Big announcement. Which really should not be such a shocker.

Teef
Ahems. We has your attenshums, pleese.

Okay, my big announcement is…

Hulk and I are ENGAGED!

I'm so happy!

Okay. So not my announcement. No offense, Hulk. Although I am certain Hulk wishes to be engaged to me even less than I to him. How quickly would we slice each other to ribbons, do you think?

Although for two polar opposite people, I get suck a KICK out of Hulk. I wish I could just post our late-night text messages verbatim. We are hilarious. Is what we are.

Maybe some day he will  let me tell you about our texts he sent me from the bathroom while he was on a date with someone named after a religious icon. Oh, I was on fire with my funnyness. I have no idea why that relationship did not work out, seeing as he was at the URINAL, TEXTING someone on his DATE.

Oh. But back to my announcement.

Are you ready? You will be shocked to hear this. SHOCKED.

I? Am GETTING A KITTEN!

!!!!!!!!!

In six weeks!

Yay!

I said, when my cats left, that if a kitten should be presented to me, you know, through the cosmos or whatever, or if I see a kitten drinking a Cosmo, I would take it, but I would not go LOOKING for a kitten at the pound or on Craigslist or in any proactive way.

Nor would I buy Proactive.

On Facebook, someone I went to high school with had an announcement this week: "Just found five newborn kittens in the woods behind my house. Am bottle feeding them. They'll be ready in six weeks. Any takers?"

Of course, in my head I was all, Yes. Yes, there is a taker. Sitting right here on her moneymaker. But I am 90 million miles away from my hometown, so I did not reply.

Then that day? I got an invitation for my cousin Maria's wedding shower SIX WEEKS FROM NOW.

I so got on Facebook. I told that poor unassuming girl from high school my whole life story, you know, rather than just a simple "I'll take a kitten!" and she wrote back and told me about all five of them.

Each one is a different color, and I decided to take the cream one. Doesn't that sound refreshing? Cream.

Cream. Get on top. Cream.

I had all kinds of white-cat names in my head, like Blanche or Barry White, then the next day she put up a picture of them, which I will not reproduce here because I have not told her I have a blog and a Greek chorus and 50,000 people demanding a photo, because did I mention she is normal and will take this kitten from me in fear? Also, they are new kittens so they still have that hi-I'm-an-alien-not-really-looking-like-a-cat thing at this point. Anyway. The point is?

He or she is really not white so much as (s)he is the same color as Edsel and Tallulah. Clearly I have a type.

I do have to say that out of the whole pile of alien kittens in the photo? Mind is waving. His (her) little hand is all "heyyyy!" next to that large alien kitty head. I have life-of-the-party kitty.

Isn't it exciting? I have six weeks to prepare. I want to name it kind of a springy foresty name. I thought of Dingle, which means a forest in the valley, because my home town is in a valley, but then I'd have two pets whose names end in "ulll" and that would be wrong.

I have toyed with Forrest if it's a boy. Run, Forrest!

So that is my news. I hope Hulk will enjoy my new kitten, seeing as he is my fiance and all.

A KITTEN!!!! Yay. I like kittens.

110 thoughts on “Big announcement. Which really should not be such a shocker.

  1. Husband decided to name our new kitten (which we do not have, nor have we even met yet, mind you)….Gene Hackman. That is all.

    Like

  2. I definitly think you should take two kittens, that way they will play with each other and not bother mean old Fran… yes, that is what you should do! Take two girls and name them Pippa and Kate or two boys and name them Will and Harry. Ah hell, take all of them !

    Like

  3. Congratulations on the new kitty. You like kittens? Really? Huh, who would have ever guessed that? Did Dottie ever find a home for that gorgeous kitty? Maybe he could come home with you too.
    Good luck on your first day of work tomorrow.

    Like

  4. We have a saying out here about how picons (or martinis) are like boobs — one’s not enough and three’s too many.
    The same could be said for kittens?
    Cheeto!

    Like

  5. Oh, you should so name her Blanche. Blanche Devmeow. (Or Devmeaux, if you want to be really fancy.)
    Or maybe Betty Offwhite?
    Clearly I need to watch more Golden Girls, is what I need to do.

    Like

  6. OK… enough already… Hooter, the cat.
    When you are inviting dates over you can say “I want to show you my Hooter”….or other occasions…. “Hey Peg, can you watch my Hooter?”, “I’m so sorry I’m late for work, but I had to brush my Hooter”, lastly… “no way Marvin, Hooter is mine!”

    Like

  7. OK… enough already… Hooter, the cat.
    When you are inviting dates over you can say “I want to show you my Hooter”….or other occasions…. “Hey Peg, can you watch my Hooter?”, “I’m so sorry I’m late for work, but I had to brush my Hooter”, lastly… “no way Marvin, Hooter is mine!”

