00000000 (Anderson Cooper wrote this title)(It’s not at all annoying when he walks across the keyboard)

Yesterday, I took the kittens to the vet for their shots, and I was quite worried about skinny Anderson. He is 11 days older than Roger and weighs HALF what Roger does.

I looked in my photos to show you an example of how much bigger Roger is, but I found this shot of Edsel in the cat window and it slayed me. Francis' influence stretched way beyond his death; this was the first time either dog ever got in the angry chair. They have dutifully stayed away from its empty self all this time. Anyway, now Edsel has a new way to stare longingly at me when I get sick of him following me and sticking his nose on me every second.

So the vet checked out both kittens, and I said, "What can I do about skinny Anderson?" She said, "I think this monster, Roger, is stealing all the food. Feed him separately and feed him fattening canned kitten food. Because his health is stellar otherwise."

So Anderson had a big day yesterday.

In the meantime, though? After all that worrying about Anderson's skinny ass? ROGER has a HEART MURMUR! Roger! Big healthy ridiculous Roger! Also, he has a hernia, which is common and can be fixed when HE gets fixed.

The vet said the heart murmur could be nothing, and I really think it IS nothing. You have never met a more hearty kitten in your life. That cat is healthy as a horse. A horse with a heart murmur.

After they got their shots, they were tuckered out all day.

It was weird to see them lounging around like real cats, not thundering through the house like banshees. Do banshees thunder? Our are they just kind of screamy?

OH! And at my  vet? Some idiot dropped off a cardboard box in the parking lot? With THREE KITTENS in it!


I am trying to talk my friend Laurie into taking one. Or, you know, two. She is partial to the white one and the orange one. I think she should name the orange one Orange, and the white one You Glad I Didn't Say Banana. But maybe that's just me.

Speaking of Laurie, she and I headed off to the Lowe's, there, to get me a screen door. We were like a lesbian couple, headed out to improve our home together on a Saturday, followed by a nice trip to Lillith Fair. Stereotype much, June?

I would just like to state, for the record, that I shot out the door yesterday morning with wet hair and no makeup and this is how Laurie captured me on film. Hey, it was LOWE'S. And what self-respecting lesbian does her hair and makeup anyway? (Please see earlier reference to stereotyping.)

Laurie had taken a bunch of I'm-a-Virgo, boring-ass measurements at my house, and I am a brick.HOWSE. 36-24-26. OW! No. She measured my door. So then we had to ask the guy at Lowe's a bunch of things, and when my door GETS HERE we have to saw it. SAW IT! I KNOW! Apparently Laurie knows how to do this. Thank god for her lesbian self.

Basically, I am getting a super-fussy, old-fashioned, screen-door-from-The-Waltons kind of a door. Do you think it looks too olde tyme ice cream parlor? Oh, who cares. Then we had to search around and find doorknobs that looked old-fashioned and really I should have been born in 1892.

Really looking forward to the dang thing getting here IN SEVEN DAYS, and then the kittens climbing up it.

After that, Laurie made me go around Lowe's and make an idiot of myself for her camera, which you know I did.

You kind of have to hand it to me that I am willing to show you pictures of me looking this hagged out. I have no modesty.

At any rate, since we couldn't put up the door yesterday, we went to Starbucks instead, where we ran into a friend of mine and Laurie insisted we take 87 pictures of my friend, but I did not ask if I could put her picture in my blog so I will not show you those. Basically if you are camera shy, you should not hang with Laurie.

Did I mention I am the only child of a photographer? If you don't bring a camera I think there's something wrong with you.

And speaking of being an only child, happy Fathers Day to everyone, including my own dad who STILL HAS NOT GOTTEN MY GIFT. I told him I got him a Kiera Knightly blowup doll and he is going to be so disappointed. Also happy Fathers Day to my stepfather, who whenever you ask him what he wants for Fathers Day he says peace on earth, and every time I says that I threaten to blow something up.

Peace out. With your piece out.

110 thoughts on “00000000 (Anderson Cooper wrote this title)(It’s not at all annoying when he walks across the keyboard)

  1. By the way, June, I have the exact same body you do (not kidding), so you’ve got to believe me :-). You need a much bigger cup, maybe a smaller number.


  2. C.M., are you looking at my hoots? However, yes, I will check it out, because now that Edsel has eaten my bra I need new ones anyway. Maybe he was trying to tell me something…


  3. June. A Faithful Reader here, who never comments because your other commenters are so much fun!
    I just had to tell you though, that like me a few years ago, you are using the completely wrong bra size!
    No wonder your bra straps were falling during your dinner date! The size is all wrong for you.
    Go find a place where you can get fitted by someone who knows what she is doing. Trust me, you will thank me later.


  4. chief, google translate helps, a little, if it is russian or belarusian it means:
    Thanks, well written ..)
    But I think that I like reading.
    if it is ukrainian, then gps was probably drunk and it means:
    Thanks, interesting to write ..)
    But is said to me, that I have already read podobnoe.


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