June's stupid life · My pets · Proofreading/Copy editing

In which June is fat and incompetent and obsessed with her pets. In other words, nothing is new.

I am so sick of my fat ass I could puke. Seriously. This is the fattest I've ever been, and I was blaming it on my migraine meds, but lately I've been taking my migraine meds every other day to see if it made a difference?

Yeah. It did not.

Remember when my headache doctor said, "Those meds don't cause weight gain. Could it be your calorie intake?" I hate the medical profession and their emphasis on stupid logic.

So I'm thinking of finding a 10k to run in a few months, so then I am forced to train. What say you?

In other news, yesterday was the stupiest day ever. I had this big assignment for work, and it was due by end of day, or EOD, as people need to say, and I had the day before yesterday and yesterday to do it. I was really worried I would not get done on time, so I started with gusto and by yesterday at 11 a.m.? I was done.

Done! Yay!

I decided to be all extra super efficient, and compare my document to the last one done in May, and when I did so?

I lost my document. LOST IT. LOST. Like the TV show. It was that confusing. Somehow I had REPLACED the document and a polar bear showed up.

Oh it was awful. I called IT (all IT departments detest me) but there was nothing they could do because I had been working on my desktop. So I had to start ALL OVER AGAIN and get done in six hours what I had done in 11.

But I did it. I was cranky and exhausted but I did it. One of my favorite coworkers, who I will call Vilhelm, because that is not remotely his name and we had come up with some ludicrous last name for him too, should I ever mention him here but now it is wiped from my brain, came over and sat on my desk at about 4:00 yesterday, obviously ready for a chat.

"Really?" I said, as he sat, never looking up from my stupid task. "REALLY. You think Ima TALK to you right now?" And then I did. Because I have the work ethic.

Computer things always happen to me. Does anyone remember the time I turned my whole screen upside-down?

I have to go, so I can screw up something else at work, but here are pictures of my pets, because you guys are never satisfied. "June, why can't you photograph your pets in the middle of the night when you wake up and find them being cute?" "June, it's been TWO DAYS since we saw Tallulah!" "June, can you take the cats to Pluto and photograph them there?"

Goodbyemom
I was leaving for work yesterday to have that hideous day, and I noticed everyone in the window saying goodbye. Edsel is in the next window, on the right. See his spindly leg? And yes, I did go back and shut the window. Although I pity the fool who'd try to crawl through there with Talu on guard.

Hiding andersun hideeng. what you meen i not brown?

Rullyhideeng rodgder hyde too. what you mean i not patterned like rownd Dr. Seuss flowers?

Daycarerully I may have said "dog daycare" in order to elicit this head tilt from Eds. Who is the world's meanest dog mom?

Youdonotmeanit Lu know you not mean dog daycare. it late. mom suk.

Have you ever noticed there is stuffing on the floor at all times? Also, I really enjoyed finding my SHOE out. Edsel also ate the pink shoe that that guy at the airport tried to claim was his. I cannot win.

This does not mean I do not want y'all to get me a bulldog puppy. My birthday is a month from today. Gives you PLENTY of time to save up. I think bulldog puppies are like a thousand bucks.

Okay, waddling to work.

248 thoughts on “In which June is fat and incompetent and obsessed with her pets. In other words, nothing is new.

  1. You make me laugh with every post. And since I’m a dog, when I laugh I curl my lip up and that makes me sneeze so whenever I read your blog (which will be all the time, since I just subscribed) I sound like I have an allergy to the internet.
    I have to say I’m a bit in love with Edsel. I’m a boy dog and I have a girlfriend so it’s not a sex thing. I’m just saying. But I love him. A bit. Or maybe a lot.
    And finally, how do you have time to post so often, earn money to feed your animals, take their pictures and read or reply to 144 comments on each post? Superwoman?
    Tchao-wow from Portugal.

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  2. I have also gained weight during this time of marital strife. Now that we are definitely getting a divorce, I need to get hot for the dudes that will be lining up. Ok, no one is lining up but if I am fat NO ONE will want me. Good thing I was kinda doing weight watchers, ok, not really doing it but I am signed up (cause work paid for it) and I do think about it from time to time, so I do think that it has stopped me from shoving *some* things in. Anyway, I am on board for getting healthier.

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  3. Lisa Pie, thanks, they will all go on the list as well! My own dog’s name is Bella, and we call her Bellaballoo…because it is fitting.

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  4. I need to be better educated on the running marathons and pooping pants theory.
    However, I totally relate with the spritzing that occurs as a result of short distance speed runs. I can jog and I will be as dry as the Sahara. Take off in a run, oopsie, now there’s an oasis.

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  5. Pamela Soul Sister #2 and I have three celebrations on Sunday! Then I die for using a double negative...twice! says:

    Just read Letha’s tag “TaRaRaBoomDeeay”
    Hah! Can’t NOT be happy and say THAT!
    I propose that in celebration of the jubilant occasion of “June Gardens Juneteenth,” we all take a moment to…compare feats of strength!
    Oh wait…WRONG HOLIDAY!

    Like

  6. Pamela Soul Sister #2 and I have three celebrations on Sunday! Then I die for using a double negative...twice! says:

    Just read Letha’s tag “TaRaRaBoomDeeay”
    Hah! Can’t NOT be happy and say THAT!
    I propose that in celebration of the jubilant occasion of “June Gardens Juneteenth,” we all take a moment to…compare feats of strength!
    Oh wait…WRONG HOLIDAY!

