In which June stays on one topic, as per usual

I did my usual routine this a.m.–

1. Edsel bounded up to show his teeth to the alarm,

2. everyone got in my effing way while I tried to get out of bed,

3. everyone continued in my way as I ambled down the hall,

4. I made coffee and was alarmed by the machine's alarm

–and as usual thought, "What Ima blog about today?"

You know those scary movies where they have many voices whispering at the same time? That is what went on in my head, including a maniacal laughter in the background.

So this will be one of those many, many topics kind of posts.

Topic the first

Lutheperv I am used to Edsel chewing my underwear, but Tallulah? Although it appears she is merely cuddling with them. Also, am depressed as this underwear looks huge.

Topic the deux

When I was in my home town for that (wait for it) Indian wedding (yes! She mentioned it again. Hand five bucks over to your friend), my mother and stepfather and I went to an estate sale. All I bought was a copy of Chelsea Handler's Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. Because I am deep.

My point is, I have to put the book down after about 15 minutes of reading, because I always end up laughing so hard I burst something. Last night she was complaining about a friend building the anticipation about a birthday gift she had bought for Chelsea. She went on and on. "It was like she had found me a vibrator that also makes tacos," Chelsea wrote.

Seriously, I thought I would never draw breath again.

Topic twaaaa. I am annoying with "twaaaa." I am like people who think it's "waaa laaa" and not voila.

I really wish I could tell you how much it annoys me when people write "waa laa." Anyway, I just got a new topic based on something I said above. Happily for us all, I will not be mentioning vibrators and tacos again. Except I just did. My POINT is they ("they") should come up with a word that means "my regularly scheduled parent and my stepparent" that is like saying "parents" but is a different word.

I'm a busy executive. I have no time to say "my mother and stepfather" all day.

Fourth topic. Same as first. A little bit louder a little bit worse.

Anon Daniel Boone and I drove past this church the other day with this subtle sign. Keeping the anonymous in al-anon.

Five! Topic five!

Beeeater Those of you who are Facebook friends with Tallulah (she is Tallulah Gardens if you want to try to friend her. She is super persnickety about who she allows in her highfalutin' lair) already saw this photo of my insane girl eating bees. She would not stop trying. Clearly the thought of making me rush her to the emergency vet with anaphylactic shock was her Labor Day goal.

Topic of Cancer

Also? You know how I detest it when people say, "He THINKS he's a lapdog" or "He THINKS he's a person!" about their pets?

I think Roger might think he's a dog.

Get in line to bitch slap me.

But really. When we go on our dog walks? Every day he tries to walk with us. He just starts trotting down the road. And yesterday? I was playing fetch with that in-need-of-Ritalin Edsel? And every time I tossed the spitty plastic toy, Roger would run alongside Edsel to get the toy. It was the cutest thing.

Topic 7.

Be sure to say to me, "Why didn't you get a picture of that, June?" Because I love it when you expect me to live MY WHOLE LIFE thinking about this blog.

I eight the topic.

Happyeds That climb up Mt. Christ When Will This End or wherever we were the other day? Was exhausting. Do not know if I mentioned that. However, Edsel tore up that entire mountain, then tore back down, then Daniel Boone played with him in the yard when we got home.

And he still had energy.

Someone please take me back in time to last year, when I said, "Oh, I need a puppy!"

Ismakingmewaititskeepingmewaiting Here are the dogs seconds before we were leaving. Portrait of dog smiles.

Whatever number topic we're on.

Squint Just so I don't have to hear it from the cat people–and how DO you fit your tail in your cubicles at work?–here are R and A reacting to my new camera with flash. Pleased with me, is what they are. And yes, that IS Pantene conditioner on the kitchen counter. I like my dishes to be silky.

Note that my clock still reads 7:26.

I would like to remind the crowd, which I just accidentally wrote as "crows" and am cracking self up, that Roger is YOUNGER than Anderson. And yet? He is still a puma. His bigness is almost scary.

Topic 929490202

I watched two pertinent shows yesterday: the all-day-long episodes of the Kardashians and also that hard-hitting, touching-on-all-the-issues-of-our-time Real Housewivs of Beverly Hills. Both were enormously satisfying.

