WWKLD?

So, what did y'all all do this weekend? I vacillated between crushing depression and watching Khloe and Lamar. Can anyone tell me why I am remotely interested in what happens to Khloe Kardashian? And yet there I am. Also? Lamar seems like a normal person. Why does he like Khloe? Also also? Why am I asking myself these questions as though they matter?

Lamar-odom-and-khloe-kardashian-wedding-picture_375x479
Do you ever get the feeling, on these holiday weekends, that everyone else is whooping it up and you are the only one weeping and watching Khloe and Lamar on E? A friend of mine emailed and said, "Ima call you later, but you'll probably be out."

"Where the hell would I be?" I asked her.

"I don't know. Wherever people without kids go on Saturday nights."

See. Everyone thinks everyone else is having fun, and really the only people having fun are Khloe and Lamar.

I need to stop thinking about those two.

In other news, I bought this:

Tools
It's a whole girly tool kit. Look at that determined, newly divorced woman. She is putting up a hanger for her ex's testicles. She hasn't washed her hair in a week. I feel ya, sister.

Also, has Susan G. Komen taken over the whole damn world? I just realized I bought Susan G. Komen tools. It's like Susan G. Komen has trademarked the color pink.

I used my new tools to put up my $5 eBay photos in the hallway.

Dogs I had that same tight-lipped, "IMA DO IT!" expression as I put up my dog paint-by-numbers…

Fleurs and my magnolias. If anyone tells me I hung them crooked I will drive to your house and shoot drill bits up your nose holes with my Susan G. Komen drill. I DON'T CARE. I'm doing the best I can, okay?

It's kind of redundant of me to put up paintings of dogs, isn't it? I mean, why don't I just put up paintings of big hair or sad middle-aged women? Have I mentioned I have moved into a bitter phase?

Once I worked at a place on the 34th floor, and we had a photograph of our view. It was all matted and framed, there, in the office. I thought that was so stupid. I mean, we should have just put a picture of the back of the secretary's head on the wall behind her while we were up.

A picture of the view. It still bugs me. No one else at work thought that was dumb.

Anyway, this bitter old hag had better get up and continue on with her life. The only way out is through, as they say. You know what else they say?

"What would Khloe and Lamar do?"

167 thoughts on “WWKLD?

  1. Texas Kari who thinks dorm living was super fun at age 17 - and notsomuch at 43. Guess who shamelessly took a glass of wine to the dining room every night? Marched right in the front door with it. says:

    June,
    I think your pictures look delightful and they appear to be completely level on the wall. Way to go, giiiirrrrlllll!
    I missed you all and am glad to be back. I was on a school competition trip with my daughter. We had six fifth graders on a college campus for six days. Let me tell you, four adults could barely manage that group!

    Like

  2. Texas Kari who thinks dorm living was super fun at age 17 - and notsomuch at 43. Guess who shamelessly took a glass of wine to the dining room every night? Marched right in the front door with it. says:

    June,
    I think your pictures look delightful and they appear to be completely level on the wall. Way to go, giiiirrrrlllll!
    I missed you all and am glad to be back. I was on a school competition trip with my daughter. We had six fifth graders on a college campus for six days. Let me tell you, four adults could barely manage that group!

    Like

  3. Hulk (Dang June. I used to get the chicks, man. Then I got married. It all went down hill from there...) says:

    I wasn’t any better-looking in 1984, AA. Less poofy…

    Like

  4. Hulk (Dang June. I used to get the chicks, man. Then I got married. It all went down hill from there...) says:

    I wasn’t any better-looking in 1984, AA. Less poofy…

    Like

  5. Hulk (Dang June. I used to get the chicks, man. Then I got married. It all went down hill from there...) says:

    I wasn’t any better-looking in 1984, AA. Less poofy…

    Like

  6. I agree with Lilly! Horseback riding lessons. It would be great if you can find a laid back facility where you can be taught all about horses from the ground up.
    With your love of animals, I believe you would have a blast. You meet a lot of great people, mostly animal friendly.

    Like

  7. Ooohh, can there be stardust sprinkled everywhere? He’ll have to use a lot because he probably has hairy arms. And legs.

    Like

  8. I do not think Hulk is poofy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I saw the picture of him ice fishing.

    Like

  9. I do not think Hulk is poofy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I saw the picture of him ice fishing.

    Like

  10. I do not think Hulk is poofy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I saw the picture of him ice fishing.

    Like

  11. I know the Buckeyes logo is red and white and black, but do you think on the bodice if Hulk would mind if we made the red color more of a pinkish color and the black more of a mint green?

    Like

  12. Thanks Hulk; now I will have Pink Floyd in my brain for approximately four days. Not that that’s a bad thing, mind you…
    But how do you dance in the tutu to PF?

