If I had a soul, we’d be seeing the window to them

I need your help, faithful and not-so-faithful readers.

Recently I had my eyes examined and shockingly my eyes did not get worse this year. You have no idea what a miracle that is. They get worse EVERY year. In fact, my doctor always does this kind of morbid sigh. "Mmmm. Wow. Worse again, June."

But no! This year apparently my eyes have given up. They have gotten as bad as it is possible for eyes to get before one become Helen Keller, and they have remained dormant.

However, last year I got stupid bifocals put in my glasses and I hate them. Whenever I am working I take my glasses off to read. Which is convenient. Because then someone comes up to my desk, "June?" "Yes?" I say cheerfully, having no idea Charles Manson is standing there with a hatchet.

So that's not good. Now, a thrifty person would just keep the frames she has and change the lenses. But I did that LAST year, and I want a little excitement. Yes. New frames count as excitement in this life.

So without further ado, here are the frames I am considering. And please note I totally should have dragged Laurie along with her giant fancy camera, because I took these myself with my iPhone and of course all the photos suck. Do your best, okay?

Blueones Here are some blue ones, and I'd like you all to note the lotus necklace Faitful Reader Tammy V.V. sent me. Love it! Now ignore that and go back to the lenses. And yes, I will totally keep the sticker on at all times.

Brown Dude. It's like 1100 degrees out. Hence the part where I have a 'fro. Please to disregard, please, the 'fro. Back to the frames. Here are the red ones.

Leopardagain

I understand that this picture is ludicrous and my father is turning over in his grave even though he is alive. What do you think of the leopard frames?

Leopard
Here the leopards are again, with the world's fakest smile because IT WAS ELEVEN HUNDRED DEGREES OUT and my hair was frizzing more each second.

Dadhasbeenkilled
Dear Dad: Thanks for the big hair, the bulbous nose and the bad temper. Why couldn't you have thrown me a photography-skillz bone? These frame are much like the ones before the leopard, but brown and not red.

After I took millions of bad pictures of myself, I went down the street to the crystal, tarot, psychic, nutty, crunchy, hippie, devil-worship, wicca store because I always have fun looking around in there. And guess what. GUESS WHAT WAS THERE?

Kittyfoots Hippie wicca devil kittens!! Who attracts kittens? Who attracts kittens in her web of a hairdo?

Naturally they wanted to hide on me (see above) but no. I would not have it.

Kittenzez They refused to acknowledge me. "hippie crystal new age kittenz not see hair lady."

I know you may be surprised by this revelation, but I loved them. They had ludicrous names, like Destiny and Karma or something. I am not even kidding you. They so need to be living with me so I can name them Snaphappy Fishsuit and Bruce.

If that weren't enough excitement for an evening, when I got home, my DiorShow Mascara had arrived! Naturally I stampeded to the bathroom to take more bad pictures of myself.

  Beforeye
Here is my non-DiorShow eye after work, in the 900-degree heat, and I want blepharoplasty so bad I could scream.

And no, I did not take off my old mascara and apply the DiorShow. I just applied DiorShow over what I had left over. IT WAS HOT.

After
Aaaaand. Big deal. It doesn't look that different. Crap.

Okay, so don't forget to vote on which glasses I should get. You have till Saturday morning. Then I will be over it and thinking about something else.

Blue? Brown? Leopard? Red? Poke my eyes out and accept my fate? Input please. I mean, other than the "You need to learn how to take pictures" input. Thanks.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

269 thoughts on “If I had a soul, we’d be seeing the window to them”

  1. I just want to say one more thing…whether the first glasses read blue or black doesn’t matter, it’s the shape of the glasses and the darker color that works best for the shape of your face, June. I’m sorry to come back and give a 2nd vote for the blue ones, but I am just so adament about it that I can’t let it go!

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  2. KD, my eye doctor said he was gonna go on my blog and vote for the blue ones 150 times, because those were the only ones from his place. The others were from another frame place. I wonder if you are he.
    Signed,
    Laurie June

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  3. Hulk–your jokes are not wasted! The extra skater comment made me shoot diet coke through my nose. As did Lisa’s crease comment. In case anyone is wondering, soda through the nostrils burns.

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  4. It’s a good thing I’m coming in late because it’s only to prove I have the worst taste–all set to vote for the red ones. I might as well, since there’s no chance they’ll win. There, now they feel a little better.

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  5. Hulk, I am not a hockey fan, but did get the FUNNY!! HA!
    Mrs. Oh,
    Maybe after her next birthday.

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  6. Hulk, I am not a hockey fan, but did get the FUNNY!! HA!
    Mrs. Oh,
    Maybe after her next birthday.

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  7. Hulk, I am not a hockey fan, but did get the FUNNY!! HA!
    Mrs. Oh,
    Maybe after her next birthday.

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  8. June, I am not “he”. I am me…I live in California. Does he live in California? I think not. Clearly, though, he cares about you and wants you to look really good AND he’s smart because he agrees with me :^) And also, I have a similar shaped face & wear similar glasses and I be lookin’ good! I also have blond hair, but it’s flat and not in a good way.

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  9. Dear Sally Jesse, I mean Laurie June, don’t buy the red ones. Love, kd

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  10. Anita, did you see the lipstick reply? June said it was Guthy-Renker (sp?) in Ice Berry Rose. I think her cousin Katie gave it to her because June has a makeup graveyard. (Like the rest of us don’t. Oh. Just me, then.)
    Also I agree with the commenter who uses Avon eye makeup remover. It is great. Better than Philosophy’s, which I use now to clean my brushes. Makeup, not hair or tooth or paint.

