In which June mentions NEW COMPUTER not at all

Photo on 9-25-11 at 9.42 AM #2
Good morning!

Who needs to get past her webcam? Who needs to not show you her hair in the a.m.? It is bad enough in the p.m.

Since I have been unable to talk to you for reals, what with this lack of computer issue–did you know I was having computer issues?–there is now so much to tell. I hope you have nothing else to do today.

100_0335 heeeeee, mom bizzy on compruter. what we chew, Tallulaa?

Photo on 9-25-11 at 10.01 AM she not DAT bizzy, eediots. don't let her see you or you gotta pose on dum webcam.

Okay, so REALLY. First of all, I went on a date with the Fireman the other night, and it turns out I had said something to make him think I was dating Dick Whitman, and that's why I hadn't heard from him in so long. Everybody thinks I'm dating Dick Whitman and I'm really not. I gotta stop having friends who are boys.

I let him pick from four restaurants in this cute neighborhood near me, and he chose the pizza place. "What could be better than pizza and beer?" he said. Sometimes Fireman reminds me of Hulk.

The thing was? It was totally pretentious pizza. The toppings were like goat cheese, cilantro, a beret and asparagus or pistachio, Proust, ennui and modern jazz.

"I was kind of hoping for, you know, sausage and pepperoni," said the Fireman. Did I mention the reminds-me-of-Hulk thing? "We wouldn't have shared a pizza, then," I told him, "as I would never get hooves and snouts on my pizza."

I'm a fun date.

Anyway, we got basil, pistachio, onion and Sylvia Plath on our pizza and the Fireman ordered sweet tea instead of beer. I guess he wanted to stay sober lest he start doing an interpretive dance or something.

Afterwards, we went back to my house to hang, which makes it sound like we went to my house to hump, but I assure you we did not. Mostly because Edsel has bought tickets to Connecticut so he can legally marry the Fireman.

That was not one of those if-gay-people-marry-what's-next-people-marrying-their-dogs jokes. I hate that argument. Because it's such a logical next step. Gee, if HUMANS love each other, surely they'll love animals next! Really, though, if I had my choice of marrying one of my pets or someone who thinks that's a logical argument, I would take my pet.

It was more an Edsel-is-a-total-homo-for-Fireman joke. I mean, that dog smiled, he wagged, he whined, he cajoled, and eventually he climbed up on Fireman's lap and went to sleep. I am not even making that up.

IMG_1444 oh, dat you, Andersuns? was dreeming it were fireman.

Hey. I may have a new computer but I do not have new photo skillz.

But you guys! I hook up my phone to the NEW COMPUTER? And it says oh, you wanna download these pictures? And then it goes floooooluuup! and there they all are!

Floooooluuop!

So it was a fun date with Fireman, and he said we were not to speak of my hair all night, because he says I am obsessed with my hair–and who wouldn't be? Have you met this hair? But then I was complaining that my bathroom drain is clogged and he said, "Well it's all your HAIR" so HAH! He brought it up first.

Hah! Flooooooluuuuop!

Anyway, then yesterday I schlepped out in the rain to take Tallulah to the vet, where we learned she is a trifle—curvy. Rubenesque. Full-figured.

100_0357you go hell, stoopit vet. no, did NOT order Jimmee John's. what you mean?

This irks me, because I have been giving her less food, and feeding her twice a day, and I think she is (a) sneaking into the closet and munching on dry kitten food whenever she can and (8) bursting into the back room and finishing Edsel's food. So now I have to put the kitten food in a container, and remember to ALWAYS close the gate while Edsel eats, and geez Louise. I have stuff to do. 

Photo on 9-25-11 at 10.26 AM
Like this.

Anyway. After finding out my dog was a fattie, I got my car inspected ("Yep. It's a car.") and finally screamed on over to the Apple store.

IMG_1438
Could there have been more people there? Could they have been mostly teenagers playing on Facebook? Did that irk me at all, because I wanted to actually BUY an effing computer? And when did Topsiders become cool again?

I did get someone to help me, and they were so EFFICIENT! All the guy at the store does is tap something into a phone, then some other young boy brings my computer right to me from the back room. And I PAID for it using this guy's phone, too. For all I know he was a criminal and he just totally stole all my credit card information.

Whatever.

IMG_1441
Who needs your identity and/or a credit card when you have a new computer to play with? With which to play. Whatever.

"Whatever" is a big word with me today.

