Edsel’s fur has risen today

Laura and I went to church today, and yes I DO realize she just picked me up at PetSmart a few weeks ago and now here we are spending major holidays together already.

We went to Mosaic Church, which is a church specifically aimed at getting people of all colors to come. Hence the name. They are not trying to get people made out of tile.

{Bah.}

Anyway, it did indeed live up to its name and was pretty cool. There were dark people, pale people, in-between people, and so forth, and we sang songs in English and some other languages, which fortunately were put up phonetically on a big screen, and for all I know I was singing, "June is a giant tramp" but I am doubting it because it was, you know, church.

Unless that is a beloved hymn no one told me about. "When I die, I really want them to play June is a Giant Tramp. Will you be sure and have them play that for me?"

At any rate, when Laura first came to get me, Edsel did his usual solemn, well-behaved hello, which involved leaping 20 feet off the floor and attempting to mate with her, because Edsel is a Giant Tramp.

By the time we got in her car, we were both covered in dog fur, and I'd like to point out for the record that I brush this dog with a big wire brush every day, and 87 pounds of fur comes off. He loves being brushed. He gets a faraway, dreamy look when I do it.

DreamExhibit A

Nevertheless, he is Shedsel.

So when we got in her car, I spent the entire drive picking blond wispy dog fur off my pants, and I was also looking sexy because a few days ago I decided I should be the kind of person who wears high heels all the time. This was not a good idea.

HelloblisterExhibit B

I know I am the only person in the world who gets blisters on TOP of her foot from wearing high heels. Perhaps I should stop wearing the heel part up there. You think?

At any rate, with the fur and the mature band-aid, by the time old Carrie Bradshaw here walked into that church, God was like,

"Yeah. I think I like it better when you stay home."

Do you like my God font?

Anyway, they played good music at this church, and they had us stand up and clap, and there was this ADORABLE old lady in front of us who danced and sang and swayed around and you just wanted to put her in your purse and bring her home like extra biscuits, and I decided to be happy like her, so I clapped…

…and a giant piece of Edsel fur went sailing out of my hand and up to the sky.

Nice. You can't take me anywhere. I really am like PigPen. Where is my horizontal shirt?

My theory is God kind of looks at me and claps his hand to his cheek like Jack Benny, and thinks, Oh, dear. I mean, he must wonder what he was thinking when he got around to the likes of me. You know?

At any rate, for those of you who celebrate Easter, have a happy one, and enjoy your ham, and don't feel bad about the movie Babe or anything. Because Laura and I didn't just stop off at Biscuitville and eat us some Babes and eggs ourselves. Nosir.

Your giant trampy pal,

June

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

85 thoughts on “Edsel’s fur has risen today”

  1. Happy Easter, June! I’m a lurker just coming out today. I’ve followed you for several months now. You crack me up *every day*, and that’s a good thing. I’m glad you went to Mosaic. I’m christian and have been to our local Mosaic in downtown L.A. It was a very loving atmosphere. Wishing you lots of jelly beans and chocolate easter bunnies today, along with God’s awesome easter love.

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  2. Shedsel! Babes and eggs! GOD FONT! Hee! You are a funny bunny. Please, do tell if you and Laura talked about Lizzie, or other greyhounds in need of rescue…

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  3. Shedsel— bahahahaha! That is funny! Love, love, love the look of utter bliss on his face as you brush him!
    We tried a new service today too, but our was the opposite of yours. Stick in the mud kinda service. It was like we went back in time to the 1950’s. But we looked great in our Easter frocks!

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  4. Happy Easter, June. I am waiting for the ham, au gratin potatoes and green bean casserole to be done so we can eat. I do not feel bad for Babe and I do not feel bad for Idaho spuds and I do not feel bad for heart healthy Velveeta cheese and I do not feel bad for green beans. Because I love to eat.
    Happy Easter!

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  5. Happy Hoppy Easter Pie peeps! ( Ha! Get it? Easter… Peeps?!)
    And sad face for the Zadge… You can come to our house! We have plenty! A bit of a drive though… But we have ham and funeral potatoes! And candy… Lots and lots of candy!

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  6. I saw June in her underwear. Yes, we met at Petsmart a few weeks ago. I had her over for lunch three days ago and today I saw June in her underwear. She answered the door without pants.
    Looking forward to our next date.

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  7. Hello Happy Easter to the whole June and Pets Household.
    I am enjoying your blog. I discovered it through Ms. Bitchypoo. I enjoy the pictures of all of your pets. When I get my paypal fixed I will somehow pay you back for all of the laughs and smiles that I’ve had during the last 24 hours. Or I if I can’t do that I will send the Starbucks cards I can’t use because it’s almost a whole planetary system away from my small town. Thanks for sharing a slice of your life. Your new blog stalker, Mo from Nebraska.

