Chew and a choo-choo

First of all, it's not good that this is happening, right?

100_0495
A VINE is growing in my HOUSE. I mean, hi. Welcome, Nature.

I went outside and pulled all the vines I could, even though some of them have scary scary spiderwebs on them and YES, I homelessed a spider or two, okay? I have a VINE growing in my HOUSE.

This corner, here, is not only where I make all my extra cash (BAH!), it is also where the end of the house USED to be met by the added-on room they made, where the angry chair resides. (In case you are just tuning in, I didn't ALWAYS have agreeable kittens, you know. I used to have a quite disagreeable cat named Francis. He was not cheerful. He sat on a pink chair. He was not to be effed with. The end.)

So yeah. June. At two with nature.

In other big news, yesterday was my one-year anniversary of getting Edsel.

Whygod Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Babyeds
Oh. Right. Because he was a total muffinhead. LOOK at him! His earses didn't stand at attention yet.

Anyway, in honor of this auspicious day, I went around and documented for you everything I could find that Edsel has chewed.

Proud edSul prowd. even chew callar off.

Silverchew
Exhibit A. My silver flipflop. Which by the way I liked. I enjoy the Edsel fur he left behind. His little calling card.

Pillow
The pillow I ALSO got a year ago October 2, as I was intelligent enough to purchase a new couch and get a new puppy on the same day. That's me. Allllways thinking.

IMG_20111002_130033
My Royal Wedding bookmark that my Aunt Mary just sent me from London. And yes, that coffee table DOES look filthy when it's all blown up like this.

Pumpchew
My fancy black wedge heels for work. Nothing says "Take me seriously" like some teeth marks on your pointy part.

IMG_20111001_121255
He has not only chewed the dog bed, but also Roger. I kind of got a two-for-one deal on this shot.

Cushion
Once I removed this cover in order to really try to get the fur off it? The Edsel fur? And while I was concentrating on that? Edsel ate the foam of the couch. So now it is misshapen.

Sighhh.

Nice
And in the category of things-I-wish-I-hadn't-seen-him-chew, he munched the litterbox scoop.

  Photo on 10-2-11 at 9.19 PM
But you know what? I love this ridiculous dog. You know, sometimes more than others. But he is a sweetheart. A sweetheart with too many teefs. And an inexplicable interest in cat bits.

Happy anniversary, Edsel. I got you a chew toy. It's called the house.

Choooo!
(And don't worry. Ima tell you about my zoo sign tomorrow!)

Advertisements

Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

93 thoughts on “Chew and a choo-choo”

  1. I’ve got to know what the hell you’re scooping your litter box with. Is that a spaghetti scoop? Does it work well? I should probably just buy one and try it out myself, pardon me while I do a little impulse shopping.
    (Oh, yeah. Happy got-iversary, Edsel!)

    Like

  2. Happy Edselversary! I love him. You said “Edsel ate it” a few times, but I did not realize that he was so accomplished.
    The zoo sign looks very festive.

    Like

  3. Happy Edsel Anniversary! I laughed out loud at how your sofa cushion came to be misshapen. Sorry, I couldn’t help it. I love the Edster.

    Like

  4. Further evidence that Miss June does not cook and cares not for them fancy kitchen utensils. A “Cuisinart” pooperscooper. Only the best for Roger and Anderson.

    Like

  5. I’m sorry, what? I’m being shoedazzled be the glittery gold pumps in the right hand ad. They are seriously making me consider a new career as lead singer in a Tina Turner tribute band.
    Oh, right. I’d have to be able to carry a tune.
    Happy birfday, Eds! And oh, like we say about Zoe, “Yeah, that’ll buff right out.”

    Like

  6. Happy Edselversary! I don’t know what to tell you about the vine growing in your crack. Is its name Audrey?

    Like

  7. I’d like to thank you for again reminding me why I do NOT want to have any pets.

    Like

  8. You know, I napped on the couch yesterday afternoon while DB put my screen door up. Then the moment he got home, I emailed him with a computer question. Who is going to be over me any minute?

    Like

  9. Zadge, it was this whole kit of makeup that my mother-in-law got me. I have mostly used it up by now and need to repurpose that bag. Because pink sparklies need to be seen.

