I love it when my little murderers are here.
They leave today, and that will be sad. Henry even decided to like me after all.
Other than the part where we murdered innocent field mice, we had a lazy day here at House O' June yesterday.
I managed to hit Tallulah in the head not once but twice with Edsel's rubber hammer toy, and as a result she became afraid of the rubber hammer toy and spent many many hours lying on top of me yesterday. If I were her I'd be afraid of ME, not the toy, but I am not a dog. I read our book club book (Three Dog Life, for those of you who don't know. We're meeting here July 31 to discuss. Go get it.) all afternoon around the hot, not-so-wonderful-smelling body of my Lu.
When I got up to read outside, she got on my lap out there. When I was tired of being eaten by rare diseased bugs, I moved to the angry chair, where Talu got on me again. Finally, we resided on the couch. I was the wind beneath her haunch.
Did you have a brother floor? In your dorms? Was that just my stupid school? One time I went to the shower down the hall and two guys from my brother floor taped everything to my wall in the time I was gone. Alarm clock, makeup, papers, my cafeteria card. Stupid brother floor.
When I wasn't reading and watching my pets in REM, I was emailing with Daniel Boone, who by the way lives in Raleigh and my friend Laura called him Sir Walter Raleigh and I am FURIOUS I didn't think of that for his blog name. It is an excellent moniker. Anyway, I was gonna tell you what it is about Daniel Boone that makes women like him. I mean, it makes ME like him, and every woman I discuss this with says, Yes. That is what works for us.
When I was still on Match.com (I dropped out. It is overwhelming enough to like two boys. I am not Violet on It's a Wonderful Life. I cannot like every boy), many men said, "I don't want to email with you for weeks on end. I want to meet."
My assumption would be that men think the chatting thing is idle and time-wasting, and let's get together and see if we are attracted to each other. But see. The thing is? For women, the chatting can make or break the attraction part. We need the talking. We chat chat chat. And when we find a man who talks back? We love him.
Look at how many women on here got a crush on Faithful Reader Hulk. You know why? He has the gift of the gab! We say something in the comments, he comments back. He engages in conversation.
And this is what Daniel Boone has done. I write to him, he actually addresses the thing I said, and adds something. It is sad that I even have to celebrate this accomplishment, but you women know what I mean. Men either don't answer you or answer in the least-possible number of words, usually.
I don't mean to disparage Marvin, really I don't, because he is a decent person. But if I were out of town somewhere, or he'd been working a lot, I would call him, all excited to get to talk to him, and I'd tell him some big story and he'd say, "Hunh." Or "verrrrry good," which was his way of saying "I could not care less about this story and cannot wait to get off the phone to return to the documentary I am watching on YouTube."
I'd always say, "Why do I forget, over and over again, that you are no fun to talk to?"
It didn't seem like that big of a deal at the time because Marvin was funny and liked our pets and, you know, came home at night and so forth. But maybe it contributed to our demise. I couldn't really talk to him.
I think men either have this skill or they don't. Hulk does. Daniel Boone does. And know Hulk is gonna say, "Then why am I getting no women?" Perhaps, Hulk, you should USE your gift on dates and stop texting me from the urinal.
Remind me to tell you about the old man I met on my dog walk yesterday. Speaking of men who talk. Oh! So cute, he was. Also, my entire family is in India right now, or flying there as we speak, so please think good, malaria-free thoughts of them.
I mean, my ENTIRE family is not there, but my cousin Maria's wedding is now and I think I have more relatives IN India than here at the moment. And yes, I am making them bring me back a sari. I can just throw on my sari and go! Convenient.
Okay, happy 4th. Every year for the last 14 years, I made Marvin listen to the entire 4th of July chapter from Little Town on the Prairie, and as soon as he gets here to get the cats I plan to have the book open and bar the door.