    Like

  13. Do Buckeye ballerinas wear a tiara when dancing to Pink Floyd?

    Like

  14. Things I learned during the pain. Only one of which is from a book.
    1. We are all just poor slobs trying to be loved and often doing it poorly. Hating get us nowhere.
    2. You can’t build happiness with someone else’s pain as the foundation.
    3. Three out of four men leave for someone else. Three out of four women leave to be alone.
    4. We all eventually do something we didn’t believe we were capable of doing.

    Like

  15. When my husband left I bought a chain saw. I am woman, hear me CUT THE SHIT OUT OF STUFF. Also, enough of those pansy ass pink tools…buy the good stuff. They will last longer. Go to Home Depot and get some good tools and a good DeWalt drill. I am 5 years into this divorce thing…still sad at least once every day. I miss that assole and I wish I could get to the mad stage. There are however, enough moments of happiness each day to make life worth living.

    Like

  16. See? Hulkapalooza will be a lot more fun if PJ stays in the car. Though with one beer I can do some pretty good impersonnations. And Hulk said he had a pool. I’ve never tried one of Esther Williams but my best friend and I can bring down the house doing our version of synchronized swimming.

    Like

  17. Carole, I bought a chain saw, too! And was the envy of my wimpier girl friends.
    I am woman, hear me CUT THE SHIT OUT OF STUFF. Killed me. I cut down many a, well, not tree exactly, but mighty big shrub. I said to my mother one day that some days I just feel like cutting something down. She had no idea what I meant. My mother is wimpy.

    Like

  18. Every time I see “WWKLD?” I think “What would Kenny Loggins do?”
    I think every woman should have her own power drill. And circular saw. And pry bar. And hammer. With that and some nails there is very little you can’t take apart or put together.

    Like

  19. June, I was happy to see your note about not being mean to Marvin. You certainly haven’t been and I respect that about you sister. I can appreciate that your loyal supporters are all about you (me too) but he seems like a nice enough guy. When you’re ready, there are men who will appreciate your intelligence and wicked crazy wit. Maybe a really young one at first, (you know, for fun) and then someone who will actually remember Square Pegs, possibly be able to sing the theme song. Until then, Khloe and Lamar is likely the mindless entertainment you needed this weekend. I know you’re sad. And that makes me so. But, as long as you have your sense of humor, you’ll be ok. Probably even better than that.

    Like

  20. PJ who is posting because she has come to a boring part of her novel and keeps going back to her computer. says:

    DonnafromBoulder. I wish I knew you. And lots of other people on this site, too. I couldn’t name you all.

    Like

  21. June, have you ever heard the explanation about if a group of people were to all put their problems into the middle of the room and told to pick one they would most likely take their own problem back? We’re familiar with our problem, we’ve adjusted to our own problem, other people’s problem’s are scarier. My point is, you do NOT want us to flood you with our stinkin’ problems to make you feel better, do you? Cause, we can do it! Oh, yes we can! There’s enough suckiness to go around and around and around. Keep venting. It’s healthy. One day at a time. Tomorrow will be better. : )

    Like

  22. Purr Purr Purr! How I long for that…but I’m so allergic!
    Hang in there, June. You have more love here on this blog than anyone I ever saw!

    Like

  23. Somehow those Kardashians suck me in every time. I find myself watching for hours. I am behind in all of my Real Housewives. Stupid thing called work is getting in the way of my trashy tv.
    You are a wonderful writer and keep us all so amused.
    Fifthly, I love the pics. They look great– green with envy.

    Like

  24. Hello June, you don’t know me but I’m a good friend of Tallulah’s on facebook. I’m delurking long enough to say YOU’VE BEEN NICE LONG ENOUGH ABOUT MARVIN!! Good to finally hear you kick it up a little, you have permission to continue.

    Like

  25. All these tools. Bah.
    Duct tape and WD40.
    If it moves and it shouldn’t: duct tape.
    If it doesn’t move and it should: WD40.

    Like

  26. All these tools. Bah.
    Duct tape and WD40.
    If it moves and it shouldn’t: duct tape.
    If it doesn’t move and it should: WD40.

    Like

  27. All these tools. Bah.
    Duct tape and WD40.
    If it moves and it shouldn’t: duct tape.
    If it doesn’t move and it should: WD40.

    Like

  28. I remember Bruce Jenner back in the day, before the “work” and the Khardashians. Can anyone say “track shorts”? Hubba hubba!
    My mom always said we could come back home as long as we didn’t have a large dog or a small baby.

    Like

  29. I remember Bruce Jenner back in the day, before the “work” and the Khardashians. Can anyone say “track shorts”? Hubba hubba!
    My mom always said we could come back home as long as we didn’t have a large dog or a small baby.

    Like

  30. I remember Bruce Jenner back in the day, before the “work” and the Khardashians. Can anyone say “track shorts”? Hubba hubba!
    My mom always said we could come back home as long as we didn’t have a large dog or a small baby.

    Like

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