Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday: Let me be perfectly clear. And stuff like that.

Oh, I love it when we explore our crabby sides.

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Yesterday I asked all y'all  to mention the petty things that bug you, and it is a shame you hardly had any. I was on the phone (let me put my thumb and pinky up so you know I was on the phone) with my Pal From MA, and I said, "I'd better go pick out my featured comments for tomorrow's Pieces of Wisdom post" and she said, "Yeah, you'd better get on that. You have more than 300 comments." And I said, "I DO?"

They come to me as emails, see. So I often do not know the number. Anyway, your petty annoyances were a great source of amusement for me yesterday and here were some that particularly tickled me.

 

"Hard plastic packaging that you can only get off with tin snips and a blow-torch. And you inevitably hurt yourself in the process."

Posted by: Siren, dammit. | 10 May 2011 at 06:34 PM

YES! Oh, who INVENTED that plastic? I'd like to give them a gallon of water and then encase their personal toilet in that plastic. Is what I'd like to do.

 

"I'll have to add: that Charmin commercial with the bears. UGH! I mean, really! Wasn't Mr. Whipple bad enough? Who thought that bears and TP go together? And why do they want me to think about bear dingle-berries? Disgusting!"

Posted by: Elisabeth (near Seattle). | 10 May 2011 at 01:52 PM

I do not know why this one made me laugh for 109 minutes, except you know how I am about anything poop-related.

 

"People with nothing to say. 'Man, what a day.' What the f*uck does that mean? Did you win the lottery? Get fired? Commit a murder? Then someone goes, 'What happened?' And they go, 'Oh, just crazy…' If it's that big a secret, why did you even mention it? How self-absorbed do you think you are that you feel you have to 'tease' us into finding out what happened? 'Oh MAN! She had a day! I gotta stayed tuned for THIS!' Whatever…"

Posted by: Hulk (It's been quite a day…) | 10 May 2011 at 03:29 PM

Hulk. Being my partner in crab since 1982.

 

"When I order a Club Supreme Sub at Jersey Mike's. Here is what it says on the menu: Turkey, ham, provolone, bacon, mayo. Every time they ask, Do you want bacon? Yes, IT COMES WITH BACON. They don't stop and ask if I want salami when I order an Italian Sub."

Posted by: Carole from Raleigh | 10 May 2011 at 04:19 PM

You know, they do this to me somewhere, too, and I can't think of where. Annoying.

 

"-victoria beckham

-victoria beckham's cheekbones

-body parts of victoria beckham that are not her cheekbones

-posh spice"

Posted by: marzipan who could go on for hours; apparently i'm full of the hate thing | 10 May 2011 at 12:48 PM

Really, how can I follow that up with anything? I'll tell you what Marzipan wants, what he really really wants. He wants to inxay Victoria Eckhambay.

 

"The sound of styrofoam on styrofoam. Sends shivers down me spine!!

The sayings 'At the end of the day' and 'It is what it is.' Really? Can you not think of ANY other way to express yourself except with those tired old phrases?

Watermelon. Its texture skeeves me right out.

That screamy heavy metal music where it sounds like someone is being killed or the low-voiced one that sounds like satan. Why would you want that shit in your earholes?"

Things that give people the willies that make no sense? Like styrofoam on styrofoam? For some reason cracks me up. My friend Donna cannot ABIDE the feel of cotton. In any form. You know that slogan, "The touch, the feel of cotton"? Not so much working for her.
"All that re-posting and chain posting nonsense on Facebook.

Negative comments on FB. If you have nothing nice to say, keep your trap shut or stay off of my page!

Starting off a question with 'Can I ask you a question?' or 'Can I ask you a favor?' JUST ASK ME, ALREADY!!!"

Posted by: My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 and I am easily annoyed | 10 May 2011 at 01:44 PM

Goodness, Pamela and I are the same person.

 

"When people ask really obvious questions, like if I am sitting here with a blanket wrapped around me in my office and fifty people say 'ARE YA COLD?' "

Posted by: Kate | 10 May 2011 at 08:44 AM

Marvin used to ask me what I was doing when I'd be, oh, watching TV or reading a book. I would always say thing like, "I'm cooking up a big pot of stew" or "I'm wildly conducting an orchestra." I wonder why he left? And Kate, the rest of your comment mentioned a bird's nest and the promise of photos and HELLO!

 

"People wearing earpiece phones. Unless you are landing planes at JFK while trying to pick out a breakfast cereal, leave the effing thing in the car. You look like a moron talking to himself everywhere else. You are not important enough. Trust me. If you were, someone ELSE would be buying your Apple Jacks FOR you…"

Posted by: Hulk (What cranky?) | 10 May 2011 at 09:13 AM

Hulk. Continuing in the cranky-pal vein.

 

"Iceberg lettuce."

Posted by: DB in MD | 10 May 2011 at 09:25 AM

Really, you all slayed me yesterday. Good job! Now let's all go out and be happy today.

Because it is what it is.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

241 thoughts on “Pieces of Wisdom Wednesday: Let me be perfectly clear. And stuff like that.”

