Last night I went to the black Bed Bath & Beyond to get a shower gift for my cousin. I guess that sounds racist. Not the part where I got a shower gift for my cousin, the part where I called it black Bed Bath & Beyond. It’s really just an observation. I always seem to be the only white person in there.
I have decided either (a) no white people in the South shop at Bed Bath & Beyond or (xii) there is a more suburban BB&B somewhere and I just don’t know about it. But no one at my black Bed Bath & Beyond seems to care about my white self in there, so I’ve never bothered looking for the vanilla one.
Well. Except for the occasional awkward time I get put in people’s carts. “I’ve been looking for a white girl! Somebody must have set her down in the wrong place. Let’s ask the clerk where the rest are kept so we can see if they have any newer ones.”
Story of my life.
At any rate, my cousin Maria is getting married this summer IN INDIA, and she is also having a ceremony in our hometown and I wonder which one is going to be more exotic? So her shower is this weekend and I am going home for it.
I like shopping for people’s registered gifts. Do you? I like to see what they’ll pick. She picked all brightly colored towels, whereas I would have gone for, you know, light blue and cream. I am so boring.
Here is the shower curtain she registered for. Isn’t it pretty? I just love it. I don’t think Maria ever reads my blog, but if she does, the part where this is now in my home might tip her off to her gift from me.
And thank heavens it’s organic. Why must everything be organic now? Organic is the new natural. Remember when everything was natural? Sugar Pops! 100% natural! Or fat-free. Everything was fat-free. Fat-free pork chops! Fat-free grizzle!
My point is, and I really don’t have that much of a point, my mother had sent me a 20% coupon for black Bed Bath & Beyond (TO BE USED ONLY IN STORES WHERE MAJORITY OF CUSTOMERS ARE NONWHITE) and I got to the counter, she rang up my purchases, and THEN I remembered I had a coupon. Of course there were people behind me in line. And do you think I could find my coupon? It was in the vast cavern that is my purse. London, my checkout clerk, was very kind but you know secretly she was all, “Will you hurry it UP, you big-haired old biddy.”
I finally found it, in the stupid front pocket of my purse, and who’d think to look for it conveniently located THERE, and then of course London had a terrible time reversing my charges and basically everyone in line came at me with pitchforks and torches. I was so THAT person last night.
So tomorrow I fly to Michigan and Sleeping Beauty has written a guest post for y’all about her horrid experiences with Match.com. Be sure to tell her your horrid childbirth stories in retaliation.
Finally, since I went maybe two days without pictures of the pets, I received many, “WHERE ARE THE PETS!?!” comments, so here are my pack o’shedders.
I got a squeaky squirrel for Edsel, who if he doesn’t have something to chew and destroy moves on to my personal items, and have I mentioned he has eaten TWO of my favorite earrings? Just one from each set, so I hope that whole asymmetric one earring thing comes back. Anyway, Tallulah immediately stole the toy, because she is a dick. And what was fun? Trying to sleep through, “SQUEEEEEK! SQUEEK-A SQUEEK-A SQUEEEEEEEEEEK! SQUEE SQUEE!”
Anderson is almost impossible to photograph because he’s so friendly. As soon as he sees you, he walks right over and all you get is one huge picture of his gray face. But here he was checking out the china cabinet. Perhaps he’s having a dinner party in my absence. Also, do you enjoy the photo I have put in that frame Faithful Reader Laurie gave me? Classy. Nothing says home like an empty frame.
Okay. Talk at you from the mitten state.