I couldn't think of anything to write about today, because here was my day yesterday:

Work, go to vending machine, work, see what's new at vending machine.

Honestly. I eat right. Take care of myself. Why can't I shed the pounds?

Then after a nutritious dinner of popcorn, I went went to bed and HELLO MIDNIGHT NAUSEA.

Does that ever happen to you? You wake up totally nauz in the middle of the night? I hate that. It's always more jarring when you wake up with it. Not that I put whatever flew out of me in a jar.

So I have the personality of a mop this morning, as opposed to my usual sparkling interesting personality that is clearly so enticing, hence the part where I've been whisked off by a millionaire with a mansion and a yacht.

I just tried to show you that cartoon of Elmer Fudd saying he had "a mansion und a yacht" but guess what. GUESS WHAT. It crashed my effing computer.

Ny point is, 80 paragraphs later, since I had nothing to tell you, and look who can drone on when she has nothing to say? Who can take a nothing day and certainly make it all seem worthwhile? I decided to delve into my 900 thousand photos, that I really should organize one day, and pick the 17th one.

Littlerogie
LOOK HOW CUTE! Baby Roger! Who would believe this was only three months ago? Let's go look at his attitudinal self right now, shall we?

Outdoorrog
Crap. He is in the backyard, enjoying my highly manicured, not-at-all-ruined-by-dogs grass. Seconds later Edsel chased him up a tree and I thought I got a picture of that, but once I put the card thing (official name) in the computer, the photo wasn't there. Because this is how my life works.

You know what might help? Is if I read the manual for my new camera to figure out, you know, when I am actually taking pictures and when I'm not.

…And in further proof that I remain God's least-favorite person, I just went back out there to see if I could get another Roger picture. He had been so cute being treed by Edsel. Maybe I could get another cute photo of him. And by the way, he will leap right on Edsel's head, claws out, so don't feel sorry for him. Don't ever feel sorry for Roger about anything. I think he could take care of all of us, if the shit went down.

On my search for a good Roger moment, I saw…

Crankyands
Anderson Cooper lounging crankily near the place I ruined with my 84833 white paint cans.

Play
The dogs tearing after each other like banshees. Yes, that is both of them over there in the corner. Apparently everyone puts my babies in the corner.

And Roger? Nowhere to be found. Nowhere! Then I heard fighting in the yard next door. Not people. But "Rrrrrraaaaaaaaaaarrrr!" in a cat fighty way, and I said oh, no. Roger likes to squeeze under the fence and hang on Peg's deck, which I always assumed was sort of safe because she has a giant fence, too. But what if some other cat was over there?

"Roger!" I called.

And he jumped out of the tree right above me.

Sighhhh.

167 thoughts on “In which June tries to photograph things. Guess how that went.

  1. I HEARD WE ARE TALKING ABOUT FOOTBALL TODAY! AND ALSO FOOD! AND JUNE TOOK PET PHOTOS!
    Apparently the excitement overloaded my caps-lock shutoff. I am so effing pumped for the game tonight that I cannot stand it. Also I just put in all of my picks for my college pool. YAY FOOTBALL SEASON!!!!!!!!!!

    Like

  2. Linda in CO says:

    Hulk, I’m with Mother too.
    Pamela SS,welcome back. I wondered where you were.
    Target Steve, are you ever going to get any again after Beth finds out you’ve been calling her a trailer park wife?
    June (oh, yeah, this is your blog, I should comment on something you said too, shouldn’t I?), I think your new camera takes much better pictures. I do love your not-quite-kittens any more. Someday we will be in the market for a kitten, but for now we have to settle for a hamster named Porkypine.
    I also recognized that MTM song, and thought it would be in my head all day, then Lisa with her comment about what old theme songs she knows reminded me of The Beverly Hillbillies, and now I can’t get “Come and listen to a story bout a man named Jed” out of my head. Any Foreigner song would be better.

    Like

  3. June Gardens says:

    Funny never reels them in. Trust me on this, Lindy.

