That bitch. When I wasn't catching up on the news yesterday, I was doing this: I KNOW!!!!! From reading about a bitch to having one on my lap. In case you were Googling the number for Animal Hoarders, this is not my puppy. WOULD THAT IT WERE. My coworker, who I failed to ask what … Continue reading Pup
Do you know what people need to do right now? Is leave me alone. I have been gone a bunch of days this month, so I am behind on everything, and I have one of my statistics textbooks to work on, and I feel like it's all I can do to get to my next … Continue reading Hulk eats chick pee. A tale by June.
[Seeing as Hulk has already written his post, and I have not written mine, I will publish his now and you'll see mine on Tuesday...] So we kissed. Lightly at first, smiling, giggling, playfully looking into each other’s eyes, like schoolkids hoping not to get caught by our parents. But then the kiss grew more … Continue reading Hulk’s Story: Going with June to a Family Wedding
I went to the Indian wedding with Hulk. Who loves himself? Anyway, when I get home Sunday I will tell you all about it, and then Monday Hulk will tell his version of events. In the meantime, here's a brief synopsis:
Zzzzzzzz--oh! Is mom's computer finally ready? I logged on in 1712. I know I never complain about the slowness of this computer. And in general, I have such patience. Instant gratification takes too long. Anyway, I'm here. I drove straight through. And do you know what I had? Was a lack of ridiculousness on that drive. … Continue reading Butt Tour 2011
I'm getting ready to get in the car to leave for Saginaw, and by "getting ready" I mean I'm sitting here blogging. Somebody just pulled into my driveway to turn around, and I don't know about you, but if we were all in the car in high school? And we pulled into someone's driveway to … Continue reading In which June blows off the South to be the bland Midwesterner she’s always been
I went to the movies with Dick Whitman last night. Yes, I know Dick Whitman and I broke up. Try to keep up with the ups and downs of my life, will you? We saw The Help, which some of us read on my blog's book club, here, and the movie was excellent. Dick Whitman … Continue reading June on veeedeo
I love the song The Reason by Hoobastank. Also, my next pet is going to totally be named Hoobastank. I know the song is 10 years old, but I like it anyway. I was drawn to it originally because there is a big ruby in the video and if you show me something shiny and … Continue reading In which June acts the fool (or, I’m not a perfect person)
It's Monday! Wooooooo! Okay, I really don't give a crap that it's Monday. I like the weekends, I like my job, I don't mind going to it. Either way it's fine with me. I am not Garfield. Oh. Hang on. Had to stitch up my sides just thinking of that funny Garfield. Where's the lasagna? … Continue reading June and her motorcycle gang self
Daniel Boone is here cooking for my migrainey self. He also claims he's gonna put up my screen door later. If he weren't such a rotten boyfriend, Daniel Boone would be a wonderful boyfriend. But he makes a perfect friend.
"Oh, I can have some smoked gouda! I can get away with this migraine food!" I told myself last night. Yeah. My head is effing killing me. Please see picture above of me lying on desk in misery. I will talk at you tomorrow. I must get better so I can go kill myself on … Continue reading My head
In case you were worried sick and barfing on your dining room rug, everyone here seems to be on the mend. Tallulah was still feeling puny yesterday. And it doesn't bug me when they throw that pillow on the floor or anything. But today she and Edsel seem to be back to their ludicrous selves. … Continue reading A lift of the puny
I went to get my dogs from daycare yesterday, as I had planted them there since the weekend so I could jaunt off to the beach like a carefree single mom. Actually, some of my friends are single moms of, you know, actual humans, and they are rarely carefree. So I went to the beach … Continue reading Sick as a dog
You know who I feel sorry for? Is my friend Sandy's husband. Who just wanted a nice week on the Carolina coast, getting away from his demandy-pants job (he took like 87 conference calls while I was there. Do you know where I am rarely needed? Is on a conference call. In fact recently at … Continue reading Love my home-y but where’s my beaches?
There is sand in my teeth. Despite my valiant efforts with the sunscreen, I have burned the crap out of my back. I am hoarse from giggling with my old friend Sandy and her husband. June. Happy.
In my absence, two men I have dated recently--Dick Whitman and Daniel Boone--have agreed to guest post about what it was like to date the old June, here. I have the feeling the real answer is: taxing. Here is Dick Whitman's take, with my comments thrown in in pink. Because I can never shut up. … Continue reading My Date with June
So, I was getting all ready to leave for the beach, and by the way there is a thunderstorm right now and this is so the story of my life, when I realized it's my cousin Katie's birthday. IT'S MY COUSIN KATIE'S BIRTHDAY. I have done NOTHING for her birthday. Nothing. Dudes. When did I … Continue reading My Cousin Katie (or, June keeps saying she won’t be here and yet here she is again)
I am at the beach, being a 10, so here is a post from before for you to enjoy. Do not get confused. Marvin and I did not reunite. Henry did not move back. Oh, dear. Why'd I have to pick such a confusing post to post? Could I say "post" more often? Oh, and … Continue reading It happened one night
In my absence, I have asked two men I have recently dated--Dick Whitman and Daniel Boone--to guest post about what it was like to date me. Here is Daniel Boone's exhaustive dissertation. My comments are in brackets. When June first invited me to guest blog I was both thrilled and honored. Then I remembered that … Continue reading On dating June. By D Boone.
And yet? I can never find my reading glasses when I need them. I need to have 600 more pair, because there are NEVER ANY IN MY PURSE when I'm out somewhere. And speaking of my glasses, the other day my Pal from MA called me, and by the way this story has absolutely … Continue reading These Friends of Mine, or June