Van Gardens

Photo on 10-3-11 at 5.26 PM
Guess who cannot wait for her stupid Wen to get here? What hair? Good gravy.

My large hair and I have a date tonight. With a whole new boy. I will let you know if (a) I am killed on said date and (3) if I like him remotely. I don't mean if I like him from far away. BAH!

In the meantime, I must get up off this chair and get ready for work. I am late posting today because Roger wanted to eat Edsel's food and it was a whole thing. In the end, Roger won.

Team Roger!

I do have a Pieces of Wisdom question today, however. You know how I like to keep a precise schedule and never waver from it. But someone brought up V05 the other day in the comments, and my grandmother always used V05. I think it's to calm down your hair. I totally need V05000. 

Anyway, she was brand loyal, my grandmother. You always saw Pond's Cold Cream, Secret deodorant, Blue Grass perfume, watermelon-colored lipstick and that V05 in her bathroom.

Also a tiny comb that I have no idea how she used. I mean, is that what she combed her HAIR with? It must have taken an hour and 45 minutes to comb her hair with that Lilliputian thing.

At any rate, that is my query for today. Are you brand loyal? I am so not. I always think the next wonderful thing is just around the corner and I always buy it and go "eh." And also when I FIND a wonderful thing, like Illegal Lengths mascara, they discontinue it. Bastards.

I had a friend who once told me "they" were the Van Pattens. Whenever you say, "they," that's who we all meant. But since none of us go around thinking about Dick Van Patten and that cute feathered-haired son of his who used to play tennis with Farrah Fawcett

VINCE! Vince Van Patten! That was his name.Vanpatten8100408

 Vincent van patten young in rufus shirt 

Had he even DONE anything other than feather his hair?

Anyway, since we never think about the Van Pattens anymore, I think "they" is now the Kardashians.

Oh! And while I'm on the topic of deep celebrities, did anyone else watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night? If they keep showing that chubby, obnoxious woman with the $25,000 sunglasses, Ima stop watching. I do not tune in to that show to watch unattractive people who could be you and me other than the money.

Not that any of you are chubby or unattractive. I LOVE what you're wearing today.

So anyway, brand loyalty. Do you have it? If so, for what? Makeup, cleaning supplies, cars, Manx cats? Tell all.

I am brand loyal to Vince Van Patten. Really, he looks like every guy from my high school who could be found lighting a fattie out back before fifth hour.

Okay, tell me.

Love,

June

 

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

226 thoughts on “Van Gardens”

  1. I believe Magic Erasers are made of melamine. I hate how fast they disappear, turn to flat, crumbly pads.

    Like

  2. I dated a guy whose euphemism for sex was “punching the skunk”. This is not a reflection of my lady parts… Once I heard that phrase- the kitchen was closed and that was the end of it.

    Like

  3. duffyLou.. I found a website about people without eyebrows and the support groups for them… or just for FurrG… themeses
    And Hulk.. dude.. you gotta get out there and let the old mast catch the wind… that is sailor talk…
    Junie is checcking out the rigging as they say..with her new dating man

    Like

  4. duffyLou.. I found a website about people without eyebrows and the support groups for them… or just for FurrG… themeses
    And Hulk.. dude.. you gotta get out there and let the old mast catch the wind… that is sailor talk…
    Junie is checcking out the rigging as they say..with her new dating man

    Like

  5. duffyLou.. I found a website about people without eyebrows and the support groups for them… or just for FurrG… themeses
    And Hulk.. dude.. you gotta get out there and let the old mast catch the wind… that is sailor talk…
    Junie is checcking out the rigging as they say..with her new dating man

    Like

  6. My niece has a disorder where she pulls out her eyelashes and eyebrows. She’s done it for so long no one notices there’s anything wrong. I doubt the hair even grows now.

    Like

  7. Amish Annie one for coffee, one for water. And a CD player with a Pearl Jam disc in it. Or Avett Brothers. I am brand specific to Avett Brothers, best.band.ever. says:

    Um.
    GMC.
    With a 3100 or 3400 or 3800 engine.
    And two cup holders.

    Like

  8. Amish Annie one for coffee, one for water. And a CD player with a Pearl Jam disc in it. Or Avett Brothers. I am brand specific to Avett Brothers, best.band.ever. says:

    Um.
    GMC.
    With a 3100 or 3400 or 3800 engine.
    And two cup holders.

    Like

  9. Amish Annie one for coffee, one for water. And a CD player with a Pearl Jam disc in it. Or Avett Brothers. I am brand specific to Avett Brothers, best.band.ever. says:

    Um.
    GMC.
    With a 3100 or 3400 or 3800 engine.
    And two cup holders.

    Like

  10. Amish Annie exhausted from becoming a guardian to a 17 year old. Wishin' my xanax wasn't expired five years ago:) says:

    Correction…no C…just GM.

    Like

  11. D. who is absolutely done with military movers and the whole process of schlepping my crap across the Pacific. says:

    Brand loyal. Yup, I am. I was once a broke ass little airman(Air Force) paying for childcare while my ex lived it up in single guy land. I was loyal even then. I was just really skinny from not ever eating.
    -Charmin cause its the softest on the bum
    -Secret cause it makes me sweat less
    -Coke even though I should not drink it
    -Colgate because they are one of the only brands that still has NON whitening toothpaste available. This won’t be an issue in 15 days when I get my braces off. Why yes, I am almost 30. I did it to look younger.
    -Oil of Olay products
    -Tide
    -Gain fabric softner because that stuff is like crack.
    -Ore-Ida french fried potater products
    -Asics running shoes
    I could go on and on. Instead I will just leave it at that and finish up packing for my move to HAWAII.

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  12. Hmm, I guess I kinda am brand loyal. It’s more laziness- it’s more work to try something new that might be OK than to stick with something I know works. That said, I up and abandoned Secret when they stopped making unscented roll-on. I do not WANT to smell shower fresh all day. I want to smell like the body spray I went to the trouble to find, the only one in the store that didn’t give me an instant headache. Ack.

    Like

  13. We had a dog who ate a whole pound of black liccorice and then had the poos all over the house. Awful stuff.
    Brand loyal more than I realized.
    June. Need match tips. My life sucks. Oh. How bout you edit my profile? You are still taking freelance jobs, right?

    Like

  14. Had to google ALDI to see what all the fuss was about….I’ve never heard of the place. Sadly my backwards, we don’t even have Whole Foods, area doesn’t have ALDI either ):

    Like

  15. I don’t have an IKEA either. It’s VOWELISM! I am surrounded by vowelists. Good thing my name isn’t Ursula.

    Like

  16. newby in VA who fed youngest a nuked Cinnabon brought home by her middle from our local store 4 hours away says:

    Just Paula….THAT’S IT! We don’t have IKEA either ): Or Cinnabon! vowelists and double consonantists.

    Like

  17. newby in VA who fed youngest a nuked Cinnabon brought home by her middle from our local store 4 hours away says:

    Just Paula….THAT’S IT! We don’t have IKEA either ): Or Cinnabon! vowelists and double consonantists.

    Like

  18. newby in VA who fed youngest a nuked Cinnabon brought home by her middle from our local store 4 hours away says:

    Just Paula….THAT’S IT! We don’t have IKEA either ): Or Cinnabon! vowelists and double consonantists.

    Like

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