    Like

  4. Lindy- anyone up for a some brains and Chianti? says:

    I would put out for peanut butter m&m’s. But that may be the kind of day I’m having.
    I cook, clean, LOVE football, and put out (see first sentence). But, I’m nowhere near as funny as June!

    Like

  5. Heather says:

    Yes, Hulk, Mother is right on the money.
    I grew up with out my dad but had my granddaddy to pick me up everyday after school and I wouldn’t trade that time with him for anything.

    Like

  6. Hulk ("NO MORE LAMBRUSCO FOR TABLE 5!") says:

    You heard that song and couldn’t tell there was NO WAY Foreigner sang it?
    The guy with the Flock Of Seagulls haircut singing it didn’t clue you in that it wasn’t a 70s rock band tune?

    Like

  7. Letha says:

    Thanks for that fine tribute to Foreigner,June.
    Mother, well said! Hulk has been waiting for a girl like you to come into his life.

    Like

  8. Mother says:

    I have advice for Hulk. June has told me that you are with Hulkette every day after school, and that you go in to work early so you can have that time with her. That is priceless. Will she have to go to day care if you change your work hours? That’s a big change for her. You can never get back your child’s childhood. You are such a big part of her life now. I hope you won’t take a job that separates her regular, reliable contact with you. Both of you need that, especially her. I’ve never been a proponent of the old saw, “It’s not guantitiy of time, it’s quality of time”. That doesn’t work with kids. You can’t choose when she most needs you. Life will decide that, and by having reliable time with her on a regular basis you will be more likely to be there for her when things go wrong and she needs her dad. Good luck and congratulations on being offered a promotion.

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  9. June Gardens says:

    Once (once! hah!) I was in a bar with my then-best friend, and this cover band was playing Bizarre Love Triangle, which I had never heard. “I love this song,” I said. “Who is this?”
    “FOREIGNER!” I heard my best friend shout at me in the loud bar.
    All night I was like, FOREIGNER? Really?
    The next time we saw that band (probably 24 hours later) I said, “Oooo! I hope they play that Foreigner song I like.” My ex-best-friend was all, “FOREIGNER?”
    New Order. That is who sings Bizarre Love Triangle. New Order. Not Foreigner.

    Like

  10. Hulk (I might like to fight, but boy do I love to play...) says:

    FOREIGNER, Letha…
    I’m a Headknocker, Headknocker…comin’ on strong, a real show-stopper!

    Like

  11. Amish Annie life goes quick once they're teens says:

    Hulk, will the new work schedule allow you to still attend Not Chloe’s games and school functions?

    Like

  12. Just Paula. says:

    And Hulk has moves like Jagger. He’s got moves like Jagger. WooooOOOOooooooooOO. WoooooooooOOOOooooooOO.

    Like

  13. Hulk (Short enough for ya...JANE???) says:

    Sista Pam-
    June took pictures of pets. Met more boys.
    The end.

    Like

  14. My name is Pamela and I am Soul Sister #2 says:

    Hello June and People of the Pie.
    I’ve missed this blog, as I have spent the last 12 days away from a computer. I’m looking forward to all of the catch-up reading (laughing), but some Cliff Notes sure would come in handy right about now!
    Hope you all are well out there in Pie Land.

    Like

  15. Just Paula. says:

    But they’re halfway there. And livin’ on a prayer.

    Like

  16. Letha, are they will to sacrifice? If everyone ignores me, I'll stop this. says:

    This just won’t work. June is as cold as ice, and Hulk is just a dirty white boy.

    Like

  17. Letha, are they will to sacrifice? If everyone ignores me, I'll stop this. says:

    This just won’t work. June is as cold as ice, and Hulk is just a dirty white boy.

    Like

  18. Letha, are they will to sacrifice? If everyone ignores me, I'll stop this. says:

    This just won’t work. June is as cold as ice, and Hulk is just a dirty white boy.

