I’ve been looking so long at these picture’s of you

I forgot to tell you that when I was on my date with Dick Whitman the other night, I read his tarot cards. He is going to meet a Libra in October and I already hate that wench.

Anyway, he said, "I had my tarot cards read before, in 1989. My sister read them for me and we videotaped it."

You know how I am. "Ooo! I want to see that!"

"You do?"

So Dick Whitman opened the tidiest closet you have ever seen and got out a covered box neatly inscribed with the word…

…are you ready?

Seriously, are you?

Video's.

With the apostrophe.

He took the lid off that box, and inside were the tidiest collection of videos ('s) since Felix Unger organized his videos. If I have any videos left they are strewn in one drawer, then another, and maybe in the car, or in my hair, and in Edsel's jaws.

"You, um, certainly are tidy," I said, trying to ignore the apostrophe.

"Yes, I am," he said, piling a perfect pile of tapes as he looked. "And I'm NOT GAY."

See. It wasn't the gay thing I was worried about. Finally, I asked. "So, who labeled that box?"

Dick Whitman finally stopped alphabetizing the pile of videos to look at his errant " ' ". "Oh. I'm afraid I did that," he said, and WENT BACK TO SEARCHING like nothing was wrong.

I started to feel a little woozy. "Do you, um, have any White-Out or anything?"

"June, there's a Sharpie in the other room. Why don't you go get it and cross out the apostrophe."

"No, no. That would be weird," I said, desperately wanting to get the Sharpie.

Anyway. We finally watched the video ('s) and in 1989 Dick Whitman was all hot with long hair and Malcolm X glasses, and I told him I had Malcolm X glasses back then too, and this whole entire stupid story was to tell you that. Well. And to tell you about the apostrophe. I hope that Libra is ready for a lifetime of 's.

So I told Dick Whitman I'd send him a picture of me in the Malcolm X glasses:

Largeglassesfamily Mom and me rockin' out with our glasses out.

And in the meantime I found a bunch of other photos to show you. But now I have taken 60 hours to tell you that story so I can only show a few.

Hello80s Dad and me on New Year's Eve when it was about to be 1984. I loved that dress. And those earrings. We thought we were cool. And we kind of were.

Twit Even before I had a blog I had to stop and photograph ludicrous things. Like that sweater.

70s Why was everything brown in the 70s? Why do Coke cans never change?

Okay. Must shower. Or, as Dick Whitman would write, s'hower.

Okay ONE MORE.

Bear

My friend Lisa, pretending to be my bearskin rug.

June. Loving herself since 1991. Loving her rose pants since…why did I like those rose pants?

Okay, really going.

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

125 thoughts on “I’ve been looking so long at these picture’s of you”

  1. Anita, I have no idea when you may have done that, and I promise, my comment was not directed at you. The billboard I saw on the highway, yes; you, no.
    Actually, to keep up with the BBP comments, I have to read so fast, I rarely if ever see the typos or anything unless someone comments correcting themselves, and then I go “Huh?” and have to go back to the original comment to see what I missed.

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  2. My biggest pet peeve is the misuse of than for then. We are going shopping than out to lunch. The biggest offender is one of my husbands relatives on facebook who is currently in college to become a teacher.

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  3. Sadly, I don’t have a picture of it, but years ago I was driving through Birmingham, AL, and the sign at Taco Bell read,
    “Now Hiring
    New Chalupas”
    I still feel bad for the old chalupas that lost their jobs. Ageist Taco Bell.

    Like

  4. Texas Kari who is thankful to be able to come here and laugh. Just got home from a funeral thanks to stupid cancer. says:

    Y’all’s pet peeves/twitches are making me laugh.
    Now, who thinks they have a brand new twitch after reading the word y’all’s?
    My biggest twitch moment used to happen ALL. THE. TIME. at my Target. (Hi, Target Steve!) The cashiers would talk across the registers to each other and I would hear, “When your break?” and “When so-and-so’s break?” All I wanted to do was scream “IS”. Have mercy.

