Giving and mostly getting

I want you all to dry your tears and carry on like adults, but Juice has won the inflatable toast. Last night before I went to bed, I ran the random number generator to see who'd win at that time? And it was Juice. Then today, when I had the official number of comments? Juice won again.

God has spoken, y'all. Plus, what goes better than toast and Juice?

And speaking of gifts and food, people have been feeding me lately.

Snouty Not that I have taken to eating dogs. And do you know what I like about this dog? Is her short, stumpy nose part. What nose? I cannot smell you.

A few weeks ago, I was heading into PetSmart, as I do 900 million times a week, and a faithful reader spotted me. She told me she knew we'd see each other one day, as she similarly goes to that PetSmart 900 million times a week, so there are the odds right there. Anyway, if you recall–as I mentioned this when it happened–I found out she had greyhounds and totally invited myself to her house, and Thursday is when I eventually wedged myself in the door and made her feed me lunch.

AlsosnoutySnout? I gots no snout. What you mean? I a Pug.

So I met her short, fat, no-nosed greyhounds and as you can imagine was totally indifferent to them. Did you know greyhounds are really mellow dogs? And I'm sorry. That first sentence in this paragraph was sarcastic, and then I meant the part about them being mellow. Keep up. Greyhounds are good apartment dogs, believe it or not.

There is a greyhound rescue place, and Laura and I are going to it together soon. Shut up.

In other people-are-feeding-me news–

Oh, wait. My mother and my best friend always want to know what I HAD when I eat places. I am kind of indifferent to that part, preferring to concentrate on the pet part. Faithful Reader Laura had a delicious spread of fruits and vegetables (strawberries, carrots, etc.), then chicken salad, a cucumber and dill salad, another thing that was risotto-y but that wasn't what it was. What was it, Laura? I ate a ton of it. Oh, and peanut butter Whoopie Pies.

When she was washing the strawberries I told her and her kids (oh, did I forget to mention she has kids?) that I'd found a tiny worm on my strawberry the day before.

"I don't feel like eating anymore," said her six-year-old daughter.

June. Ruining the appetites of kids since 2011.

Okay, so in OTHER people-feeding-me-news, I am in a book club in real life, and there is literally a Jewish mother in my book club, who I will call W. She has a whole name, I promise. Anyway, she got very concerned about everything going on in my life and asked if, after Passover, she could come over with an entire dinner for me.

Like I was gonna say no to that.

So I got some snacks, which the dogs promptly stuck their stupid tongues in right in front of her, and W. brought me homemade chili, brown rice, a salad, and even a can of Pellegrino. Then there were homemade cookies for dessert!

W. stayed for over an hour, despite the part where Tallulah fell desperately in love with her and kept PAWING her and Edsel kept LEAPING on her and OVER her and licking her EAR and really I don't know why anyone comes over, ever. And does anyone recall that BOTH dogs have been to obedience training? Cesar needs to MOVE IN to my home. Is Cesar single now?

Anyway, we had the best time. Well. I had the best time. She was probably counting the minutes till she could reasonably leave. I watched her nice pants get furrier and furrier until she looked like Chewbaca by the time she left.

So I am remaining well-fed and I do not know how I luck out in the friends department. I must seem sort of sad and hungry, like Dondi.

Dondi When did comics ever cost twelve cents?

At any rate, I am going now. To return to my statistics textbook. Which I have spent more than 10 hours on already and have not proofread page one of yet. I know. Don't you wish your weekend was hot like mine?

Comment of the week goes to the Chief, because come on. The Mt. Rushmore of lesbians? Click on This Week's Special if you wish to see.

They should totally make a Mt. Rushmore of Lesbians in real life.

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

93 thoughts on “Giving and mostly getting”

  1. Congratulations to my little sweet patootie. Getting a job, buying a house and eating on a regular basis. I’m so proud of you! And, yes, Cesear is single, but you don’t need no stinkin’ man…you can do it all…. I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!

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  2. Sadie - You do NOT need another dog at this point in your life. Without Marvin to say, "NO", Sadie is going to have to say it. says:

    Without your pictures to prove it, I would never have guessed that greyhounds have pug-like faces.
    Yay to Faithful Reader Laura and W. for feeding June. Junie, was this your second road trip to the land of Pie?

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  3. 5. Are all your NC faithful readers named some version of Laura? Love those noses and that brindle-y color of #1.
    8. If any of these people volunteering to help with your life ask if they can come clean your house, could you send them my way? I need friends like that.
    c. What book did you read at your other book club?
    n. Have fun proofreading.