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  8. Gosh, LaurA, do you think it’s they greyhounds that got you so far so fast with June? Nah, probably just your kindred love of dogs and your winning personality! At any rate, we all covet your experience there.
    June, Zadge is right about the Furminator, it is unbelievable. But buy it online, don’t pay the PetSmart price, there is a BIG difference.
    We are having grilled Babe tenderloin with asparagus, carrots, stuffed potatoes and ciabatta bread. Oink.
    Happy Easter to June and all you pieps!

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  9. Happy Easter to you all in Pieland.
    In January, my cat was looking poorly and I was feeling worried so I bought a Furminator to spruce up her coat. It cost a fortune and she, poor thing, died a week later. (I still miss her but it was her time. She was 19!)

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  10. Oh yeah? Maybe some of you have hugged her and others of you have seen her in her underwear but I’ve got a picture of the FIBROID, so there. I’ve seen her UTERUS. Beat THAT. Who else has been up uterine way, huh? Well, okay, except for Marvin and, you know, whoever was before that. Oh, and someone named Jefferson, apparently? And then there are those school years, I suppose. Not to mention the hospital people. And all the gynecologists and such who keep fleeing the profession. Oh, right, and unsuspecting bystanders like neighbor Peg. Okay never mind.
    Not so special after all, dammit,
    Siren
    P.S. Welcome, Mo, AKA Macarri1! How many other Macarris are there?

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  11. We celebrated Easter yesterday. There was roast stuffed lamb, roasted potatoes, acorn squash and asparagus. I ate everything except the lamb, because, ew.
    Today I had bean soup and a cucumber sandwich. And I know a lot more of you are thinking ‘ew’ at the bean soup than at the lamb.
    My daughter helped me switch all the curtains and linens from fall/winter to spring/summer. And that was about as much fun as it sounds.
    Somehow Easter isn’t the Easter I remember from my youth anymore. There’s not so much as one jelly bean or Cadbury egg in this house. I think I am failing Easter.

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  12. We celebrated Easter yesterday. There was roast stuffed lamb, roasted potatoes, acorn squash and asparagus. I ate everything except the lamb, because, ew.
    Today I had bean soup and a cucumber sandwich. And I know a lot more of you are thinking ‘ew’ at the bean soup than at the lamb.
    My daughter helped me switch all the curtains and linens from fall/winter to spring/summer. And that was about as much fun as it sounds.
    Somehow Easter isn’t the Easter I remember from my youth anymore. There’s not so much as one jelly bean or Cadbury egg in this house. I think I am failing Easter.

    Like

  13. We celebrated Easter yesterday. There was roast stuffed lamb, roasted potatoes, acorn squash and asparagus. I ate everything except the lamb, because, ew.
    Today I had bean soup and a cucumber sandwich. And I know a lot more of you are thinking ‘ew’ at the bean soup than at the lamb.
    My daughter helped me switch all the curtains and linens from fall/winter to spring/summer. And that was about as much fun as it sounds.
    Somehow Easter isn’t the Easter I remember from my youth anymore. There’s not so much as one jelly bean or Cadbury egg in this house. I think I am failing Easter.

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  14. Teacup;
    At the risk of being disrespectful to your poor deceased cat, did the Furminator contribute to the death? Oh my.. that is a good reason not to buy one! Happy easter to all and to all a good night. It’s eating time in California!

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  15. I do love lamb the way mom mom makes it. I don’t know how one would stuff it unless its like a whole lamb and I’m not sure how that would fit in the oven. I’m more confused on the whole cucumber sandwich thing. I just don’t get it. Putting cucumbers between 2 pieces of bread. Is there more to it? The bean soup sounds really good to me. I get it when i go to Panera.

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  16. I do love lamb the way mom mom makes it. I don’t know how one would stuff it unless its like a whole lamb and I’m not sure how that would fit in the oven. I’m more confused on the whole cucumber sandwich thing. I just don’t get it. Putting cucumbers between 2 pieces of bread. Is there more to it? The bean soup sounds really good to me. I get it when i go to Panera.

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  17. I do love lamb the way mom mom makes it. I don’t know how one would stuff it unless its like a whole lamb and I’m not sure how that would fit in the oven. I’m more confused on the whole cucumber sandwich thing. I just don’t get it. Putting cucumbers between 2 pieces of bread. Is there more to it? The bean soup sounds really good to me. I get it when i go to Panera.

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  18. Siren, hahahaha, Happy Easter!
    Anita, you must try a cucumber sandwich, they are really yummy. My grandmother made them on buttered bread with just a little salt and pepper. Must taste to appreciate.
    Paula, I keep the same curtains up year round. I think I am failing decorating (and this was a repeat course too).

