Goin’ to the chapel. Which is 8593055 miles long.

Oh, isn't this the best day ever?!

When my alarm went off at 4:50, Tallulah was all, "You have got to be joking." She lifted her head off the pillow, rolled her eyes at me, and went back to bed. Edsel followed me because he has the energy of 10 hummingbirds.

Anyway, I got on my accouterments for Peg's house:

Prettybride
Which along with my pajamas included my QVC Kate Middleton engagement ring and my wedding veil.

And let me tell you something. Walking over to Peg's in this ensemble at 5 a.m. was one thing. Walking back home at 9:00? People should really watch the road more.

USAUSA
Peg was all proud to be an American with her pajams.

Scones
And she had quite the spread, so to speak, and I know these pictures are awful but dude, it was THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, and this was with my PHONE. At any rate, there were scones, and tea, and I made her make coffee which she detested me for, and there was bacon and strawberries and whipped cream.

Comfy
But she had a spot on the couch all set for me.

Waityjuney
And I do not know why I had a different blanket on each leg. IT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Did I mention that?

Anyway.

Here are my thoughts:

Wildaboutharry
I love Prince Harry. I love how he turned around to look at Kate, and William was all being a rule-follower, and waiting until he was supposed to look at her, but Harry was all, screw that. He is so hot, Harry.

As is Pippa. Hello. Who could pull off that dress? That is the meanest bridesmaids dress in the history of time. And yet? She was stunning.

Queen Elizabeth was a marshmallow Peep. Could no one tell her that was not a good shade of yellow? And could she CRACK a smile when everyone is singing that they wish God would save her? I mean, it's kind of a nice wish. Cheer up, sister. You're wearing sunny yellow. Reflect it.

I hate to admit Camilla's dress was pretty.

I thought he would never get that ring on her finger.

Was the reverend or priest or whatever you call Anglican God guys lisping, or was it my scone talking? He was making me think of the guy in Princess Bride. "Wuv, twue wuv."

Okay, and best of all? Sarah Ferguson was not invited, so she said, okay. Let me show you what Ima put my daughters in, then. I do not know if it was Eugenie or Farfernugel, whatever the other one is named, but the one in beige looked like Cindy Lou Who.

I have to go, because I have to WORK. On my DAY. I KNOW! I should totally be at Harry's throwdown later today.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

128 thoughts on “Goin’ to the chapel. Which is 8593055 miles long.”

  1. OMIGAWD, Paula!
    And how are you so funny what with your insomnia and all??? I had one night of 4 hours sleep, and I am bangers and mash royal toast, and you are ALL DAY FUNNY. You and June must share some invincible funny gene. Awed, and dying.
    Respectfully,
    Letha

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  2. What about the Obamas? I am sure there must have been news about this in the past, but I missed it. Were they invited?

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  3. Good point. The part where POSH SPICE was there and not, you know, the mist powerful man in the Western hemisphere struck me as odd, but what do I know.
    Sent from my iPhone

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  4. So much for the old joke about smiling brides because they know their blow job days are over…

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  5. So much for the old joke about smiling brides because they know their blow job days are over…

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  6. So much for the old joke about smiling brides because they know their blow job days are over…

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  7. I didn’t watch the event, but I love your commentary. The hats! Yikes! Queen Peep! Love it.
    Hilariously awesome:
    http://www.slate.com/id/2292419/pagenum/all/#p2
    which I found via Go Fug Yourself, also hilariously awesome.
    Someone, somewhere said something about Posh not ever smiling….I saw an interview, or, more likely, read about an interview in which she explained she never smiles because she hates her smile and thinks it makes her look dumb. Or something. Anyway, it was about insecurity, which made her endearing.
    Peg needs to be cloned. I want her for my neighbor.

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  8. Annie, Hilarious link!
    Also, let us remember that Posh is with monster (child) and has still managed to look smashing, so let us leave it.

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  9. Letha, YES they are all cousins! Google around and you can find a list of all of the people in line to ascend to the British Throne, every crowned head in Europe is in line for the dang thing!! You Elizabeth and Phillip are 3rd cousins, he was a Prince of Greece. Both are descendants of Queen Victoria, as are most of the rest of the crowned heads in Europe. Years ago Elizabeth’s family tree was on the internet and it was all straight lines. Inbreeding-not just for hillbilly’s!

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  10. I’m impressed that none of the horses took a royal poop during any of the pomp and circumstance. Well-trained.

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  11. I’m impressed that none of the horses took a royal poop during any of the pomp and circumstance. Well-trained.

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  12. I’m impressed that none of the horses took a royal poop during any of the pomp and circumstance. Well-trained.

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  13. Paula, I hear they only use anal retentive horses for the big events. Works great, but there is a very long line at the equine facilities afterward.

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  14. *I did see Camilla head to the loo during one of the hymns.*
    I just came back to read any comments that I missed and this one KILLED.ME.DEAD.

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  15. My nine year old daughter said the SAME THING about Fergie’s daughters! We were watching it LIVE together and she said, “Mom! They look like Whos!!!”
    LOL!!!!!!!!

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