Book of June

Last night I could not take Edsel and his shifting and barking and leaping on and off the bed a SECOND LONGER, so I kicked everyone out and slept alone. I would've let Tallulah stay, as she is a lump once she gets in the bed, but that seemed extra super cruel.

You would have thought I had stretched Edsel out on–oh, what are those called? Those torture things they stretch people out on? Anyway you'd have thought he was on one of those.

Where IS my best writing award?

RACK! A rack. You'd have thought I'd stretched him out on a rack. Now YOU are on a rack waiting for me to move on.

Oh, he whiiiinnnnned. He moaaaaaaned. He FLUMPED over and over again against the door. And guess who ignored him? Guess who had no time for his dramatic ass?

And I slept like a lamp.

A lamp! I meant to write LAMB, and really I have no idea if lambs sleep well, much less lamps. Although I do have to say I never see my lamps pacing the floor at night or looking worn out the next day.

Part of the reason I slept like a lamp was because I did not one but TWO workout veeeedeos with my coworker Vilhelm Oyster. In case you are just tuning in, my grandmother used to pronounce "video" "veeeedeo" and anyway this was a DVD so this whole paragraph was for naught.

Where IS my best writing award? Did I already ask you that?

We did core and something else awful, and when we were done working those parts that I would much rather leave alone, Vilhelm said, "You wanna do the abs one?" And clearly I was drugged because I said yes.

If I do not resemble Megan Fox in a week Ima be PISSED.

…And my computer just crashed. Hate.