I like the guy Kim Kardashian is going to marry. I guess she did marry him. Whatever. Anyway, all of those women seem to marry decent men. Well. That Kourtney knows how to pick 'em with that sleazy Scott. But otherwise.

And you know what depresses me? Is that I know all this about the Kardashians.

Moving on to my deep Housewives show, I really do not get the whole little-dog-wearing-clothes thing. Do you know why I like dogs? Because they are dogs. Not mute teeny hairy humans.

Topic .0008

Speaking of which, I should go groom for work. Get my underthings from my dogs and get dressed. Maybe I should get bigger dogs so my underthings look smaller…

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

148 thoughts on “In which June stays on one topic, as per usual”

  1. I used to work with someone who one day started talking about a “yaa-chit”. on and on about it. No one knew what he was talking about till one person figured it out. Oh…..you mean a “yacht”? No it’s not pronounced like that. mucho laughter.

    Like

  2. Duffylou- I used to think people were saying “chow”……when I was a kid. Your old boss was just an idiot. I wish I could say eff you and get the same results as you did but I think I would just get fired.

    Like

  3. So many points to comment on and I’m tired so no comment from me. Except one. Love the photos. That new camera made you a better photographer. June’s life – non-blurryfied.

    Like

  4. One afternoon while touring Washington DC, with 6 or 8 friends…. one friend wanted to know what was “that tall white pointy thing”.
    We all looked around trying to figure out any other “tall white pointy thing”…than the Washington Monument.
    Later, we learned when she was on an airplane, she couldn’t figure out why the states were not different colors like on the map.

    Like

  5. One afternoon while touring Washington DC, with 6 or 8 friends…. one friend wanted to know what was “that tall white pointy thing”.
    We all looked around trying to figure out any other “tall white pointy thing”…than the Washington Monument.
    Later, we learned when she was on an airplane, she couldn’t figure out why the states were not different colors like on the map.

    Like

  6. One afternoon while touring Washington DC, with 6 or 8 friends…. one friend wanted to know what was “that tall white pointy thing”.
    We all looked around trying to figure out any other “tall white pointy thing”…than the Washington Monument.
    Later, we learned when she was on an airplane, she couldn’t figure out why the states were not different colors like on the map.

    Like

  7. I do not recommend for workers to tell their managers to, “eff off”, but in my case it was a drastic case that required drastic measures. I was going through a horrid divorce, working as many hours as possible just shy of full time status. He came swooping in and cut my hours down to twenty per week. I came unglued. Explained my situation to him and he decided to play hard ass. So the infamous story that has been told and retold many times was born.
    We did work things out. He is a pompous ass and takes credit for anything and everything, but eventually I became his left hand. (someone was occupying his right)
    I worked for that particular boss for about 4 years. He promoted me to become one of the highest paid Accounting Managers in the Central Region. Corporate used me for training so I was able to travel to different offices to teach the Accountants how to use our programs.

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  8. June, I know how you love questions about something in the picture not related to the subject, so…. Where the heck are Roger and AC standing in the picture? I remember pictures of Francis sitting in that area, but I thought it was between two rooms in the house. That looks like exterior brick. Do you have a screened-in/finished porch area off your kitchen? Just when I sort of think I know the layout of your house, I see another picture and get all confused again. I’m a terrible cyber-stalker.

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  9. Just Paula- Big Easy Brides isn’t quite as delightful as the gypsy weddings, but it is so tasteless that it makes for an enjoyable evening. The title was a little misleading; I was hoping for Big, Easy, Brides and instead got crazy brides from the Big Easy.

    Like

  10. Posts like these are why I am loving this site, well, except for Hulk (Kidding!).
    Voila – I was told to stop leaving comments when I suggested a law grad (Ole Miss) should learn that the word is not spelled walla. I couldn’t figure out what the heck she was trying to say, thought it might have been a southern term or something.
    Cats – my moose cat (28 lbs and almost 3 feet long when he spread out) used to run with the pack of 3 dogs to greet me at the garage door.
    Google – Yay Freddie!!!!
    Realty shows – Uh, they are not limited to SoCal so why should we have to fall into the ocean?
    Houses – Totally agree on all comments and, naturally, have another. Does anyone read Coastal Living, Southern Living, Better Homes, etc? How is it folks are always remodeling some 7,500 sq ft second house? Is everyone in the south or mid-west independently wealthy? I know SoCal real estate was all sold through smoke and mirrors starting in about 2005, you could buy a $700,000 house making $10/hour. These are the same folks who later complained that no one would help them when they went into foreclosure, but that’s a whole nuther BBP.

