If I had a soul, we’d be seeing the window to them

I need your help, faithful and not-so-faithful readers.

Recently I had my eyes examined and shockingly my eyes did not get worse this year. You have no idea what a miracle that is. They get worse EVERY year. In fact, my doctor always does this kind of morbid sigh. "Mmmm. Wow. Worse again, June."

But no! This year apparently my eyes have given up. They have gotten as bad as it is possible for eyes to get before one become Helen Keller, and they have remained dormant.

However, last year I got stupid bifocals put in my glasses and I hate them. Whenever I am working I take my glasses off to read. Which is convenient. Because then someone comes up to my desk, "June?" "Yes?" I say cheerfully, having no idea Charles Manson is standing there with a hatchet.

So that's not good. Now, a thrifty person would just keep the frames she has and change the lenses. But I did that LAST year, and I want a little excitement. Yes. New frames count as excitement in this life.

So without further ado, here are the frames I am considering. And please note I totally should have dragged Laurie along with her giant fancy camera, because I took these myself with my iPhone and of course all the photos suck. Do your best, okay?

Blueones Here are some blue ones, and I'd like you all to note the lotus necklace Faitful Reader Tammy V.V. sent me. Love it! Now ignore that and go back to the lenses. And yes, I will totally keep the sticker on at all times.

Brown Dude. It's like 1100 degrees out. Hence the part where I have a 'fro. Please to disregard, please, the 'fro. Back to the frames. Here are the red ones.

Leopardagain

I understand that this picture is ludicrous and my father is turning over in his grave even though he is alive. What do you think of the leopard frames?

Leopard
Here the leopards are again, with the world's fakest smile because IT WAS ELEVEN HUNDRED DEGREES OUT and my hair was frizzing more each second.

Dadhasbeenkilled
Dear Dad: Thanks for the big hair, the bulbous nose and the bad temper. Why couldn't you have thrown me a photography-skillz bone? These frame are much like the ones before the leopard, but brown and not red.

After I took millions of bad pictures of myself, I went down the street to the crystal, tarot, psychic, nutty, crunchy, hippie, devil-worship, wicca store because I always have fun looking around in there. And guess what. GUESS WHAT WAS THERE?

Kittyfoots Hippie wicca devil kittens!! Who attracts kittens? Who attracts kittens in her web of a hairdo?

Naturally they wanted to hide on me (see above) but no. I would not have it.

Kittenzez They refused to acknowledge me. "hippie crystal new age kittenz not see hair lady."

I know you may be surprised by this revelation, but I loved them. They had ludicrous names, like Destiny and Karma or something. I am not even kidding you. They so need to be living with me so I can name them Snaphappy Fishsuit and Bruce.

If that weren't enough excitement for an evening, when I got home, my DiorShow Mascara had arrived! Naturally I stampeded to the bathroom to take more bad pictures of myself.

  Beforeye
Here is my non-DiorShow eye after work, in the 900-degree heat, and I want blepharoplasty so bad I could scream.

And no, I did not take off my old mascara and apply the DiorShow. I just applied DiorShow over what I had left over. IT WAS HOT.

After
Aaaaand. Big deal. It doesn't look that different. Crap.

Okay, so don't forget to vote on which glasses I should get. You have till Saturday morning. Then I will be over it and thinking about something else.

Blue? Brown? Leopard? Red? Poke my eyes out and accept my fate? Input please. I mean, other than the "You need to learn how to take pictures" input. Thanks.

269 thoughts on “If I had a soul, we’d be seeing the window to them

  1. Target Steve, we always try the matinee as well. Movie prices are CrAzY. Can’t wait to see it myself now.
    LOL @ Lisa! He could check her 5 hole, too!

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  2. Oh EXCELLENT! I am so excited that it was funny! I cannot wait to see it. Go, Dave! Go, Gay Dave! I wonder if hes gonna get too cool for me? If so, I have plenty of stories about how he fell asleep on Libbys ankle at prom. That should bring him down a notch.

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  3. Ive gotta vote Blue too. I also like the brown ones, that look like the red ones, but not as much. Plus, as someone else said, it’ll show off the DiorShow. Which I love too. So, Go team blue.

