June is no longer a drain on society. Well. Sort of.

I HAVE A JOB!

A JOB!

A jay oh beee!

Oh, what a relief. And yes, it is at the place that fed me ice cream during the interview. Yay! I will get fatter than ever!

I start May 2, which in case you hadn't noticed is Monday after next. I had five months of the days yawning before me with nothing to do, and all of a sudden my life is in a whirlwind. The Wicked Witch of the West is bicycling past my house, I'm telling you.

First of all, I must proofread that statistics textbook, which is one of the difficult text-y ones with line numbers and such that will take me 700 hours. Also too, Ima buy this house. I already talked to a real estate agent and a lawyer and to Marvin, and if everything works out, I can make it so just my name is on the title.

June Gardens. Land owner.

This means my father will not move in, which is sad because it was going to be fun to have him move in, but really, how sexy is it to be 45 and living with your dad? Plus also, I didn't want us to move in together and have us end up hating each other. We haven't lived together in a long time. I'd like to keep our relationship good. However, he might visit, because he promised me a bacon, lettuce and fried green tomato sandwich and I would like to hold him to that promise.

DAD.

Now, I know what you may be thinking. "Oh, good! She can get her cats back!"

Yeah. No. I'm not gonna do that.

Hen
Every time I think about Henry and Winston, it's like a giant reaches in and grabs my innards out. It is so painful. Winston is the picture on my cell phone wallpaper, and every time I see the picture I get sad, but I am even sadder about taking his sweet picture off.

However, Marvin loves our pets as much as I do. I mean, you only saw my ridiculousness about these pets from my perspective. You never heard him talk to those cats in a high, absurd squeaky voice, or saw him sleep in the crack between the bed and the wall to accommodate all the pets in the bed.

Gee, I wonder why he left?

And he paid a huge deposit to have those cats. Plus, how weird and vengeful and animal hoardery would I be to say, "We had five pets between us and I demand them ALL!"

Winnie
So he keeps my kitties. Note I just said "my" kitties. Because on the inside I am a weird animal hoarder. But I am trying not to be. Also, I would like to note for the record that Marvin took the good cats and left me with Francis.

Resent fran resent

I must go and work on that book, and also clean the house because a friend is coming over for dinner tonight. And by that I mean she is bringing over an entire cooked dinner. Am I the most pathetic person you do not know?

Before I go, yesterday in the comments I announced my job-y status and Faithful Reader Jenny suggested that in celebration of my new station in life, I have a giveaway of one of the inflatable items I enjoy so much. I think she was brilliant to think of it.

Therefore, everyone who comments before midnight my time today is in the running to win:

Toast
Inflatable toast! I know! Comment soon!

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

174 thoughts on “June is no longer a drain on society. Well. Sort of.”

  1. So happy that you got the J-O-B. I’ve been on pins and needles for you…understand the heartache with the kitties you definitely need to get kittens in pairs. I am holding at 2 myself only because my family won’t let me get any more–we don’t even have any dogs! I even have names picked out for the next 6 or so. How many more times can I say even?

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  2. Congrats, June! Hope you lurve the new job and still have plenty of time for this blogging thing.
    PS Kittens. Oh, yes.

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  3. New job excitement YAY! Do you get to decorate a new cube? YAY!
    Love the idea to name two new kitties William and Kate.
    Inflatable Grilled Cheezus…BAH!

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  4. INFLATABLE TOAST. My 1 1/2 year old is obsessed with bread. Even if I don’t win it, I will certainly need to know where to get one for him. Congratulations on the job! If it started with an ice cream interview, imagine the possibilities for the future!

    Like

  5. Sadie - Both Delta Dawn and Tomorrow! are included along with Paula H&B's Ting Tang Wally Wally Bing Bang. Let's not forget Siren's It's a fine to leave me, Lucille, with 400 children and a crop in the field. So thanks for that, everyone. says:

    Siren, I have had an entire medley of songs revolving in my head since Monday.

    Like

  6. Sadie - Both Delta Dawn and Tomorrow! are included along with Paula H&B's Ting Tang Wally Wally Bing Bang. Let's not forget Siren's It's a fine to leave me, Lucille, with 400 children and a crop in the field. So thanks for that, everyone. says:

    Siren, I have had an entire medley of songs revolving in my head since Monday.

    Like

  7. Sadie - Both Delta Dawn and Tomorrow! are included along with Paula H&B's Ting Tang Wally Wally Bing Bang. Let's not forget Siren's It's a fine to leave me, Lucille, with 400 children and a crop in the field. So thanks for that, everyone. says:

    Siren, I have had an entire medley of songs revolving in my head since Monday.