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  11. A) Lindy, that person seems kind of…berserk.
    2) D. Boone, put away your shift key.
    X) Does everyone know I am doing that stupid Insanity workout again tonight? Somebody stop me. Or Stop Me, as DB would say.

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  12. He does like him some. And yes, Anita, I guess I did just tell you. Vilhelm Oyster is already over there excitedly humming the Insanity theme song. There is something deeply wrong with Vilhelm Oyster.

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  13. No wonder you can climb straight up the side of a mountain or a rock blowing in the wind.

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  14. No wonder you can climb straight up the side of a mountain or a rock blowing in the wind.

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  15. No wonder you can climb straight up the side of a mountain or a rock blowing in the wind.

    Like

  16. Texas Kari who is not all that excited about Hello Kitty, but IS excited about frozen yogurt right near my daughter's school. Convenient! says:

    JUUUUUNE!
    Today I found a Hello Kitty yogurt shop and thought of you immediately! It’s called Yogurtland. You get a cup with HK scenes all around it and a special pink character shaped spoon!! And. And. And it’s not a little kid place. It’s a totally respectable yogurt shop with lots of yummy choices, some healthy, some notsomuch. Today I had Red Velvet Cake Batter flavor.
    Hope you have one nearby.

    Like

  17. Texas Kari who is not all that excited about Hello Kitty, but IS excited about frozen yogurt right near my daughter's school. Convenient! says:

    JUUUUUNE!
    Today I found a Hello Kitty yogurt shop and thought of you immediately! It’s called Yogurtland. You get a cup with HK scenes all around it and a special pink character shaped spoon!! And. And. And it’s not a little kid place. It’s a totally respectable yogurt shop with lots of yummy choices, some healthy, some notsomuch. Today I had Red Velvet Cake Batter flavor.
    Hope you have one nearby.

    Like

  18. Texas Kari who is not all that excited about Hello Kitty, but IS excited about frozen yogurt right near my daughter's school. Convenient! says:

    JUUUUUNE!
    Today I found a Hello Kitty yogurt shop and thought of you immediately! It’s called Yogurtland. You get a cup with HK scenes all around it and a special pink character shaped spoon!! And. And. And it’s not a little kid place. It’s a totally respectable yogurt shop with lots of yummy choices, some healthy, some notsomuch. Today I had Red Velvet Cake Batter flavor.
    Hope you have one nearby.

    Like

  19. Oh c’mon…
    We’re just razzing each other.
    Besides, one of my best friends in high school was named Jane…

    Like

  20. Oh c’mon…
    We’re just razzing each other.
    Besides, one of my best friends in high school was named Jane…

    Like

  21. Oh c’mon…
    We’re just razzing each other.
    Besides, one of my best friends in high school was named Jane…

    Like

  22. I put the doggie treats in my pockets… the dogs nuzzle me… its exciting….

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  23. Sorry, radio is full of Freddie today and couldn’t resist:
    June you’re a girl make a big noise
    Playin’ on the internet gonna be a big girl some day
    You got a smile on yo’ face
    You win first place
    Kickin’ your Edsul all over the place
    We will we will Pie you
    We will we will Pie you
    Junie you’re a young girl
    Doin’ the insane workout gonna take on the world some day
    You got a smile on yo’ face
    You win first place
    Wavin’ your buttons all over the place
    We will we will Pie you
    We will we will Pie you
    Hulk you’re an old man poor man
    Pleadin’ with your eyes gonna get you a piece some day
    You got mud on your face
    You big disgrace
    Somebody better put you back in your place
    Jane will Jane will rock you
    Jane will Jane will rock you

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  24. I had a cat that played fetch with mini Troll Dolls. You would launch the doll and she’d come trotting back with just the hair from the Troll in her teeth.

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  25. We always whistled for my cats. We never had a cat that would fetch, but we did have one that would play catch with pine cones.
    Loved the dogs smiling and the sweet kitty faces.
    The wall phone doesn’t work?!

    Like

  26. Kathy Griffin’s, “Official Book Club Selection” her memoir, is also very entertaining.

    Like

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