So now Ima sign off, and go read all your comments, because I know there is a comment of the week I already called, and then I know there are honorable mentions, and can I remember any of them? Will come back and announce the coveted prize when I find said comments.

Photo on 9-24-11 at 6.11 PM make mom stop wif webbcam.

Photo on 9-25-11 at 10.57 AMyesss. make stop.

P.S. Okay. Just Paula–comment of the week (what else is new?). Hulk–signature line of the week. (I know! Now, what now? Is that even a category?)

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

84 thoughts on “In which June mentions NEW COMPUTER not at all”

  1. I second Zadge – did you kiss him?? I’m married so I forget what kissing is like.
    And pretty ring in the last pic! It looks a bit like Bella’s wedding ring!

    Like

  2. Dead. The pizza toppings killed me dead.
    I like your description of pepperoni more than my husband’s description of hot dogs (lips and assholes).
    You have great hair. Hate. Taking that hate with me now to deal with in-laws all day. Major hate. Exhaustive hate.

    Like

  3. Looks like your printer may have come from
    Mother. You know–King Tut’s garage sale
    era. Sharp Mac.

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  4. I would appreciate you not fantasizing about me when not humping Fireman…

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  5. I would appreciate you not fantasizing about me when not humping Fireman…

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  6. I would appreciate you not fantasizing about me when not humping Fireman…

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  7. oooh, i adore ennui pizza.
    also, i WISH my local apple store were ever that “busy”. my store has about twice as many staff on duty as there appear to be people in your entire store. if you have an appointment at the genius bar, you have to leave an extra half hour early just to allow time to hack and slash your way through the crowd to the back of the store.

    Like

  8. Sadie - I bet Marvin was there to help with the installation of the new computer which was nice of him. Hey, it's officially autumn so his plaid shirt was seasonally appropriate in my book. Now, back to house cleaning. says:

    Glad to see you happy again instead of cursing a dead computer. I bet the animals were trying to stay out of your way while your pc was dying what with all of the stomping around and throwing things.

    Like

  9. Sadie - I bet Marvin was there to help with the installation of the new computer which was nice of him. Hey, it's officially autumn so his plaid shirt was seasonally appropriate in my book. Now, back to house cleaning. says:

    Glad to see you happy again instead of cursing a dead computer. I bet the animals were trying to stay out of your way while your pc was dying what with all of the stomping around and throwing things.

    Like

  10. Sadie - I bet Marvin was there to help with the installation of the new computer which was nice of him. Hey, it's officially autumn so his plaid shirt was seasonally appropriate in my book. Now, back to house cleaning. says:

    Glad to see you happy again instead of cursing a dead computer. I bet the animals were trying to stay out of your way while your pc was dying what with all of the stomping around and throwing things.

    Like

  11. Get you head out of Sylvia’s pizza oven and let us know if some friskiness and mild petting occured….

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  12. Get you head out of Sylvia’s pizza oven and let us know if some friskiness and mild petting occured….

    Like

  13. Get you head out of Sylvia’s pizza oven and let us know if some friskiness and mild petting occured….

    Like

  14. OK-I didn’t realize how bad and how long the computer situation dragged on until I saw Anderson and Roger! Those boys have grown! They are huge!
    And I totally love that Edsel wants to buy tickets to Vermont for the Fireman. 😉

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  15. Oh, June- Ima so happy you finally have your new S-mac-k, because you are seriously going to be addicted to all the amazing things it can do!!
    You have FABULOUS morning hair- I am jealous, as mine looks more like Phil Spector-
    Also too as well love your ring!!
    Pretentious pizza-AHAHHA!!!

    Like

  16. Anita, ennui is what June experiences when we start talking about sports, crafts or cooking.
    June, your computer table looks so pristine. Mine usually looks like a document shredder puked on it.
    Love the happy pet-squishing pictures.

    Like

  17. Yes, topsiders are back in. All of my daughters have bought a pair this past week. And I’ve decided I still don’t like them. What is so fabulous about boat shoes?
    Yes, isn’t it cool, the way those Apple hipsters pull the cash register out of their back pocket like that?
    We were there on Friday night, because that’s my husband’s idea of a hot time. And the sad thing is, when we walked in a group of hipster employees standing around together went, “Whazzup, Bill.”
    So, needless to say, if you have any Mac questions, you know who to call.
    Here’s a little Mac shortcut I love: If you need to copy and paste, highlight whatever it is, then press Command and the letter C to copy. Command and the letter V to paste. That simple.

