Bed Bath & Infinity & Beyond

Last night I went to the black Bed Bath & Beyond to get a shower gift for my cousin. I guess that sounds racist. Not the part where I got a shower gift for my cousin, the part where I called it black Bed Bath & Beyond.  It’s really just an observation. I always seem to be the only white person in there.

I have decided either (a) no white people  in the South shop at Bed Bath & Beyond or (xii) there is a  more suburban BB&B somewhere and I just don’t know about it. But no one at my black Bed Bath & Beyond seems to care about my white self in there, so I’ve never bothered looking for the vanilla one.

Well. Except for the occasional awkward time I get put in people’s carts. “I’ve been looking for a white girl! Somebody must have set her down in the wrong place. Let’s ask the clerk where the rest are kept so we can see if they have any newer ones.”

Story of my life.

At any rate, my cousin Maria is getting married this summer IN INDIA, and she is also having a ceremony in our hometown and I wonder which one is going to be more exotic? So her shower is this weekend and I am going home for it.

I like shopping for people’s registered gifts. Do you? I like to see what they’ll pick. She picked all brightly colored towels, whereas I would have gone for, you know, light blue and cream. I am so boring.

Curtains Here is the shower curtain she registered for. Isn’t it pretty? I just love it. I don’t think Maria ever reads my blog, but if she does, the part where this is now in my home might tip her off to her gift from me.

And thank heavens it’s organic. Why must everything be organic now? Organic is the new natural. Remember when everything was natural? Sugar Pops! 100% natural! Or fat-free. Everything was fat-free. Fat-free pork chops! Fat-free grizzle!

My point is, and I really don’t have that much of a point, my mother had sent me a 20% coupon for black Bed Bath & Beyond (TO BE USED ONLY IN STORES WHERE MAJORITY OF CUSTOMERS ARE NONWHITE) and I got to the counter, she rang up my purchases, and THEN I remembered I had a coupon. Of course there were people behind me in line. And do you think I could find my coupon? It was in the vast cavern that is my purse. London, my checkout clerk, was very kind but you know secretly she was all, “Will you hurry it UP, you big-haired old biddy.”

I finally found it, in the stupid front pocket of my purse, and who’d think to look for it conveniently located THERE, and then of course London had a terrible time reversing my charges and basically everyone in line came at me with pitchforks and torches. I was so THAT person last night.

So tomorrow I fly to Michigan and Sleeping Beauty has written a guest post for y’all about her horrid experiences with Match.com. Be sure to tell her your horrid childbirth stories in retaliation.

Finally, since I went maybe two days without pictures of the pets, I received many, “WHERE ARE THE PETS!?!” comments, so here are my pack o’shedders.

Thinkinboutmsquirrl I got a squeaky squirrel for Edsel, who if he doesn’t have something to chew and destroy moves on to my personal items, and have I mentioned he has eaten TWO of my favorite earrings? Just one from each set, so I hope that whole asymmetric one earring thing comes back. Anyway, Tallulah immediately stole the toy, because she is a dick. And what was fun? Trying to sleep through, “SQUEEEEEK! SQUEEK-A SQUEEK-A SQUEEEEEEEEEEK! SQUEE SQUEE!”

Blurryteefs “y edsull not have skweek?” Do you see where he ate his ID tag and now it’s just a skeleton? If lost, call a skeleton. Jerk.

Tailattacker “rodgder give 2 shytes bout yer skweek toy. you should play wif yer tail. it hours entertaynmint.”

Chinakitty Anderson is almost impossible to photograph because he’s so friendly. As soon as he sees you, he walks right over and all you get is one huge picture of his gray face. But here he was checking out the china cabinet. Perhaps he’s having a dinner party in my absence. Also, do you enjoy the photo I have put in that frame Faithful Reader Laurie gave me? Classy. Nothing says home like an empty frame.

Freindswhen And when did these two start hanging all the time? “let be bad, edsul!” “no. edsel feer.” I cannot imagine what they have in common.

Okay. Talk at you from the mitten state.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

136 thoughts on “Bed Bath & Infinity & Beyond”

  1. Garden Girl, maybe you can copy and paste your comment from Roofie Coladas to today’s post.

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  2. Garden Girl, maybe you can copy and paste your comment from Roofie Coladas to today’s post.

    Like

  3. Duffylou - all three of my kids were premature and i HATED being pregnant-i love the results just not the brewing time says:

    Twenty seven years ago today at 4:58 pm, I gave birth to my oldest son, Andy.
    I got to the hospital at 3:30. Epidural took effect at 5:10. Ta da! Not too happy with Dr. Anesthesiologist.

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  4. SB, I had both of my babies on their due dates, completely drug-free, and they were each born under an hour after we got to the hospital! (My son was born 40 minutes after we got there. Two years later, my daughter was born 25 minutes after we got there.) Seriously, I have had stomach viruses that were more painful, messier and noisier than childbirth. Piece.Of.Cake.

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  5. SB, I had both of my babies on their due dates, completely drug-free, and they were each born under an hour after we got to the hospital! (My son was born 40 minutes after we got there. Two years later, my daughter was born 25 minutes after we got there.) Seriously, I have had stomach viruses that were more painful, messier and noisier than childbirth. Piece.Of.Cake.

