June touches on the many important topics of the day

Whaaaat must you bozzer. bizzy being gray.

I love how it seems like Anderson Cooper is a solid gray cat, but really he is stripey. He is Fruit Stripe gum. Except his flavor lasts. Fruit Stripe was always such a disappointment 11 seconds later.

Really today I have nothing to tell you except that it was an excellent–EXCELLENT!–episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills last night. I like the new young girl, the one who got dumped by her husband so he could marry that not-so-attractive Leann Rimes or whatever her name is. I always thought Leann Rimes looked about 42 when she was 14. I don't know what it is. Anyway, first wife is way prettier. 

And for those of you reading who are named Hulk, so far this post is torment. Cats AND the Real Housewives.

Did you ever notice that they have Kyle doing the "Last time, on the Real Housewives" thing when it starts, and she pronounces it "Houzewives"? Annoying. As bad as Vicki from the Orange County one who says, "Prevusly on the Real Housewives."

Prevusly. Why are these people richer than me?

Oh! You know what I was thinking? I mean, when I'm not having pressing thoughts about the Real Houzewives?

I am fat. Fat phat fat. I was thinking as an incentive, or incenative, as my grandmother would say, you guys could all sign up, and if I don't lose 15 pounds by the end of the year, I have to pay a dollar to everyone who signs up. What say you? I could take a picture of the scale so you know I'm not lying.

I don't mean just the scale. My WEIGHT on the scale. "Oh, June MUST be telling the truth! There's her scale!"

Let me know if you are in. I thought about doing a bet, like if I lose you all have to pay ME a dollar, but the logistics of that are ludicrous. PayPal won't take just a dollar, it'd have to be $2, and that seems too steep. So instead I'll just have the threat that I may owe tens of dollars to my tens of readers.

I have to go shower, as I am wont to do, but before I leave this important and life-changing post, I wanted to show you photo evidence of my pets' dysfunctional relationship.

  Sick

They spend half the day beating the crap out each other. Roger catapults (bah) onto Edsel's head, tearing at his eyeballs and kicking his jugular. Edsel puts that kitten's whole head in his mouth and knocks him over and spits all down his cat back. And then? They hold hands and fall asleep. It's sick, I tell you. It's like every relationship I had in the '80s.

Okay, going now. Oh, and go friend Tallulah Gardens on Facebook to hear about how Edsel peed on her head.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

192 thoughts on “June touches on the many important topics of the day”

  1. With all other tv shows, I don’t mind being a season behind because I either get the dvd or use Netflix. But the Real Housewives really bother me that I can’t be up on that, because who wants to talk to me about what happened with them like 4 years ago? Good grief.
    Duffylou has lost 60 pounds?? Duff, that’s amazing!

    Like

  2. Sadie - Furry, you can absolutely make this happen. Will the animals all be sitting around the Thanksgiving table dressed as pilgrims or maybe performing in a Christmas pageant? says:

    What fun at The Pie today. Siren forgetting herself and sending June her address for bacon floss, Anderson bizzy being gray striped kitty, Edsel and Roger preparing for paw wrestling, Talu hiding because of something Edsel did, Furry getting the biggest commission of her life, and June thinking she wants to lose 15 pounds in two months. I’d have to have my jaw wired shut to accomplish that goal.

    Like

  3. Sadie - Furry, you can absolutely make this happen. Will the animals all be sitting around the Thanksgiving table dressed as pilgrims or maybe performing in a Christmas pageant? says:

    What fun at The Pie today. Siren forgetting herself and sending June her address for bacon floss, Anderson bizzy being gray striped kitty, Edsel and Roger preparing for paw wrestling, Talu hiding because of something Edsel did, Furry getting the biggest commission of her life, and June thinking she wants to lose 15 pounds in two months. I’d have to have my jaw wired shut to accomplish that goal.

