Sick as a dog

I went to get my dogs from daycare yesterday, as I had planted them there since the weekend so I could jaunt off to the beach like a carefree single mom.

Actually, some of my friends are single moms of, you know, actual humans, and they are rarely carefree. So I went to the beach like a carefree owner of dogs, thinking they'd be happy and entertained at daycare.

They emerged from the playroom as they always do, hysterical and overwrought, and we got in the car as we always do, Edsel in the back seat because he's beta dog, Tallulah in the front because she is in charge of all of us. As soon as daycare is out of sight, Talu always sighs and puts her head on my lap. Which makes it easy to shift.

But then? A couple hours after we were home? The Edsel, there? He took to barfin'.

I mean, it wasn't just a one-time-only deal. He was bringing up the past. He was showing me stuff he ate in Ancient Rome. It was ludicrous. I had to take the sisal rug outside and hose it off. I used up all the paper towels. I Sharked my floor. Which turned out to be useless, as you will soon see.

Sickeds He was clearly miserable.

I was chatting with The Fireman, telling him Edsel had been sick. The Fireman has a Lab, because he is manly that way. "Poor dog," he said, not seeming too concerned.

Right then poor Edsel hurled again. "He's foaming at the mouth," I wrote.

"Get that dog some medical attention," said The Fireman. I figured he'd dashed to plenty a dog-foaming-after-barfing rescue and knew what he was talking about.

So poor Edsel and I went to the emergency vet, and I knew he was really sick because he (a) didn't care when I got his leash and (b) didn't care when we saw a bunny in the field next to the emergency vet.

Naturally, I knew the receptionist. "I know you!" she chirped, all redheaded and 22. (Yes, Marvin, she's at the emergency vet on Battleground. I think she always works nights.) (Marvin likes him a redhead.) Turns out she used to work at my regular vet, plus she had been the receptionist on duty when Henry was hurt after the Rally to Restore Sanity last fall. Remember that? When I took the train home and Marvin had waited till I got home to worry about the part where Henry's arm was swollen 80 times its normal size? (You could have met the redhead THEN, Marvin.)

Edsel crammed his head behind my knee while the vet took our info. "I'm gonna take Edsel back and run tests," she said, reaching for his leash. Edsel licked her. "It's okay if you kiss me after you puked. Part of my job."

Edsel looked longingly at me while they led him back, and I went to the lobby and chatted with a delightful gay man who had a Jack Russel/Chihuahua mix that I am sort of shocked to tell you was actually adorable once she emerged.

The point is, they decided Edsel had stress colitis from being at dog daycare. Who is the worst worst worst mom ever? The vet said, "We can see he's clearly a mama's boy" (Edsel was back with me and standing behind my knee again). "Some dogs just get stressed out even if they're playing with other dogs all day. They just wanna be with their people."

They gave him fluids and an antinausea shot and told me I could either cook chicken and rice for him for three days or buy bland food from them (which do you think I did?) and $8583829400 later we left. I made a vow to NEVER go anywhere without Edsel ever again. Ever. I don't care if my mother's evil dog EATS Edsel, he's coming with me from now on.

So we were back home, and he had his new jaunty scarf from the vet, and I thought things were okay.

(I emailed Daniel Boone about the whole evening, because it's important I keep up the 93949230 emails to Daniel Boone at all times, and he wrote back and then wrote a P.S. "And Edsel, you don't look at all gay in your scarf.")

By the way, I was reviewing the instructions on how to give him his probiotic and bland food and so forth and in his medical stuff it read, "Teeth: Adult white clean teeth. Underbite." Hello, understatement. It'd be like Kim Kardashian's chart: Adult olive clean butt. Pronounced.

So we went to bed and Edsel got all up on me to cuddle, when


In the middle of the night? TALLULAH started barfing. Oh, she barfed everywhere. She barfed in the dining room. In the back room–twice. In the hall–also twice. On the bedspread. It was a relaxing evening.

So I gave them both the bland food today and I have no clue what is up with them. Could they BOTH have stress colitis from dog daycare? Who feels unbelievably guilty for going to the beach and abandoning her dogs?

Fortunately I have help while I'm at work. "rodgder heer. take care of scarf gay dog."

98 thoughts on “Sick as a dog

  1. June,
    For a woman who has an extreme aversion to throwing-up, there sure is a lot of barf talk on this blog.
    Pointing out the obvious,
    Texas Kari


  2. 2nd FLET…
    I have always been a fan of Ohil, or as we fans say, “Ohio”…
    Even as a student.
    Glad I made such a long-lasting impression on you…


  3. 2nd FLET…
    I have always been a fan of Ohil, or as we fans say, “Ohio”…
    Even as a student.
    Glad I made such a long-lasting impression on you…


  4. 2nd FLET…
    I have always been a fan of Ohil, or as we fans say, “Ohio”…
    Even as a student.
    Glad I made such a long-lasting impression on you…


  5. Ugh…Hulk:
    Make that OHIO!
    Keep the fanny…anyone in Michigan who favors Ohio teams IS a fanny.


  6. Poor doggies!
    I was reading Pioneer Woman this morning (I know, shut up) and she mentioned that the started following Hulk on twitter.
    I just stared at that monitor, shocked that she knew Hulk over here at BBP.
    She was talking about Hulk, the cartoon character, but Hulk, you were so famous in my world for a good 3 minutes.