    Like

  19. Letha, Junie is a juke box heroine says:

    Paula, at my house it means Endust in any-ese.

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  20. Just Paula. says:

    What does “dusted off” mean in computerese?

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  21. June Gardens says:

    BEST OF ME! YEAHHHHHHH! Oooooo.

    Like

  22. Letha, says:

    My double vision always seems to get the best of me.

    Like

  23. Letha, c says:

    Are we talking nights and weekends here, Hulk? I worked nights and weekends for a while (GA girl that I am), and liked my job, but was constantly ruing(sp)the fact that I had to miss SO many things on a regular basis. And I had no Not Chloe.

    Like

  24. Letha, c says:

    Are we talking nights and weekends here, Hulk? I worked nights and weekends for a while (GA girl that I am), and liked my job, but was constantly ruing(sp)the fact that I had to miss SO many things on a regular basis. And I had no Not Chloe.

    Like

  25. Letha, c says:

    Are we talking nights and weekends here, Hulk? I worked nights and weekends for a while (GA girl that I am), and liked my job, but was constantly ruing(sp)the fact that I had to miss SO many things on a regular basis. And I had no Not Chloe.

    Like

  26. Letha, says:

    Are we talking nights and weekends here, Hulk? I worked nights and weekends for a while (GA girl that I am), and liked my job, but was constantly ruing(sp)the fact that I had to miss SO many things on a regular basis. And I had no Not Chloe.

    Like

  27. Duffylou - lived it and can't get it back says:

    I am speaking from experience and in all seriousness…six figures and money does not make happiness. (if it did, i would never, ever contemplate moving out.)
    If the new position will interrupt the things you love to do now, it is my belief you will regret it later. Money can’t make up for lost time with the people you love and the things you love in life.

    Like

  28. June Gardens says:

    Well. Marvin was pulling down that teachers salary. You know I need to keep up appearances.

    Like

  29. Hulk (Hmmm...) says:

    Not sure if it will be less time with Not Chloe, but it will definitely be different time. Probably cuts coaching her teams, playing on my own teams (not THAT way, June. Geez…)…That is why I said no til crazy money was thrown out there. Six figures it what it will take to bag June, eh? Hmmm…

    Like

  30. Letha, can't cook, but I am a fan of a losing team. says:

    Did I turn on the Food Channel?

    Like

  31. Mary V says:

    God’s least favorite person? I don’t think so – we have that locked up over here in my corner of the globe. Rain and all. Sick cats. I could go on but it’s too depressing.
    Hope you get the job Hulk if it’s what you really want! Does it give you less time with Not Chloe?

    Like

  32. sandra, strudel-strutter says:

    Lisa, never made a Schwarzwaelder Kirsch Torte, but my fried potatoes are awesome. The best way to make them is buy the “Gold” Potatoes, boil them whole, with the peel (I use a pressure cooker, makes it faster), then peel them, cut them in slices and sautee some onions with a lot of oil and a pat of butter and add the potatoes. Add Salt and Pepper to taste and let the potatoes brown. Oh I am so hungry now. Would love to have you come over and cook with me!

    Like

  33. Sadie - If not, ship it to Georgia where all of us easy girls will woo our menfolk with your delicious home cooked meals. says:

    Sandra, Since Hulk said he is a picky eater, like 10-year-old-girl picky, I hope he eats German food.

    Like

  34. Okay, when I first read about June’s wanting a millionaire with a mansion and a yacht I wanted to scream “NOOOO, because you have to be more specific with your wishes! Otherwise you get stuck with Thurston Howell III, or IV, or even worse that pencil-neck twit V”.
    But if Hulk is going to be a millionaire, well then, by all means, go for it!
    Sandra, how’s your fried potatoes and Schwartzwalde Kirsch Torte? I might need to come hang out in your kitchen for some lessons!

    Like

  35. I knew that didn’t sound right! I was going to google it and then all you people made me completely forget about it.

    Like

  36. June Gardens says:

    Lisa, I was brushing my teeth today and wondering when someone would correct me on that. The song. Not my teeth.