    Like

  10. “So, what’s this Marvin guy like?”
    “Well, Marvin’s the kind of guy who would pick up cat shit with a spaghetti fork.”
    “Ooooohhhhhhh.”

    Like

  11. My niece just might be getting that shark bag.
    I like the vine growing indoors. Just pretend you’re a Vanderbilt living in the Biltmore and you have an atrium for growing plants. After all, you do have an Anderson Cooper living with you and his mother is Gloris Vanderbilt. Makes sense, no?

    Like

  12. You could get it for Edsel to chew.
    I had a flower spring up in my bathroom when we lived in Florida. Turned out we had a slab leak and had to replumb the house. I’m sure that’s not your issue, though.

    Like

  13. You know, isnt anyone gonna say, Gee, June, those pictures were pretty unblurry. Any time I make a typo, you all STAMPEDE to comment about it. When I do something good? Silence of the lambs, over here.

    Like

  14. Oh dear Edsel. Happy anniversary of becoming a Gardens.
    Teef and earses. Gotta love them. I must say you are very tolerant because I would have flipped out at all of the stuff he’s ruined.

    Like

  15. Happy Anniversary to you and Edsel!
    I also love his teefs!
    I feel for you with the chewing of important things- my Charley Bug/ Charles Chuckles Esq. attacked books, records, (it WAS the 80’s) shoes, the corner of my couch, the porch drywall and the butt area of my favourite pink sweatpants (again, the 80’s)-
    He also loved to rip the pockets off my jackets,searching for tissues to eat-
    I loved that little guy-he was my baby for 14 yrs.,he’s been in doggie heaven for 14 and I still miss him-
    Well, damn, now I’m all weepy-
    I love the baby shark bag!
    Good luck Brazillianing/Lasering/Nairing your crack-
    The pooper-scooper is TRULY DISTURBING…

    Like

  16. Speaking of, our HR person issued a hugely important, company-wide memo this morning with a glaring grammatical error in it. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy at work.

    Like

  17. Speaking of, our HR person issued a hugely important, company-wide memo this morning with a glaring grammatical error in it. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy at work.

    Like

  18. Speaking of, our HR person issued a hugely important, company-wide memo this morning with a glaring grammatical error in it. I can’t remember the last time I was this happy at work.

    Like

  19. Paula, I made that SAME grammo HERE in my pitty rant the other day, and I had to STAMPEDE to fix it before you saw it.
    The shame.

    Like

  20. Paula, I made that SAME grammo HERE in my pitty rant the other day, and I had to STAMPEDE to fix it before you saw it.
    The shame.

    Like

  21. Paula, I made that SAME grammo HERE in my pitty rant the other day, and I had to STAMPEDE to fix it before you saw it.
    The shame.

    Like

  22. June, today’s photos are spectacular! Since you do not have your crappy iPhone camera any longer, whatever did you use to take these much improved photos?
    Also, why don’t you just spritz that vine with a little Round-Up? It won’t come back after that.

    Like

  23. How high-maintenence can a chick get?
    7836374847548289 shitty pictures (of the SAME PETS, by the way) in a row, then a couple good ones?? In sports, we call that a FLUKE…

    Like

  24. Also? This weekend Daniel Boone just said I was the most high-maintenance woman in the world. Just because he fixed my door, and painted it, and bought stakes and nailed my train and dug holes and shoved the whole thing in the ground and unclogged my tub and scrubbed the whole thing clean and also bought me dinner and lunch and then I complained that he was annoying. WhatEVER. He and Hulk are WRONG.

    Like

  25. I especially love the very nice photo of you and Edsel. His teefs your hair is gorgeous. And, well, your cleavage. You got it going on, June.
    Yes, I used improper grammar on purpose thank you very much.

    Like

  26. Dug her holes.

    Like

  27. June,
    What awesomely clear and lovely pictures! Edsel and his oral fixation, what would Freud make of this?
    That plant growing in the wall is downright scary to me. I am thinking of all the possible structural damage and such. And I kind of agree with Helen. Just Round-up that sucker on both the inside and outside of the wall and be done with it.
    Glad to be back in Pie-land after a weekend away. I missed you all!

    Like

  28. Fluke – Any of numerous flatworms of the class Trematoda, including both external and internal parasites of animal hosts, that have a thick outer cuticle and one or more suckers or hooks for attaching to host tissue. Also can refer to a flatfish, like a flounder.

