Pup

Jadasabitch That bitch.

When I wasn't catching up on the news yesterday, I was doing this:

Iluvpuppeeee

I KNOW!!!!! From reading about a bitch to having one on my lap.

In case you were Googling the number for Animal Hoarders, this is not my puppy. WOULD THAT IT WERE.

My coworker, who I failed to ask what she wanted her blog name to be because we were, you know, BUSY WITH PUPPEEEE, found this little muffin on Craigslist yesterday, and let me just say for the record things are a little slow at work right now.

Anyway, she emailed me–and my coworker in real life has one of those first names that is two first names mooshed together, so let's call her TinaDoris.

Because that is a beautiful combination and sometimes I worry about the inside of my head.

So TinaDoris emailed me with this puppy's photo, and of course I squealed and swooned and fell in love, and she said her fiance had already said, No puppies right now.

"I'll go with you after work and get it anyway," I said, because I do nothing but improve relationships worldwide.

Lucky for us, the soon-to-be Mr. TinaDoris saw the picture of the pup and relented. And then TinaDoris brought her new child over to my house after work, because I pretty much demanded she do so.

Pupandcw
Here is their first-ever photo and look how cute! Do you know what I love? Is new puppy's little feather on her head, there. When you see it up close it really looks like a white feather. When TinaDoris and her (surprisingly hot) fiance left, she was trying to talk him into the name Pocahontas. Not for himself. For the puppy. Keep up.

I say surprisingly hot not because TinaDoris herself isn't a little bundle of hotness. I had every faith she could score a cute man. But the photo of him on her desk did not do him justice.

Hottiewithpup Guess who wasn't as into the pup as we were? Also? Guess who looks a lot like my friend Dave Newman, who just wrote that movie I forced you all to go see (Friends with Benefits! It's still out, I think. Go see it a second time!)?

Bondwifmom
Not-Pocahontas was clearly already bonded with TinaDoris. We went outside, to encourage pee-age, not from any human but for the pup, and she kept leaping back to her mom, even though she'd only known her an hour and had known me for almost that long so why couldn't she have bonded WITH ME? Why couldn't it have been so obvious she loved ME that TinaDoris would have had to surrender the puppy? For her own happiness?

Notsomuchladee where mom? mom hair not ensayne like dis ladee hairs.

And speaking of happy? I put old Fang and Snarl in the back yard the minute TinaDoris and Not-Pochahontas got here, and pretty much here is what we experienced the entire time:

"Woofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoof! Woof!"

And also?

Displeeze andersun displeeze. show you my puff taale.

Hissss no. seersly. coming to kick puppee azz now.

The puppy kept cavorting over to Anderson, being all young and innocent and having no idea she could get her eyeses clawed to bits.

Anyway. That was my excitement last night. I think there should be some kind of law; every time someone gets a new puppy, I have to meet it first. And Anderson gets to puff at it.

What say you?

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

150 thoughts on “Pup”

  1. Leaving in a Huff? That must be some kind of Austrian transport. Are they easy to park?

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  2. Leaving in a Huff? That must be some kind of Austrian transport. Are they easy to park?

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  3. Leaving in a Huff? That must be some kind of Austrian transport. Are they easy to park?

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  4. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…
    *SNORT* *GFFT*…
    Huh? Oh. Sorry. Drifted off for a while after Jane’s DETAILED story there…

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  5. Radley the Awesome is also a Pit mix. Wonderful, wonderful dogs. Much love for the pits, although I also love the Rotties. And Great Pyrenees(es?).

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  6. Watch it, PSA Hulk, or you will be chasing off June’s commenters.

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  7. Okay, wait. Does flouncing involve high heels or having to wear a dress? Because if so, I’m out.
    And June. Thanks SO MUCH for connecting the idea of kissing something up with Hulk’s member. Just when I’d gotten over the mouthing-the-puppy-head thing.

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  8. Sadie cannot visualize Siren being flouncily dramatic. Stompily dramatic, yes. Flouncily dramatic, just no. says:

    Yes, FDICK was so clever it could have been comment of the week. Fortunately, you are not eligible for that award since you would win it every week.

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  9. Sadie cannot visualize Siren being flouncily dramatic. Stompily dramatic, yes. Flouncily dramatic, just no. says:

    Yes, FDICK was so clever it could have been comment of the week. Fortunately, you are not eligible for that award since you would win it every week.

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  10. Sadie cannot visualize Siren being flouncily dramatic. Stompily dramatic, yes. Flouncily dramatic, just no. says:

    Yes, FDICK was so clever it could have been comment of the week. Fortunately, you are not eligible for that award since you would win it every week.

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  11. Atta girl, Jane…you’re fittin’ right in here.

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  12. Atta girl, Jane…you’re fittin’ right in here.

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  13. Atta girl, Jane…you’re fittin’ right in here.

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  14. Siren, I’m also thinking you need curls to toss when you flounce dramatically.

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  15. Siren is totally a stomper and flincher. She can represent the Pie in the most stompiest, flinchiest way evah.

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  16. Screw it. Ha.
    I did not laugh at FDICK because I didn’t get it. But I was too polite to say anything, because I didn’t want to spoil the joke by asking someone to explain it.
    And I have been trying and trying to flounce but all I can manage is flailing. I’m a total flounce failure. A flailure.
    And I do not pout silently, dammit. I’ll have you know I’m a very loud pouter.

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  17. See, in ads for banks they always say Member FDIC at the end of the ad. But Hulk was talking about his member. And then I added the K. Get it? GET IT? [Slams laptop shut. Sighs dramatically.]

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  18. I’m not a flouncer either. But if Hulk could perfect it, he could turn it into dance steps for the next time he and June find themselves on a dance floor. That would be totally worth seeing.

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  19. We were talking about Hulk dancing while dressed in a tu tu on The Face the other night. Is that close enough to flouncing? Our meaning of flouncing, not his.

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  20. I think it had something to do with visions of the bulldog from Bugs Bunny wearing his pink tutu. You know, kind of picturing it on you. We were kind of giggling…just a little. All in good fun, of course.

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  21. We were talking about Hulk dancing while dressed in a tu tu on The Face
    Wait! Whose face was he dancing on? Or was he wearing the tu tu on his face?

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  22. That’s right…The Love Hangover Day.
    And I really think Paula’s husband would be pissed off. She really seems to like him.

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  23. “Member” FDICK. Double entendre. Well played Junie! Why do they call it a “member” anyway? Like it’s part of a club or something. Is there a penis club for men? Well, of course it would have to be for men if the requirement was having a penis. Men and Chaz. Although I think he’s still one member short. And also – do all men really name their member? Really? Or is that an urban myth?
    Oh, and PUPPY! P.S. I have a small fluff ball that I love to the very depths of the ocean. She is not yippy, nippy or even dippy. She’s calm, sweet and very, very smart. Love her!
    Did you all see that Zadge was almost dead the other day?!?

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  24. Thank goodness you commented, Lisa. I thought I broke the blog.

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  25. Am so in love with this puppy I could cry!
    I am a long time lurker and just have to say…LOVE your writing. It always perks up my day.
    And the dogs and cats do a good job, too!

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  26. Hello to all you June fans!
    The puppy is named Penny, as the Dave Newman look-a-like thought Pocahontas was too long. We *think* she’s a beagle and rat terrier mix. She bays, that’s for sure. And she walks right under my feet, which was old after 24 hours.
    Aside from the baying and the tripping, she’s lovably clumsy and very affectionate. I’ll be sure to keep June updated on the world of Penny.

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