    Like

  4. Sadie - Furry, you can absolutely make this happen. Will the animals all be sitting around the Thanksgiving table dressed as pilgrims or maybe performing in a Christmas pageant? says:

    What fun at The Pie today. Siren forgetting herself and sending June her address for bacon floss, Anderson bizzy being gray striped kitty, Edsel and Roger preparing for paw wrestling, Talu hiding because of something Edsel did, Furry getting the biggest commission of her life, and June thinking she wants to lose 15 pounds in two months. I’d have to have my jaw wired shut to accomplish that goal.

    Like

  5. Letha-
    Remember that Meatloaf song? “I Would Do Anything…But I Won’t Do That”?
    Anything with you babe…but not that.

    Like

  6. Letha-
    Remember that Meatloaf song? “I Would Do Anything…But I Won’t Do That”?
    Anything with you babe…but not that.

    Like

  7. Letha-
    Remember that Meatloaf song? “I Would Do Anything…But I Won’t Do That”?
    Anything with you babe…but not that.

    Like

  8. 1. I would like to see a picture of the prize squirrel skull. Also, it would look perfect in Comic Sans Bruce’s hand, doing the Hamlet soliloquy.
    2. June, I am totally in for paying you $2 if you lose 15 pounds. Way to go, woman, trying to lose weight in the fattiest part of the year! I did this program ( http://www.burnthefatinnercircle.com/public/636.cfm ) and had more success with it than anything I’ve ever tried. It is basically eating healthy and exercising… who knew.
    3. Fruit Stripe Gum was AWESOME for ten seconds! It totally was! And then it was like the gum you get in baseball card packages. Gross.

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  9. i would be willing to accept a dollar if you don’t lose weight. or you could get a bunch of $2 bills at the bank and mail those out. that would be some exercise.
    i watched rhobh the week they were having a dinner party at camille grammer’s house. taylor was acting so nuts, i thought it had to be after her husband killed himself. imagine my surprise when i found out she was nuts before he hung himself.
    missed it last night though.

    Like

  10. Linda in CO, never seen RHoAnywhere or any other cable show mentioned, or even any other network show. Culturally deprived is what I am. says:

    Mary Lou, do you have a pc (not a Mac)? See the scroll bar on the right? Directly to the left of the down arrow at the bottom is another down arrow with a % on it. That changes the size of the font. Mine is usually set at 150% because of my aging eyes, but sometimes if I click there by accident when I’m trying to scroll down, It changes the font size. Could you have done that? Good luck figuring it out.
    Lovely post, June. I’m in for the weight oss 1 for 15 challenge. I can use all the dollars I can get.
    I’m glad to see Siren has broken away from her game to come and play here.

    Like

  11. Linda in CO, never seen RHoAnywhere or any other cable show mentioned, or even any other network show. Culturally deprived is what I am. says:

    Mary Lou, do you have a pc (not a Mac)? See the scroll bar on the right? Directly to the left of the down arrow at the bottom is another down arrow with a % on it. That changes the size of the font. Mine is usually set at 150% because of my aging eyes, but sometimes if I click there by accident when I’m trying to scroll down, It changes the font size. Could you have done that? Good luck figuring it out.
    Lovely post, June. I’m in for the weight oss 1 for 15 challenge. I can use all the dollars I can get.
    I’m glad to see Siren has broken away from her game to come and play here.

    Like

  12. Linda in CO, never seen RHoAnywhere or any other cable show mentioned, or even any other network show. Culturally deprived is what I am. says:

    Mary Lou, do you have a pc (not a Mac)? See the scroll bar on the right? Directly to the left of the down arrow at the bottom is another down arrow with a % on it. That changes the size of the font. Mine is usually set at 150% because of my aging eyes, but sometimes if I click there by accident when I’m trying to scroll down, It changes the font size. Could you have done that? Good luck figuring it out.
    Lovely post, June. I’m in for the weight oss 1 for 15 challenge. I can use all the dollars I can get.
    I’m glad to see Siren has broken away from her game to come and play here.

