Tomatoes and toilet paper

Ridiculous
My life is ridiculous.

Whose fault do you think this is? Has some annoying kitten finally discovered the joy of unrolling toilet paper? Has some idiot dog torn it down with his or her front flea teeth, all delicate-like?

Notuzz Wuzzn't us! why you think we do thing like dat? we enjoy shuuz and books to ruin.

Offend Anderson offense. How you think little gray spider kitty do such terrible activtee?

Leaffalones

eff off. rodger eatin'.

Perhaps ripping toilet paper makes a kitty hungry. Those felines tend to be in cahoots about everything, so I blame them both.

Oh, and I have been meaning to AAAAACKKKKK!

Really. Even you know the coffee pot is going to beep at this point and you don't live here. When Ima get past it?

Anyway, I have been meaning to tell you. The other day I looked in the car next to me, because I wanted to glare at the driver over there, as she had done something stupid earlier and now I forget what. The reason I forget WHAT is because when I glared in there? With my frightening "You've annoyed June" glare?

The person in the car was talking on a purple toy phone.

I am not even making this up. It was plastic, and had a twisty cord, and was one of those old-fashioned handley things like we used to talk into way back in the '80s. WAY BACK. (It feels like last week.)

Handle
Like a handle like this. I do not know why I can't drop the subject of what specific kind of device she was  talking into. I guess I was just excited I could get up and photograph my retro phone. Also, why am I keeping my broken coffeepot over on the counter, there? What's the point? I'm like my Uncle Leo when he wore two watches because one was broken.

But could we get back to the subject at hand? Which is the damn crazy lady next to me with the purple toy phone?

We had been at a red light, but of course then I had to catch up to her to make sure I wasn't hallucinating, as I do. Nope. Middle-class-looking woman in a fancy car, by herself, talking on a purple toy phone.

Oh, how I wish I knew the story of what happened with THAT nutbar when she got home. Perhaps she was phoning home.

That is all I have to tell you, except that my neighbor came over last night and you know what irks the crap out of me? Is when someone knocks on my door or my phone rings the minute I get home.  Nevertheless, my neighbor had a huge bowl of tomatoes she had grown and was giving them away.

Not Peg. You guys think the only neighbors I have are Peg and the dead lady. This is a woman a few doors down, next to the serial killer guy who had 87 trees and a long ZZ Top beard and who never comes outside except on trash day. Her name (tomato lady, not ZZ Top guy) is Mimi and she has a bulldog and is divorced. I like her.

The point is, I had me a tomato sandwich for dinner, and then I sliced a tomato and put some olive oil and balsamic vinegar on it, and at about 9:00 I had ANOTHER tomato with just pepper. Looking forward to the canker sores.

If I get some, I'll call you on my toy phone.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

122 thoughts on “Tomatoes and toilet paper”

  1. No, no. I find it disturbingly funny. Like, what bizarre thing will they find? I really should start hiding things in my photos. Like Id ever be that organized.

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  2. awww shoot! Dawn beat me to the answer and even provided you with a handy linky. I just discovered those phone thingys the other day when I saw a pic of Lenny Kravitz walking down a NYC street talking on one.
    And, June? You are the funniest person I ever met (online). You make me spit out my drink every time I read you. You’d think by now I’d learn to not drink when I read your posts. I’m dumb like that.

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  3. Meant to mention earlier that gray spider kitty is the perfect description for Anderson now that his legs have grown. And Roger looks like he is daring you to put your hand anywhere near his food dish. His eyes are enough to scare anyone.

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  4. June, I doubt that last statement about being a dud is true.
    Anderson is the suspect. And his response would be, “…and your point is?”
    Try squishing the roll so the spool is not round and the TP won’t just roll off into the floor with just a little tug. That helped when (years ago) my Bubba Cat just loved pulling all the TP off the roll.

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  5. I had to go get my 3rd daughter’s orthodontia consultation and put her spacers in. It’s always a grueling 2 hour appt because the orthodontist insists on sitting down with the child and explaining everything. I just want to yell, “She’s the third one. Just slap some metal wires on and let’s do this already!”
    Mrs. Oh, Disney wouldn’t be as magical without you. But no mother and her vibrator, Hulk. Sorry, but some things are just too much, even for me.

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  6. Ok, June. If you feel the need to yell at anyone, just yell at Siren. Then you will both be happy.

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  7. Wow! I am just now catching up with all this. I agree that it was Roger who tore up the TP. I agree that Lenny Kravitz is a sexy beast. And now I have to go fuss at my friends on Facebook, none of whom have brought me any home-grown tomatoes this year!

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  8. I am having the hardest time typing… at Interpretive Dance Class, I re-interpreated Junie’s dream of parachuting frozen lemonade wafting through the skies…. it was with “Dream Hands”… I’m sure you all can guess what happened>

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  9. I am having the hardest time typing… at Interpretive Dance Class, I re-interpreated Junie’s dream of parachuting frozen lemonade wafting through the skies…. it was with “Dream Hands”… I’m sure you all can guess what happened>

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  10. I am having the hardest time typing… at Interpretive Dance Class, I re-interpreated Junie’s dream of parachuting frozen lemonade wafting through the skies…. it was with “Dream Hands”… I’m sure you all can guess what happened>

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  11. Anita, for a condensed version read June’s posts and forget the comments. Except for the part where she hollered at us for not commenting enough over the weekend while she was off visiting everyone she knows in NC.
    When you have more time, go back and read the comments. Especially, where Just Paula and Siren are ignoring each other while Paula is renting the house next door while on vacation. Kidding! At least, I think I’m kidding. Who knows?

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  12. Duffylou, loving the vocals on that song for the wedding.

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  13. I hardly ever comment, but every time I see a post about the TP being unrolled I worry about how you are going to be able to afford more TP. Now you post that you are living on the advertisements and the darn TP is unrolled. Double worried now!

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