    Like

  8. So is June gonna get a new ‘do and go red like Fawn Amber in honor of her new job? (looing good, FA)
    Congratulations, June, on the new job and home ownership. Now enjoy the next ten days before life kicks into turbo mode. I’m looking forward to Dad stories.

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  9. 1. June, congratulations! Owning a home is a good thing (most of the time).
    iii. OMG!! They finally called you and offered you that job! Yippee, skippee!
    j. New kittens. When the time is right I have no doubt they will find you.
    CCCXIII. Because that is my favorite number.
    %$#. Great, I’m going to HAVE to go back to Monday’s comments and get a load of all those, I believe you call them ear worms, so I can be as happy as Siren, dammit!

    Like

  10. What don’t they make inflatable these days? I would smear jelly all over that toast to try and trick my husband. He’s like a zombie in the mornings and just might fall for it.
    I’m so happy things are looking up, June.

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  11. WooHoo for employment. Happy for you. I see your point about your Dad. But we were looking forward to hearing his side of things. Also, I like toast.

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  12. She’s forty-one and her daddy still calls ‘er “baby”
    All the folks ’round Brownsville say she’s crazy
    ‘Cause she walks downtown with her suitcase in her hand
    Lookin’ for a mysterious dark-haired man
    Oh Siren just for you….

    Like

  13. She’s forty-one and her daddy still calls ‘er “baby”
    All the folks ’round Brownsville say she’s crazy
    ‘Cause she walks downtown with her suitcase in her hand
    Lookin’ for a mysterious dark-haired man
    Oh Siren just for you….

    Like

  14. She’s forty-one and her daddy still calls ‘er “baby”
    All the folks ’round Brownsville say she’s crazy
    ‘Cause she walks downtown with her suitcase in her hand
    Lookin’ for a mysterious dark-haired man
    Oh Siren just for you….

    Like

  15. Hey! Fran IS the good cat! Not an as*kisser, appreciates gourmet food and lets you know if you bug him. This is good profile for anyone.

    Like

  16. Zadge – I’m totally with you. Simon is SOOOOO very gay. The way he dresses is rather atrocious, though, so maybe he’s got a smidge of straight in him because no gay man worth his salt would dress the way Simon does!

    Like

  17. Unruly, I keep meaning to tell all yall that Kipper and his Dick has found a home several blocks down. I do not know if he has always lived there or what. At any rate, he puffs up and gives my dogs what-for when we walk by every day. Oh, how I love him.

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  18. Yea!!! i am finally free from my 4 day long class and am here to play.
    Many congratulations on the gainful employment with ice cream benefits, June.
    Also, I am glad that you are a better woman than I am regarding the kitties living with Marvin. Will you get visitation or is it too hard to think about that?
    Siren – I am sure if you read back in the comments about the Delta Dawn song it must have been some other Pie Person who mentioned it. Don’t look my way with your throat-strangling hands. : )
    And I was like the other unruly-haired person up there wondering what happened to the Kipper’s Dick ginger-colored kitty. Maybe he will notice the void in your home and want to come visit?
    One more thing, I don’t think there is anything wrong at all with your dad coming to live with you. Inter-generational living is a great thing. And plus, the fried green tomato sandwiches! Hell, he can come live at our house if he will keep making those. You might remember my husband is the one with 95 heirloom tomato plants in the garden.
    Happy Easter weekend all you Pie-landers! Enjoy your Peeps.

    Like

  19. YAY!!! yay, yay, yay… that’s all I can think of because it’s such good news (although my first thought WAS that Winston and Hen-hen would be coming back home…)

    Like

  20. Siren, hereeee you go…
    And did I hear you say he was a-meetin’ you here today
    To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye

    Like

  21. Siren, hereeee you go…
    And did I hear you say he was a-meetin’ you here today
    To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye

    Like

  22. Siren, hereeee you go…
    And did I hear you say he was a-meetin’ you here today
    To take you to his mansion in the sky-eye

    Like

  23. YAAAAAAAAAAYYYY for the JOB!! And with ice cream! I have to admit to a bit of disappointment that Dad isn’t moving in. I was expecting even more hilarity from my favorite hilarious blogger!

    Like

  24. Hulk (Haywood Banks. Thank you thank you. I did not read any previous comments so if someone else did this joke F*UCK OFF!) says:

    Je dois dire que j’adore français toast
    *rat tatatat tatatat tatatat*
    FRENCH TOAST!!!!