    Like

  7. Pamela Soul Sister #2 and I have three celebrations on Sunday! Then I die for using a double negative...twice! says:

    Just read Letha’s tag “TaRaRaBoomDeeay”
    Hah! Can’t NOT be happy and say THAT!
    I propose that in celebration of the jubilant occasion of “June Gardens Juneteenth,” we all take a moment to…compare feats of strength!
    Oh wait…WRONG HOLIDAY!

    Like

  8. Dear Anderson Cooper,
    Did you know you were one of the answers on Wheel of Fortune this evening? The answer was “Anderson and Mini Cooper.” You’re famous!
    Love,
    An admirer

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  9. Anita, I am adding Jollification to the list. The middle name will be Anita.
    Running, pooping, pooping, running,
    Let’s call the whole thing off.

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  10. I’m confused about the pooping marathon runner too, and kinda scared to google it. Running long distances = uncontrollable poop?

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  11. OJ, I love the word revelry too! Also jubilee. I am storing all the happy words to use as names for the next litter of foster pups. They could be for male or female. Thanks all!

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  12. June you are most certainly not a basket case or a train wreck (or fat, but we’ve already covered that and honestly I like a pretty wide range of female body types). You are totally tappable. Except for the part where you’re straight.

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  13. June, darling, I can totally understand that your body doesn’t feel right to you since you are heavier than you are accustomed to. And I can totally understand you wanting to do something about that. But geez in the grand scheme of things, you aren’t even plump. If you are fat then those of us who are actually fat must be Hindenburgs, bouncing awkwardly around waiting for some unfortunate wardrobe malfunction or something to lead us to our very own “Oh the humanity!” moment.
    So yeah the dating thing is not going well thus far, how can you tell? It seems like the available options are all either train wrecks (been there done that) or out of my league. Mine is a lonely league — a league of my very own, if you will. It’s the Not Desperate Enough To Date A Train Wreck But Apparently Not Attractive Enough To Date Anyone Else League (the name needs some work, admittedly). Though even in a big league I would still be a NGA HOFer. Please, with your I haven’t had any in months. I don’t even start counting something as a streak until it hits a year. And I have had several (several!) multi-year streaks in my career. It’s really quite a wonder I haven’t killed anyone yet (though if Hulk says one more time how much easier it is to find a date when you’re a lesbian, he may become victim #1).

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  14. Every time something doesn’t work for me, my husband says, “Must be operator error.” And then he doesn’t get any for awhile.
    I love the word revelry. It sounds like the best kind of fun you could ever have.
    And yes, what is wrong with that Weiner? I know guys are in love with their weiners, but he is fixated on his weiner. Who takes that many pictures of one’s own organs? Someone who’s in love with his own junk, that’s who.

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  15. I have a bulldog, and she was a gift. I did inadvertently pick her out though, having NO idea my husband would actually buy her. I was trolling her online, sending my husband pictures with NEED THIS PUPPY in all subject lines 2 or 3 times a day. What? I’m not annoying.
    She was just down the street, she needed a home, she was soooo cute, look at her little face!
    So, I just love her big ole smooshy face so much it’s sort of ridiculous. She’s 3 now. My vet did say that most people with bulldogs should just put her on direct deposit. But my Stella is just as healthy as you please. Nothing but check ups for her.
    Now, my rescue bulldog, she’s another story. She breaks my heart.

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  16. All y’all are on a roll this evening!
    I just got back from the Farmer’s Market in our town. MAN, do I love that crap. It’s a veritable festivus for the eyeses and the mouthses.
    I got me a plant (of course) – a moonflower – it was only 99 cents!! And a croissant for the hubby, a head of lettuce (for $2), this amazing basil-vinaigrette dressing that is locally made, eggs, and FREE spicy dill pickles! FREE! It pays to know your local farmers!! : )
    Wheeeee!

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  17. When I worked, I always had the computer problems. I overheard one of our IT people say “operator error” at one time. So yeah. There’s that. And I love bulldogs! OK, I love all dogs.

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  18. Re: Rep. Weiner – I just don’t get it!
    When you get undressed at night, is your first thought “Get the camera!”?? Heavens to Betsy I don’t even want my photo taken in a bathing suit much less all nekkidy.

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  19. Anita,I read *what about my festivus pole?* and I was sure it was Hulk commenting.

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  20. Anita,I read *what about my festivus pole?* and I was sure it was Hulk commenting.

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  21. Anita,I read *what about my festivus pole?* and I was sure it was Hulk commenting.

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  22. June won’t kill you until after her…revelry that you want to organize for 6/19 to…jubilee her.

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  23. My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 and I think we should add to the traditional Juneteenth and also celebrate June Gardens on 6/19! Who's in? says:

    wait…”can’t NOT????”
    June is going to kill me!

    Like

  24. My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 and I think we should add to the traditional Juneteenth and also celebrate June Gardens on 6/19! Who's in? says:

    wait…”can’t NOT????”
    June is going to kill me!

    Like

  25. My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 and I think we should add to the traditional Juneteenth and also celebrate June Gardens on 6/19! Who's in? says:

    wait…”can’t NOT????”
    June is going to kill me!

    Like

  26. My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 and I think we should add to the traditional Juneteenth and also celebrate June Gardens on 6/19! Who's in? says:

    JUBILEE! I love it! You can’t NOT be happy when you say that word…even with a lisp!

    Like

  27. My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 and I think we should add to the traditional Juneteenth and also celebrate June Gardens on 6/19! Who's in? says:

    JUBILEE! I love it! You can’t NOT be happy when you say that word…even with a lisp!

    Like

  28. My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 and I think we should add to the traditional Juneteenth and also celebrate June Gardens on 6/19! Who's in? says:

    JUBILEE! I love it! You can’t NOT be happy when you say that word…even with a lisp!

    Like

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