Dear Ginny…

I am weak.

WEAK, I tell you. From the laughing.

One of my commentors told me to go on Damn You Autocorrect, and I demand that you all stampede from my blog and look at it now.

Goodbye.

For those of you who came back and did not actually die of laughter, hi! Welcome back. Did you get to the guy who said, "God doughnut"? Because at that point I thought I'd never draw breath again.

Speaking of funny, sometimes at work, this proofreader has to use my computer because her Adobe does not work very well on hers.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! Whooo!

Okay, that wasn't the funny part. So, Adobe works great on my computer, because apparently mud huts and I work great together, and I am always happy to oblige her. And sometimes when I'm over at her desk, I have down time. The other day I noticed she had the book Bossypants by Tina Fey on her desk.

I am sorry to tell you that I opened it up.

The reason I am sorry to tell you that is because for the rest of the day I was TOTALLY IRRITATED when people brought me actual work to do. Did they not SEE I was trying to READ the funniest book of ALL TIME?

That book is hilARious. I want to BE Tina Fey, except that I don't really want to LOOK like Tina Fey. I know people think she's cute, but I am fine with my own looks. I mean, I'm no beauty queen, but I have settled into this large hair and bulbous nose. However, that is neither here nor there.

The point of this whole story, other than the obvious part where I have no work ethic, is that Tina Fey brought up something from my past that I had COMPLETELY forgotten, and once she reminded me I had to remind all of you.

Growing
When you were almost an adolescent, did your mom or your school or your Girl Scout troop or SOMEONE (I really have no idea how I got mine) get you the Modess Maxi Pad Growing Up and Liking It kit?

It was this whole collection of things to bleed on, along with the '70s-looking booklet above, which I totally want to make my computer wallpaper and my wallpaper on ALL my walls at home, and that green box below that I totally remember with that Medusa-looking woman that had who knows what in it, and belts because it was 1765, and I don't know what else. (If you click on these images you can see them better. Because who doesn't want to zoom in on pictures of feminine protection?)

Kit

Who needs that many pads? For the many moods of your period. I mean, mine has one mood. On. Oh, and by the way, to the three men who read this? Today's post may not be for you. FYI.

Ginny
I remember reading the booklet–which contained these important and very realistic letters between Ginny, Patty and Donna–like they contained the secrets of the universe. I didn't know if I wanted to be Ginny, whose font I liked, or Donna, who had kittens. Plus, Donna got to get her period first.

LUCKY!

I would give my left pad to have this kit again. The one from 1972 or whenever I had it. I mean, I'm sure I didn't receive it in 1972, as I would have been six, and hi, what kind of hormones would have been IN my milk? But I think the year my personal, thrilling YOU'RE GONNA GROW UP AND YOU ARE GONNA SMILE LIKE A FLOWER OVER IT! kit was the '72 version.

Please tell me someone else remembers this kit and I am not crazy.

Luv and stuff,

June, who would sooner safety pin a pad to her underwear than plant flowers with eyeballs

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

227 thoughts on “Dear Ginny…”

  1. Dear Goddaughter, I had forgotten that your mother went on a 5 day silent retreat the day after you started. And diva cups? I missed that one. Guess I was crying too hard to hear.
    Anyway, you were killing me. I did not approve of the tea so I guess your mother never told me it was called a First Moontime Tea. She would have been able to hear my eyes roll 600 miles away.

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  2. Vics, They were called Sanitary Belts and they were horrible and they slipped around and you had to wash them by hand. Seriously, go to the link Tracey S posted above. There is actually a Museum of Menstruation site.

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  3. Amish Annie thinks Sadie must be in Aruba or the Dominican Republic or abducted by aliens, there must be a tangible explanation for her absence. says:

    Letha, I have been wondering about Sadie too. Even though I don’t really *know*know* Sadie, I have missed her presence here the last few days. She’s always the first to mention the concern of Pieland people experiencing bad weather among other things.

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  4. I did not get a kit. But I did get a big fat “F” …in Health Ed. I drew ovaries in the profile view of the male body. Come on??? I couldn’t really figure out why we had to trace out that elephant trunk-y thing, but when I got to the ovaries, that I enjoyed.
    I had no clue.
    Did not know much about what was to happen. And it happened AT school, the day I wore my brand new white pants.
    Yeah. My mother hustled herself down to the school and came to get me out of the Nurse’s office.

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  5. I had a bloody nose in the night and when I mentioned it to my mom, she panicked and sent me upstairs with THE BOOK and a belt. I thought it was a broken garter belt! And couldn’t figure out why Mom made me read the book over a bloody nose….

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  6. Amish Annie thinks Sadie must be in Aruba or the Dominican Republic or abducted by aliens, there must be a tangible explanation for her absence. says:

    Paulo the pool boy must be all up in Sadie’s business; that’s the only reasonable explanation for her not commenting on Hulk’s tutu and his sparkly stardusted tennies yesterday.

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  7. This Diva Cup thing looks like something I’d mess up or make a mess of, for sure. I mean, I got pregnant while faithfully using a diaphragm. God donut! I hated using that and this Diva device sounds like whole bunches of trouble plus it seems, um, untidy.