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  4. Sadie is the new Marvin. And technically, I had lunch with The Nester three years ago, so that was my first foray into meeting people through my blog. Then I drove to VA to meet DCRMom, and I had lunch with another Laura, and once I met someone who reads my blog at the dog park, and another time I met someone for cake at a dessert place, and then I went to some blogger dinners and parties, so really it is only a matter of time before I press my luck and get sliced to ribbons by a nutbar.

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  5. Linda, yes. It is kind of like how everyone I know has a birthday in August, and I started saying when I made new friends I was going to weed them out if they said they had an August b-day, as I can no longer afford any more August birthdays. Everyone I meet here is a Laura or a Laurie or a LaurieLuLa. Okay, I have yet to meet a LaurieLuLa. Today I will.
    Oh, and I am reading Close Range, Wyoming Stories by that cheerful Annie Proulx. It includes Brokeback Mountain, which is as haunting of a short story as it was a movie. Annie Proulx needs some Pristiq.

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  6. I was totally gunning for Chief for comment of the week!
    I was working this week and waited on a family from Greensboro! I thought for a second to ask if they knew you but then that would be weird 🙂 Like the time I was in England, told someone I was from Fl and they asked if I knew their friend. Turns out that I did!

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  7. I am the worst person to consult about limiting the number of animals one should have. At one time I had three cats and three dogs and was blissfully calm and happy.
    After you start your fab new job and accrue some vacation time maybe a road trip to meet halfway between NC and Ohio can be arranged. Talu and Edsel can meet Tahoe and Trixie and have a little doggie par-tay.
    I promise my dogs aren’t slashers. Oh, neither am I.

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  8. I am commenting on my own blog, because who is avoiding her statistics textbook like the plague? What are the ODDS I’d avoid it like this? BAH!
    Anyway, they should also make a blogger Mt. Rushmore, and have the big bloggers up there, and then me, kind of like how they sort of inexplicably have Teddy Roosevelt up there. You’re all, okay, Lincoln. That makes sense. George Washington, of course. Jefferson. Sure.
    Teddy Roosevelt?
    So it could be Dooce, Pioneer Woman, Perez Hilton or something, and then my stupid mug. With my hair totally blocking everyone else. Oh, please can we have Mt. Blogmore?
    Who needs to get her pink pen and go back to her proofreading? Is it me?

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  9. June. SIGH. JUNE.
    What are the greyhounds’ NAMES? Are they retired? Did they ever win by a nose? Bah!
    In the first picture, what/who is next to/behind the greyhound? That black butt doesn’t look like it belongs to the greyhound. Unless he/she is a Chien du Soleil.

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  10. June. SIGH. JUNE.
    What are the greyhounds’ NAMES? Are they retired? Did they ever win by a nose? Bah!
    In the first picture, what/who is next to/behind the greyhound? That black butt doesn’t look like it belongs to the greyhound. Unless he/she is a Chien du Soleil.

    Like

  11. June. SIGH. JUNE.
    What are the greyhounds’ NAMES? Are they retired? Did they ever win by a nose? Bah!
    In the first picture, what/who is next to/behind the greyhound? That black butt doesn’t look like it belongs to the greyhound. Unless he/she is a Chien du Soleil.

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  12. It IS her own butt??? Boy, those greyhounds are limber, lithe, and bendy. Wish I could do that. And I would also like to project the aura of serenity that they do.

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  13. I thought it was the greyhound’s own butt too. I have never met a greyhound and now I want one!
    Plus, also I would like friends who feed me because I have none of that going on…

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  14. Jules, a lot of greyhounds need rescuing, because if they are poor at racing, they get destroyed after about six tries at racing. Or they languish in cages. And they are such sweet calm dogs. Google greyhound rescue in your area! They do not need lots of room to roam, as opposed to my energy twins, over here.

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  15. That’s her OWN BUTT? I’m impressed. Or maybe squicked out.
    Teddy was friends with the artist. It had nothing to do with the Panama Canal or the Spanish-American War. Also he kicked ass in the wheelchair olympics. Figuratively speaking.

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  16. That’s her OWN BUTT? I’m impressed. Or maybe squicked out.
    Teddy was friends with the artist. It had nothing to do with the Panama Canal or the Spanish-American War. Also he kicked ass in the wheelchair olympics. Figuratively speaking.

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  17. That’s her OWN BUTT? I’m impressed. Or maybe squicked out.
    Teddy was friends with the artist. It had nothing to do with the Panama Canal or the Spanish-American War. Also he kicked ass in the wheelchair olympics. Figuratively speaking.

