I left my stupid stupid stupid effing giant makeup bag at Doxie's–the makeup bag that not only contains all my makeup so Ima look like a HAG all week, but also my many many keep-me-sane-ish meds, my mouth guard, and the Latisse I stole from Doxie. Other than that? I had a great time.
As you do.
Having read Doxie's blog for so many years, to finally meet Bo and Gimme was like meeting, you know, Benji and Snoopy. Lassie and Rin Tin Tin. Marmaduke and — okay, I can't think of any more famous dogs. Anyway, I expected Bo, up there, to be more attitudinal but he was really very sweet. And Gimme, who is blind, basically walks around going, "Where I at?" all the time.
At any rate, Miss and her Doxie had a bunch of friends over, and we made witches. Yes, we did. I told her, I am no good at this crafty thing, but I ended up liking mine. Mine is in the back, on the right, with the big white face. She has a purple skirt and glitter on her cape. Of course.
And yes, that IS a tombstone in D's dining room. She got married to her (FABULOUS) (CUTE) (SO NICE) (HE DESERVES ALL CAPS) husband in the cemetery last year. It's a wonderful old cemetery, and yes, I did insist she take me there.
Here I am, above, with D's friend Kim, who I similarly loved, using Miss D's ghost meter. Yes, she does have a ghost meter. And I totally missed the zombie behind me. Story of my life.
Also? I had forgotten my stupid stupid conditioner and hair gel, and M.D. had totally set me up when I got there.
Girl, she had everything for me in that basket. She was an excellent hostess. (My toilet paper? Had a ROSE twisted into the end. A little triangle in the toilet paper? Pishhh. Not good enough. I get a ROSE.) Safety pins, shaving cream, Jude Law, $800,000, washcloths, contact solution, teacup piglets were all in that basket.
Oh, if only there had been teacup piglets.
My POINT is, I needed hair gel. Have you met my hair? I asked if she had any, but she has the SILKY hair. She said, "Look in this drawer for hair stuff." So I was pawing through Miss Doxie's personal hair accouterments when I saw a box of Latisse.
"Dude. You have Latisse."
"Oh, yeah, I never used it. You want it?"
You KNOW I have been obsessed with Latisse for months now. Totally nabbed the Latisse. Except it's in the huge makeup bag that I LEFT AT DOXIE'S.
Oh, and the point is she didn't have hair gel and that's why my hair is so huge in the ghost photo. Wow. Short segue.
I do not know why this tickled us so. But we giggled about this for 48 years. "Oh, thank heavens they cleared up that it's also known as Hattie's! We'd have been so confused otherwise!" So then I amused myself all weekend by saying, "Bo's couch of lounging, aka Bo's couch. June's hair of largeness and coarse action, aka June's hair."
Who loves herself?
Oh! And also too, we went to a lovely restaurant on Saturday night, and could our waiter have been more ludicrous? He was old; like, you know, my age or even older (I know!) (he was auditioning for a Dannon Yogurt commercial after his shift) (bah) and was he into his job at all?
"Our special is a halibut. Do you like halibut? I recommend this wine with it. It has an acidic aftertaste with a hint, JUST A HINT!, of citrus. Perhaps grapefruit would best describe the citrus aftertaste. It has a smooth start, and one could say it's like a combination of a Shiraz and TJ Swann."
He was obsessed.
When we got home, Doxie was giving her dogs a treat. "Would you like a treat? It's acidic, yet combines the flavor of horse with a hint, JUST A HINT!, of beef marrow."
Who adores our own selves?