But I am not gonna blog about either boy very much anymore, because it’s gettin’ weird, over here. I guess it’s one thing to know the person you’re seeing is seeing other people, and quite another to READ all about it.
June. Having to tell everyone about her blog since 2007. Because she can never shut up about anything. Since 1965. Well. Maybe 1966. Cannot remember when I began to speak.
Oh! But I did want to tell you what I did to scare the crap out of myself yesterday.
I had my biannual teeth cleaning, and this was the one where they search all over your mouth for mouth cancer. Does your dentist do this or is it just mine?
You know how I am. Of course I’m convinced every time I go in there that they’re gonna wrap the gauze around my tongue and say, “Oh, you poor woman! Get your affairs in order!!” Because have you met me??
So the hygienist, who by the way talks more than any other human being on the face of planet Earth, and if you are interested in what kind of kitchen counters she’s getting, I can certainly fill you in (NOT GRANITE) (she DOESN’T WANT GRANITE), was in there looking away and she stopped telling me about ecologically correct counters to say, “You have a bump on the roof of your mouth.”
Oh, my blood went cold. I saw myself feeling the silk, if you know what I mean. There was my whole family talking about how lifelike I look, and what a shame she went so early. The only time 46 is young is when you drop dead from mouth-bump cancer.
So all that is coursing through my mind when she says, “About 45% of people have mouths shaped like that. It’s unusual.”
Okay. How is FORTY-FIVE PERCENT really unusual? And doesn’t she KNOW by now to not SAY things like that to me? I can see the computer screen with my chart, and it reads, “Patient EXTREMELY knowledgeable about medical issues.” Which is a polite way of saying hypochondriacal freak.
A bump in my mouth. I’ll give HER a bump in the mouth. MAN.
So that’s all my news that is fit to print. Literally.