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  4. How much more confusing would it be if we all changed our names TO Laurie Jean!
    And Hulk – I get all your sports jokes. Living with three sports obsessed sons and my equally sports obsessed husband I was bound to pick up on a few things along the way. I almost told June to have Dick Whitman check her crease for melanoma, but that sounded a bit… personal.

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  5. SCREEN DOOR INSTALLATION TOMORROW! YAY! That took *forevah*. We’ll expect pictures of the whole installation process, ala Lucy & Ethel.

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  6. SCREEN DOOR INSTALLATION TOMORROW! YAY! That took *forevah*. We’ll expect pictures of the whole installation process, ala Lucy & Ethel.

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  7. SCREEN DOOR INSTALLATION TOMORROW! YAY! That took *forevah*. We’ll expect pictures of the whole installation process, ala Lucy & Ethel.

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  8. I know, Mrs. Oh. It is VERY confusing which is why I changed my name altogether. And I’m sorry about your Baby. It just makes me sad for you. I have two puppies myself and I totally get it now.

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  9. Definitely the first pair, blue? They look black in the photo. They go best with your coloring and the shape of your face. Believe me…I am an expert at this stuff. They look great.

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  10. Now I am really confuserated. We need a reverse Who’s Who for here! For the record now for me: ALL Laura’s, Lori’s, Lisa’s and any other L names: all y’all are now Laurie Jean in my mind. Thank you.
    Hey June – question for ya. Since I am going to be getting my craft on for ya this weekend. Do you wear those granny eyeglass holder things? They are chains or beads or something or other that loop on the end of your spectacles so you can take them on and off and let em dangle on your chesticles. Huh – do ya?

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  11. Hulk! I tried to tell you yesterday that I am probably the only girl on here who gets your hockey jokes, but I was ignored. Hmmmph!
    I asked my hubby to take me to the HHOF for my vacation one summer (which he did) and I’ve had my picture taken with Lord Stanley’s cup AND I have a picture of Brett Hull hanging in my game room.

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  12. Duffylou, Terra had it done in both eyes. They gave him one for distance, the other for close up. His vision is almost twenty- twenty now. Seriously. The only time he ever needs glasses is when he sits at the computer.
    Want.

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  13. Screen door Laurie!
    Wait!! Back up the bus — there’s a screen door going up tomorrow morning??
    woo-hoo!

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  14. I think the blue frames look best, and also show up the blue in your eyes. Second choice would be the brown ones. The leopard seems somewhat distracting…as in, people are going to be talking to you and counting the spots on your frames or something. But maybe that’s just me.
    And I want to reach right through the screen and pick up that little ball of white and gray/black fluff and give it a squeeze and a kiss whether it wants it or not. 😀 Kittens: so cute…so snobby.

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  15. So, (a), I am thinking the blue and (2), guess what? THOSE ARE THE CHEAPEST ONES! They are about 120 bucks as opposed to over 400 for the rest. Yay, readers, with your beer tastes and my beer budget!

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  16. I vote blue! And the DiorShow looks good! I’m loving Rimmel’s Lycra Lash Extender for my puny lashes. And it’s available in drug stores and Target.

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  17. Furry, when you have cataract surgery and they remove the lense of your eye, you receive a replacement lense. This means you can either receive a lense to allow you to see distance or close up. I opted for distance, so I can’t focus on anything close. Zippo, nada. That’s not the same thing you want. Trust me!

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  18. I vote for some type of retro frames from the 1980’s instead of going with the trendy glasses EVERYBODY else is wearing. If i do have to pick one it would be the first pair. They are the most flattering on you.
    The pair in photo number two make you look like you should spend the rest of your life at home crocheting. The pair in photo number three screams CAT LADY!
    And I do notice a difference in the second mascara photo…i would consider mounting you if your eyes looked like that!

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  19. I actually came out of lurking to tell you definitely the blue ones! I love you June, and not in the Ellen DeGeneres way 😉

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  20. Hulk (THAT is hilarious...even though it is being wasted on a non-sports-knowing crowd. But take it from me. That is fucking funny...)

    I think June’s vagina goalie was pulled in favor of an extra skater YEARS ago…

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  21. Hulk (THAT is hilarious...even though it is being wasted on a non-sports-knowing crowd. But take it from me. That is fucking funny...)