    Like

  37. Lisa says:

    Suddenly. Not certainly. “Who can take a nothing day and SUDDENLY make it all seem worthwhile. Well it’s you girl and you should know it.” Etc. etc. etc. I also know all the lyrics to The Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, and The Monday Night Football theme song. Talented is what I am.

    Like

  38. sandra, strudel-strutter says:

    No gross German food! Things like Schnitzel, Schweinebraten, Kaesespaetzle, Geschnetzeltes. I also know how to make Italian food, I make a Lasagna that will make your lips pop off it is soo good. Mexican food if I have to and of course American stuff. No clue about football, but I will be in the kitchen anyways πŸ™‚
    “Strutting my strudel” made me laugh! I only have one dog, no cats and our pet fish just died.

    Like

  39. June’s wild monkeys made me laugh like a crazy woman.
    Hulk, Two words to consider. Daughter and College.

    Like

  40. I see.
    Well, since my boss would really like it if I show up for work today, and since I cannot goof off on the computer like some people; I will go.
    Best of luck to Hulk and his suitors, but not to his or Duffylou’s clowns. Duffylou, you know they have padding under their uniforms, right?
    Hulk, just because my sister lives in Georgia, it does not make her easy like all the Georgia women on this blog. πŸ˜€ Hi Letha.

    Like

  41. I see.
    Well, since my boss would really like it if I show up for work today, and since I cannot goof off on the computer like some people; I will go.
    Best of luck to Hulk and his suitors, but not to his or Duffylou’s clowns. Duffylou, you know they have padding under their uniforms, right?
    Hulk, just because my sister lives in Georgia, it does not make her easy like all the Georgia women on this blog. πŸ˜€ Hi Letha.

    Like

  42. I see.
    Well, since my boss would really like it if I show up for work today, and since I cannot goof off on the computer like some people; I will go.
    Best of luck to Hulk and his suitors, but not to his or Duffylou’s clowns. Duffylou, you know they have padding under their uniforms, right?
    Hulk, just because my sister lives in Georgia, it does not make her easy like all the Georgia women on this blog. πŸ˜€ Hi Letha.

    Like

  43. Just Paula. says:

    Vat is dis Cherman food? Food you VILL enjoy?
    No, seriously, are we talking like blood sausage and head cheese? Because, EW.

    Like

  44. Good luck with your decision, Hulk. A really smart person, I forget who, told me when making big decisions to figure out what your values are and choose whatever is closest to them. This advice has not failed me, except for the part where I have weekends off but cannot afford to do anything fun during them!

    Like

  45. Duffylou - Cleveland has to have some redemption after the Indians blew the chance for the playoffs says:

    The bengals are so going to be mewing all the way back to Cinci on Sunday.
    I drive by training camp every time I go to my daughters. Those are some mighty fine looking players.

    Like

  46. Hulk (Dang...I like to make out, I like singers...God KNOWS I like pets...) says:

    I’m hip, TS…plus your Bengals are gonna get scored on more than your SISTER…

    Like

  47. June Gardens says:

    Kittens with inflated lips. Okay I must work. Sandra, do not steal my man Hulk while I am gone. Unless we are talking five figures. Then he is all yours.

    Like

  48. Sadie - Hulk, keeping my fingers crossed that you get what you want, whatever it turns out to be. says:

    I read June’s comment as GET PLASTIC SURGERY FOR KITTENS and my reaction was WHY?

    Like

  49. June Gardens says:

    She has NOT met Hulk. She is struttin her strudel all over town.

    Like

  50. Dawn in DC says:

    German food AND football? I think we have a winner!!

    Like

  51. June Gardens says:

    Sex-el so beats schnitzel.

    Like

  52. sandra, not at all desperate says:

    I cook GERMAN food!!! Schnitzel beats your womanly techniques any day!