    Like

  25. Hulk (Haywood Banks. Thank you thank you. I did not read any previous comments so if someone else did this joke F*UCK OFF!) says:

    Je dois dire que j’adore français toast
    *rat tatatat tatatat tatatat*
    FRENCH TOAST!!!!

    Like

  26. Hulk (Haywood Banks. Thank you thank you. I did not read any previous comments so if someone else did this joke F*UCK OFF!) says:

    Je dois dire que j’adore français toast
    *rat tatatat tatatat tatatat*
    FRENCH TOAST!!!!

    Like

  27. Zadge, I agree about Simon.I thought I was the only one who thinks that Alex is ugly. Also, I think Sonja is a B and I would have grabbed a pie or really anything that was handy and thrown it in her face.

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  28. Sadie is still singing Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? You're welcome, Siren dammit. says:

    Hulk, you were the first with the French Toast.

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  29. Sadie is still singing Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? You're welcome, Siren dammit. says:

    Hulk, you were the first with the French Toast.

    Like

  30. Sadie is still singing Delta Dawn, what's that flower you have on? Could it be a faded rose from days gone by? You're welcome, Siren dammit. says:

    Hulk, you were the first with the French Toast.

    Like

  31. Congratulations on the job! I’m late again to post but am out of town visiting with family who has flown in from Australia plus their doggies. Inflatable toast! Pick me, pick me…I’ve been wanting inflatable toast for years!

    Like

  32. Congratulations on the job! Yippee!
    You are a good woman June Gardens. Kind and generous.
    Also, too I want that toast!

    Like

  33. I am so very glad you got the job. Not only because steady income is a good thing. But also because any longer on the job search and we might find out what other inflatable items you have stashed about June Gardens Land Owner’s house. How much separation anxiety are you battling over giving away inflatable toast? On a scale of 1 to 10 kitties? And don’t, just don’t, go for the inflatable fruitcake — think of your ever suffering blog buddies, okay?

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  34. Oh. my. stars. When I went on amazon.com to find inflatable toast to buy for my son (because I never win anything, dammit)they were also advertising GENUINE squirrel pants. You know. As opposed to FAKE squirrel pants. Swear. http://tinyurl.com/3lcc3bc

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  35. Jess, did Amazon mention “people who shopped for inflatable toast also shopped for squirrel underpants” or something?

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  36. Congratulations, June ! I knew you could do it. Now, about the inflatable toast. It wouldn’t be for me so much as for my black lab Toby. He has been stealing our kitchen chair cushions and bringing them over to the couch where he naps. Then he lays down and puts his head on the cushion. Like a person (I mean he’s like a person for putting his head on the cushion.) Enough is enough. I think he would really benefit from that toast. BTW, I can’t imagine editing a statistics book. Must be crazy-making.

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  37. Sadie - How about Here comes Peter Cotton Tail, hopping down the bunny trail...Happy Easter everyone! I hope the bunny trail doesn't end in Francis' bowl. says:

    So sorry, Siren, dammit. When you mentioned that particular song had been stuck in your head, I just had to type the lyrics that have also been stuck in my head since Monday. I thought we could sing a duet.

    Like

  38. Sadie - How about Here comes Peter Cotton Tail, hopping down the bunny trail...Happy Easter everyone! I hope the bunny trail doesn't end in Francis' bowl. says:

    So sorry, Siren, dammit. When you mentioned that particular song had been stuck in your head, I just had to type the lyrics that have also been stuck in my head since Monday. I thought we could sing a duet.

    Like

  39. Sadie - How about Here comes Peter Cotton Tail, hopping down the bunny trail...Happy Easter everyone! I hope the bunny trail doesn't end in Francis' bowl. says:

    So sorry, Siren, dammit. When you mentioned that particular song had been stuck in your head, I just had to type the lyrics that have also been stuck in my head since Monday. I thought we could sing a duet.

    Like

  40. The tag line is, “Keep those furry streakers covered.” AWESOME.

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  41. I had to do the same thing… when I moved to England I made the decision to leave my precious Siamese cat with my parents, for a couple of reasons. 1) my parents love her very much too and she will definitely be doted on so no worries there. 2) I did worry about stressing her with moving to a different country, she is 10 years old.
    So yeah, I had to make a huge sacrifice, one that really hurts because I MISS HER SO MUCH. I love her, she is the best cat ever, she is so special and wonderful and unique.
    I know how you feel. It’s really tough.

    Like

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