The other day at work a brown recluse crawled into my coworker Vilhelm Oyster's cubicle. We work on the ground floor of a very old warehouse building. I shudder to think of what else is lurking down there.
Vilhelm murdered said spider, because he is manly that way, and then put it under a jeweler's loop he just happened to have, because apparently Vilhelm is busy splitting diamonds on his down time or something. At any rate, then he Googled the spider and convinced us all it was a brown recluse.
Marvin used to always insist that any spider that wasn't black was a brown recluse, causing me to point out that they certainly weren't very reclusive considering how often they showed up in our lives.
Anyway, Vilhelm kept talking about the recluses who are brown, and talking about them, and how if they bite you your skin falls clean off, until someone said:
"LOOK AT JUNE!"
I was totally curled up in my chair, editing something in a fetal position. No way was I touching that spider-ridden floor.
Anyway, the fumigator came yesterday and told us we were all berserk and it was just a regular spider.
This has not stopped Vilhelm from sneaking up behind me like a JERK and TICKLING me just a little so I think there are spiders all over me. And guess what. Guess who reacts EXACTLY as he wants me to, which is to SCREECH and JUMP UP and BRUSH OFF MY SKIN, which is about to fall clean off.
Stupid Vilhelm. I'll tell you who'll be reclusive. Vilhelm Oyster after I pound the pee out of him.
I really have no other news except that my iPod played good songs while I was walking the dogs today and Ima share them all with you. So you can jam out at work and get fired.
That picture caption made me think of The Cook The Thief His Wife and Her Lover. If you haven't seen that movie, don't. Trust me.
Okay, here's what I got to hear today.
My song!!! Hi, mom. Hi, Gloria Steinem. Can't help it. Love this song. Also? This video is kind of upsetting. FYI.
If that weren't enough, I got to hear Chaka. Love her. Love Prince, who wrote this.
Then The Cure came on, and I love this song. I feel all emo and meaningful when I listen to the Cure. And no, I could NOT find a video to go with this. It made me emo.
Ever since I read Keith Richards' autobiography I have put more Rolling Stones on my iPod:
As if my iPod day could get better. And yet it did! IT DID!
Coolest song ever. Coolest band ever. And I adore this video. It's like having a fever.
Everyone knows about it. From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell. I LOVE HIM. Why doesn't he call me? Because I need to date another person who's in a band. Do you think he'd keep guitars under the bed?
So that was pretty much the highlight of my day. Good iPod songs. I mean, it could have been worse. The highlight could have been "I finally stopped barfing" or "The train only ran over part of my leg." Or I could have been Sting.
Don't forget to finish A Three Dog Life, as we are meeting for book club on Sunday night. The first person who leaves a comment saying, "I'm here but I didn't read the book" gets a brown recluse from me.