FfRan hAtE yoU aLL yOu (a guest post by Francis)

Yesturday wake up. Normal day. Stretsh claws to see they still there. Yes. shiney.

Jump up to bowl. Where fud? Where fud? Where fud? Where fud? Where wawter? Where fud? Wawter? Fud? Fud? Fud? Fud?

Big hair come in. Stop mowin fran. She say. Vet coming and you cant have fud.

Where fud? Where fud? Where fud? Where fud?

Big hair pik fran up and take to other room. Fran never go in there. Never fud in there. White cold theenz in there and cold floor. Not innersting. Then another lady with small hair come in. Her dress white. Big hair and white coat talk to fran like fran crazy WHICH HE NOttT.

Why fran sleepy?

Franfeet…zzzzzzzzzzzz

Wake up. Normal d–hey. Not in angry chair. Stretsh claws to see they still–hay!

Ugg
WHERE fRAn CLAWS?! where CLAws?!

Big hair pik me up. Take me to angry chair. Feel dizzy. What going on? Where fRan fud? Where fud? Wear fud? Fud? Fud? Fud? Fud?

You can have fuud in while, Big Hair say. She looking at square thing she always looking at and clicking on. Fran go in there. Fud? Fud? Fu–THAT FRAN?

Grad
when i graduate?! Whatt my dagree in?

Takefranout
not even like baseball! what we looking at?

Why Big Hair laffing?

Jaunty
knoNW YoU dID sOmeTHinG TO fraN! not lyke jawnty sayler hat!

Plot

If kill Big Hair, who feed fran? Maybe just mame. eet one leg.

stoopid Big Hair.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

135 thoughts on “FfRan hAtE yoU aLL yOu (a guest post by Francis)”

  1. Ann, that visual is very close! My doll had been my grandmother’s so it was very old but it’s the same idea. If we hadn’t been discussing dildos for two days, the Red Riding Hood doll with Big Bad Wolf up her dress would be much more traumatic I think!

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  2. Ann, that visual is very close! My doll had been my grandmother’s so it was very old but it’s the same idea. If we hadn’t been discussing dildos for two days, the Red Riding Hood doll with Big Bad Wolf up her dress would be much more traumatic I think!

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  3. Letha, there was really only My What Big Eyes/Ears/Teeth/Titties (oh wait, different story) You Have and since I was* an only child, I did most of it in my head. I had to concentrate on moving the hat and flipping the skirt and I don’t think I excelled at small motor skills.
    *I still AM an only child. Actually, an orphan. The sun’ll come out … tooooooooooomorrrrrow…

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  4. Letha, there was really only My What Big Eyes/Ears/Teeth/Titties (oh wait, different story) You Have and since I was* an only child, I did most of it in my head. I had to concentrate on moving the hat and flipping the skirt and I don’t think I excelled at small motor skills.
    *I still AM an only child. Actually, an orphan. The sun’ll come out … tooooooooooomorrrrrow…

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  5. Letha, there was really only My What Big Eyes/Ears/Teeth/Titties (oh wait, different story) You Have and since I was* an only child, I did most of it in my head. I had to concentrate on moving the hat and flipping the skirt and I don’t think I excelled at small motor skills.
    *I still AM an only child. Actually, an orphan. The sun’ll come out … tooooooooooomorrrrrow…

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  6. Paula H&B,
    I had the same exact doll! I am wondering if it is still at my parents’ house. I must check next time I am there. It gave me the complete creeps as a child, so I always kept it so Red Riding Hood was the only face up. If it’s there, I will gladly donate it for a BBP giveaway, as I am sure my three-year-old will never sleep again once she sees it.

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  7. I know exactly what Red doll you are talking about. As a child I thought it was the cleverest doll in the world, and I didn’t really even like dolls. I was totally and completely a bookworm. Perhaps I liked that Red doll because it represented, you know, a STORY unlike infant dolls who don’t do anything. There was another similar style doll, but I can’t remember which fairy/folk tale it depicted – maybe 3 Pigs and BBWolf??

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  8. I know exactly what Red doll you are talking about. As a child I thought it was the cleverest doll in the world, and I didn’t really even like dolls. I was totally and completely a bookworm. Perhaps I liked that Red doll because it represented, you know, a STORY unlike infant dolls who don’t do anything. There was another similar style doll, but I can’t remember which fairy/folk tale it depicted – maybe 3 Pigs and BBWolf??

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  9. I know exactly what Red doll you are talking about. As a child I thought it was the cleverest doll in the world, and I didn’t really even like dolls. I was totally and completely a bookworm. Perhaps I liked that Red doll because it represented, you know, a STORY unlike infant dolls who don’t do anything. There was another similar style doll, but I can’t remember which fairy/folk tale it depicted – maybe 3 Pigs and BBWolf??

