Daniel Boone…

Stilllifewithonionis a very nice boy.

But I am not gonna blog about either boy very much anymore, because it’s gettin’ weird, over here. I guess it’s one thing to know the person you’re seeing is seeing other people, and quite another to READ all about it.

June. Having to tell everyone about her blog since 2007. Because she can never shut up about anything. Since 1965. Well. Maybe 1966. Cannot remember when I began to speak.

Oh! But I did want to tell you what I did to scare the crap out of myself yesterday.

I had my biannual teeth cleaning, and this was the one where they search all over your mouth for mouth cancer. Does your dentist do this or is it just mine?

You know how I am. Of course I’m convinced every time I go in there that they’re gonna wrap the gauze around my tongue and say, “Oh, you poor woman! Get your affairs in order!!” Because have you met me??

So the hygienist, who by the way talks more than any other human being on the face of planet Earth, and if you are interested in what kind of kitchen counters she’s getting, I can certainly fill you in (NOT GRANITE) (she DOESN’T WANT GRANITE), was in there looking away and she stopped telling me about ecologically correct counters to say, “You have a bump on the roof of your mouth.”

Oh, my blood went cold. I saw myself feeling the silk, if you know what I mean. There was my whole family talking about how lifelike I look, and what a shame she went so early. The only time 46 is young is when you drop dead from mouth-bump cancer.

So all that is coursing through my mind when she says, “About 45% of people have mouths shaped like that. It’s unusual.”

Okay. How is FORTY-FIVE PERCENT really unusual? And doesn’t she KNOW by now to not SAY things like that to me? I can see the computer screen with my chart, and it reads, “Patient EXTREMELY knowledgeable about medical issues.” Which is a polite way of saying hypochondriacal freak.

A bump in my mouth. I’ll give HER a bump in the mouth. MAN.

So that’s all my news that is fit to print. Literally.

195 thoughts on “Daniel Boone…

  1. That “girlfriend” is enjoying herself a bit too much, Hulk.
    But Anita is right, once the barrier’s broken…
    HEY! Remember the episode of SATC when Carrie farted at Big’s place, and he razzed her for days about it? That was awesome.

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  2. So it’s decided then? Hulk is getting us all flowers. I’ll pass around a sign up sheet, just write your name and address, thanks.

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  3. I’ve heard of love DARTS, but love FARTS are something new, Siren, is the new plumbing acting up?

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  4. I’ve heard of love DARTS, but love FARTS are something new, Siren, is the new plumbing acting up?

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  5. I’ve heard of love DARTS, but love FARTS are something new, Siren, is the new plumbing acting up?

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  6. Hooked up………….is that what the kids are calling it these days? We old folks call it ‘marriage maintenance’. Just kidding. I may have just turned 50 but I’m not DEAD. *snort*
    I knew it was only a matter of time, June. Marvin was still reading BBP……then Dick…….then Daniel…….then one of the guys MOTHERS, for pete’s sake! And if one of your beau’s MOTHERS is reading your blog then you can bet it wouldn’t be long before her whole Mahjong group was reading your blog. Bad idea. Good decision making, June. Here’s to a l-i-t-t-l-e bit of privacy for you and your new men friends. (I sound like The Church Lady, don’t I. uhuh.

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  7. Great I have my cleaning next week and now I am all looking forward to the annual ‘swish and tongue pull’.
    The flowers are lovely thankfully they didn’t come with a card attached saying ‘in memory of’.
    I’m in a mood because I have woken up for the 6th year in a row at the exact moment I found that my mother passed. You think God would let me sleep through this crap. But no.

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  8. whoa, wait a minute…I stop reading for like 15 minutes (okay it was more like 200 posts – hey you’re prolific, and I didn’t have a lot of time, and once I got behind it was too daunting to catch up so I just didn’t…oh whatever) and you’re divorced? I’m skimming, but did I get that right? WTF?

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