Hulk eats chick pee. A tale by June.

Do you know what people need to do right now? Is leave me alone. I have been gone a bunch of days this month, so I am behind on everything, and I have one of my statistics textbooks to work on, and I feel like it's all I can do to get to my next mission.

Go to work, walk the dogs, post something on my blog, make lunch, work on textbook and then BOOM! I get one of those phone calls or emails: "Where ARE you? Why am I not hearing from you?"

You wanna know what stresses me out? One of those messages. All you have to do is look at my blog or Facebook to know I have not expired. I AM BUSY RIGHT NOW, PEOPLE.


Anyway. Hulk was kind enough to take time out of his frenetic schedule (go to work, think about sports, think about naked women, put on Hawaiian shirt) to post about our evening at my cousin's wedding, so now I will do so.

The day dawned early for me, as I had to be at a hair salon to get some random gorgeous Indian woman to wrap me in my sari. And by "early" I mean I had to be there at 2:00. Whatever.

Undergarment This is the undergarment portion of the sari. June. Showing her chones on her blog since 2011. Unless I have shown them before. In which case it'd be since whatever year that was.

Out of all the white chicks going to this shindig in a sari, not a one of us knew how to wrap ourselves up in it. "Can't we Google it?" I asked. I always want to turn to Google first. Often I wonder how I lived without Google. Sometimes I Google that. "How did I live without you?" I ask Google.

Anyway, I wish I had thought to take pictures of everyone emerging from the room where the hot Indian woman above wrapped everyone's sari. It was so beautiful! Magenta, yellow, violet, green–every bright color you can think of emerged from that room.

Mom took the shot above and you can see whose photography gene I inherited. Mom was all excited because the wrapper woman was Muslim, and my cousin is Catholic and she's marrying a Hindu. She got all we-are-the-world, Wee Pals about it. I just waited for my sari to be done.

Here's a picture of the wedding party, so you can see how lovely all the colors were. So cool! My cousins include the bride in white, my cousin Katie next to her in pink–and yes I DID want that pink sparkly one, but that's the dress Maria was married in in India, so I did not rate that one, my cousin Jennifer in purple third from left and my cousin Nonnie at the end in black and blue. The other womenses are Maria's many many friends.

I had to, you know, hang out in my sari all afternoon, but it was so comfy I ended up falling asleep on the couch with it on for about an hour. June. Taking advantage of every last second she had in Michigan.

Finally at 6:00 on the dot, Hulk arrived, because Midwesterners are a timely people. He had his ludicrous Indians shirt on and we all got a big charge out of his ridiculous self. Injuns
My mother had some of her friends over already before the wedding, because she's sociable that way. If I had people in and out my house all the time like my mother has, I would commit hari-kari. I am sort of an introvert in my own strange way. I like my alone time.

Hulk and I drove over there alone, although originally my mother had asked if she could ride with us, as she was getting up with my stepfather there. "You want to…ride with us?" I asked. "Yes, and maybe Hulk's mom should come too," mom said, getting a big kick out her own self. "I mean, shouldn't he bring his wife?"

The Hulk-married-his-mom joke. Being dropped by any of us since 2008. (If you just got here, a few years back Hulk witnessed his mom's wedding at the courthouse. He signed the wrong line and technically married her. The end.) (We have not let it drop for even a millisecond.)

Oooo, right away when I got there I knew everything was gonna be pretty.

A Ganesha ice sculpture! Too cool! Literally.

As Hulk told you, I got him a seat at the bar and loaded us up with delicious Indian food. There were American things too, but why eat those when you can get Indian tidbits?

You'd have thought I presented Hulk with a plate of my innards.

"What…is all this?" he asked, looking horrified. Who on this earth hasn't heard of hummus? Hulk. That's who. And you should've seen the teensy girly bites he would take, and then spit everything out like a fussy toddler. Thank heavens they were serving American light beer or he'd have been doomed.

Hulk got to meet my whole family, and he bonded with Aunt Sue over wanting cheese and crackers and fruit to eat, and I am sorry to tell you the two of them may have chanted "USA! USA!" while they headed for "real" food.

WhatEVER with the xenophobia.

The dining room itself was dark, and I took 2949403 photos and not one turned out well.

Here's a bad picture of me putting the napkin on my head.

Here's another bad picture of me balancing a spoon on my nose.

June. Bad at photography. Good at being appropriate at weddings.

Here's kind of a cool picture of the bride and groom making their entrance, which only showed up because the real photographer's flash went off for me. I think Sachin, my new cousin-in-law, is hot. Mrs. Robinson called…

Ooo, speaking of which, I was in line for dinner and there was a cute cute cute boy behind me. Hulk and I were not in line together so I was free to hit on just everyone. We talked, and he told me I looked great in my sari, and we started discussing if we still lived in Saginaw. "I left in 1992," I told him.