    Like

  8. OK… enough already… Hooter, the cat.
    When you are inviting dates over you can say “I want to show you my Hooter”….or other occasions…. “Hey Peg, can you watch my Hooter?”, “I’m so sorry I’m late for work, but I had to brush my Hooter”, lastly… “no way Marvin, Hooter is mine!”

    Like

  9. I hate to say this, but all I can think of after Cosmo’s Dad’s post is the poor unfortunate cat who came in to our animal shelter with the name Cooter… Yeah, these statements are even more disturbing, then, don’t you agree?
    I could give my favorite example, but I’ll refrain. You’re welcome!

    Like

  10. Why is it that I like inevitable so much? Then you can call her evi and him vi. Congrads on the kitty. I’m trying to get my husband to consent to another bun.

    Like

  11. Terra and I went to see Water for Elephants today. If you liked the book, GO. Really loved it. And Robert Pattinson was surprisingly good. I expected to hate him.
    And yes, I know this is appropo of nothing…

    Like

  12. Furry, I am JUST NOW reading the book, I don’t know what I was waiting for, but am really enjoying it. I have seen Robert P. in a couple of things other than the Twilight stuff, and he has done a great job.
    And my Lulu book arrived yesterday…yay!

    Like

  13. I am incredibly jealous of your getting-a-kitten-soon status. I don’t know if I can really explain it. I was apartment hunting today and the current tenants of both places have kittens so they were like “obviously cats are okay; do you have pets?” and I had that whole annoying-hopeful-probably-slightly-heartbroken-sounding “not YET…” response each time. So I sort of want to say “WHERE ARE THE KITTENS?” but I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t.

    Like

  14. Hello Junie. I was trying to think of woodsy/foresty names for a kitten and suddenly I was thinking of medieval knights and Robin Hood, which led to a girl kitten name of “Gwinny” ..short for Guinevere. But I don’t think that would go with your Gweneth Paltrow policy.
    So instead:
    http://www.cats-tell.com/index.php/catnames
    This is a list of names (with meanings) for cats and a cat personality test to help guide you. You can even get your cat’s horoscope. umm…ok I checked out my cat’s horoscope while I was at the site…which made me feel creepy, like I would actually have cat tea parties and do cat lady things.
    (which would Never happen…I promise).

    Like

  15. L., I have a cat horoscope BOOK. What does that tell you?
    Love,
    June. Who has already pondered the fact that New Kitty is a Taurus, as was her beloved Mr. Horkheimer, so she is glad

    Like

  16. Have you put that statistic book to bed yet so that you too can get a good night sleep?
    Barley
    Furlicity
    Periwinkle
    Ollie Bollie McFollie
    Picatso
    Will kitty be flying back home with you or are you driving?

    Like

  17. They make cat horoscope books? Wow. I can’t tell if I think that’s bullshit or if I really, really want one.
    I was going to suggest Pippa for a kitten-name but it looks CapriLis suggested that way before I came to leave my FIRST comment. Which really only means there are more of us who think it would be an awesome kitty name.

    Like

  18. Texas Kari - seriously, a cat's future shouldn't have much consequence until they're on their eighth life. Until then, why would a cat care?? says:

    A cat horoscope book???
    Do cats reference the book to plan their careers and romances?

    Like

  19. Texas Kari - seriously, a cat's future shouldn't have much consequence until they're on their eighth life. Until then, why would a cat care?? says:

    A cat horoscope book???
    Do cats reference the book to plan their careers and romances?

    Like

  20. Texas Kari - seriously, a cat's future shouldn't have much consequence until they're on their eighth life. Until then, why would a cat care?? says:

    A cat horoscope book???
    Do cats reference the book to plan their careers and romances?

    Like

  21. Ha..Junie. My cat is a Taurus and his personality fits the human Taurus horoscope predictions more than the Cat version. I wish he’d go put on a tie and bring home the bacon so I can break up my romance with the EDD.
    A little trivia: He is a Norwegian FOREST cat. My father’s first name is FOREST.
    (the cat is the Norweggy Forest breed, not my father).
    I am FOND of the name Forest.

    Like

  22. Oh my gosh! I forgot the “I farted at work” story. That was HILARIOUS! I bet THAT’S never happened to Kate! And you handled it with such grace and panache. I will now laugh for no apparent reason at odd and inappropriate moments throughout the day. Someone will say “how about that bin Laden?” and I will bust a gut thinking of June farting at work! Ha! Today just got brightened up!

    Like

  23. aw thank you girls (Furry G., Paula, and Sadie). And I think our lives will be changed by Junie’s adventures at her new job, since we hope she’ll blog about EVERYTHING!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s