    I think June’s vagina goalie was pulled in favor of an extra skater YEARS ago…

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  22. Hulk (THAT is hilarious...even though it is being wasted on a non-sports-knowing crowd. But take it from me. That is fucking funny...)

    I think June’s vagina goalie was pulled in favor of an extra skater YEARS ago…

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  23. You’ve probably already decided on your glasses by now since I am a bit late to the party, but I like the blue ones the best because of their larger rectangle shape. The leopard ones are fun though. Can you swing both?
    Sometimes a girl needs options.

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  24. Definitely the blue!! I, unlike most people, really don’t like the leopard. It’s too distracting.
    And I just have to say I LOVE your blog. I’ve read every post from the beginning and I think you’re hilarious. But this is my first time commenting (I think… I may have commented a long time ago… I don’t remember – oh well!) so I just wanted to say hi!

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  25. The OP blue ones are the best. They bring out your eyes. The red ones bring out red, I would rule those out. I love kittens!!!

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  26. Goalie – yes! Unless Dick Whitman happens to be a dermatologist. In that case you should have him check you both for the cancer of the goal posts.

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  27. I think you have beautiful blue eyes no matter what you use and anyone close enough to see the difference in mascaras probably isn’t thinking about mascara. But I’m a no-makeup person so what do I know?
    I like the shape of the blue glasses. I like your smile in the first picture too (but you didn’t ask), maybe that affected my glasses choice.
    Mrs. Oh, sorry to hear about your loss.

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  28. Furry, I empathize with the situation. I got my new glasses and I still couldn’t see.
    I was the only one in surgery under 70. I know what caused mine. Why do you have them so young?

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  29. Tammi V.V. - Also refuses to wear purple since she turned 40. Not that I wore it often before; clashes with the red hair.

    I vote for the bottom ones – brown, are they?
    Also, I agree that you are too young for leopard. That is something women do to prove that they’re still “young and crazy”, but really it just makes them look desperate. Unless, of course, they are what you end up with, and then they’ll be just darling on you and not desperate AT ALL!
    Love the necklace on you!

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  30. Crud, Duffylou. I’ll have to wait to even get them developing. So one day, if you’re driving through Memphis and you see some poor shlump leaning over a bridge, reading a book on the ground below… Honk. It’s me.

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  31. I like the blue glasses. And I see a dramatic difference in the mascara in the second photo. I’m thinking about trying that brand now …cuz I am blind, wear bifocals and must keep the glasses on at all times just to keep my heart beating and life in balance…and I hate my contact lenses.

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  32. Furry, they want to wait until it’s fully developed. The lenses only last so long I had to have a laser procedure this year because I had a film cover over my new lense. It’s only been 2 years.
    You know they do have bifocal replacement lenses after cataract surgery. They cost about $2500, but it’s not covered by insurance.

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  33. Blue is definitely the right choice. Best for color and shape.
    It really helps to have feedback when you make a decision about frames. You are stuck with the choice for a long time and have to “see” it on a daily basis.
    Cute kitties again. June, a kitten magnet.

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  34. *gleeful over getting to meet Dick Whitman*
    I wasn’t going to say anything, for fear of sounding gloaty-with-a-capital-G. I will do my utmost to represent the BBP crowd with grace, pride and dignity. And yes, I realize that’s … perhaps less than entirely truthful. Ha!

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  35. Okay, I like the blue ones. I think the color is good on you. The leopard pair is fun if it was just for reading. You may tire of it every day.
    The mascara. I’m not seeing a big difference. Doesn’t even look like you have any mascara on the lower lashes in the before so I don’t think this is a good example of what it might do. But if your eyes are burning, get rid of it.
    You do have a nice brow arch. But that one dark curled brow is bugging me. Go pluck it!

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  36. Mrs. Oh – I’m so sorry about your Baby – I feel your pain….

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  37. I spent over $300 on trendy frames and bifocals a three years ago. Six months later I had cataract surgery that fixed the need for glasses other than reading.
    I asked the place that I bought my glasses from if they would put a reading lense in for me. Not without a prescription from the doctor and it would cost another $150.
    What a racket.