    Like

  53. Since it is becoming somewhat obvious that the love of money is luring you vixens out today, I am rethinking my current pay rate. I certainly don’t want Beth leaving me for some sugar daddy that can afford a double-wide.

    Like

  54. Since it is becoming somewhat obvious that the love of money is luring you vixens out today, I am rethinking my current pay rate. I certainly don’t want Beth leaving me for some sugar daddy that can afford a double-wide.

    Like

  55. Since it is becoming somewhat obvious that the love of money is luring you vixens out today, I am rethinking my current pay rate. I certainly don’t want Beth leaving me for some sugar daddy that can afford a double-wide.

    Like

  56. June Gardens says:

    He tried. He said it was dusted off.

    Like

  57. June Gardens says:

    Once I saw the word football it all got bloo-de-bloo-de-bloo, there, Steve.

    Like

  58. How come Daniel Boone hasn’t fixed your computer yet?
    Hi Hulk.

    Like

  59. How come Daniel Boone hasn’t fixed your computer yet?
    Hi Hulk.

    Like

  60. How come Daniel Boone hasn’t fixed your computer yet?
    Hi Hulk.

    Like

  61. Well, then he is certainly not a fireman worth having. Although, Roger seems to get out of trees just fine, thankyouverymuch.

    Like

  62. Ladies, I think whomever makes the best host for Hulk’s fantasy football draft will move up the list.
    You may also want to start memorizing the roster of the Cleveland Browns and find ways to console Hulk when they lose to the Bengals on Sunday.
    Sandra, your chances improved since all June just saw was fantasy and draft. She is thinking beer and pink unicorns.

    Like

  63. Ladies, I think whomever makes the best host for Hulk’s fantasy football draft will move up the list.
    You may also want to start memorizing the roster of the Cleveland Browns and find ways to console Hulk when they lose to the Bengals on Sunday.
    Sandra, your chances improved since all June just saw was fantasy and draft. She is thinking beer and pink unicorns.

    Like

  64. Ladies, I think whomever makes the best host for Hulk’s fantasy football draft will move up the list.
    You may also want to start memorizing the roster of the Cleveland Browns and find ways to console Hulk when they lose to the Bengals on Sunday.
    Sandra, your chances improved since all June just saw was fantasy and draft. She is thinking beer and pink unicorns.

    Like

  65. June Gardens says:

    Zadge is clearly Team Fireman. He hates getting cats out of trees. He told me that.

    Like

  66. The Zadge says:

    June, don’t FIREMAN get cats out of trees? Where is he?

    Like

  67. June Gardens says:

    IGNORE SANDRA! She cant cook! She is a terrible housekeeper! You will not care about your house when you meet my fine womanly techniques!
    Hi, mom.

    Like

  68. sandra, make out hussy says:

    Hulk, I cook and clean and will make out!

    Like

  69. Donna says:

    You are most welcome Dawn! Now I will have to look for your bulldog!

    Like

  70. June Gardens says:

    BUY JUNE GIFTS! SPARKLY THINGS FOR JUNE! PLASTIC SURGERY FOR JUNE! KITTENS FOR JUNE!
    What do you mean none of this was on your list? Also, Target Steve was right. Can you still eff around on the Internet all day and get home early to see Price is Right or whatever it is you do?

    Like

  71. June Gardens says:

    Target Steve. Being funny in his trailer since whenever he started stealing Wi Fi.

    Like

  72. Anita says:

    So what crazy things would you do with your crazy money?

    Like

  73. Amy in MD says:

    Monkeys! Hee. πŸ™‚

    Like

  74. Just Paula. says:

    I love your animal pix, Junie Liebowitz.
    June, marry Hulk and get a cleaning lady. What kind of a geeeeenius turns down crazy money, Mija?

    Like

  75. Ironically, I just received a phone call from a local company wanting to be my new gas supplier. I told them June Gardens had it taken care of for me.