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  11. I think the blue ones are best (though they look black in the photo). Don’t get the ones that are narrower on the bottom — too old-ladyish. Leopard might be fun as a second pair but they may start to embarrass you if you wear them every day. Just sayin’.

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  12. Hockey talk – bring it on. I will change a channel to watch hockey, but best in person. I will not change the channel to watch baseball or football, but will attend live games. Basketball – forget it.

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  13. PJ who gets Hulk's sports references and twice has made funny with them and *data could not be accepted* or some such shit. says:

    Mrs. Oh,
    The rainbow bridge sucks. I’m sorry about Baby.
    Poutfully,
    PJ

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  14. Blue won already, but I am going to print up a “Blue 2011” bumper sticker and pretend I had it on my car the whole time because I totally would have voted for it if I had been paying attention.
    (I hate people like that.)

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  15. I love the blue ones ,they suit you to a t. Also, the mascara definitely works, the lashes are definitely longer. Need to get myself some. Get the blue specs!

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  16. I’m late getting here.
    My vote is for blue frames.
    Longer lashes = Latisse.
    I’ve been using it for about 4 months.
    It works.

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  17. BLUE!! THEY ARE THE BEST!!
    Sorry I haven’t commented in a while, gah! Hope all of you are well! Have been busy with new job and zero social life (online anyway). Happy Belated Birthday, Queen June. And again, I say go for the blue ones.

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  18. The blue ones. They are the right shape for your
    face. Also a great color. Bold, but not overwhelming. Perhaps even attention getting. BTW, I was the one who sent the cheap
    reading glasses from Amazon.
    i do believe your hair was frizzing more
    with each picture. It is so hot here it feels
    like NC.

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  19. I vote for the blue frames — I think they are the most flatering. While the leopard ones would be fun, people will look at the frames first, and then your eyes.

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  20. Still voting?
    I vote the screen door gets painted blue.

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  21. arlene who should be sweating off the poundage like sitting in an oil slick with all this frigging heat says:

    I’m sure Siren looks cute on her scooter with a bumper sticker. Me, there would be room for the Preamble to the Constitution across my butt if I rode a scooter!
    I vote:
    top pair of glasses
    Gray & White kittie
    eyeball on the bottom

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  22. Ack! Lisa who lurks!!!! You’re kidding us, right? Is that your real name? Why couldn’t you be Laura Jean the Lurker?
    And thank you, Lynn, for acknowledging my Patrick Wah joke. It was just left hanging there in Cyberspace.

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  23. Brown, definitely not red or leopard.
    My dog had blephoraplasty. The dog that is now dead, not the one that looks like Tallu except Buffy has a fluffy tail.

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  24. Hulk, you and Priscilla both did (but she called him Wah Wah). Even those of us here in Colorado who don’t follow hockey (and that’s me, I don’t know a high-sticking penalty from a slap shot) know and revere Patrick.

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  25. The blue ones are the most flattering. The red and brown have a go-uppy part on the top sides that doesn’t look as good. The leopard ones seem waaay too wide for your face.

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  26. Is Patrick Roy a descendant of Rob Roy?

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  27. Is Patrick Roy a descendant of Rob Roy?

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  28. Is Patrick Roy a descendant of Rob Roy?

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  29. I wonder if someone could do an experiment to see if we like the blue ones the best because it was the first picture and that caused us to compare all of the rest of them to the first thing we saw.
    Also, too, speaking of shop kittens, my ob/gyn had one in her office (she’s retired now)… it was nice to come out of the exam and go into the office where you pay and have a fluffy kitt-eh laying (lying?) there. Made whatever you just went through feel not-so-bad.

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  30. The joke obviously contains the phrase “pet the pussy” but I’m too tired to summon it myself.
    And for the record? I never use the word “pussy” in actual conversation. Well. Hardly ever.

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  31. Amish Annie, lawdy has this voting not stopped yet? I vote Hillary. Fine, Obama then. Oh, we're still on glasses? I vote paisley. says:

    Still voting?
    Fine.
    I think seashells glued on the outside trim of the screen door would be interesting and beautiful.

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  32. well, i came out of the dark to leave one of my few and far between comments because i felt the need to cast my vote, lest you make the wrong choice and do anything except the blue glasses (and how about this run on sentence?!), but i see that’s not really necessary since pretty much everyone else wants blue, too.
    plus, since i’m here, i need to weigh in on the mascara – the second picture totally looks better. i think the diorshow works!
    oh, and plus plus, i think your hair looks great in the glasses pics – love the shorter look and the curls are looking very pretty!

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  33. look at me – i’m on a comment roll! i also thought of you when i saw a clip of a recently discovered mj and barry gibb song. not sure those two go together though…

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  34. The blue ones look the best. But don’t you all know her by now? She’ll pick the most ludicrous ones. 😉

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  35. I am a FREAK about glasses….love fun ones, takes me forever to find the right ones, drag people with me, etc. If you have to have them, and I do, then they should be FUN!So get the leopard or see if the blue ones come in red. What kind are the leopard cause I would love to have them myself.
    My most recent pair. They come in blue too and are pretty cool.
    http://eyeglasses.go-optic.com/store/EYEGLASSES/details.asp?id=24746
    And I did buy online very successfully and saved a bunch.

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  36. The blue! Yes, oh, yes!! At 54 years old, I can’t tell you how thrilled I was when I had my eyes checked a couple of weeks ago. The eye doc declared that I had…are you ready for this…20/20 vision! Apparently, my 1.5 readers don’t factor into the equation. I was elated! At last I have a perfect body part!

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