in CO, who worked in IT back in the Y2K days and heard 1999 waaayyy too many times says:

    Now I have to Google Prince to see how he has aged. He had such an interesting look back in the day.

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  64. susan, wanting to move back to MI, believe it or not! says:

    O.M.G. JEALOUS!
    LOVE me some Prince, would do him in a minute, his royal shortness and all!
    I hope he does the acoustic version of Little Red Corvette for you…. that is too sexy!

    Like

  65. Lisa says:

    Cosmo’s Dad… you’re a punny one.
    Will the HFKAM find himself represented as a symbol? Or how about a series of symbols… for example $%@#%&*

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  66. Sadie hopes you two can remain friendly. says:

    Good for you and Marvin. Both for going to the concert together and being civil. Thankfully, my first husband and I were also civil in dividing everything and that made it easier. Of course, it helped that we didn’t have that much to begin with. And, Paula, we did not have the Roy Rogers, garage sale coffee table to fight over. Things could have been ugly, otherwise. “You take it!” “No, you take it!” “I insist that you take it!” We would have had to split that coffee table in half.

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  67. Hulk (That chick playing acoustic reminds of that girl Kathy that was first Joey's girlfriend and then Chandler's on 'Friends'...slut.) says:

    Prince sounds like he was sucking on helium balloons in that video…

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  68. I WILL NOT give you any (more) advice on how you handle your marital situation.
    Except to say that you should totally fight for the black cords and Matchbox cars.

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  69. Paula, H&B says:

    I predict you will have fun with the Husband Formerly Known as Marvin.
    And I’m glad you’re not arguing over the stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale COFFEE TABLE.

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  70. Paula, H&B says:

    I predict you will have fun with the Husband Formerly Known as Marvin.
    And I’m glad you’re not arguing over the stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale COFFEE TABLE.

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  71. Paula, H&B says:

    I predict you will have fun with the Husband Formerly Known as Marvin.
    And I’m glad you’re not arguing over the stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale COFFEE TABLE.

    Like

  72. Cosmo's Dad I have jeans too... says:

    2000 lbs….. I have a pair of black cords and another in tan.

    Like

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