Yesterday I asked you to reveal your funny family stories and you all came out in droves. Which leads me to wonder if any of your family members would be annoyed at you had they known their humiliation was made public in such a fashion. I mean, as much as this blog can be considered "public."
Let's stampede to some of your family stories, shall we?
Oh, wait. How annoying am I? There was one story I cannot recall if I ever told you before or not from my OWN family and I will tell that first. Because it's my blog.
My grandfather (Chuck, or Cluck) was an excellent guy. He said when he died, he didn't want any fuss. "Just stick a bone up m'ass and let the dogs drag me away," he'd say.
He died really suddenly and pretty much without suffering, which is good, but we were all pretty surprised that morning at Snow Funeral Home when we found ourselves planning his arrangements.
"What shall we do with the body?" asked Mr. Snow, the owner.
All of a sudden, we all had the same thought. Every one of us wanted to say, "Oh, just stick a bone up his ass." I am certain Mr. Snow must have thought we were terrible people to be snickering like that.
Even worse, days later when my father called to see if in fact Mr. Snow had cremated my grandfather and NOT done the bone thing, dad must have been playing a word association game in his mind, because instead of asking for Mr. Snow, he said, "Yes. Is this Jack Frost?"
My aunt and I died laughing. Died. And you know Mr. Snow heard us. He probably thought no family was ever so delighted to see a man dead as my poor grandfather.
But enough about me (hah!). On to your tales.
Posted by: Paula H&B | 24 May 2011 at 08:35 AM
"Once, we were in the car, and our parents let us choose the music. As Will Smith’s “Getting’ Jiggy With It” was playing, we kids were all bobbing our heads, singing along, and my stepdad looked at my mom and said, 'What’s he saying? Get the chicken ready?'
I still think of that every time I hear Will Smith sing.
Also: my stepdad’s deafness has, after many years of the TV blaring, given my mother hearing problems too. I once sat in the living room and heard my parents have this conversation not two feet away from one another.
Dad: Did you get potato chips at the store?
Mom: I didn’t know you needed toothpicks.
Dad: I didn’t say toothpaste."
Posted by: MO from MO | 24 May 2011 at 12:38 PM
"When I was a teenager, there were way more female people in our house than menfolk. Which meant a lot of people on synced up menstrual cycles. And my step-father was the king of saving a buck or two. So he figured out that going to Safeway and buying the tampax by the giant case was way cheaper than making monthly trips. He goes and gets his giant case of tampax and heads to the checkout lane and the highly embarrassed teenaged checker girl looks at him quizzically. And he said . . . . . .
'I smoke 'em'"
"My brother and I went to church with some neighbor friends. When we got home, mom asked how we liked it. 'It was fun,' my brother said, 'We played hide and seek in the stinkys.'
Pews. We were playing in the pews."
Posted by: Darcy | 24 May 2011 at 04:03 PM
And one more from Paula H&B, because Paula H&B is funny. Is what she is.
Posted by: Paula H&B | 24 May 2011 at 04:52 PM
Oh, you all had so many stories. Just reading them again made me chuckle. Go read yesterday's comments if you want to see all of them.
In other non-family-story news, remember how I was all set to get that cream-color kitten next month when I go to my home town? It DIED yesterday. Poor little thing. It was being bottle-raised and sometimes that happens with orphaned kittens. Also, it was going to be mine, and I have a black cloud over my head or I'm Angela Lansbury of kittens or something.
So there went that friend for Roger.
But there are other kittens in the world…