When I was in high school, we had this stupid thing called spirit week, wherein you had to do something ludicrous each day to show your school spirit.
So one day you wore the school colors, or you sold yourself at auction to raise funds for some team (yes, you did), and on Friday of ludicrous spirit week, each class had a skit.
My friend Dave, who at the time was a teensy nervous overachieving closet homosexual even to himself (he is now a muscular overachieving very out homosexual, and he wrote the movie Friends with Benefits coming out July 22 starring Justin Timberlake. Go see it.), got way into spirit week probably as a way to distract himself from the part where he was wanting to make out with the soccer team.
"June! I have such a great idea for our sophomore skit!" he squeaked at me teensily. Really, you'd die if you saw how handsome and manly he is now. Then he was kind of a very earnest sparrow. "We could reenact the song Copacabana! Anyone who wanted to be in it could be in it! They could be bar patrons in the Copa! Copacabana!"
Honestly, he had GRADUATED COLLEGE before I figured out he liked him the boys. Why didn't THAT suggestion tip me off?
The point is, I played Lola, the showgirl, in that skit, and we were all working class so no, no one had a movie camera in 1981 to film my Lola act. And I know you are sad.
The whole point of this HUGELY long story is that Dave is gay. Gay gay gay and also that THAT was the point of my post's title today. Because today Ima talk about my birthday wish list.
My first wish is that in 1982 I did not make a fool of myself telling Dave I had a crush on him. Because GUESS WHAT. He was not INTERESTED. Because I have the GIRL PARTS. So if someone could get me a time machine that would be great. Perhaps I'd rethink the Princess Di cut that year as well.
And maybe you are wondering why I'm even GIVING you a wish list, and if that is the case, you do not read the comments, because 94930403 people yesterday said, "June! You should give us a wish list and we'll ALL send you gifts! Even the noncommenters! All of us!"
Okay, so first, here are some visuals of things I want.
Here are some lovely earrings from that wonderfully underpriced Sundance catalog. These are a steal at $75. Maybe a better way to put it is that if you can steal these, send them to me.
Steal something casual. Only people who liked Arthur will enjoy me right now.
For those of you on a budget when it comes to getting a complete stranger a gift, how about a ring dish for a mere $10?
Look how cute! It's from Anthropologie. When my Anthropologie catalog gets here it's like I got porn. I huddle off to pour over it, and I get all trembly. Is that what happens when people look at porn? I guess I am imagining that's how it goes.
I also like this bath mat, and I realize I am fascinating for wanting a bath mat for my birthday. It's also from Anthropologie. My site for bath porn. How many people are gonna get blocked from my site today because I keep using the "p" word?
I was also ridiculous enough to expand my wish list on Amazon. Hey, YOU GUYS TOLD ME TO DO IT. If no one gets me one present I will be fine with that. Anyway, I am June Gardens. And yes I AM still registered for the flea meds. Have you seen all the fur in this house? I took off my request for the $70,000 earrings, because I am more down to earth now.
Please note the part where I registered for, like, eight Hello Kitty pieces of jewelry. Yes. Down.to.earth. No nonsense. That's me.
So there it is. You really don't have to get me a present. It was just kind of something to blog about today since people mentioned it in the comments. Although that time machine would be GREAT. I would so waste the whole time watching General Hospital to see what Luke and Laura were up to that particular day. Tell them where the Ice Princess could be located. And such.
Lola. The show girl.