I am berserk · June's stupid life

WWKLD?

So, what did y'all all do this weekend? I vacillated between crushing depression and watching Khloe and Lamar. Can anyone tell me why I am remotely interested in what happens to Khloe Kardashian? And yet there I am. Also? Lamar seems like a normal person. Why does he like Khloe? Also also? Why am I… Continue reading WWKLD?

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

Roger goes a-visiting

I think I'm in my angry phase. Yesterday I felt very bitter and unloved, and if I were in the movie Arthur, Hobson would have taken off my racing helmet and slapped me. I was mad at Marvin, and at other people who I thought cared about me who it turns out do not give… Continue reading Roger goes a-visiting

June's stupid life · Photo essays

Kitten violence

andersun kill u! rodgder byte yer hed off! you go hell, stupit kidden! no YUph go hellph. grrrr. grrrrr! kill you and all kidden partz! SHOW U MY TEEFS! THEY FANGY...EVENTUALLY! okaa. we dun killin'. In the parts of the house where we are not tearing each other limb from limb and then getting over… Continue reading Kitten violence

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Don’t bug me

Yesterday that giant scorpion returned. And I do not mean my old boyfriend who was born in November. BAH. A few weeks ago, Tallulah chased some enormous...creature under the corner cabinet, and it was dark in the dining room, so all I knew was some incredibly scary character the size of Sebastian Cabot was lurking… Continue reading Don’t bug me

Friends · June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

Bear with me

Last night in a phone call with my Pal from MA, she said, "HELLO CLITORIS!" and this woman walking past her waved. See, you don't even need to know the context of what we were discussing, because hello. She was talking to me. Conversations with me always take ugly turns such as phrases like HELLO… Continue reading Bear with me

June's stupid life · My pets

Rushin’, so no time to tell you about my Russian

I have to go to work early today, of all days. But (a) Roger loves him. LOVES. (2) Does everyone have fleas now? Cause that's gonna cost me. (14) Do you like the name Pavlov, Sputnik or Stanford Blatch? I can't decide. Oh, and he hates us. He spent the night hiding in the closet.… Continue reading Rushin’, so no time to tell you about my Russian

June's stupid life · Pieces of Wisdom

Pieces of Wisdom: Your Family Secrets Spilled

we gots no secrets. all we do is shed on cowch. that no secret. Yesterday I asked you to reveal your funny family stories and you all came out in droves. Which leads me to wonder if any of your family members would be annoyed at you had they known their humiliation was made public… Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom: Your Family Secrets Spilled

June's stupid life · Pieces of Wisdom

Pieces of Wisdom: Your Dumb Family

My uncle emailed me this weekend to tell me a little story. It seems he and my Aunt Kathy used to live next door to this guy named Dick, who had a bronze car. They were out in a crowded downtown this weekend, and a bronze car went by, and my aunt announced, "Every time… Continue reading Pieces of Wisdom: Your Dumb Family

June's stupid life · My pets

wE haVe GUd daY. byy Talu anN EDSel.

i think we going somewhere fun, edsul. i dont no. edsul scare bak here. oh stop being skare of everytheeng. this gonna be rully rully good, Lu can tell. Beside, mom said it was gunna be fun playse. no. not shur. sometime mom say we going fun playse and it end up we go to… Continue reading wE haVe GUd daY. byy Talu anN EDSel.

Food and Drink · Friends · June's stupid life · My pets

June is up now

Hi! It's 5:11 a.m. and I'm up! I got another hideous migraine yesterday, which resulted in me going to bed at 5 p.m. Nice. S-a-t-u-r-d-a-y...NIGHT! I went to the farmers market with my friend The Other June yesterday and got me 8 hundred thousand strawberries. It's the one remotely healthy food I like. We stayed… Continue reading June is up now

I am berserk · June's stupid life

In which June further proves it is good she did not have kids

Yesterday was a stupid day. First, I got up and played with Roger for awhile, while the dogs were outside. I was throwing his mouse down the hall and suddenly remembered how Henry used to fetch his pink mice for me and got sad. I miss Henry. Then after that depressing realization, I got to… Continue reading In which June further proves it is good she did not have kids

June's stupid life · My pets

Bridge lifter and a burrito kitty

Last night I got home from work to find this: oh! it five o'clock alreadys? rodgder just...trying catch snowflakes. or being supriize. yes. rodgder practice suprise face. He had rolled himself up in the blanket I had sloppily left on the couch. Hey, I live alone, who's gonna notice? Except everyone on the Internet. i… Continue reading Bridge lifter and a burrito kitty

June's stupid life · Not Grace Kelly

Itch, itch. The itch is back.

Last night I was enjoying the overcast spring night that is the South in May. I was walking the hounds, as I am wont to do. The Hounds of Bastardville. Old Digger and Dugger, there, for all your grave extermination needs. Guess who is still irritated. Anyway, there we were. It was lovely and cool;… Continue reading Itch, itch. The itch is back.

Family · June's stupid life

June has to dash. But not to Dash, that the Kardashians own

I worked late last night and then I went out, rocking out with my O'Doul's out, and now I gots no time to blog. I will give you an obligatory blurry Roger picture. I think it's good I did not replace these curtains yet. Although how could you know you are looking at him standing… Continue reading June has to dash. But not to Dash, that the Kardashians own

Gardening · June's stupid life

RIP. Not so much.

My weekend? Pretty good, other than when the dogs dug up my dead cat. Yours? I KNOW. How ludicrous is my life? How ludicrous is poor Frannie's death? He never did like those dogs. Guess who got the last laugh in THAT relationship. When Francis died on Friday, I had to come home and become… Continue reading RIP. Not so much.

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Yeah, so…

I never said I was not berserk. why lu gardin' another kidden? this gonna happen all lu's life? wat you mean, yess? plees to not choowk new kidden. bersserk laydee. This is Roger Sterling. I know. Shut up. I spent all last night grinning at him like an idiot. Sue me. And yes, I am… Continue reading Yeah, so…

June's stupid life · My pets

Wreaking havoc at the Rainbow Bridge

Thank you all for writing me about Francis. My Aunt Kathy called me, sobbing, because she read all the comments you left and she thought it was so nice how you all gathered around and offered support. Plus also, my Aunt Kathy is a very cry-y person. Still. She liked the person who sent me… Continue reading Wreaking havoc at the Rainbow Bridge

June's stupid life · My pets

Maybe my life is TOO MUCH about the pets. You think? (aka And that’s the song of my petttts)

I'm writing this Thursday night, because I have to get up early Friday to take Francis for an ultrasound. Maybe he'll lie on his back and we'll hold paws like couples do on Lifetime when the woman is pregnant. Do you think? The thing is, last time the vet was here she did not like… Continue reading Maybe my life is TOO MUCH about the pets. You think? (aka And that’s the song of my petttts)

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Satellite of Love

So I went to the Office Depot, there, to get more batteries, because Edsel ate the remote control and he chewed up the batteries, as he is a GIANT ASS, and I was hoping new batteries would be all that was needed to fix the remote, because I really did not want to have to… Continue reading Satellite of Love