Somebody broke into my work email and sent all sorts of girl-on-girl action emails to my old bosses and such. Nice. I am certain my conservative female choirmember ex-boss has always wanted to see Lez2LoveYou2, and now it has been added to her repertoire. Can it live up to the original, is what all the … Continue reading June 2 Love You
Oh, isn't this the best day ever?! When my alarm went off at 4:50, Tallulah was all, "You have got to be joking." She lifted her head off the pillow, rolled her eyes at me, and went back to bed. Edsel followed me because he has the energy of 10 hummingbirds. Anyway, I got on … Continue reading Goin’ to the chapel. Which is 8593055 miles long.
In an effort to avoid doing my statistics textbook proofreading, which by the way I have already spent more than FIFTY HOURS on already, I finally fixed the webcam: Except the part where I haven't figured out how to make the pictures not Lilliputian. Anyway, two years of old web photos came rushing at … Continue reading Come back tomorrow for wedding talk
Yesterday the phone rang in Massachusetts. "Hello?" said my Pal from MA, who is the more normal of the two of us. Which, let's face it, is not that ringing of an endorsement of her normalness. "Can you hear me?" I whispered. "Yes," said Pal wearily. We have been friends since we were toddlers. [Then] … Continue reading My Little Chickadee
Yesturday wake up. Normal day. Stretsh claws to see they still there. Yes. shiney. Jump up to bowl. Where fud? Where fud? Where fud? Where fud? Where wawter? Where fud? Wawter? Fud? Fud? Fud? Fud? Big hair come in. Stop mowin fran. She say. Vet coming and you cant have fud. Where fud? Where fud? … Continue reading FfRan hAtE yoU aLL yOu (a guest post by Francis)
I decided what made me ill yesterday was taking my two iron pills way too close together on Sunday. Since I was all busy getting ready and visiting God and everything, I forgot to take it till late afternoon, then I took the other one before bed, and my stomach was all, "WHAAAT? I'm coming … Continue reading Ferrous Sulfate’s Day Off
Today I woke up sick and almost barfed. You know I do not barf. I have no idea what I did wrong. Am trying to think of this as a cleansing weight loss program. Talk at you tomorrow. IF I LIVE.
Laura and I went to church today, and yes I DO realize she just picked me up at PetSmart a few weeks ago and now here we are spending major holidays together already. We went to Mosaic Church, which is a church specifically aimed at getting people of all colors to come. Hence the name. … Continue reading Edsel’s fur has risen today
I want you all to dry your tears and carry on like adults, but Juice has won the inflatable toast. Last night before I went to bed, I ran the random number generator to see who'd win at that time? And it was Juice. Then today, when I had the official number of comments? Juice … Continue reading Giving and mostly getting
I HAVE A JOB! A JOB! A jay oh beee! Oh, what a relief. And yes, it is at the place that fed me ice cream during the interview. Yay! I will get fatter than ever! I start May 2, which in case you hadn't noticed is Monday after next. I had five months of … Continue reading June is no longer a drain on society. Well. Sort of.
In the same place I found my glamor shots from the other day, I also found these: June-being-doted-on-by-her-grandparents-on-her-sixth-birthday shots. First of all, nice secondhand smoke. All my grandparents smoked, and I am certain I was up to at least a pack a day by age six. Also? I have this same hairdo right now. Have … Continue reading June at six
Oh, thank all that is holy and merciful: I just checked my cash sitchyachun, and my two Unemployment checks were put in my account overnight and I am RICH again! Yay! What a relief. At least they act quickly once you talk to them. And they're always pleasant. You'd think they might be, you know, … Continue reading Forgetting 38 Pounds
Okay, so I just noticed I had $97 in checking. It's okay, though, because of the $9 I have in savings. Holy crap. Apparently Unemployment has not been paying me, and for those of you not on Unemployment, and God love ya, here is what they do. They do not TELL you there is an … Continue reading Wait Until June Flushes
I cannot blog today because I am freelancing on-site all day. As opposed to the outta site proofreading I usually do. BAH! Anyway, because I have to go shower and put on real clothes (as opposed to the virtual clothes I keep putting on daily, and why do I continue to get arrested, I wonder?), … Continue reading Cause I’m free! Freelancing!
Yesterday I hauled myself out to Raleigh, there, to get my roots done because I was rootin' out. If I were in a garden, I'd be one of the root vegetables. If I were having a good time, it'd be a rootin' tootin' one. I would be the home team, because someone has clearly been … Continue reading This story blows
I went to drag queen bingo last night and I am a WINNAH! WINNAH! How much do you wish I'd stop saying WINNAH!? Enclosed please find a photo Marty Martin took with his cell phone of me up there on stage winning my $30.69, and also of me getting to stand next to Big Shirley, … Continue reading $30.69 richer
When I was 15 or 16, I went to visit my father in Dallas, and he took me to the studio where he worked as a photographer. His friends got me all dressed up in the fancy clothes and jewelry there, and his model friend did my makeup, and his photographer best friend took these … Continue reading In which June consumes butter pecan at a job interview
I was in the yard raking feathers, as you do, because this happened: Does anyone remember when Tallulah used to be the jerky dog? Do you? Remember when she ate my Chicago Manual of Style? And my favorite childhood book that is irreplaceable? And JUST when she was getting normal, WHAT did I do? I … Continue reading Winging it
My blog is pink now. In case you hadn't noticed. Here is my favorite song, Pink Moon, to celebrate it. Yay. Please note I did not spell it "yeah," "yea" or "ya." Heavens, people's Facebook updates irritate me. And speaking of my signature color, Miss Doxie made a blush and bashful picture of Edsel, … Continue reading Pink pink pink pink. Pink blog.
Okay, I just totally tried to invent a Bye Bye, Pie gang sign, then forgot the web camera would reverse and I hate myself. Hate white ungangy self. Word. I am June Gardens. Yo. I started a blog in 2007 in Los Angeles because I was going to go a year without spending any money. … Continue reading Your Hostess