Okay, my big announcement is…
Hulk and I are ENGAGED!
I'm so happy!
Okay. So not my announcement. No offense, Hulk. Although I am certain Hulk wishes to be engaged to me even less than I to him. How quickly would we slice each other to ribbons, do you think?
Although for two polar opposite people, I get suck a KICK out of Hulk. I wish I could just post our late-night text messages verbatim. We are hilarious. Is what we are.
Maybe some day he will let me tell you about our texts he sent me from the bathroom while he was on a date with someone named after a religious icon. Oh, I was on fire with my funnyness. I have no idea why that relationship did not work out, seeing as he was at the URINAL, TEXTING someone on his DATE.
Oh. But back to my announcement.
Are you ready? You will be shocked to hear this. SHOCKED.
I? Am GETTING A KITTEN!
In six weeks!
I said, when my cats left, that if a kitten should be presented to me, you know, through the cosmos or whatever, or if I see a kitten drinking a Cosmo, I would take it, but I would not go LOOKING for a kitten at the pound or on Craigslist or in any proactive way.
Nor would I buy Proactive.
On Facebook, someone I went to high school with had an announcement this week: "Just found five newborn kittens in the woods behind my house. Am bottle feeding them. They'll be ready in six weeks. Any takers?"
Of course, in my head I was all, Yes. Yes, there is a taker. Sitting right here on her moneymaker. But I am 90 million miles away from my hometown, so I did not reply.
Then that day? I got an invitation for my cousin Maria's wedding shower SIX WEEKS FROM NOW.
I so got on Facebook. I told that poor unassuming girl from high school my whole life story, you know, rather than just a simple "I'll take a kitten!" and she wrote back and told me about all five of them.
Each one is a different color, and I decided to take the cream one. Doesn't that sound refreshing? Cream.
Cream. Get on top. Cream.
I had all kinds of white-cat names in my head, like Blanche or Barry White, then the next day she put up a picture of them, which I will not reproduce here because I have not told her I have a blog and a Greek chorus and 50,000 people demanding a photo, because did I mention she is normal and will take this kitten from me in fear? Also, they are new kittens so they still have that hi-I'm-an-alien-not-really-looking-like-a-cat thing at this point. Anyway. The point is?
He or she is really not white so much as (s)he is the same color as Edsel and Tallulah. Clearly I have a type.
I do have to say that out of the whole pile of alien kittens in the photo? Mind is waving. His (her) little hand is all "heyyyy!" next to that large alien kitty head. I have life-of-the-party kitty.
Isn't it exciting? I have six weeks to prepare. I want to name it kind of a springy foresty name. I thought of Dingle, which means a forest in the valley, because my home town is in a valley, but then I'd have two pets whose names end in "ulll" and that would be wrong.
I have toyed with Forrest if it's a boy. Run, Forrest!
So that is my news. I hope Hulk will enjoy my new kitten, seeing as he is my fiance and all.
A KITTEN!!!! Yay. I like kittens.