    Like

  29. OW OW OW MY EYES!! Your pictures are so sharp, they cut me.
    “You’re the worst kind. You think you’re low maintenance but you’re really high maintenance.”

    Like

  30. I’ll make a bet my ex-husband adjusts himself at least 30 times an hour. It was extremely embarrassing. Especially while having a conversation with others and there he his jiggling his junk.

    Like

  31. Duffylou, inquiring minds want to know…what did Anderson do!!?

    Like

  32. Duffylou, inquiring minds want to know…what did Anderson do!!?

    Like

  33. Duffylou, inquiring minds want to know…what did Anderson do!!?

    Like

  34. I can’t believe it’s been a year already. Wow. Great pictures, June, but really, why do you have all those chewed up things still around? I would dispose of the evidence as soon as possible so that the doggie could live to see another day. Every time I’d look at those things I would get all mad again. But I guess looking at those toofs would make me get over it, because who could resist?
    Happy Edsiversary.
    And I love the spaghetti/cat box scoop. But doesn’t the hole in the middle make it less than effective?

    Like

  35. I’m going to be really mad at Edsel if he eats your Zoo sign.

    Like

  36. But if Daniel Boone shoved the whole zoo sign in the ground, as June reliably informs us, Edsel will have to dig it up before he can gnaw on it.

    Like

  37. I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU HAVE A VINE GROWING INSIDE OF YOUR HOME. OUT OF THE WALL.
    See, this is why people are just not so sure about The South. I wonder if it is growing inside the insulation, just building up the strength to come busting through the vents and the little nail holes you put in the walls for pictures.
    Although, if you cropped out the pipe in that first photo, the Killer Vine would look almost artsy. All white and shadowed with a pop of green.

    Like

  38. MTM, arent you supposed to be checking…whatever it is you told me you had to work on this afternoon? I like how I am asking you this via my comments when we are a six-inch cubicle wall apart.

    Like

  39. June,
    The photo above makes that ADORABLE zoo sign look like a snack bar for Edsel. Just the right height. It cracks me up that on a day when you have a photo montage of all the things Edsel has chewed, it didn’t OCCUR to you that the GIANT SIGN in his backyard AT HIS LEVEL would be perfectly chewable.
    heehee. You’re funny!

    Like

  40. Yes, I like that too, June, but please note that it took me an hour to respond because I was working–not on the thing I told you I’d be doing, because I had to finish a different thing that was handed to me at lunch and now I have to read another thing before getting back to the first thing. While occasionally admiring the clarity of your photos.

    Like

  41. Holy goodness! I remember when you GOT EDSEL! I have been lurking for a year, you are the best, June Gardens. 🙂

    Like

  42. What a great post! I have a stray dog (well, he’s not a stray any longer) who loves to chew the corners off the couch pillows and the dog beds, so I can relate. I just love Edsel’s teef. Happy anniversary, you two.

    Like

  43. Hey Ed, Rog, and Andy, Boys Rule and those girls (you know who you are Lu and June) drool!!

    Like

  44. Hey Ed, Rog, and Andy, Boys Rule and those girls (you know who you are Lu and June) drool!!

    Like

  45. Hey Ed, Rog, and Andy, Boys Rule and those girls (you know who you are Lu and June) drool!!

    Like

  46. Hi Duffylou! I read this story earlier today. It’s so sad, but I can’t imagine that Anderson or the network could be held responsible. Sounds like the kid’s parents were on board with the project too.
    In other news, Hank Williams Jr was yanked from the MNF intro after comparing the president to Hitler on a daytime talk show.

    Like

  47. Oh, my that picture of you and Edsel is perfectly sweet and, well perfect. I didn’t even read any comments, I just scrolled really fast to tell you I loved that picture! Now, I really need to grade those tests!

    Like

  48. Just Paula – Does the woman of whom you write speak a variety of English other than American? If so, then she likely uses “has/have” differently than Americans do, when speaking of a group of things.
    Happy Edselversary!
    If you have DB come back over and redo the train, putting it on the top of your roof like a giant Xmas decoration…well, that would put it out of Edsel’s reach, see.
    “The vine in your crack might be bad for your plumbing!” Hahahaha.

    Like

Comments are closed.