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  18. June, you will love your new Mac so much you will want to move to Vermont with Edsel and the Fireman so that you could marry your Mac. In a double wedding ceremony.
    Because THAT is the next logical step after allowing gays to marry: humans marrying electronics.

    Like

  19. The pizza toppings similarly killed me. As did the interpretive dance.
    But seriously, June. THAT is your morning hair? That’s all you’ve got? Did you not see the Flock of Seagulls sendup I posted on FB last week — that’s how ridiculous morning hair should be done.

    Like

  20. Honest to goodness, I looked at your hair in that first pic and thought, “WOW. I would KILL someone dead to have hair like that.”

    Like

  21. Anita, I’m with you. June’s bedhead is way better than my freshly coiffed do. I have straight hair (no need for my hair to move to Vermont) and it’s is always a little frizzy on the ends from the perpetual humidity here. neat.
    How topsiders returned is still a mystery to me, but it kind of makes me wish I still had my pair from 8th grade – navy square toe with white stitching and laces. LOVE.
    June, my 11 year old daughter and her friends could (and DO) spend hours fiddling around with the webcam. And giggling. And modifying their photos. And giggling. Do you know that you can also make little movies? There should be a movie camera icon at the bottom. Give it a whirl. Going to the Apple store is very intimidating. I’m a pretty smart gal, but there is no place on earth that makes me feel more stoopid than the Apple store.
    Target Steve, your wedding wrap up was very funny.
    Just Paula, I hope that Mr. Paula has an opinion of his folks that is similar to yours. Otherwise…awkward!

    Like

  22. I’m so excited for you about your new computer.
    Totally off topic, but I’ve had a really bad week and need some reassurance that there are good men out there. They do exist and they aren’t all idiots, right???

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  23. I want June’s morning hair for my afternoons and evenings! (why is it that my always straight hair is all plastered to one side and sticking out in odd directions and June’s looks like she had it done by Meg Ryan’s hairdresser????)
    June – you will love-love-love your new IMac. However, keep batteries for both the keyboard and the mouse handy as they zip through them and start failing at inopportune times. I hooked up my previous mac ‘powered by usb only’ keyboard and mouse even though the smaller wireless keyboard is really nice.

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  24. Hey Snapper, they won!!!
    And all you educated people out there, I know what ennui means, but have no idea how to pronounce it. In my head I say en-yoo-ee, but would guess that since it’s French, it would be en-wah. Am I anywhere close?
    I’m glad you got the Fireman thing worked out, June. Yay for dating! Yay for firemen.

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  25. Does Fireman know about this blog? If so, would you ask him if he would make snarky comments about Dick and Danny and join the naked flag football game.
    Also, can you date more men in the hopes that a Pie flag football league can be formed?

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  26. Amy from Md – your comment? …I read it as “I love your morning hair. It has that Ryan O’Neal tousled look.” And the image of his bloated, pasty white face with big red nose and blood shot eyes, with his incestuous thoughts about humping Tatum …floated into my head.
    My first reaction (this all occurred in a split second, I swear) was “huh??? Junie looks cute – she DOES NOT LOOK LIKE RYAN O’NEAL in the least.”
    …need new eye glass prescription oh so very badly.

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  27. Paula, glad you made it through. Thanks be to God for pastries.
    Also, don’t forget to watch or fake tivo Pan Am on ABC at 10 tonight. It sounds good, and the director is Tommy Schlamme, he’s great.
    Your new tv show connection,
    Letha

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  28. Amish Annie, I believe that June is in fact Pie-ning to set up a Fantasy Football League.
    (Ducking as June’s old dead computer is flung at me)

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  29. I would love to have morning hair that looked like that!
    Your photos look really good, for the most part, with your new Mac. The expression on the cats’ faces just cracked me up. Both look like they are saying, “do you mind?”

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  30. Lindy, I’m sorry nobody’s reassured you til now! But yes, there are awesome men out there. It’s a numbers game… just gotta keep rolling the dice!

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  31. Glad you are enjoying your new computer, June! The webcam photos are so clear! Or is it MY new non-Mac computer making them look so crisp?

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  32. Good apostrophe placement (I think). And yes, weird things. Are you noticing things that need to be done that you never notice any other time? That’s what I do.

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  33. Letha, I fake tivoed Pan Am but didn’t watch it yet. I’m looking forward to it as I remember when flying was “glamorous.” People dressed up to fly. Being a stewardess was a little girl’s dream. Now it’s just like riding a bus.

    Like

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