"I was four in 1992," he said.

It was at that point that I impaled myself on the Ganesha sculpture.

At any rate, Hulk and I giggled and cavorted and chatted with people and had an excellent time. And I am pleased to report he was willing to dance, which is more than I can say for most dates. In fact, I kept getting up and bursting onto the dance floor without checking if he wanted to come with me, so used to undancey dates am I.

DanceEnclosed please find a photo of my cousin Katie and me, shakin' our goove thangs. Also in the background in the black pattered dress is my other cousin Katy (yes, we have two Kat[y]ies) and my cousin Missi in the white skirt. The four of us are dancing fools at all weddings.

It occurred to me my post about this night was gonna suck, seeing as I could get no good photos, so I took this one while I was on the pot in the women's room Note the beautiful necklace Faithful Reader Furry loaned me!

And yes. Hulk did not lie. After the food, the drinks, the photo booth, the 99493040 hours of dancing and the hobnobbing with my family, he took me home and we only got to third base.

If third base is hugging. I forget.

While I've been writing this? I just got a message from the textbook place. Can I proofread a web ad, a letter, and a catalog in the next few days on top of the book I am reading?

"June, why haven't I heard from you!!?!?!" AACCCK!


140 thoughts on “Hulk eats chick pee. A tale by June.

  1. See? You guys pissed Mother off. I tried to tell them to stop yesterday, Mother. But they wouldn’t listen…
    Effing kids…


  2. OH! And I meant to say to June thank you for wearing a tank under the sari. I’m sari, but sometimes when you see the Indian grandmothers in the grocery store in their saris and they have their middle parts hanging out for the world to see, well, it’s not pretty. So I’m glad to see that June spared the world her middle. Not that it’s not pretty. Just pretty to keep it covered. And easier on Hulk and his manly sensibilities.


  3. The newlyweds may have stayed at the Curry Motel, but really they stayed locally elsewhere as they had to go to work on Monday. I can only say that some of these commens have been skating on thin ice. I liked June’s reference to the fact that a Catholic woman married a Hindu man, and a Muslim woman dressed the wedding party. When I said this to the Indian woman doing the wrapping she said, “Only in America.” I did cry at that. I’m proud of that.


  4. Just Paula – You mean “cojones” for balls, in Spanish. “Cajones” (“a” not “o”) are drawers (not underwear, but rather the drawers that pull out of a chest of drawers).
    becky0480 – Weird coincidence. I’ve also been married to an Indian for 9 years, and his sister (and mother) wrapped my sari on my wedding day. (Hopefully you’re not sharing the coincidence of my marital situation, though, which is that we are legally separating and/or divorcing soon. Great topic for a wedding blog post, huh? Sari.)
    June – In the photo where you have the spoon on your nose, it looked like your hair was on fire. On fire literally, not figuratively.


  5. Seriously. You people are insane. IN.SANE. It’s inspiring.
    Hulk, I think you did A-OK. Both as a date and as a re-teller of the date.


  6. Thank you for the constructive criticsm, Jane.
    In sunny LA, do they know what the middle finger means?


  7. Whew, after Hulk’s rather descriptive prose (TOO MUCH INFORMATION!)I was dreading June’s take on events – this is much more my style. I’m a wimp, I know, love gossip, just don’t want to hear too many details.
    Agreeing with everyone else, that blue is your color, you should wear it often. Maybe you can make some tanks out of the sari?
    Hope everyone survived Irene.
    In sunny LA, where yes, I do know what chones are!


  8. You all are killing me with Duffylou’s “hummus a tune” and Just Paula’s “Taj Masaginaw.”


  9. After two exotic weddings, I hope they have an exotic honeymoon. Not the Poconos, for example.
    Then they will be living at the Taj Masaginaw.


  10. I think they are honeymooning somewhere. I say that because my mother kept saying, I wonder where Maria and Sachin are going? I take this to mean they were going on a honeymoon, but maybe they are just skipping town to avoid bills or something. Do I know? And yes, they grew up in Saginaw and will remain in Saginaw.


  11. Are the bride and groom honeymooning? Do they get two honeymoons, too? Any place interesting? Will they live here or in india?


  12. I did look chones up on Urban Dictionary where everything is a euphemism for sex or genitals and which could make you apprehensive about saying pretty much anything. It said chones was undies or testicles. I came back here to post and Kelly Pie had already responded. And then… Well that’s pretty much the whole story. Except oh, to get to Urban Dictionary? I totally used the Google.


  13. Tee-
    Imagine a lovely woman in a blue sari moving gracefully to the music…
    With a rhino with water in his ear moving next to her…


  14. I didn’t someone else referred to it as Googling.
    I love Googling! Can’t get enough Googling! Who’s excited about Googling!


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