In which June is not pleasant

Somehow yesterday I got into a discussion with Faithful Reader Siren re her cat's disproportionately huge anus.

Giantassholejustfork
Naturally I requested a photo. She is right. What's going on, there?

Siren said I could show all y'all only if I also included a photo of her cat not being anus-y.

Iammorethanjustmygiantasshole1 momma siren also say ant joon not make me talk like eeedeot under my cyuute picture. ant june promsiss. ant joon ful of dungs.

Note that she is still trying to show off that bunghole even in this shot.

Anyway. I know that should be enough to keep you informed for today, but also want to tell you what the psychic said.

On Sunday, I went to brunch with my friend The Other June, and I am sorry to tell you I ordered fried green tomatoes on an English muffin. There were poached eggs on top of the tomatoes. And then hollandaise sauce. Followed by crumpled bacon.

Why so enormous?

After our light, healthy brunch, I said, "You wanna go over to the nutty granola crystal store and get our fortunes told?" Naturally The Other June was down with that.

What I failed to tell her until we were seven seconds from the front door is that the nutty crystal store features two kittens: a black one and a total Kitler. The Kitler has a big black swoop in the front that looks just like Hitler's brilliant and fashionable 'do, and also a teensy mustache.

And who did not have a camera with her? Was it me?

The kittens are about my kittens' age now, and are they floppy at all? They are so used to people mauling them that you can pick them up while they're sleeping and they stay asleep. Which I may know from experience.

At any rate, I went in first because I am alpha friend.

"Oooo!" said the psychic, who had a huge ametheyst crysal on a chain all nestled in her bosoms. "You've had lots of stay-bility and now you've had a big change."

She pronounced it stay-bility. Didn't irk me at all. But anyway, that part was true.

"You seem to be handling it well." Okay. I'll agree with that. Have not had any Bridget Jones moments of drinking an entire bottle of wine and singing "All By Myself."

Then she told me some stuff about Daniel Boone that was scarily true, which I feel like I cannot delve into without telling you Daniel Boone's every secret.

"Ooo!" she said, and I was really wishing she'd stop with the "ooo" thing. I mean, what if the next sentence was "Get your affairs in order"?

"At the end of the year, you will get a message that makes you say, 'That is it. I will never fall in love again.' But don't listen to that, because right after the first of the year you'll have a big romance."

Oooo!

Also, she said I was going to be okay, moneywise, probably because of the part where I find a way to blackmail Hulk, with his fabulous new income.

She also said if I am offered a trip between now and the end of the year, I should take it.

"I see you in really good health," she said. "Drinking more water and starting a new exercise regime."

Does this torture that Vilhelm is making me do count as a new regime? I was thinking it was more a suicide attempt.

Then she told me I had one of the best readings she'd seen in awhile. So that was exciting. Unless the last person she read was Amy Winehouse or something.

So there it is. My future. Let's all see if it comes true now.

Thesowismine
She did not mention the part where Edsel becomes possessed.

180 thoughts on “In which June is not pleasant

  1. Dear June,
    I hope you open your eyes to cat asshole tomorrow morning.
    Love,
    Hulk

    Like

  2. Dear June,
    I hope you open your eyes to cat asshole tomorrow morning.
    Love,
    Hulk

    Like

  3. I did it! I saw the upside down monkey head on Siren’s kitty’s butt. This makes me realize that I have no idea what my cat’s butthole looks like. And I’m not going to change that any time soon.

    Like

  4. “I can’t take it anymore! She’s driving me crazy! I can’t sleep, I can’t leave the house, and when I’m here, I’m climbin’ the walls. Meanwhile, I’m dating a virgin, I’m in this contest – something’s gotta give!”

    Like

  5. “I can’t take it anymore! She’s driving me crazy! I can’t sleep, I can’t leave the house, and when I’m here, I’m climbin’ the walls. Meanwhile, I’m dating a virgin, I’m in this contest – something’s gotta give!”

    Like

  6. “I can’t take it anymore! She’s driving me crazy! I can’t sleep, I can’t leave the house, and when I’m here, I’m climbin’ the walls. Meanwhile, I’m dating a virgin, I’m in this contest – something’s gotta give!”

    Like

  7. Usually read this blog while eating my breakfast at my desk but had to rush off to the what-do-we-do-with-the-rapist-now-that-he-has-served-his-time trial. So I was spared the sight of that cat butt and the comment re Furry’s cat with the damaged anus and that scary photo of Edsel…until now.
    Instead of leaving here with a chuckle, I remain deeply disturbed. I have heard/seen enough disturbing shit today.
    Oh, but I did enjoy the psychic reading! Sounds good! And Siren’s cat really is adorable. I just don’t think I could look at her from “behind”.
    “Not being anus-y!” Oh there’s a chuckle!

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  8. Unruly, Ha! Plarvin surfaced over at Pie On The Face one day recently. Someone (maybe Lisa Pie?) made a comment about *someone whose name sounds like Plarvin*. It kind of took off after that.
    I like your thought process though…Plump Marvin. Plumb crazy Marvin. Platonic Marvin. Plebeian Marvin. Fun.

    Like

  9. CAT FIGHT!
    “Ok, why? Why do guys do this? What is so appealing to men about a cat fight?”
    “Because men think if women are grabbing and clawing at each other there’s a chance they might somehow kiss.”

    Like

  10. Anita, you and June and I posted the Plarvin answer withing a couple of minutes of each other. All three probably showed up about the same time.

    Like

  11. Anita, you and June and I posted the Plarvin answer withing a couple of minutes of each other. All three probably showed up about the same time.

    Like

  12. Anita, you and June and I posted the Plarvin answer withing a couple of minutes of each other. All three probably showed up about the same time.

    Like

  13. Sadie - June, were Hulk and sister wives mentioned by your psychic? Just think, Sandra and Lindy will take care of the cooking, cleaning and sports talk and you provide the 8763529 pets. Y'all can split the days of the week to keep Hulk happy. says:

    With Hulk and Sandra moving to North Carolina, my psychic connection sees sister wives in the near future. Maybe after the new year? Lindy, are you moving to NC, too?

    Like

  14. I’ll go where I’m needed. I don’t know if Hulk can handle three women!
    BTW, I think a Hulkerette Bachelorette contest would be fabulous!

    Like

  15. all the things I miss when at work…hmmmmm…
    clitoris, cat anus, Hulk… oh and Plarvin

    Like

  16. all the things I miss when at work…hmmmmm…
    clitoris, cat anus, Hulk… oh and Plarvin

    Like

  17. all the things I miss when at work…hmmmmm…
    clitoris, cat anus, Hulk… oh and Plarvin

    Like

  18. Congratulations, Hulk. Get ready for Three and Half Wives. Counting your mom as half wife since she is also half Mom.

    Like

  19. Chiming in very late today: Congratulations Hulk!!!! More money AND your pick of women!

    Like

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