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  19. If I took a picture of me using the furminator, you would see a beagle teeth clamped on my hand my hand and lots of blood. We can get about two swipes of the brush in and then we run for the hills. Clearly my blind doggie doesn’t like to be brushed and this is why my house is dog hair palace.
    Went to a small wedding at a country home last night and they had five big beautiful dogs. The highlight of the evening was when the owner brought all the dogs into the reception area just as we were leaving. I screamed, “oh, dogs!” and ran over there and sat on the floor while they all gave me a bath. Life doesn’t get much better than a tongue bath from a herd of sweet doggies. And it made up for having to be seated at a table with super booooring people.
    Hoppy Easter to all of Pieland.

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  20. Lamb. Ewww. And I made it today, too. Double ewwww. Used to like it but ewwww. Give me bean soup and a cucumber sandwich any day.
    After attempting a small serving of lamb today I opted for toast and banana for supper. We party hearty around here.
    Loved the little old lady dancing at church and June wanting to take her home in her purse like extra biscuits. And Jack Benny God. And Babe and Shedsel The Giant Tramp. Unlike dignify Talu. (yes, dignify. Read Talu’s Facebook page everybody who was wondering why I wrote dignify.)

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  21. I think it’s a leg of lamb that we have boned. Then my husband makes up some sausage, basil, pine nut, maybe some other stuff, stuffing, and then ties it up (that’s where I get to help) and then it goes in the oven. That’s the extent of my knowledge on the lamb.
    Actually, Anita, it was the bean soup at Panera and it was also the Mediterranean Vegetable Sandwich! Without the feta, because, ew. And after I took off some of the red onions, it was mostly cucumber.
    Letha, my winter stuff is very dark and heavy. And actually it’s just my bedroom and bath. The rest of the house I was smart enough to make seasonless!!

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  22. I think it’s a leg of lamb that we have boned. Then my husband makes up some sausage, basil, pine nut, maybe some other stuff, stuffing, and then ties it up (that’s where I get to help) and then it goes in the oven. That’s the extent of my knowledge on the lamb.
    Actually, Anita, it was the bean soup at Panera and it was also the Mediterranean Vegetable Sandwich! Without the feta, because, ew. And after I took off some of the red onions, it was mostly cucumber.
    Letha, my winter stuff is very dark and heavy. And actually it’s just my bedroom and bath. The rest of the house I was smart enough to make seasonless!!

    Like

  23. I think it’s a leg of lamb that we have boned. Then my husband makes up some sausage, basil, pine nut, maybe some other stuff, stuffing, and then ties it up (that’s where I get to help) and then it goes in the oven. That’s the extent of my knowledge on the lamb.
    Actually, Anita, it was the bean soup at Panera and it was also the Mediterranean Vegetable Sandwich! Without the feta, because, ew. And after I took off some of the red onions, it was mostly cucumber.
    Letha, my winter stuff is very dark and heavy. And actually it’s just my bedroom and bath. The rest of the house I was smart enough to make seasonless!!

    Like

  24. Everybody sing!
    Edsel’s fur is risen today, a-a-al-le-lu-ia,
    His triumphant holy day, a-a-al-le-lu-ia,
    Shed his fur upon your pants, a-a-al-le-lu-ia,
    Brushing puts him in a trance, a-a-al-le-lu-ia!
    Today when I was in my Big City Episcopal church, I wondered if June was in her Tiny Town Episcopal church. Instead it was Mosaic church – sounds lovely!

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  25. Oh, and we had the ultimate southern version of Babe – RIBS! And homemade ice cream! And swimming!
    Yes, it’s hot enough to swim here!

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  26. Siren,
    BAHhahahahahahahaha! I may have boned a lot of things in my youth, ahhhh never mind.
    We order it from the butcher boned. It’s really quite disgusting when we pick it up as it’s it like a heeee-yuge reddish chicken cutlet.
    Then he puts on the stuffing, rolls it up, tucks in all the loose ends and I tie it and it’s all snug like a papoose.

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  27. Siren,
    BAHhahahahahahahaha! I may have boned a lot of things in my youth, ahhhh never mind.
    We order it from the butcher boned. It’s really quite disgusting when we pick it up as it’s it like a heeee-yuge reddish chicken cutlet.
    Then he puts on the stuffing, rolls it up, tucks in all the loose ends and I tie it and it’s all snug like a papoose.

    Like

  28. Siren,
    BAHhahahahahahahaha! I may have boned a lot of things in my youth, ahhhh never mind.
    We order it from the butcher boned. It’s really quite disgusting when we pick it up as it’s it like a heeee-yuge reddish chicken cutlet.
    Then he puts on the stuffing, rolls it up, tucks in all the loose ends and I tie it and it’s all snug like a papoose.