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  8. Oh, I do remember something like this. But of course I went to a Catholic school and the nuns would not really tell it like it is and we watched this filmstrip (BEEP!) that showed Susie meeting her “special friend” and I was like wha?!? I think I have enough friends thank you very much. So that was me completely unprepared. I think this kit would have been awesome!
    When I came home from Girl Scout camp that sucked the big one because not only did I have a home perm the day before I left (which meant no swimming in the fiery furnace of July) but I got my first period when I was 11-almost-12, and when I went home I was scared to tell my mom. When I did she said, “Oh I have been waiting for this!” and went into the hall closet and took out a box of OB tampons. Um. Yeah. What was I supposed to do with that? Needless to say I was completely on my own. My own daughter is 10 and we had the talk with the moms and the daughters at the school library with this very funny and real school health nurse. There are so many more resources today and I am taking this whole thing much more seriously than my own mom did. The only thing they don’t give you now is the belts.
    Thanks for the wicked fun memory, Miss June!
    Enjoy the day!
    Erin

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  9. You know, Hulk should be all up in today’s comments – he’s got the Hulkette and her emotionally balanced future to consider. June should send him a book to give to the Hulkette — after he’s read it, of course…

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  10. Diva cup. I have NEVER understood that concept. You just rinse it out. Really? Where? No thanks. I’d really rather not.
    Menopause can’t come fast enough for me.

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  11. Wow! Does this bring back memories! I remember “the talk”, my nun told the girls in my class that we needed to stay after school for a special movie. The fifth and sixth grade girls were invited, the girls who had older sisters (Mitzi F, that tramp) seemed to know what was going to happen, I was blissfully unaware. I remember that we met in the basement of St Irene’s school and that the nuns showed us this movie where the girl our age was going through this thing where she was going to get her period. I remember a part in the movie where she was talking to her older sister and she wondered when she was going to get her first period. Her older sister said, “Well, the way you’ve been acting lately, I would think it will be soon!” I still don’t know what the hell that meant. Was she a b*itch on wheels, did she burst in to tears at the sight of Topogigo on the Ed Sullivan Show? What?
    I remember that we got a sample pad and “the belt”, Geez! It was so exciting! My Mother kept telling me how lucky I was, when this all happened to her, she had to use old rags. She also got a book entitled, “How Shall I tell My Daughter” I remember finding it in her underwear drawer and feeling embarrassed that she had to find out through a book. My Mom had a great way of discussing anything female oriented, she would iron with her back to me and work on the same shirt the whole time. So, what was worse, the ironing, ignorant Mother, or the Mom who hosted the neighborhood Moon Tea?
    I had a girlfriend, who used to be an emergency nurse in a large hospital in downtown Chicago. She couldn’t believe the things people would shove up their whatever. Lightbulbs that shattered, mustard jars that got stuck and the woman who arrived in the ER insisting that she has a “tree up her kitty cat”. Apparently, she had stuck a sweet potato up there and it had been there so long that it sprouted…my hand to God, I’m serious.

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  12. The Diva Cup. Is that top-shelf dishwasher safe or what? At least then I would understand why NO ONE empties the dishwasher around here.
    Thank GOD I had my whore of a uterus yanked out.

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  13. The Diva Cup. Is that top-shelf dishwasher safe or what? At least then I would understand why NO ONE empties the dishwasher around here.
    Thank GOD I had my whore of a uterus yanked out.

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  14. The Diva Cup. Is that top-shelf dishwasher safe or what? At least then I would understand why NO ONE empties the dishwasher around here.
    Thank GOD I had my whore of a uterus yanked out.

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  15. i’ve heard about that damn you, autocorrect site, but never checked it out – thanks for the reminder! i lost it at ‘damn you, lazy rectum’ and never recovered…

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  16. omg – kept reading and ran across the god donut post. i’m dying.

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  17. Joan, I am certain Hulkette would not think I was creepy at all. Oh, wow, that…woman who I met once, who borrowed my cat stuffed animal for Halloween, sent me a period book! …Yeah. Hunh.

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  18. Top shelf dishwasher safe…killing me.

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  19. I got the kit and totally remember the woman with the scary hair (and my own 6th grade hair looked pretty much like that if my mom didn’t braid it!)
    We had “sex-ed” class at our elementary school! I’m not sure if there was a more pc name for it– it was 1975, not much concern for pc back then… we all called it “sex ed”. It was a one-day class, and for the girls, it was in 5th grade and again in 6th grade. They used to put dark paper over the windows in the classroom, including the little glass strip in the door, so no one could peep in at the fascinating filmstrips! The boys only went in 6th grade, and we all had the same class, but the boys were in one classroom, the girls in another… we were totally grossed out knowing the boys were watching the same flimstrip!
    The really annoying thing was, in 5th grade, the boys got to go FISHING that day!! I can still remember them walking by the classroom windows (before the dark paper went up) and we could see them all with their stupid fishing poles!! My friend Donna and I looked at each other in horror! “Hey, how come we can’t go fishing with the boys???”
    Clearly, it was a little early for “sex ed” for Donna and me.
    Thanks for the memories!

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  20. I missed all the trips down memory lane, because of all things, that very day, I was in the hospital, having the source of your conversation removed! Do I win a prize for timing? (as lovely as the menopause kit sounds, it’s a few days late for me. I reckon you could just send the vodka?) By the way, my stitches are screaming at me after reading the combination of “Autocorrect” and kit stories!

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