I HAVE A JOB!
A jay oh beee!
Oh, what a relief. And yes, it is at the place that fed me ice cream during the interview. Yay! I will get fatter than ever!
I start May 2, which in case you hadn't noticed is Monday after next. I had five months of the days yawning before me with nothing to do, and all of a sudden my life is in a whirlwind. The Wicked Witch of the West is bicycling past my house, I'm telling you.
First of all, I must proofread that statistics textbook, which is one of the difficult text-y ones with line numbers and such that will take me 700 hours. Also too, Ima buy this house. I already talked to a real estate agent and a lawyer and to Marvin, and if everything works out, I can make it so just my name is on the title.
June Gardens. Land owner.
This means my father will not move in, which is sad because it was going to be fun to have him move in, but really, how sexy is it to be 45 and living with your dad? Plus also, I didn't want us to move in together and have us end up hating each other. We haven't lived together in a long time. I'd like to keep our relationship good. However, he might visit, because he promised me a bacon, lettuce and fried green tomato sandwich and I would like to hold him to that promise.
Now, I know what you may be thinking. "Oh, good! She can get her cats back!"
Yeah. No. I'm not gonna do that.
Every time I think about Henry and Winston, it's like a giant reaches in and grabs my innards out. It is so painful. Winston is the picture on my cell phone wallpaper, and every time I see the picture I get sad, but I am even sadder about taking his sweet picture off.
However, Marvin loves our pets as much as I do. I mean, you only saw my ridiculousness about these pets from my perspective. You never heard him talk to those cats in a high, absurd squeaky voice, or saw him sleep in the crack between the bed and the wall to accommodate all the pets in the bed.
Gee, I wonder why he left?
And he paid a huge deposit to have those cats. Plus, how weird and vengeful and animal hoardery would I be to say, "We had five pets between us and I demand them ALL!"
So he keeps my kitties. Note I just said "my" kitties. Because on the inside I am a weird animal hoarder. But I am trying not to be. Also, I would like to note for the record that Marvin took the good cats and left me with Francis.
I must go and work on that book, and also clean the house because a friend is coming over for dinner tonight. And by that I mean she is bringing over an entire cooked dinner. Am I the most pathetic person you do not know?
Before I go, yesterday in the comments I announced my job-y status and Faithful Reader Jenny suggested that in celebration of my new station in life, I have a giveaway of one of the inflatable items I enjoy so much. I think she was brilliant to think of it.
Therefore, everyone who comments before midnight my time today is in the running to win: