In which June blows off the South to be the bland Midwesterner she’s always been

I'm getting ready to get in the car to leave for Saginaw, and by "getting ready" I mean I'm sitting here blogging.

Somebody just pulled into my driveway to turn around, and I don't know about you, but if we were all in the car in high school? And we pulled into someone's driveway to do that? We'd all shout, "GET OUT THE BEER AND PRETZELS!"

Because, you know. We might be unexpected company. See.

No, I didn't grow up in a totally blue-collar town, with the beer and the pretzels. Why do you ask?

Also? A thing that makes me shudder and wonder why I am here talking to you about all the pressing details of the day? Is the memory of me in the car with my high school friends. Holy cats. We were one of those "Don't Drink and Drive" videos in the making. Sometimes the whole point of the evening was, "Let's drive around and drink!"


So on that note, I'm about to get on the road for 13 hours to be home in time for my cousin's wedding. Yes, I know she already got married in India. We don't believe her and we're making her do it in front of our own eyes here in America where it counts. We all have shotguns and torches.

I have packed nothing and you know that means I will do it hurriedly and get there and realize I forgot my arms.

One thing I did manage to do was ask Marvin if he could come stay with the dogs rather than me taking them to daycare, so I don't have to endure Vomitfest Deux when I get back. He is annoyed with me because today is the first day of school, but I hardly see what one thing has to do with the other. Just show a film strip. Geez.


Junetouchesbull When I went to the movies with Dick and his Whitman the other night, we stopped off and looked at this inexplicable bull. I liked him because he has a barrel chest like Tallulah.

Lu dere statoo of talu somewheres?

Do you like how she was RIGHT NEXT to me and still I could not take an unblurry picture of her?

Anyway. I had better pack. Last time I forgot to bring my migraine meds and I had to seduce the woman at Target pharmacy to give me pills and then I never got a migraine. Annoying.

Okay, I'm off. Carry on.

85 thoughts on “In which June blows off the South to be the bland Midwesterner she’s always been

  1. Hulk, I think you’re right about OJ.
    I still wonder how June got her miles of thick hair jammed into those. I have sort of a Marge Simpson image in my head …


  2. Alright…so I was only partly right.
    In my municipality, drivers have a 6 foot right-of-way onto private driveways in order to turn. Unless you post a “no trespassing” sign, then you can keep people off entirely.
    I don’t care if it is discourteous or humorless…I have young children who play, albeit supervised, in our driveway and I don’t like it and I don’t do it to others.
    But Hulk…if you miss a turn in my neighborhood you better come in and have a drink! How will I recognize your vehicle? Will it be emblazoned with Cleveland’s mascot? What?


  3. It will have Buckeye helmet stickers on the back windows!
    No, as a matter of fact I do NOT have a girlfriend…


  4. I remember those ding dang caps as a kid. Didn’t they have chin straps too? Like they’d ever come off, once you finally sqeezed your head in. And the afterhair? Yikes.
    Yes, Hulk, June has a dowry. Two dogs, two cats and a hutch.


  5. “…it’s the first day of school…” What’s his point? It’s only fair that he help with the fur babies. After all you DID babysit Henry and Winston for him when he went away. But I’m sure you keeping Hen and Win is like Brer Rabbit and the briar patch, “Pllleeeeaase don’t throw me in that briar patch,” right?
    You look so trim and tan in the photo with the bull.


  6. My daughter, with small hair, has caps for swim team. It’s a two person job to get those things on. Her bff has HUGE hair and absolutely refused. Could. not. get. it. on.
    I will say one of my favorite pictures of my daughter is a close up of her at a swim meet in her super cute blue swim team suit, her blue cap and her big blue eyes.


  7. It’s called a 3 point turn around these parts. Not sure what the K is all about. But dang, I’d be scared use someones driveway in NJ. Maybe the K should be a C for cap in your ass.
    Joann has the prize for most redunkulous swim cap. She looked like one of those synchronized swimmers.


  8. K-turn and 3 Point turn are interchangeable terms.
    And I am WAY too law-abiding to drop a C for cap in anyone’s ass…but I can provide an earful when provoked.


  9. I had never heard of a K-turn. Though, 3-point turns, definitely. Illegal to turn around in someone’s driveway? Holy crap. That sounds kind of hostile. I don’t LIKE doing it, but I do it if I have to occasionally. I had no idea there were LAWS about it.
    Bathing caps: aw, you all just brought back very sweet memories to me, of my dear grandmother swimming with one of those on, the rubbery “flowers” on top trembling slightly as she did a slow [Hulk, don’t get too excited here] breaststroke. I had very long hair as a kid and it was literally torture when I had to wear one of those. Not to mention long hair (or big hair) made all these weird-looking lumps on top of your head under the caps. We all looked like deformed unicorns. Except for my grandmother, who somehow just looked cute.


  10. Lisa 2.0 – I grew up in Jackson!!!! But I am way older than you as there was no Meijer store in Jackson in my day.
    I did rent a home in Grand Rapids that was built by Mr. and Mrs. Meijer in their later years. Very modest 50s ranch.


  11. Hi June! Every time I come here I laugh til I cry. And I need to laugh that hard more often. Thanks for being so hilarious. The post about you and Sandy at the beach killed me. Have a great trip!


  12. Lisa Pie, yes, I was up at o’dark thirty today. I always am on Thursdays as i see two clients. But I always check the “Pie” before I get on the Freeway. Need me some June to start the day!
    BTW, heard a story on NPR about your unrelenting heat. Some long-time resident of Austin was giving up and moving to Portland. Thought of you guys suffering deep in the heart of Texas!


  13. Unrelenting heat and drought in Texas and more rain, wind and floods than the east coast wants. Hope everyone stays safe this weekend.


  14. I know Lisa Pie is hot and I can adequately whine for both of us. I have lived in Texas my whole life except for graduate school years. I am a fifth generation Texas. NO ONE can recall a summer as hot as this. It’s brutal with no end in sight. Sunday should be 105 in my city with about 85% humidity. Most mornings, our LOW temperature is 87 degrees or greater.
    To sum up: Y’all, it’s HOT!


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