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  6. SB, I had both of my babies on their due dates, completely drug-free, and they were each born under an hour after we got to the hospital! (My son was born 40 minutes after we got there. Two years later, my daughter was born 25 minutes after we got there.) Seriously, I have had stomach viruses that were more painful, messier and noisier than childbirth. Piece.Of.Cake.

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  7. Duffylou - all three of my kids were premature and i HATED being pregnant-i love the results just not the brewing time says:

    I have a bridge for sale…

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  8. Amish Annie, so I can jab them in my ears when tomorrow's Match.com DATING post turns to chilbirth stories says:

    Ima gonna go sharpen some pencils for tomorrow.

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  9. Love Talu’s face looking out the window. We ask about the pets because we love them and know they will miss you, June!
    I have been home from my last day of school for 11 minutes and the 2 kitties have not been more than 2 centimeters away from me.
    Have a fun trip to Michigan!

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  10. Lisa Pie, I knew you would jump in and say the right thing to Sleeping Beauty!
    I think the best advice I ever got in regards to pregnancy/motherhood was to make decisions on my own terms. The very same decision can be celebrated or vilified. It just depends on your audience.
    We had a neighbor at our last house who was HORRIFIED that Steve was away two evenings a week (retail) because that meant we didn’t have dinner as a family every night. *gasp* Oh, the horror.

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  11. Duffylou, I SWEAR! Hand to God! I was roundly hated for it, too! Don’t worry, I paid for it when my son was in his teens!!

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  12. Duffylou, I SWEAR! Hand to God! I was roundly hated for it, too! Don’t worry, I paid for it when my son was in his teens!!

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  13. Duffylou, I SWEAR! Hand to God! I was roundly hated for it, too! Don’t worry, I paid for it when my son was in his teens!!

    Like

  14. Okay, thanks June and Sadie….glad I’m not the first to post a comment accidentally on the wrong day. I’ll see if I can copy and paste. If you don’t see it over here, you’ll know I couldn’t. :0) (And I’m too lazy to retype it.) lol.

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  15. Hulk, is that where I got it? I remember sharing the hotdog line with my cousin after she gave birth last fall and she nearly killed me.

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  16. We are white. And we “look” very white, what with our tailored clothes and my Brighton Jewelry. Our 18 year old daughter’s best friend all through school has been a beautiful girl of color. Love, love, love that girl. We consider her another daughter. She would travel with us on summer vacay and our daughter would travel with her family on summer vacay. True story…..around junior high school our daughter traveled by plane to Texas, which just happened to be their destination, and probably not pertinent to the story, but……her Dad, who is also like family to us, politely requested/explained that would we mind writing up a little letter that they would carry with them saying that our (white, blonde) daughter was traveling with their family with our blessing. I assume he knew what he was doing and we supplied the letter. There was no incident, but what a sad commentary that there should be such a concern. We laugh about it so we don’t cry.
    Looking forward to the birth stories tomorrow! I have two GOOD stories, SB, so don’t fear me. When I was pregnant with my first baby, I actually had a girl friend who called me one evening and said,
    “So, are you gettin’ scared yet?”
    *crickets* *crickets* *crickets*
    Me: “Oh, you know what? That’s my door bell! I’ll have to call you back!”
    Moral of the story: Don’t let anything in your head you don’t approve first.
    Traveling Mercies to you, June. Have fun.

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  17. I think Duffylou really does have a bridge for sale. Otherwise you’d have to interpret that as her continuing to attempt to torture and terrify Sleeping Beauty even after we all realized she really is scared. And that would just be mean, and I know from personal experience that Duffylou is not mean. So either she really has a bridge for sale or she just didn’t get the memo nixing the horrible childbirth stories.
    I hope she really does have a bridge for sale, because I would totally be interested in buying a bridge.
    Wait — you ARE talking about a mouth prosthetic, right, Duffylou?

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  18. Mouth piece over troubled water.
    Hide yo kids, hide yo bridge.

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  19. Hey, it worked! wah-lah! Just kidding….. voila! Yes, I’ve had a MAC for 6 months now and had to look up how to cut&paste. Main thing is I did it. :0)

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  20. I’m so not going to tell SB scary bad birthing stories. I just haven’t refreshed this post in awhile.

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  21. “card game or part of a song” *snorting here!*

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  22. Women love to tell their birth stories and it is redunkulous. It is so competitive. I mean why would you do that to a pregnant woman? I refuse. SB will do wonderfully fine and I can’t wait for her guest post!
    Have a great get away in the home state.

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  23. I’m sure I’ll be excommunicated from the Mothers Club, but I don’t really have much of a birthing story. I’m not one for details, so I couldn’t tell you what time labor started or when I had the epidural, blah, blah, blah. I often forget how much my baby weighed or how long he was (numbers often bandied about years later, as if that is of any relevance). I do remember what time he was born, but only because my husband played those numbers in the Daily 3 for months. All I know is that at the end of the experience, I was the mother of the sweetest little baby boy I have ever seen. Sleeping Beauty, enjoy the ride and if anybody starts telling you horror stories, do like Barney Fife says and, “Nip it! Nip it! Nip it!”

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  24. QueenStella, I’m laughing at Barney Fife as I can just see him saying that.

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  25. I totally thought that was Anderson too…and wondered what the heck Talu was doing the poor dear! Or vise versa, for that matter.
    So it’s a squirrel toy. It’s a humongous squirrel toy, is what it is! Kitten-sized.

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  26. Knowing when the water broke? And the time of birth? And weight and length? TOTALLY ingrained in my mind.

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