    Like

  13. Fruit Stripes gum had really cool ads and I even ordered a stuffed animal from them–Lime Stripes the Tiger.

    Like

  14. Fruit Stripes gum had really cool ads and I even ordered a stuffed animal from them–Lime Stripes the Tiger.

    Like

  15. Fruit Stripes gum had really cool ads and I even ordered a stuffed animal from them–Lime Stripes the Tiger.

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  16. Tressy! I loved that doll when I got her for Christmas.

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  17. I will not sit here and let the Real Housewives be degraded. Bahaha.
    People who recognize the show for what it truly is (more addictive than crack cocaine) will have you naysayers know that it’s really super, like, hard to be a Beverly Hills resident. The spending millions, going to parties and getting lip injections would kill half of you dead in the first episode.
    Survival of the Shallowest- that is what makes it so real to life. Take a peek and see evolution in process!

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  18. Letha-
    I’m hip. Man…

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  19. Letha-
    I’m hip. Man…

    Like

  20. Letha-
    I’m hip. Man…

    Like

  21. Hulk, I KNEW you were reciting the Threes Company lyrics, you big ASS. I was literally asking what kind of line that was, because it makes no sense. Id like to take a step that is new on your soft spot with my cleats.

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  22. MY soft spot…
    I referenced Janet and Chrissy?? DUH!!
    I have to explain EVERYTHING to you…

    Like

  23. WHO SAID THE SONG WAS DUMB!?! I REFERNCED JANET AND CHRISSY SO I THREW IN A LYRIC FROM THE THEME SONG OF THE SHOW!
    Don’t yell at me…it makes me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…

    Like

  24. WHO SAID THE SONG WAS DUMB!?! I REFERNCED JANET AND CHRISSY SO I THREW IN A LYRIC FROM THE THEME SONG OF THE SHOW!
    Don’t yell at me…it makes me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…

    Like

  25. WHO SAID THE SONG WAS DUMB!?! I REFERNCED JANET AND CHRISSY SO I THREW IN A LYRIC FROM THE THEME SONG OF THE SHOW!
    Don’t yell at me…it makes me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry…

    Like

  26. Sadie - Wonder whatever happened to her? Seems like at some point, her hair stopped retracting inside her head. says:

    Yes, there were Velvet and Chrissy, but my grandmother gave me Tressy for Christmas.

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  27. Had to wait all the way to San Jose to read BBP this a.m. First thing I did, before even getting my bag.

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  28. Anita, trust me, my Tressy was waaay before your Chrissy.

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  29. Anita, trust me, my Tressy was waaay before your Chrissy.

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  30. Anita, trust me, my Tressy was waaay before your Chrissy.

    Like

  31. Mary Lou, if you’re still having the problem, click the control key and 0 (zero)
    This should bring your text and font back to normal size. This happened to me once and I saved the fix. Good thing because it’s happened since and I’ve had to refernce.
    Great post, June! I had no idea Anderson was stripey. How cool do gray stripes on a gray cat look?

    Like

  32. Thanks, Sadie. The pets will be at the pool party of Bree, a rescued greyhound. The hostess will be wearing a tiny sombrero as she is wont to do.
    Really.
    And I had a Chrissy, but coveted her older sister Velvet.

    Like

  33. Dang…had to skip all of the comments since I didn’t watch last night’s RHOBH and I don’t want to read any spoilers.
    Count me in on the 15 lbs by year’s end incentive. In fact…I’m going to join you (but I am NOT paying your tens of readers a dollar each if I fail!) Went to the doctor today and I am a whopping…well…I’ll wait ’til you reveal your scale photo, June.

    Like

  34. i am loving the fruit stripe gum reference today because recently, when i say “yikes!” in my head, i hear “stripes!! fruit stripe gum!!” don’t ask me why i say “yikes” or why that reference suddenly invaded my subconscious after 20 years or dormancy. but there it is.