    Like

  76. Hulk (You don't cook or clean. You had better be "crazy money" at the third one...) says:

    Marvin will write you a letter of recommendation…
    That made me laugh out loud…

    Like

  77. Hulk (You don't cook or clean. You had better be "crazy money" at the third one...) says:

    Marvin will write you a letter of recommendation…
    That made me laugh out loud…

    Like

  78. Hulk (You don't cook or clean. You had better be "crazy money" at the third one...) says:

    Marvin will write you a letter of recommendation…
    That made me laugh out loud…

    Like

  79. Donna says:

    Hello June, Check out this site. Funny. http://upsidedowndogs.com/ πŸ™‚

    Like

  80. When I lived in Minnesota and was much younger, I used to have microwave popcorn and Mountain Dew for dinner. That would never happen now as I am so well taken care of, but when I do eat popcorn, my innerds react unkindly in the middle of the night. Getting older is really not cool.
    Hulk, besides the obvious plus side of luring in gold digging hussies, would the extra money outweigh the comfortable life you have carved out for yourself now?

    Like

  81. When I lived in Minnesota and was much younger, I used to have microwave popcorn and Mountain Dew for dinner. That would never happen now as I am so well taken care of, but when I do eat popcorn, my innerds react unkindly in the middle of the night. Getting older is really not cool.
    Hulk, besides the obvious plus side of luring in gold digging hussies, would the extra money outweigh the comfortable life you have carved out for yourself now?

    Like

  82. When I lived in Minnesota and was much younger, I used to have microwave popcorn and Mountain Dew for dinner. That would never happen now as I am so well taken care of, but when I do eat popcorn, my innerds react unkindly in the middle of the night. Getting older is really not cool.
    Hulk, besides the obvious plus side of luring in gold digging hussies, would the extra money outweigh the comfortable life you have carved out for yourself now?

    Like

  83. got my fingers crossed for you, hulk πŸ™‚
    and june, i now have the mtm theme song in my head & am tempted to twirl & throw things in the air. thanks for that.

    Like

  84. Dawn in DC says:

    Congratulations, Hulk! We have a saying around here, “The answer is always NO, unless you ask”
    Now if we could get my husband a job. He would totally take “sane money” right now.

    Like

  85. June Gardens says:

    Hulk,
    Yes. And no.
    Marvin will write me a letter of recommendation. Maybe.

    Like

  86. Hulk (Taking applications...) says:

    June-do you put out? And will you clean bathrooms?

    Like

  87. June Gardens says:

    Of course I didnt barf. Wild monkeys flew out my arse for an hour.

    Like

  88. Letha, do tell. says:

    June! Did you THROW UP?
    Hulk, potential congrats! Dramatic schedule change is doable…or is it going to compromise your time with Not Chloe?

    Like

  89. – Today’s title cracked me up!
    – Is Roger on your cowboy pjs?
    – He’s sooo beautiful and sleek.
    – So glad you clarified the photo w/the dogs.
    – It always helps to read the manual.

    Like

  90. June Gardens says:

    Hulk!! Really?!?!? I think this is the appropriate time to tell you I am deeply in love with you. Wait. Are we talking six figures? Because maybe I am just fond of you. Discuss.

    Like

  91. Hulk (What attention-whoring?) says:

    Well. This is all VERY interesting.
    Hulk applied for a new job yesterday. Same company, different position. I wasn’t really looking, but this came up and the powers that be said, “You would be great for this job!”
    It entails a dramatic schedule change. Which I told The Powers I was not interested in doing unless there was “crazy money” involved.
    Guess what? There is “crazy money” involved.
    Discuss…

    Like

  92. The picture I had was of Roger, tangled in a mass of big hair, with claws out, trying to escape the screeching. It makes me wish I could draw a cartoon of it.

    Like

  93. You blather well. I’m not a fan of the teenage cat stage. Lanky, long and being most nuisance.
    Sorta like the raising of children.

    Like

  94. Laurie (just one of a whole bunch) Nausea! That's who should be put in the corner. says:

    Apparently everybody puts your banshees in the corner.

    Like

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