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  10. My kiddos had puppets that were two or three in one. Red and the wolf with grandma. The prince and the frog. The tortoise and the hare. And so on. Hours of puppeteering fun! But nowhere near as much fun as Knocked Out Fran! Next episode: Fran with Bunny, Franny and Kitty – the Dildo Sisters!!

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  11. Fanny. Fanny is funny. Franny makes no sense. The day this contraption learns that when I type H E L L I mean hell and not he’ll will be a happy day for me! Stop thinking and just PUT THE LETTERS THAT I TYPE!

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  12. PJ who is wondering if she, doggie, and DH will be cowering in a closet before this weather system has passed. says:

    No weather radio, no sirens in the city. Maybe I’ll just take an Ativan and sleep through the whole thing. I’ve always hoped I’d die in my sleep so what’s the worst that can happen? Morbid. I hope everybody is making it safely through Mother Nature’s great rearranging and cleansing.
    I bought my daughter that doll because I wanted one. She ignored it. I played with it a lot.
    Some people play with dolls and some play with cats. Dolls are safer. They have fewer really really sharp edges. Love Fran waking up and checking her claws. Brilliant.

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  13. PJ who is wondering if she, doggie, and DH will be cowering in a closet before this weather system has passed. says:

    I am so traumatized. I had to go visit a kennel (sorry for the foul language) where we may have to leave our 14 year old doggie because our doggie sitter won’t be available and we have several out of town ancient ailing family members we may have to attend to if you catch my drift. No cages, 4×8 indoor air conditioned areas and doggie door to 4×10 outdoor shaded areas. Elevated bed area. And I was still traumatized. My doggie is a palace puppy! Not a kennel hound. I will have a nervous breakdown if I have to leave fluffy guy there! Woe woe woe. He lives with couches, beds and pillows! Treats and kisses and brushes on demand!

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  14. Oh, PJ, so sorry for your doggy concerns. I know that awful feeling. When we were forced to board our previous darling (RIP), we checked doggy spas and luxury kennels,etc. Ended up choosing to board him at our vet. Before the reserved time, I totally bribed them by baking them one cake for every day of boarding. They were thrilled and appreciative, and our sweetie got lots of extra attention and TLC. The good thing is that most dogs (even those as spoiled as ours) are much more resilient than we give them credit for, and acclimate much better than you or I would to the change. He will be okay.
    No rough weather here as yet, either, but we are reticent to retire as there is still so much out there.

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  15. Highly recommend a weather radio, y’all! Really helpful and gives a sense of security this time of year. I hope tonight will be alarm-free, unlike the last two nights. And Easter Sunday.

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  16. Don’t these stinking tornadoes every go to bed for the night? They have been active in the Atlanta area, both north and south of town for several hours. Thankfully, so far they are avoiding my area like the plague. Hope they continue to do so.

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  17. Thank you, kind Sadie! We are cautiously optimistic, based on the weather radio. Wish I could say the same for everyone. Bed sounds good. A demain.

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  18. Bah! The front page of my paper has a picture of a tranquilized BEAR and it is laying in the exact same position as Fran! With the glazed eyes and the tongue! No bunny slippers. Buncha sissy conservationists! They all had their picture taken with the drugged up bear, but did any of them perch a graduation cap on the bear’s head? Noooooooo. Like a bear is any scarier than Fran. Peh.

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  19. Bah! The front page of my paper has a picture of a tranquilized BEAR and it is laying in the exact same position as Fran! With the glazed eyes and the tongue! No bunny slippers. Buncha sissy conservationists! They all had their picture taken with the drugged up bear, but did any of them perch a graduation cap on the bear’s head? Noooooooo. Like a bear is any scarier than Fran. Peh.

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  20. Bah! The front page of my paper has a picture of a tranquilized BEAR and it is laying in the exact same position as Fran! With the glazed eyes and the tongue! No bunny slippers. Buncha sissy conservationists! They all had their picture taken with the drugged up bear, but did any of them perch a graduation cap on the bear’s head? Noooooooo. Like a bear is any scarier than Fran. Peh.

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  21. Good morning. I’m happy to say all of the storms and tornadoes missed us last night, but Alabama and northwest Georgia are a
    another story and a very sad one at that.
    How is everyone this morning? Hope you are all safe.

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  22. Got caught up with the news about the storms last night. Speechless is what I am. Alabama apparently got the brunt of it as well as Georgia. Wondering how Carol from Bama and other southern Pie folks are doing today.

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  23. PJ who is wondering if she, doggie, and DH will be cowering in a closet before this weather system has passed. says:

    Thanks, Letha, for the comforting words. You made me feel better. Bless you.
    I hope everybody has crawled out of their hidey holes to see the light of another day.

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  24. I woke up to a dreadful storm happening in the middle of the night, and it turns out I was holding both dogs, one in each arm. They had their heads in my neck. Thank heavens I have these creatures to protect me.

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  25. I hope everyone in the south is faring well this morning. Thinking of all of you.
    Paula! You have me cracking up as per usual. Sticking to the bunny dildo is going to make me laugh, and gag, all day.

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