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  18. See. The Panama Canal/My wrinkle. I am so Teddy Roosevelt in this scenario. Who has done nothing with her textbook but move it over to the couch? Is it me? Have I been looking at greyhounds who need rescuing? Is Sadie going to have 48 fits because she is Marvin in drag?

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  19. Do greyhounds always make those soulful eyes? Those are some very soulful eyes. Those soulful eyes could get a non-hateful sound out of ME. I totally need to work on my soulful eye face.
    Soulful-eyedly,
    Siren

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  20. The salad was a lemon, orzo, pine nut thing.
    That is Bobbi’s butt in the picture. She is curled into a greyhound ball. June, I am impressed with your paint skills! Erasing my phone number. My dogs and my kids loved you.
    Even the greyhounds who win races need to be rescued. A greyhound only races until the age of about 5 but they can live to be 14 or 15. There are so many greyhounds that need homes.

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  21. Kids always love me. I have no idea why. I think they are fascinated that someone isnt all, Ohhhhhh, come here and talk to me, you sweet child over them. That said, you had really interesting, smart, funny kids. Thank God. However, please note I am not going to any kid rescue sites today. Because I am stone cold. I am Stone Phillips. I am the witch with the candy house filled with greyhounds.

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  22. They finally voted to make greyhound racing illegal in Massachusetts. There was a huge uproar here when everyone found out the very cruel practices on the dogs if they could no longer race. It was very nasty the stuff people did.
    So, I’m happy to say that there is one less track that causes such undo suffering for these sweet, gentle doggies.
    That doggie Lizzie? She’s adorable, and not only does she have a pug-like snout and is fat – she also has tiny, little earses! She and Edsel would make a match set! They could have fun together listening to ants breathe!

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  23. Once again, I am denied that most coveted of prizes, inflatable food.
    I am bereft.
    Love the greyhounds! When my first dog left us and when I say “left us” I mean she chose to move in with my sister and bro-in-law because they didn’t have annoying kids, which my dog wasn’t real fond of and yeah, it’s nice when your own dog rejects you and where was I going with this?
    Oh. Yeah. Greyhounds. ANYWAY, I contacted the local greyhound rescue group and was DENIED. I had young children who leave the back gate open and I live in close proximity to a busy boulevard and the two issues were not ideal for a rescued sight hound that chases things that move (kids whizzing by on scooters and bicycles toward the busy boulevard).
    So June, when does your “June visits her followers tour” make it out to the West Coast?

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  24. How on earth can they be sight hounds with noses the size of Guam? Also? Maybe Lizzy my new greyhound and I will run out there to the West Coast some day. Laura just sent me all Lizzies stats. She is a Taurus. She won four races. Which is more than I can say for my own self. Someone stop me from looking at greyhound rescue sites, please. Where the hell is Sadie?

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  25. undo (adverb)old English(i.e. my grandfather in rural Michigan): unnecessary, uncalled for; needless; wanton.
    Defending my child to the death…without causing undo suffering to those I destroy.

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  26. Ever since I changed my signature line, any time someone says “dammit,” I think she’s addressing ME. Which doesn’t make a lot of sense, seeing as how this is someone else’s blog. But does that stop me? Nope. My self-centeredness is remarkably robust.
    P.S. Screw you, spellcheck, “centeredness” is too a word.

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  27. JUNE, GET BACK TO WORK AND WE CAN PLAY AMONGST OURSELVES, the Zadge screams, as she also asks June to please edit Annie Proulx, whose alarming and sudden use of the period the Zadge finds very disconcerting.

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  28. JUNE, AM.I.GOING.TO.HAVE.TO.DRIVE.OVER.THERE? STOP.LOOKING.AT.RESCUE.SITES.AND.GET.BACK.TO.PROOFREADING!

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  29. It’s as if you were describing my dogs. Especially Scout…who is the subject of my blog post today. I made her wear Easter Bunny Ears. She wasn’t happy.
    By the way, I grew up in Michigan, too. Lived there about 30 years before I left to go to grad school
    Have fun with statistics.

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  30. June, How can you do homework with the radio on?
    Stat book being homework …radio being blog.
    I ‘splained so no one would wonder what in blue blazes I was saying. You are welcome.