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  5. Texas Kari who is thankful to be able to come here and laugh. Just got home from a funeral thanks to stupid cancer. says:

    Y’all’s pet peeves/twitches are making me laugh.
    Now, who thinks they have a brand new twitch after reading the word y’all’s?
    My biggest twitch moment used to happen ALL. THE. TIME. at my Target. (Hi, Target Steve!) The cashiers would talk across the registers to each other and I would hear, “When your break?” and “When so-and-so’s break?” All I wanted to do was scream “IS”. Have mercy.

    Like

  6. Texas Kari who is thankful to be able to come here and laugh. Just got home from a funeral thanks to stupid cancer. says:

    Y’all’s pet peeves/twitches are making me laugh.
    Now, who thinks they have a brand new twitch after reading the word y’all’s?
    My biggest twitch moment used to happen ALL. THE. TIME. at my Target. (Hi, Target Steve!) The cashiers would talk across the registers to each other and I would hear, “When your break?” and “When so-and-so’s break?” All I wanted to do was scream “IS”. Have mercy.

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  7. As a writer and former editor, these pet peeves bother me as well, but I actually started to relax about it all when I found out a brilliant friend of mine can’t spell worth a damn. It made me realize there really must be different kinds of intelligence and that’s okay.
    (Warm fuzzies all around.)
    But I do have to say that the apostrophe with the last name is probably my biggest pet peeve. That or “lose” vs. “loose.”
    Not everything was brown back then. Some stuff was orange, and other stuff was “avocado” (quotes intentional). Y’alls remember?

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  8. See? Memories. My childhood home was Harvest Gold until the ’80s when it was sided again in Fern Green.
    Little did I know my mutinous parents were going to sell it out from under me. Sure they let all the other kids grow up and take their time leaving the nest. Me? Nope. See what happens when the drug store is closed?

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  9. I’m not stroking out too much what with all the twitching and such, however the mention of avocado green and harvest gold could cause a severe allergic reaction with impaired breathing and a very ugly rash.

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  10. My husband had a hercullon covered sofa and chair. It was out of the house in about 30 seconds once we got married. Nasty stuff!
    And I know of someone who, while studying for her teaching degree, wrote a report titled “What Jack Done Seen” and she was serious as could be.
    And Melissa, you are lucky the sign you saw in Birmingham was legible. I have seen quite a few in the area that are not.

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  11. When discussing furniture coverings, don’t forget about naughahyde. I used to work for a guy who convinced one of the secretaries that naugahyde came from Naugahogs and that he owned a Naugahog ranch.
    That was right up there with my dad convincing one of our friends that there was such a thing as “Hill Cows” whose legs were shorter on one side so that they didn’t fall when standing on the sides of hills.

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  12. June – Do the twists and turns of comments make you dizzy and nauseous?
    Reminds me of a pinball machine…

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  13. Mistakes in this type of forum rarely bother me. It’s when people go to all the trouble to pay to have a sign made that it makes me crazy. Just today I saw: Firewood “FOR SALE”.
    WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? Is it not really for sale? Can I just take it and say I “Bought It”? Ugh. Or how about Call Us If You Need a “Plumber”. Right. You fake “plumbers” are always the first ones I think of to call.
    I try not to notice. Really I do. But I once had an employee quit and she signed her resignation “letter” (appropriate use of ” “, as she wrote it on a post-it note) “Sincerely”. And ever since then, it’s like these things just “follow” me “around”. LIke fly’s to “honey”.

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  14. I love everyone else & their pet peeves!
    My favorites are:
    A. 34 cent (Ummm… CENTS – with an ‘S’, it is PLURAL people)
    IXV. Ax vs. Ask (Why is this so hard? You don’t AX someone to do something… You ASK!)
    7. Me & Joe are going to… (My husband does this ALL the time. Joe & I = or – Joe & me/myself. There is no “Me & ?”)
    My dear husband is one of the worst too! I’m at a loss to explain how we received the same education (same schools from 6th-12th grade), but he (sometimes) sounds like he grew up in the white trash/redneck trailer park (although some of his friends did, so maybe that explains it?).

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