  1. can’t sing-too distracted-just remembered the camilla/charles phonecall about “i want to be your tampon”-now pictures in my head-including horses and bottle brushes-waaaaaaa

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  2. All this clap talk reminds of the scene in the movie “A League Of Their Own”, when Tom Hanks autographs a ball for some kids. They read it all excitedly:
    “‘Avoid the Clap, Jimmy Dugan’!”
    And as they run away, Tom Hanks yells after them, “THAT’S GOOD ADVICE!”

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  3. All this clap talk reminds of the scene in the movie “A League Of Their Own”, when Tom Hanks autographs a ball for some kids. They read it all excitedly:
    “‘Avoid the Clap, Jimmy Dugan’!”
    And as they run away, Tom Hanks yells after them, “THAT’S GOOD ADVICE!”

    Like

  4. All this clap talk reminds of the scene in the movie “A League Of Their Own”, when Tom Hanks autographs a ball for some kids. They read it all excitedly:
    “‘Avoid the Clap, Jimmy Dugan’!”
    And as they run away, Tom Hanks yells after them, “THAT’S GOOD ADVICE!”

    Like

  5. oh come on…international ass bag is a title you have to earn, i mean the queen did not become what she is because she declared herself queen in a signature line.
    USA assbag must be enough for now…
    if the WHAT??? was about camilla’s and charle’s sex life, you have to ask paula she seems to know what’s going on in royal beds.

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  6. we could play:
    guess how many minutes till june closes the comments?!
    i say 5, maybe less if we go on like that…

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  7. No, Pippa is NOT an anal bleacher. She may have done anal under a bleacher, but did you the size of her??? I don’t think she ever moves her bowels. If she had to do so, she would grow 4 sizes.
    Camilla??? If she hadn’t been banging Charles all these years, that probably would have been her job, Anal Bleacher to the Royals.

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  8. Laughed out loud, Marzipan. * does seem to take the sting out of it…usually.

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  9. Jan I like my tea, hot, cold, warm, iced, as long as it's sweet. And dark as night. I like it BLACK. No milk. says:

    Also? Dad of Cosmo? I still cannot understand the hatred of the sweet tea. I’m befuddled. I’m saddened for you. What joy do you have if not the joy of sweet tea?Sweet tea is my number one comfort food. Even though, technically, it’s not a food. I might go make a cup of hot sweet tea right now.

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  10. Tea tastes like dirt. F*uck off, Jan.

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  11. Tea tastes like dirt. F*uck off, Jan.

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  12. Tea tastes like dirt. F*uck off, Jan.

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  13. Perhaps Jan, Cosmo’s dad has really never had real southern sweet tea. Having lived in the north and the south, there is no comparison. Southern sweet tea is heavenly.
    And the minute Prince Charles was outed with his tampon phrase, I knew he was going to be skipped over for King. And honestly, if some man said that to me, I’d be all, “Eeeew.”

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  14. omg jan, i’m dying because of the picture of camilla with a headlamp and a bottlebrush bleaching her majesty, corgies barking, phil taking pictures….

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  15. So, Marzi, along with the headlamp, I imagine Camilla was also armed with the Royal Canary to check for toxicity.

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  16. So, Marzi, along with the headlamp, I imagine Camilla was also armed with the Royal Canary to check for toxicity.

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  17. So, Marzi, along with the headlamp, I imagine Camilla was also armed with the Royal Canary to check for toxicity.

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  18. I remember the Aurora lilac scented toilet paper. It was so soft and fluffy, and it clogged up our plumbing like a Mofo.

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  19. paula does she send the canary in first? is she allowed to use TNT? is the headlamp attached to a tiara? does philip take pictures or is that the royal photographer’s job?

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  20. Well … the Royal Canary certainly has a little tiara. Camilla has a bejeweled miner’s helmet. And I think Philip is still recovering from having to be awake and upright for the duration of the recent wedding.

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  21. Well … the Royal Canary certainly has a little tiara. Camilla has a bejeweled miner’s helmet. And I think Philip is still recovering from having to be awake and upright for the duration of the recent wedding.

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  22. Well … the Royal Canary certainly has a little tiara. Camilla has a bejeweled miner’s helmet. And I think Philip is still recovering from having to be awake and upright for the duration of the recent wedding.

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  23. Jan, I lived in Memphis for 4 years, hey neighbor Miss Fur-G, I like the tanins in black tea, a little lemon is fine… not a huge sweet tooth. I like my vodka iced too.

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  24. Jan, I lived in Memphis for 4 years, hey neighbor Miss Fur-G, I like the tanins in black tea, a little lemon is fine… not a huge sweet tooth. I like my vodka iced too.

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  25. Jan, I lived in Memphis for 4 years, hey neighbor Miss Fur-G, I like the tanins in black tea, a little lemon is fine… not a huge sweet tooth. I like my vodka iced too.

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  26. Good observation Zadge. I innocently started at the bottom of the comments and scrolled up, reading it in reverse order…what’s scary is…it all makes sense to me???

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  27. I have just realised this morning that you’ve all helped to teach me how to use the powers of nice-ness to actually be horribl! The early morning commuter who elbowed me away from the ticket machines got a chirpy “good morning!” and I enjoyed seeing her wince. Mwhahahaha!

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