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  31. Hide yo bong! hee
    And, thanks, my Mom. That June is a stickler, she is.
    Undo, undue, undooo, dooodoooo. WHATEVER. You knew what I meant, yo.
    Has anyone else out there watched Breaking Bad? My husband and I are Netflix-ing them and yo, when you watch it, yo? You wanna start saying yo all the time, yo.
    In any case, aside from the street language, that is ONE fantastically well-done show. Yo.

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  32. PiePal,
    We love Breaking Bad and watch every episode. Some of them twice!
    It is a great show, and very original. It did take me the first season to get over the fact that Malcom in the Middle’s dad was cooking up the meth!

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  33. Beautiful doggies, Laura!
    And June, don’t forget you have an open invitation to the Hudarosa. I will feed you well. You can get many different varieties of fur on you here. No extra charge.

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  34. Unruly hair: They match you at the greyhound rescue, so if they have one that will work with cats, he’s a choice they’ll present you. My friend, Chris runs a greyhound rescue and my friend Calvin, has had three. All wonderful 30 MPH couch potatoes.

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  35. Sadie, M.I.D. - She would be so busy working multiple jobs to feed those children and toiling in the fields cleaning up the crops, she wouldn't have time to blog. But, I'm sure we would see her on tv. says:

    Lisa Pie, it felt like I had 400 children, but they were busy crapping and I was cleaning it up all day. Like Anita, I was toiling in the fields.
    I surely hope our June doesn’t end up with her version of 400 children (which would be 400 pets) crapping in the fields.

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  36. Sadie, M.I.D. - She would be so busy working multiple jobs to feed those children and toiling in the fields cleaning up the crops, she wouldn't have time to blog. But, I'm sure we would see her on tv. says:

    Lisa Pie, it felt like I had 400 children, but they were busy crapping and I was cleaning it up all day. Like Anita, I was toiling in the fields.
    I surely hope our June doesn’t end up with her version of 400 children (which would be 400 pets) crapping in the fields.

    Like

  37. Sadie, M.I.D. - She would be so busy working multiple jobs to feed those children and toiling in the fields cleaning up the crops, she wouldn't have time to blog. But, I'm sure we would see her on tv. says:

    Lisa Pie, it felt like I had 400 children, but they were busy crapping and I was cleaning it up all day. Like Anita, I was toiling in the fields.
    I surely hope our June doesn’t end up with her version of 400 children (which would be 400 pets) crapping in the fields.

    Like

  38. PJ Moon Pie... or are we so over that? Oh, went through some old pics with an old friend. Found two pictures of Monsignor and roared with laugher. says:

    Annie Proulx’s Close Range and Dondie in the same post. How DO you do that?

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  39. PJ Moon Pie... or are we so over that? Oh, went through some old pics with an old friend. Found two pictures of Monsignor and roared with laugher. says:

    Annie Proulx’s Close Range and Dondie in the same post. How DO you do that?

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  40. PJ Moon Pie... or are we so over that? Oh, went through some old pics with an old friend. Found two pictures of Monsignor and roared with laugher. says:

    Annie Proulx’s Close Range and Dondie in the same post. How DO you do that?

    Like

  41. Pal, we love Breaking Bad and can’t wait till this season starts which for some reason isn’t until July. Usually it has come back in March. It’s a great show.

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  42. Anita, I clicked on the link. The one with the bottle made me cry. You’re right, I do want a chimp now.
    And June, I remember reading Dondi in the Sunday funnies. The things you remember amaze me.

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  43. Sadie - Anita, there was a lot of toiling yesterday with more to do. But, instead of whistling while I worked, I was humming and singing "It's a fine time to leave me, Lucille..." That made it more interesting. says:

    Happy Easter. It is a beautiful spring day in Georgia.

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  44. Sadie - Anita, there was a lot of toiling yesterday with more to do. But, instead of whistling while I worked, I was humming and singing "It's a fine time to leave me, Lucille..." That made it more interesting. says:

    Happy Easter. It is a beautiful spring day in Georgia.

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  45. Sadie - Anita, there was a lot of toiling yesterday with more to do. But, instead of whistling while I worked, I was humming and singing "It's a fine time to leave me, Lucille..." That made it more interesting. says:

    Happy Easter. It is a beautiful spring day in Georgia.

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  46. Happy Easter to you too Sadie and everyone. Suppose to reach 87 degrees here in Greensboro today. Lloyd just left for the airport to go visit his not doing so well father in PA. I’m going out late this afternoon on a photo shoot with a bunch of photographer’s. Great Easter day.

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  47. I would and will pay money to watch June walk Talu, Edsel and her new greyhound, all on leashes, all at once. I’m giggling over it right now.

    Like

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