Books · June's stupid life

Mince Words with June: A Three Dog Life

Mostly what I got out of reading A Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas is that beagles suck. As the owner of a part beagle, I am allowed to say that. If you didn't read the book, and you know how I enjoy it when you come to book club and leave the comment "I… Continue reading Mince Words with June: A Three Dog Life

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

Bouncing back

Yesterday I was pretty sad and I had to cut it out because I was annoying myself. So I went shopping at some vintage stores. I didn't BUY anything, but I looked around and showed myself a good time. I coveted this dress. Which would come in handy for all the galas and balls you… Continue reading Bouncing back

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life · My pets

Edsel is in love. Story at 11. Or right now, if you just read my blog.

The hideousness of my day yesterday was not to be believed. I mean, no one DIED or anything. But I had one of those work days where I was overwhelmingly, gonna-cry-any-second busy. And you know what's a delightful idea? Come on over to your coworker's cubicle and ask her how it's going when she's on… Continue reading Edsel is in love. Story at 11. Or right now, if you just read my blog.

I am berserk · June's stupid life · Music

From the Queen of England to the recluse of hell.

The other day at work a brown recluse crawled into my coworker Vilhelm Oyster's cubicle. We work on the ground floor of a very old warehouse building. I shudder to think of what else is lurking down there. Vilhelm murdered said spider, because he is manly that way, and then put it under a jeweler's… Continue reading From the Queen of England to the recluse of hell.

I am berserk · June's stupid life

Here’s the scoop

As I was SAYING yesterday before my stupid computer crashed (I hate computers. So bad.), I bought a new litter box. I KNOW! Can you believe you were kept from this news for 48 hours? I bought it with part of the Amazon gift certificate my father sent me. And I realize I am the… Continue reading Here’s the scoop

Grammar and Spelling · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

I’ve been looking so long at these picture’s of you

I forgot to tell you that when I was on my date with Dick Whitman the other night, I read his tarot cards. He is going to meet a Libra in October and I already hate that wench. Anyway, he said, "I had my tarot cards read before, in 1989. My sister read them for… Continue reading I’ve been looking so long at these picture’s of you

Friends · June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

Blogger with Benefits

I am sorry to tell you that I will not be addressing the topic of glasses frames today, and I know you are sad. But I heard you and LEOPARD IT IS! Okay. Kidding. I just heard 4027838492 people go, "NOOOOOOO!" Last night I went with my friend Laura and Mary-Tyler-Moore date Dick Whitman to… Continue reading Blogger with Benefits

Faithful Readers · Film · Friends · June's stupid life

So the red glasses, then?

Okay, I guess generally you liked the blue frames. I say this based on the 9394539 comments that said, "The BLUE! THE BLUUUUUUUUE!" So I just have one more query. How much do you hate me right now? The blue? Or the frames I currently own? I have no idea why I was so crabby… Continue reading So the red glasses, then?

June's stupid life · Times I Amused My Own Self

If I had a soul, we’d be seeing the window to them

I need your help, faithful and not-so-faithful readers. Recently I had my eyes examined and shockingly my eyes did not get worse this year. You have no idea what a miracle that is. They get worse EVERY year. In fact, my doctor always does this kind of morbid sigh. "Mmmm. Wow. Worse again, June." But… Continue reading If I had a soul, we’d be seeing the window to them

Beauty products · June's stupid life

DeJune Show

I think the most important news of the day is that I just got an email telling me my DiorShow Mascara is on its way. Aaannnd there go the straight male readers. And some of the lesbians. Look, you don't understand. For someone who is cursed with too much hair, I have these teensy short… Continue reading DeJune Show

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

Partyin’ Around Our Pie Parts

As you know, I went to Michigan this weekend to go to a party thrown by Faithful Reader and Friend in Real Life and Thorn in My Side Hulk. It was Hulk's birthday yesterday, but I don't think he was really throwing himself a birthday party, because unlike me that is not something he would… Continue reading Partyin’ Around Our Pie Parts

June can't keep a man · June's stupid life

In which June has a drink with an old boyfriend with whom she was completely obsessed and lives. Could someone go back and tell my 1988 self that this was possible? Thanks.

I met him in seventh grade. We had English class together. In seventh grade, one would be hard-pressed to guess whether I was male or female. I was androgynous before it was cool. So to say I began a torrid romance with Giovanni Leftwich in seventh grade would be very far from the truth. By… Continue reading In which June has a drink with an old boyfriend with whom she was completely obsessed and lives. Could someone go back and tell my 1988 self that this was possible? Thanks.

Faithful Readers · June's stupid life

Birthday. (Hey, did you know I recently had a birthday?)

I know I already posted today, and me posting a second time makes me officially annoying, but I have a bunch of mystery gifts from all y'all and I want to know who sent them so I can thank you. You know I don't like a fuss. The redwoods called. Want me to stop destroying… Continue reading Birthday. (Hey, did you know I recently had a birthday?)

June's stupid life · Marvin

Thirteen years of…something

 Today is my 13th wedding anniversary. So there's that. By the way, Marvin did not have a bunch of plastic surgery after our wedding. This is me with dad. In case you were slow. So because today could potentially suck, I have decided to accentuate the positive and list many reasons why I am glad… Continue reading Thirteen years of…something

Faithful Readers · Friends · June's stupid life

Olde June checks in

You know, I don't like to fuss, but it WAS my birthday yesterday. Don't you think y'all could have acknowledged it just a little? How cool was that veeedeo Matze and Laurie made and put on here?! Thanks to them, and to Mary V. for telling them how to hack my blog, and for everyone… Continue reading Olde June checks in

Friends · June's stupid life

Wherein there is no mason jar, but there are pickles

Last night, Laurie and I went out to celebrate (are you ready?) MY BIRTHDAY. Have you ever known anyone, other than, say, the Queen of England, who can stretch her birthday into a longer period? Laurie said she'd take me anywhere I wanted to go for dinner, and it took me eight seconds to say,… Continue reading Wherein there is no mason jar, but there are pickles