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  35. Mom, I think what happened was the only doll available was the black, or African American, Velvet. I know I bought the doll with my own money. And I always preferred her hair long. And evidently processed, because it was straight as an Indian’s hair. Or Native American’s hair.

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  36. Man…
    Who are you? Marilu Henner Jr.??
    You remember everything…

    Like

  37. Man…
    Who are you? Marilu Henner Jr.??
    You remember everything…

    Like

  38. Man…
    Who are you? Marilu Henner Jr.??
    You remember everything…

    Like

  39. My jet black kitteh is actually a lovely chocolate brown with stripes when viewed in direct sunlight. And my kittehs lay like that too and bat eachother’s faces all day long. Aren’t animals the best?

    Like

  40. Hi. I’m new. Well, new to commenting. Anywho, your dilemma about the fat phat fat got me thinking. Also your comments about Barry Gibb. See, I love him and his chiclet teeth. And I want him. I claimed him for my very own but I see that you have done the same. So what say you that we fight for him? Biggest percentage lost gets the rights to him and his chiclet teeth. I’m too curvy as it is and if I could claim ownership to Barry, it would motivate me possibly.
    Yes, I am a stranger but I’m a nice one. Whaddya think?
    Oh, my name is Jimmie. I live in Nashville. Nice to meetcha.

    Like

  41. June is actually on to something here – folks who feel accountable to others will lose the weight easier than those who try it on their own.

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  42. You know, I would have posted that waaay earlier when it made more sense if I could have gotten the comments to work. Instead I’m late to the game and nearly missed my chance.

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  43. My husband has lost 40lbs since the 1st of the year using http://loseit.com
    It’s a free app for your Iphony, or you can just use the website. I haven’t lost any weight because I’ve been stressed out of my mind this year and totally abusing food. I was just telling my husband at dinner that I needed to start using the program to get myself under control.
    Oh also on the Loseit.com you can connect with your friends and compare notes and encourage each other. That might work, if you all wanted to start up a club or something.
    Also, I always wanted a Chrissy doll but my cousin had one and she would swing it by it’s retractable hair, so my mom decided I didn’t need one!
    Oh and June you’ve got to start watching a new show on TLC called Long Island Medium.
    It’s a reality show following Long Island Psychic Theresa Caputo. It’s great!

    Like

  44. Hulk (The Ex was like that...I'd say "I don't understand how you can remember that I embarressed you at your cousin's wedding 5 years ago, but you can't remember to turn off the lighhts in a room you JUST LEFT...) says:

    That is weird, June.
    Hey. Guess what one thing your next husband is going to HATE about you?

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  45. June, I’ll send you $2 bucks if you lose 15 pounds, too! I lost 85 pounds 4 years ago. It might sound like something you do for a little kid, but the reward system works!!
    Also, my mother sent me a sign for my office door that I think you should have as well. It says, “I’m the grammarian about which your mother warned you!”

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  46. What about the Long Island Extra-Larges? Is there only one size to love?

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  47. What about the Long Island Extra-Larges? Is there only one size to love?

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  48. What about the Long Island Extra-Larges? Is there only one size to love?

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  49. LINDA IN CO, ANITA AND DUFFYLOU-
    Just got home from work and missed your tips but I had googled it before I left and command zero solved the problem-
    THANKS LADIES!
    At least I know how it happened-when 2 or 3 finger scrolling, your fingers must be together- if they are spread, it alters the text-
    SO, CLASS, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE- KEEP YOUR FINGERS TOGETHER, WHEN SCROLLING ON A MAC!
    HULK- I said FINGERS- NOT LEGS-

    Like

  50. June,
    Also loving LI Medium-
    I seriously cried through the first episode!
    I’m also addicted to Say Yes to the Dress-New York and Atlanta-
    Monte is a scream, especially when he sings Ava Maria-

    Like

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