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  38. Definitely the first ones, definitely. (very rainman-like)
    I bet those kittens will grow up to be great shop cats and totally ignore every person who comes in and wants to pet them.
    I did notice a difference in the second eyeball shot. But it was a second coat applied and you have have gotten the same results with any mascara, so that may not be the best example of this product.
    By the by, I use Avon mascara. I use Chanel eye shadow, blush and lipstick. Also Estee Lauder lipstick. But I love the Avon mascaras and also their eye makeup remover stuff. It works well and never pulls out my lashes like some can.

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  39. We are all three going to see Friends with Benefits, which I have not plugged enough. Then I am going to Dick Whitmans house to read his tarot cards, which I realize I have been doing a lot of lately and hope I do not show him the Death card. Also, there will not be photographic evidence, as Dick Whitman does not WANT to be splayed on my blog. Not everyone is a narcissist such as myself. Although if I were as cute as Dick Whitman I would be all LOOK AT ME.

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  40. The blue ones for sure. The shape is very youthful and hip but when you go back ask them if they come in any other colors. You never know if a lighter color might be more flattering till you try them.
    June…..great arch on your eyebrows! I never noticed before. Sorry about the mascara. Been there, done that. : (

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  41. The blue ones for sure. The shape is very youthful and hip but when you go back ask them if they come in any other colors. You never know if a lighter color might be more flattering till you try them.
    June…..great arch on your eyebrows! I never noticed before. Sorry about the mascara. Been there, done that. : (

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  42. The blue ones for sure. The shape is very youthful and hip but when you go back ask them if they come in any other colors. You never know if a lighter color might be more flattering till you try them.
    June…..great arch on your eyebrows! I never noticed before. Sorry about the mascara. Been there, done that. : (

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  43. I vote for the blue ones. They make you look smart. Whereas the red ones make you look like a crazy cat lady, which…..oh, hell! Nevermind.

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  44. I vote for the blue ones and the last ones – the brown-that-were-like-leopard ones.
    Sorry to hear that the mascara is not working, it looked good. And you don’t need any surgery!

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  45. The red glasses are the only ones I don’t like. I think you should buy the other three so you can change your glasses with your mood.
    Those hippie wicca devil kittens are A.D.O.R.A.B.L.E.

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  46. I vote for the glasses in Photo #1. I can’t tell if they’re blue or black. And keep the OP sticker.
    OP (or is it Op?) was THE clothing choice for males when I was in high school and a few years after. And yeah, those shorts, the corduroy ones, were the male version of hot pants. And it was a peep show.
    Plus also too, the Death card does NOT mean someone is going to die. Learn your tarot, people.
    Also too plus, June, when are you going to tell us how you came to be a tarot reader?

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  47. Arlene2, I have the Mad Men CD and I like it. It’s instrumental but it plays well when entertaining with cocktails. It’s not a jump on the table take your clothes off kind of CD, but then I don’t usually want that to happen when I’m entertaining either;it messes up my nice tablescapes.

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  48. I wear progressive lenses and have done so for several years. One optometrist told me that narrow frames did not have enough room for my prescription. Next Optician assured me that the new narrow frames (and that’s all they sold) were fine for my progressive lenses. Guess what? I could barely read out of a teeny, tiny slit at the bottom of the lense, so the glasses went back. So, I’m just saying that sometimes there is a problem fitting room for more than one visual correction into the narrow lenses everyone sells these days. Maybe it’s different with bifocals.
    (Also, sorry about that CD–I have to say I thought it sucked after listening to it. Mad Men music not the same with out the story and visuals.)

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  49. I got on here early today and at 9:30? already 88 comments!
    I like the blue ON you and the leopard FOR you. Get that? The leopard are funky and suit your personality.
    Can you get both?
    Did they not have pink? sparkly? Hello Kiity?
    I was going to say that you hair was very cute.
    I did notice a difference in the mascaras but not enough to hock my Air Supply Greatest Hits at the pawn shop for.

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  50. My vote is for blue – YAY Blue!
    My vote is for the new mascara – can definitely see the difference in pics
    I think a lot of us would kill to have your hair
    Are you loosing weight?
    Yes I am a suck-up…

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  51. I love that necklace and I got all excited to see that you’re wearing the earrings I got you for your birthday.
    I am making a request, however. You STILL have not taken any pictures of those cute shoes I got you as an EARLY birthday gift.
    Why do you torture me so?
    Blue. Definitely get the blue ones.

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