  7. My dog always barfs when he comes home from boarding. He has a really sensitive stomach; I have given him the same Iams food for 9 years. So when the people at the boarding use their food instead of the Iams I provide, he gets very ill.


  8. Sadie - Or did you already say you were Class Clown? With my short-term memory loss I need Beth to check facts. says:

    June, I obviously don’t know you and did not know you in high school, but with your funny I thought you might have been Class Clown or Court Jester.


  9. MTM, whose Pom (so far) (knock wood) expresses stress by intensifying the gaze of the big woeful eyes that could melt steel says:

    Eek! Just now, your blog ad featured a bagel with ants crawling on it. They must have pattered over from our infested office kitchen. Probably bearing diseases, like the blog-induced puking that will soon be afflicting all our literate dogs….


  10. I had a Lab that had a very sensitive, extremely sensitive digestive system. Did I mention hair-trigger sensitive digestive system? He was such a great people dog. A trip to the kennel, moving, or whatever could really put his innards in a rebellious state with action at both ends. B.l.e.c.h. Anyway, his vet prescribed hamburger meat and rice boiled together until the rice was tender. It always did the trick – in a couple of days he was good as new.
    However, I too, think there must have been something at the kennel too – for both the fur-babies to have gotten sick…


  11. June, you don’t have to have a microwave to cook minute rice. Dust off those wonderful pots you have an cook on top of the stove. It’s easy. I promise.


  12. That used to happen to our dog Madison all the time. He only ate dry dog food kibbles, and not the really good expensive stuff, but the cheapest possible. Found out after one particularly vexing projectile vomit episode that they were feeding the dogs moist canned food. Leaving it out in bowls all day long. And replenishing at will. (That would explain the ginormous bill each time!) Well, Madison just couldn’t be trusted with food so he got one cupful of kibble every evening. Leave it out all day and he would gobble it up like he had never had food in his life and he was starving (he wasn’t). So after that time, we would send kibble in baggies labeled and dated with strict instructions to only feed him that. Problem solved. And although I sure do miss Madison, I don’t miss the boarding bill.
    Hope your buddies get better quick!
    Enjoy the day!


  13. I’ll add my own (boringly repetitive) opinion: that it was either the food they fed them at the kennel, or a virus. Food would be my first guess.
    Whenever we leave town, we have so many pets (8!) that we are forced to hire someone to actually come stay in the house. So my animals have never been in a kennel (except for their original stays at the Humane Societies). The only times they puke is from eating something very different (or very disgusting, that they find on the ground).
    Is it common for a dog to have that much separation anxiety? Perhaps Edsel is just…special? {wink}
    No, seriously, I LOVE Edsel. He’s the most adorable creature, and in that neckerchief, even better. {swoon}
    Roger is huge. Very very long tail, too, in the other pic–Anderson’s?


  14. June, I just finished giving my dog a diet of chicken and rice, per vet’s orders. She had a bad case of gas. I KNOW. But she had chewed on a piece of plastic and ingested some of it; hence, the gas. Anyway, it couldn’t be easier. Buy regular rice (not instant) and some chicken legs. Put about 2 1/2 cups of water in a pot, add 1 cup of rice and the chicken legs (thighs, or whatever), cover, lower the heat, and simmer for about 20 – 25 minutes. Remove the chicken from the rice, let cool, and pull the chicken off the bones, adding the meat back into the pot of rice. Toss the bones in the garbage. Your Eds and Talu will love you for this meal.


  15. You… you have no microwave? You don’t cook, AND you have no microwave?
    June, you are a mystery wrapped inside a riddle. And covered in secret sauce.


  16. Two car trips with Lucia the Cat taught me that she was not a travelin’ gal, so catsitters come in, and she stays all lovey and nice and hangs out in the windows.
    Her favorite upchucking spot is on my expensive-on-sale-but-still-expensive oriental rug. Not the hardwood floors, the bathroom tile or the cheapie rug from Target. She loves that oriental, and she’s a long-haired Siamese, so maybe it’s what makes her feel at home.


  17. My neighbor’s dog is an old lab and hey have to get someone to house sit/pet sit when they go on vacation. Their poor dog has SEIZURES if left alone for more than a few hours during the day.
    Glad your dogs are feeling better today.


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