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  29. Texas Kari, that was amazing!
    Don’t fret, Not so special after all, dammit, Siren, you will always have June’s fibroid.
    Welcome, GardenGirl and Mo.

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  30. *I clapped…
    …and a giant piece of Edsel fur went sailing out of my hand and up to the sky.*
    I’m sure God looked upon it as your uniquely June prayer for your pets.

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  31. *I clapped…
    …and a giant piece of Edsel fur went sailing out of my hand and up to the sky.*
    I’m sure God looked upon it as your uniquely June prayer for your pets.

    Like

  32. *I clapped…
    …and a giant piece of Edsel fur went sailing out of my hand and up to the sky.*
    I’m sure God looked upon it as your uniquely June prayer for your pets.

    Like

  33. June–God looks at you and thinks “Every 4 legged creature down there would have a better life if June could be a part of it for 10 minutes.” I think that’s why you find so many animals. They are all trying to get their chance to be with you! You are a modern day St. Francis of Assisi! (Do you ever take your pets to St. Francis Day blessing? We used to do that with my insane labradors. Great fun!)
    Have a wonderful Easter!

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  34. Texas Kari, the Edsel hymn sounds an awful lot like a hymn I sung in church today *giggle*. Actually I didn’t sing the hymn in church, I just lip synched. Cuz that’s how bad I sing, it’s bad.
    I’m stuck on a word that is in the good old Lutheran song “Thine is the Glory” sung today and the word is “raiment”…Angels in bright raiment rolled the stone away. It means garment I think. I have that word stuck in my head and can’t get it out. Kind of like Lucille and those 400 kids song that Sadie and Siren can’t get enough of.

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  35. Also, I just knew I had dog hair on my butt and that everybody in church was staring at all the white dog hair on this dumb lady’s black pants while she was going up for communion. I wanted to brush the hair off my butt, but couldn’t do it in a way that wasn’t obvious. Afterwards, I noted, the dog hair was not in fact on my butt, but instead lined the bottom 5″ of the black pants I was wearing. Embarrassing.

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  36. Amish, I’m pretty sure the word is rainment. Sort of sure.
    Can’t imagine eating lamb. Or bunny, or anything really cute like that. But ham…mmm…bacon…double mmmm. I guess Babe is not that cute.
    June, I bought my daughter a t-shirt today that said “Dear Teacher, I eat homework every night. But it all kinda tastes the same. So from now on, if you don’t have BACON flavored homework, DON’T SEND IT! PS. GRRRRR…Signed, The Dog”. And I thought of Shedsel and Lula.
    Happy Easter Piefolk.

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  37. Letha, thanks (not that I will ever have a chance to use that word, but I would spell it right if I did).
    And I believe June was talking about her movements (bowel, that is) or lack thereof.

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  38. I recommend the Fiber One bar. The oats and chocolate one is delicious. I call it the Fiber Two Thousand bar as it is quite powerful. You may want to stay close to home.
    Then again it may have no effect on you at all. My son ate six in one day with nary a peep. Or poop.

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  39. I recommend the Fiber One bar. The oats and chocolate one is delicious. I call it the Fiber Two Thousand bar as it is quite powerful. You may want to stay close to home.
    Then again it may have no effect on you at all. My son ate six in one day with nary a peep. Or poop.

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  40. I recommend the Fiber One bar. The oats and chocolate one is delicious. I call it the Fiber Two Thousand bar as it is quite powerful. You may want to stay close to home.
    Then again it may have no effect on you at all. My son ate six in one day with nary a peep. Or poop.

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  41. Six? Those are some stubborn bowels. I will give them a try as a mass exodus would be welcome around here. Well preferably in the oval office. Bah, I loved that one June. I’ll be giggling all day.

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  42. I got dressed for church yesterday, went, then went to the grocery store.
    When I got home and started to change my clothes I discovered…
    I think my fly was down the whole time.

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  43. Hope you all had a fine, fine Easter. We do not do lamb or ham or spam or anything else that rhymes with those words. I do not eat mammals. Nothing with eyelashes. Stopped when I was 18 and never looked back!
    Now, seafood and poultry? I do eat that! We had a lasagna with sauteed talian chicken sausage, onions and spinach, yummy marinara and mozzarella, parmesean and buffalo mozzarella cheesees. It was divine!
    And what is up with all y’all that you don’t poop? Why so stopped up? That is most definitely NOT a problem in this household!
    My mom is going to love this particular subject matter in the comments.

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  44. Perhaps you could call it “rainment” when it is precipitating outside.
    Pal from MA – Do chickens not have eyelashes? (I’m also a vegetarian.)
    Kelly, my fellow Tribesperson – I think God might have more of a hissy fit about the pork than the mixing of meat and dairy. (But I am also non-observant.)
    But what do I know?
    (Oh, I do know that Hulk going to church with his fly down is kind of funny.)

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